World Class / Early-Birds / College Hook-Up Culture - 4/29/10

[Smartmarriages]

- ARE YOU LIVING MORE LIKE ROOMMATES THAN SOUL MATES?
- ONLY TWO MORE WEEKS FOR EARLY-BIRD RATE
- LISTENING IN ON A COLLEGE NEWSLETTER

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- ARE YOU LIVING MORE LIKE ROOMMATES THAN SOUL MATES?

Check out this great TV spot that the Fresno Healthy Marriage Coalition is
running on all four major stations for their May 15th World Class Marriage
class!  
http://growyourmarriage.com/index.php?id=110

And, you too can offer this course in your city. It brings in people like
gangbusters.  I think everyone hears the title and says, Yes, that's what  I
want, a World Class Marriage!  Get trained, certified and equipped as an
instructor at Smart Marriages:

104 Three Days - Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, July 6, 7, 8
World Class Marriage
Patty Howell, EdM, Ralph Jones, David D'Leon, MA
Qualify to teach this evidence-based, fun & easy-to-teach program that's
getting rave reviews in California as a launch course for marriage
programming. Attracts large groups, including Hispanics. For all ages/stages
of marriage. Attend with your partner and experience the impact. $150 spouse
discount.
Click for more information: http://www.smartmarriages.com/worldclass.html

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- ONLY TWO MORE WEEKS FOR EARLY-BIRD RATE

Register by May 14th to qualify for the early-bird rate for the Smart
Marriages Conference.  Save $50 and get all your first session choices,
guaranteed.  Also, check out the spouse, student, and group discounts -
register 4 people and a 5th person attends free.  Discounts can be combined.
Bring your spouse, students, colleagues.  Register online here:

http://www.smartmarriages.com/registration.html


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- LISTENING IN ON A COLLEGE NEWSLETTER

>From time to time it's helpful, if painful, to check out the college blog
sites.....listen in on our most important target, the next marrying
generation (we hope) ­ see how they're thinking, behaving.  Here are
excerpts - worth a look, just for the graphic.  We will address these
challenges at the conference in MANY different sessions: Keynotes,
Institutes, Workshops, Film Festival.....including John Van Epp's *It Takes
a Village* Keynote and his HOW TO AVOID FALLING FOR A JERK Institute.
Wish we could get to Jazmine - have her attend as a student volunteer and
take the Avoid a Jerk course back to Connecticut.    - diane

The Sound of Settling: A Look at the Hook-Up Culture of Connecticut College
April 26, 2010 
Jazmine Hughes 

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a
good fortune must be in want of a wife. Similarly true, a single man with a
30 rack, a Camel card, and a school with a 60:40 women/men ratio must not be
in want of a girlfriend.

Survey ten random women of Connecticut College: eight out of ten of them are
³relationship-people,² the type of girls who¹d like to meet the parents and
receive ³good morning!² text messages and go out to dinner with the same boy
for a prolonged period of time.

These are many of the same women, however, who head to Cro every Saturday
night in their best tube tops and skinniest jeans, who attend floor parties
in Johnson to snag a lax bro, who introduce themselves to guys with their
cleavage.

These are the girls who are settling.

What results in the uneven distribution of dating vs. dicking around? Why
are women so conditioned to prefer relationships? .  . . . .

. . . . What started as a fad has turned a horde of undergrads into
commitment-phobes. Gone is the tradition of courting, of asking a girl her
name and her phone number before discovering her choice in underwear, or of
dating, of dinner, a movie, and a goodnight kiss at the door. This is the
age of ³hooking up,² a term that is more flexible than the social living
part of the honor code, Cro dances, parties at the Ridge, and, of course,
the awkward Sunday mornings in Harris.
This is the age of ³Learnen Dem Hoes.²

³Learnen Dem Hoes,² an invented Saturday-night class, presents a strictly
male perspective, a small glimpse into the mind of the non-committing man.
Enter Ross, head professor and creator of Learnen Dem Hoes, AMS 320. Using
examples from his life and the lives of his friends, Ross reviews the common
problems and misunderstandings that come with the ³hooking up² territory‹a
murky place‹and establishes rules for them. (Rule #12: It is totally fine to
hook up with two girls in the same friend circle. ³Break dat shit up.²)

The self-proclaimed ³Professor,² Ross, is nineteen years old, has never
dated a girl, and is known for proclamations like, ³I¹ll get married when I
lose the will to live!² He is therefore a perfect example of The Douchebag:
the guy that fascinates you until you have feelings for him. . . . .


. . . . . The creator of the ³course,² Ross, blames the population
inequality on the newfound trend. ³With such a large selection ofŠ let¹s
just call it fruit, why would any guy just stick to the grapefruit or the
oranges? We need our Vitamin C. We¹re going to eat as much fruit as
possible.²

Feel special yet?

Though Ross¹ lessons are (mostly) in jest, it reveals an interesting pattern
amongst the college population: girls who are more willing to settle. To
counter the lack on on-campus commitment, newer, mini-relationships have
sprung up. Created out of the inevitable ³I¹m not looking for a
relationship,² girls have finagled ³better than nothing² situations, things
that can resemble a relationship if you squint real hard.

Why are girls willing to succumb to this compromise? Though it¹s not ideal,
many women would rather get whatever they can than spend every night alone.
³Women do not want to get left out in the cold, so they are competing for
men on men¹s terms,² Kathleen A. Bogle, a sociologist at La Salle University
in Philadelphia, wrote. ³This results in more casual hook-up encounters that
do not end up leading to more serious romantic relationships. Since college
women say they generally want Œsomething more¹ than just a casual hook-up,
women end up losing out.² (NYT)

FOR THE FULL ARTICLE: http://tinyurl.com/246opgj
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