Stanley Blog/ Indiana/Nevada/ Census/ Addiction Myths/ Helping the Marines - 9/24/09

Thu Sep 24 16:18:18 EDT 2009

- SCOTT STANLEY BLOG
- INDIANA COUNTY TOPS DIVORCE STATS?
- NEVADA 
- THE MYTHS OF SEX ADDICTION
- SPEAKING OF ADDICTIONS -- OR, JUST HABITS
- MARINES HELP FAMILIES LEFT BEHIND: 500 STAFF ON ONE BASE!

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- SCOTT STANLEY BLOG

I've shared clips from marriage/relationship/cohabitation
researcher/educator, Scott Stanley's, blog several times and assume (hope)
most of you have subscribed.  It's that good.  But in case not, here's
another short observation (most are longer - like the recent thread about
being well-endowed) - to whet your curiosity.  - diane

> Saturday, September 19, 2009
> Interest in Everyone is Interesting to No One

> Here¹s a research nugget that rings true. Using speed dating methods, Paul
> Eastwick and Eli Finkel of Northwestern University found that people who
> convey romantic interest in nearly anyone who is attractive to them end up
> with fewer people finding them attractive. The lesson? Potential objects of
> your affection will be less interested when they detect that you are not too
> choosey.
> 
> Put simply, people are able to detect when a person is non-discriminating. And
> this happens fast, since the phenomena can be measured in speed-dating.
> 
> If you are looking for love, hopefully you are looking for someone special,
> not just any person who will do. Being choosey is not only going to make it
> more likely you find a partner who fits you in important ways, it will also
> make you more attractive to this person when you find him or her.
> 
> Here¹s a very practical tip if you are trying out speed dating in your search
> for lasting love. Leave your Crosby, Stills and Nash t-shirt that says ³love
> the one you¹re with² at home.

Subscribe here: http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/

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- INDIANA COUNTY TOPS DIVORCE STATS?

This makes no sense?? By the way, expect to see a gazillion articles in
local and national media now that the census data is being released.   -
diane 

> Census: Wayne County tops the nation in divorcees
> 
> ASSOCIATED PRESS € September 23, 2009
> 
> RICHMOND, Ind. (AP) ‹ New data shows Wayne County tops the nation in the
> percentage of population that's divorced, but some local residents don't see
> any reason why their home should be labeled as a mecca for divorced people.
> Advertisement
> 
> New 2008 estimates from the U.S. Census Bureau report that more than 19
> percent of the county's residents over age 15 are divorced. That's the highest
> percentage for any county with a population of more than 65,000. Two other
> Indiana counties ‹ Floyd and Madison ‹ also made the top ten.
> 
> But no one seems to know why the highest rate would be in Wayne County, which
> includes the city of Richmond and several rural towns. Indiana is one of few
> states that doesn't track divorce statistics, making it more difficult to
> pinpoint the reason.

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- NEVADA 

Nevada ranks sixth in nation for multiple marriages
By Lenita Powers 
September 22, 2009 

The Silver State ranks sixth in the nation for the percentage of people ages
15 and older who have been married two or more times, according to U.S.
Census Bureau data released this week.

About five out of every 22 Nevadans 15 and older have been married more than
once.

The percentage of women in Nevada who took multiple trips to the altar
topped that if of men who said ³I do² two or more times. About five out of
every 21 women in Nevada married two of more times compared to five out of
every 24 men.

There is no breakdown of the data on Nevada by county.

THIS IS THE FIRST YEAR THE CENSUS BUREAU ASKED HOW OFTEN RESIDENTS HAVE BEEN
MARRIED as part of its American Community Survey.

ARKANSAS led the nation for the percentage of residents who have had two or
more spouses consecutively, followed by OKLAHOMA, WYOMING, TENNESSEE,
ALABAMA and NEVADA.

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- THE MYTHS OF SEX ADDICTION

The term "sex addiction" is often used pretty loosely. See what Dr. Read
considers normal and abnormal sexual behavior at Hitched.com
http://tinyurl.com/mcqwcn

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- SPEAKING OF ADDICTIONS -- OR, JUST HABITS

Habits May Keep Couples Together or Tear Them Apart
If one partner smokes, drinks more than the other, marriage may suffer,
study finds
September 23, 2009

WEDNESDAY, Sept. 23 (HealthDay News) -- Marriages can be at risk when one
partner is an excessive drinker and/or smoker, but the other isn't,
researchers say.

However, when their drinking and/or smoking habits are similar, both
partners remain relatively satisfied with their marriage, according to the
study published in a recent edition of the journal Addiction.

Researchers tracked 634 newly married couples for seven years, and at their
first, second, fourth and seventh wedding anniversaries, the couples
completed questionnaires about their marital satisfaction.

Overall, there were initial declines in marital satisfaction, followed by a
leveling off after a few years. At each assessment, a difference in heavy
drinking between spouses was more common than a difference in smoking. About
15 percent of the couples reported differences in both smoking  and drinking
habits, the study authors noted.

The information collected from the couples revealed important clinical
information, said study author Gregory G. Homish, an assistant professor of
health behavior, and colleagues in the University at Buffalo's School of
Public Health and Health Professions and the university's Research Institute
on Addictions.

"For example, if one partner of a heavy-drinking couple enters treatment for
his/her alcohol use, the break-up of the 'drinking partnership' could have
unintended negative outcomes for the couple," Homish said in a news release
from the university. "Therefore, approaches such as behavior couples therapy
that assess and treat both partners could have a more beneficial outcome at
both the individual and family level."

In terms of research, "the current findings suggest that an assessment of
substance use should extend beyond quantity and frequency of substance use
and also incorporate information about the partner's behavior," Homish
noted.

"Most studies that investigate the impact of substance use focus solely on
individual-level risk factors and do not consider the impact of social
network influences such as those that exist from a partner," Homish stated
in the news release.
--------------------
I highly recommend that you listen to the recording of "Learning Sobriety
Together" from the Orlando Smart Marriages Conference. Anyone working with
couples should know this approach.

> 759-704
> Learning Sobriety Together  FOOB
> William Fals-Stewart, PhD, Gary Birchler, PhD
> This program works with couples together  the drug/alcohol abuser and spouse
>  to improve communication skills, build cohesion, and both promote and
> maintain sobriety.

Order at http://www.iplaybacksmartmarriages.com/
Or at 800-241-7785 

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- MARINES HELP FAMILIES LEFT BEHIND: 500 STAFF ON ONE BASE!

Marines Offer Help To Families Left Behind
By Kenny Goldberg 
September 22, 2009 

Truly amazing - 500 staff on one base supporting families!  Learning to
teach marriage and family strengthening programs is a wonderful way to
become part of this effort. - diane

> There are more than 24,000 Marines currently deployed in Iraq and Afghanistan.
> That leaves a lot of family members who are left behind.
> 
> Camp Pendleton has a staff of 500 dedicated to supporting families.
> 
> Meghan Jones, director of Marine Corp. Family Readiness, one of six
> departments on base that help Marines and their families, said "Twenty, 30
> years ago they didn't have this type of support. It wasn't identified yet. But
> the commandant of the Marine Corp. has said families are so important, and we
> need to take care of our own, and that's what we're doing."
> 
> Jones said her programs offer classes on things like building communication
> skills, managing conflict, and anger management.

Here's the full article: http://tinyurl.com/lnh8h9

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