Grant Announcements/ Hax of a Job / Divorce Reform Conference Call - 6/29/11

[Smartmarriages]

- GRANT ANNOUNCEMENTS OUT
- MARRIAGE OR COHABITATION: CAROLYN HAX COLUMN
- REGISTER NOW FOR THE DIVORCE REFORM CONFERENCE CALL
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- GRANT ANNOUNCEMENTS OUT
http://www.scoop.it/t/ideals
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- MARRIAGE OR COHABITATION: CAROLYN HAX COLUMN

Carolyn Hax did such a good job answering this one ­ couldn¹t have said it
better myself ­  I¹m going to reprint part of the column.  - diane

History of divorce makes boyfriend fear committing
Hi, Carolyn: I've been dating my boyfriend for two years (he's 29, I'm 30).
I'm the first person he's imagined living with or marrying. I'm a little
reluctant to go all-in for living together without a firm commitment to each
other, but he views it as a necessary first step to make sure we're
compatible.

He also recently revealed that he is terrified of divorce, which I had some
suspicion about because his parents split when he was 12, his brother just
announced his divorce after seven years, and several of his good friends
have gotten divorced.

He told me he has serious commitment issues, which he is just beginning to
realize, and that in his mind, marriage means divorce. He usually has a
look-at-the-positive mind-set, except for this, which he acknowledges. My
exposure to marriage has been very, very different.

I don't think of living together as a trial run, I see it as something two
people do when they are completely ready to commit to each other. -- Not
Scarred by Divorce

Dear Not Scarred: You just made a case for pre-marriage prep. Not
counseling, but an education tailored to making your choice of life partner
an informed one, versus wishfully thought.

Given his exposure to marriage, what would it say about him if he were
steadfast in his belief that divorce wouldn't/couldn't/shouldn't happen to
him? Your boyfriend gave both of you a gift with his honesty about his
misgivings.

So use it well. If you and he were planning a honeymoon, you'd be
researching deals, vaccinations, visas, sights. You can give the marriage
idea at least as much thought and research just by exploring the various
programs available to couples considering marriage. Secular or religious,
quickie seminar or course, group or private -- vetting programs can be the
first of many exercises in thinking strategically, sharing deeply and
functioning jointly. Find the program, attend, explore, and see what your
experience (and others' insight) tells you is your next logical step.

Too commonly, people see marriage as the objective to achieve (or avoid)
when a marriage is only as good as the skills you bring to it. Acquiring
those skills will support your vision of commitment, and lessen his fear of
his.

Way to go, Carolyn!   Full column here: http://tinyurl.com/5wn6hpl
Hax frequently lists the Smart Marriages Directory of classes website in her
column....maybe the editors took it out today.
http://www.smartmarriages.com/app/Directory.BrowsePrograms
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 - REGISTER NOW FOR THE DIVORCE REFORM CONFERENCE CALL

Wednesday:  July 6 ­ 3PM EST

Register at  www.divorcereform.info <http://www.divorcereform.info>  to get
call-in information.
The Coalition for Divorce Reform (CDR), now active in twenty states, is
invites you to join the conference call to learn how you might help
publicize the campaign for Divorce Reform, promote the CDR website blog
through Facebook and other social networking, and/or help with state
grassroots organizing.  The campaign is based on the Parental Divorce
Reduction Act (PDRA) that would require couples with children, where there
is no domestic violence involved, to participate in at least six hours of
marriage education and an eight month waiting period before they could file
for divorce.  You are warmly welcomed to listen ­ learn what it¹s all about
­ no obligation to participate.
According to CDR founder, Chris Gersten, when this legislation becomes law
in 30 states, it will create demand for marriage education greater than the
$75 million a year in federal TANF marriage grants.
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