Directory Payments/ NARME Submissions/ Valentine's Day/ Get & Stay / Learning - 1/13/12

Fri Jan 13 14:03:23 EST 2012

- PAYMENTS FOR 2012 SMARTMARRIAGES DIRECTORY LISTINGS DUE ON 20TH
- NARME 2012 BALTIMORE CONFERENCE  CALL FOR PRESENTERS EXTENDED THRU Jan
16th
- VALENTINE¹S DAY AND MARRIAGE WEEK ARE JUST AROUND THE CORNER
- HOW TO GET AND STAY MARRIED
- COUPLES LEARN MARRIAGE EDUCATION KEY TO SUCCESS

Hi  I¹m just back from Florida and trying to catch up with your emails.
Patience.  I¹ll get back to you, soon.  - diane
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- PAYMENTS FOR 2012 SMARTMARRIAGES DIRECTORY LISTINGS DUE ON 20TH
Let me know if missed the invoice or would prefer to pay by credit card on
PayPal.  Also, now is a good time to add a listing if you¹ve not done so.
$75 lists you for the full year with live links to your website and email.
Email for info. - diane
________________________________
- NARME 2012 BALTIMORE CONFERENCE  CALL FOR PRESENTERS EXTENDED THRU Jan
16th
http://www.narmeconference.com
____________________________
- VALENTINE¹S DAY AND MARRIAGE WEEK ARE JUST AROUND THE CORNER

Valentine¹s Day and Marriage Week (Feb 7  14) provide the perfect
opportunity to raise awareness about your classes, books, and resources.
All media  local and national  are looking for ideas.  Call today and get
on their radar.  Remember, they love a good quiz.  Also, Valentine¹s Day is
a big day for engagements  the perfect angle to talk about your marriage
preparation classes.  And, Married Couples need Valentine¹s Day Date and
Gift ideas.  Here¹s an example from Harville Hendrix about Valentine¹s
Gifts.  Search the Smart Marriages archive for ideas  thousands of them to
help kick start your creative juices.  Go for it and share what you come up
with.  - diane   

      Gifting is an art: it requires practice, commitment, and lots of
fine-tuning. With Valentine's Day on the horizon, remember to gift your
partner in ways that will touch his or her heart. Listen to your partner's
hidden wishes and desires and keep your eyes open for clues. One of the
biggest misconceptions in relationships is the belief that, "My partner
should know what I want without me having to tell him/her." In a conscious
relationship, partners need to let each other know what touches the heart -
either specifically or through what Harville and Helen call "Random
Droppings" i.e., hints to your partner. ("It would be really great to have
the iPad2" or "Would love to see that movie!") Be sure to have fun with the
hints - write them in lipstick on the bathroom window or leave post-its
throughout your favorite catalogue.  And remember, the greatest gift you can
give your partner, your self, and your children is the gift of a great
relationship!  - From www.HarvilleHendrix.com
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- HOW TO GET AND STAY MARRIED
Five completely anecdotal and unscientific tips on staying hitched
By Touré  
December 8, 2011 
Time.com 

There¹s nothing wrong with you if you reach the age called ³marriage
o¹clock,² and you¹re still not married. It¹s complex finding someone and
getting that relationship to the altar and beyond. I¹m no marriage expert,
but I¹m in a happy marriage with our seventh anniversary around the corner.
My parents are in one, too: their 43rd anniversary just passed. The effort
to make it work and the problems we have and those we¹ve worked through have
led me to a few thoughts on what you can do to make your relationship a
little more weather-proof. In order to make a couple survive, you must put
it ahead of self. Love or destiny or fate simply won¹t carry you. If a
relationship is a nation, then it¹s patriotic to do selfless things that
will help the relationship, such as:

1. Know that the grass ain¹t greener
Don¹t look at other couples and think they have it all together while you
and your mate don¹t. That¹ll just make you feel bad about your relationship
and drag you down. Those smiling people who look like they have it all do
have it all ‹ including problems. You just have no idea what they are. And
don¹t look at individuals you¹re not with and think you could have a better
relationship with them. It¹s easy to fantasize that the sexy acquaintance
with whom you have a buzzy rapport with would make a hot, fun, trouble-free
girlfriend, but she¹s just someone whose problems you don¹t know yet. Love
the one you¹re with, and work through the problems you know.

2. Fight fair!
Every relationship will run into potholes, but the difference between a
lasting one and one that runs aground can be the nature of how you fight.
Are you using those heavy conversations to work on resolving problems or
dumping negative emotion and resentment onto your partner? Fighting fair
means those difficult conversations can be more productive and probably last
less time. How can you do that? Many thoughts. First, constrain yourself to
the specific disagreement and the particular moment you¹re disagreeing
about. Don¹t make it into a referendum on your entire relationship and start
linking to other issues you have. Don¹t bring up old fights or points of
disagreement. Avoid words like always and never which make the problem
impossible to address. The more you can segregate each conflict, the more
productive the conversation can be.

Every good couple knows how to push each other¹s buttons and when your
partner makes you mad you mash their buttons to get them back. Work hard at
not doing this. It¹s easy to agree to when you¹re happy and easy to give in
to the temptation of when you¹re mad. Restrain yourself. It¹s horrible for
the couple.

Avoid with all your might escalating the conflict. A couple will be
discussing something at one tone and then someone will say something ‹ a
curse word or a diss or a nasty generalization or an aggressive, leading
string of words like ³What¹s your problem?² or anything said in a tone that
raises the anger and the stakes. Any of that elevates the interaction to
another level of acrimony. Don¹t be an escalator. When couples fight there¹s
no possibility of an individual winner. Either the couple grows stronger or
it doesn¹t.

Also, grudges are like relationship tumors so develop couples¹ amnesia,
i.e., after you address the problem try to forget about it. I was out to
dinner with my parents a few weeks ago and my dad said something that really
annoyed my mom but within two minutes she had forgotten it and was laughing
with him about something else. I¹ve seen him do that for her before. Their
relationship amnesia helps make sure their good times are not ruined by one
wrong note. That¹s healthier than holding on to grievances or keeping a
running tab of them.

3. Be good, giving and game
That¹s what Dan Savage says each member of a  couple owes the other in the
bedroom. Be good ‹ talented at sexual techniques or at least enthusiastic
and eager to learn. Be giving ‹ selfless and looking to please. And be game
‹ up for anything. A skilled partner who¹s generous and willing to explore
new ideas is worth their weight in gold. I have definitely had relationships
where quality in the bedroom made me far more willing to deal with problems
outside the bedroom. It¹s not a get out if jail free card, but it can make
it clearer what you¹re fighting for.

For the full article:
http://tinyurl.com/7z6p2cu
_____________________________________
- COUPLES LEARN MARRIAGE EDUCATION KEY TO SUCCESS
Jan 12, 2012 

(Here¹s a bit of deja vu  the kind of article I turned cartwheels over 16
years ago when starting Smart Marriages.  I share it to show that marriage
education classes are still marching on, still helping couples, and still
exciting to read about and celebrate.  - diane)

Breck Bregel, a retired Navy chaplain and life skills trainer with Marine
Corps Community Services¹ Marine Corps Family Team Building aboard Marine
Corps Base Camp Lejeune, feels that investing into one¹s marriage leads to
great results.

³When people face the end of their life, they say having kids and getting
married were the most important part,² said Bregel, who along with chaplains
throughout Marine Corps Base Camp Lejeune, teaches Family Team Building¹s
monthly Marriage Enrichment Workshop. ³These are also the two things most
people are unprepared for. We¹ll spend our lives going to school learning
history dates and never use a single one of them after we become adults.²

He also explained, ³Everything that you learn about marriage you can use.
It¹s amazing what a little marriage education can do.²

During the last workshop, seven couples from MCB Camp Lejeune decided to
take some of those steps to invest into their relationship. They spent the
time learning techniques and gaining a better understanding of how to obtain
a healthy and thriving relationship.

The workshop uses Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program material
and instruction. PREP workshops are based on 30 years of research on
marriages and relationships from institutions such as the University of
Denver.

³It¹s not therapy,² said Bregel. ³It¹s an educational setting. People think
we¹ll make them talk about their struggles or their conflicts. That¹s not
what we do. It¹s all about the couple coming together and learning how to
live a better life.² . . .

For the full article:
http://tinyurl.com/8yvzujp

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