Marriage and the theory of Self-Expansion / Egg Donors - 5/11/10

[Smartmarriages]

- MARRIAGE AND THE THEORY OF SELF-EXPANSION
- EGG DONORS 
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- MARRIAGE AND THE THEORY OF SELF-EXPANSION

Today's (5/11/10) New York Times article by Tara Parker Pope, author of The
Science of a Good Marriage, explores fidelity research and the commitment or
*fidelity gene*.  She concludes with the concept of Self-Expansion as a kind
of commitment glue. The idea is pretty basic, sounds obvious ­ to keep your
marriage healthy and successful, do new things together, so you don't have
to switch partners to find excitement and stimulation.  Reminds me of my
aunt who was know to frequently and drastically change her hair color -
she'd go from brunette, to blond, to red ­ in a year.  We asked her why one
day and she said every time her husband wanted *something strange* she
changed her look and gave it to him.  Hmmmm....  Many ways to skin a cat.
So keep expanding your partners horizons ­  good advice to add to our
Marriage Education classes....  - diane

Here's the excerpt:

. . . . But it may not be feelings of love or loyalty that keep couples
together. Instead, scientists speculate that your level of commitment may
depend on how much a partner enhances your life and broadens your horizons ‹
a concept that Arthur Aron, a psychologist and relationship researcher at
Stony Brook University, calls ³self-expansion.²

To measure this quality, couples are asked a series of questions: How much
does your partner provide a source of exciting experiences? How much has
knowing your partner made you a better person? How much do you see your
partner as a way to expand your own capabilities?

The Stony Brook researchers conducted experiments using activities that
stimulated self-expansion. Some couples were given mundane tasks, while
others took part in a silly exercise in which they were tied together and
asked to crawl on mats, pushing a foam cylinder with their heads. The study
was rigged so the couples failed the time limit on the first two tries, but
just barely made it on the third, resulting in much celebration.

Couples were given relationship tests before and after the experiment. Those
who had taken part in the challenging activity posted greater increases in
love and relationship satisfaction than those who had not experienced
victory together.

Now the researchers are embarking on a series of studies to measure how
self-expansion influences a relationship. They theorize that couples who
explore new places and try new things will tap into feelings of
self-expansion, lifting their level of commitment.

³We enter relationships because the other person becomes part of ourselves,
and that expands us,² Dr. Aron said. ³That¹s why people who fall in love
stay up all night talking and it feels really exciting. We think couples can
get some of that back by doing challenging and exciting things together.²

For the full article: http://tinyurl.com/24mwd52

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- EGG DONORS 

Talk about expanding yourself all over the place......in the same NY Science
section, is an article about the business of Egg Donors ­ a business that
has doubled in six years in America - and women, like male sperm donors, are
multiple contributors, thus expanding/replicating themselves far and wide.
This all fits with our Friday lunch plenary session by Dr. Miriam Grossman,
"Amanda's 39th Birthday" (Amada will be looking for a donor)....a can't miss
session.  See you there. -  diane

Payment Offers to Egg Donors Prompt Scrutiny
New York Times
May 11, 2010 

Ads in newspapers at Harvard, Princeton and Yale promised $35,000 for
donors, Dr. Levine found, while an ad placed on behalf of an anonymous
couple in The Brown Daily Herald offered $50,000 for ³an extraordinary egg
donor.² 

³The concern is that some young women may choose to donate against their own
best interests,² Dr. Levine said. ³They¹ll look at the money on offer and
will overlook some of the risks.²  . . . .

. . . Egg donation is restricted or banned in many industrialized countries.
In the United States, by contrast, close to 10,000 children were born
through the use of donor eggs in 2006, almost double the number in 2000,
according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Critics say
they fear that young women may not understand the potential physical and
long-term psychological risks, including how they might feel years later
about the experience.

http://tinyurl.com/23r6gtt
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