Tool Time / Singles

[Smartmarriages]

- Marriage Matters: Tool Time
- TOOL UP AT THE NARME CONFERENCE
- WHY ARE SO MANY AMERICANS SINGLE?
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- Marriage Matters: Tool Time
By James and Audora Burg
Sturgis Journal 
Apr 01, 2012  
      
Sturgis, Mich. ‹ 
            
³Every relationship starts out with a dream of what you think it¹s going to
be, and you either have the tool kit when you get to the hard spots where
you¹ll make it through, or you need to move on,² said actress Susan Sarandon
in an interview with ³The Daily Beast,² about the end of her 21-year
relationship with actor Tim Robbins.

Ms. Sarandon sets up a false dichotomy with her statement. There is at least
a third option besides having the ³tool kit² or moving on, such as calling a
time-out (or in some cases, a cease-fire) long enough to gather the tools to
repair the relationship.

Better yet, how about a fourth option: proactively stock the tool kit when
the relationship is on solid ground.

The exciting thing is new research demonstrates that marriage education
itself is effective at improving relationships, without regard to which
class a couple takes.

A study involving 17,245 Californians who invested anywhere from eight to 24
hours in a marriage education program found an average increase of more than
13 percent in relationship satisfaction immediately following the marriage
education course; six months later, the satisfaction level rose to 14
percent higher than before the course.

The increased satisfaction level was likely a function of improved
communication, which in comparison to before the course, increased 23
percent immediately following the training and 27 percent at the six-month
mark.

The results were considered statistically ³significant² (as opposed to being
an anomaly) because the survey drew from a diverse participant pool: the
couples involved included those with severe marital problems who were
relatively ³resistant² to change as well as highly-functioning couples who
had ³relatively little room for improvement.² Further, all ages and
socioeconomic levels were represented, and 50 percent took the class in a
language other than English.

The second significant factor is even more remarkable: more than a dozen
different marriage education programs or curricula were measured, although
all classes had in common a primary focus on teaching communication and
conflict management skills.

Translation of the research babble: it does not matter what course you take,
by taking a class, your marriage can improve. That is an unbeatable return
on investment.

So why don¹t people make this investment? It may be that marriage education
suffers from a perception that it is boring, stuffy, or not relevant to
their particular relationship. Although we freely admit that we tend to be
marriage geeks, we can honestly say that we have actually laughed, had fun,
and learned something helpful for our relationship at every marriage
education event we have attended.

Collecting such ³tools² has become a part of the culture of our marriage.
After 14 years of proactive effort, our tool kit is pretty well-stocked.

James Burg, Ph.D., is an associate professor at Indiana University-Purdue,
Fort Wayne. His wife, Audora, is a freelance writer.  You may contact them
at marriage at charter.net
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- TOOL UP AT THE NARME CONFERENCE
NARME has posted its list of 1, 2, and 3-day pre-conference Training
Institutes where you can train and certify as a marriage and relationship
instructor.  See the list here and start planning your travel:
http://www.narmeconference.com/images/docs/NARME-speaker%20pre-conference.pd
f
______________________________
- WHY ARE SO MANY AMERICANS SINGLE?
http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/books/2012/04/16/120416crbo_books_hell
er?currentPage=all
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