TANF Reauthorization / 10 Dates/Calling Jay-Z / Air Force Marriage Stats - 9/22/09

Tue Sep 22 11:38:14 EDT 2009

- TANF MARRIAGE $$ REAUTHORIZATION CAMPAIGN
- MORE DATE NIGHT PROMO IDEAS
- JAY-Z SHOULD RAP ABOUT MARRIAGE
- AMAZING AIR FORCE MARRIAGE STATS

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- TANF MARRIAGE $$ REAUTHORIZATION CAMPAIGN

Here's a message from Chris Gersten, Executive Director of FAMLI.US, who is
spearheading a campaign to ensure the continuation of federal funding for
Marriage Education and Fatherhood Demonstration Grants.

> TANF legislation is up for reauthorization in September, 2010. This
> reauthorization includes the $150 million a year funding for Healthy Marriage
> and Fatherhood grants.  We have a completely different political climate with
> different priorities than we had in 2006 and nearly all the champions of the
> original Marriage Education legislation are gone from the Senate. That means
> in one year marriage and fatherhood legislation could be eliminated entirely
> or changed beyond recognition.
>
> If the marriage funding is eliminated in 2010, it is not likely that we will
> see federal funding for marriage education anytime in the next decade. We must
> begin to organize and communicate effectively with the media and elected
> officials if we are to get this historic legislation reauthorized/continued.
> 
> Opponents are already mobilized.  Read the press release of the *Alternatives
> to Marriage* campaign on the famli website at: <http://www.Famli.us>  They
> have already succeeded in eliminating the marriage education funding in the
> New York legislature.
> 
> PLEASE JOIN ME ON ONE OF THREE CONFERENCE CALLS to explore how we can organize
> to get TANF Marriage and Fatherhood funding reauthorized.

> DATES: OCT. 6, OCT 8, OCT 13
> TIME: 12:00 NOON EST
> REGISTRATION: GO TO http://WWW.FAMLI.US
> You must be registered on the FAMLI site to register for the conference calls
> Thank you, CHRIS GERSTEN

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- MORE DATE NIGHT PROMO IDEAS

> Hi Diane,
> We are glad to hear how they are using the Date Night button in FL.
> Here are some additional ways 10 Great Dates groups around the country are
> connecting with restaurants:
> 
> 1. Local restaurants provide menus for couples to consider at date
> launches and offer discounts if couples show their dating exercise.
> 2. Some groups do their own "Coupon book"  featuring restaurant
> discounts.
> 3. Provide restaurants with free coasters--on one side is "10 Great
> Dates" and on the other side is a Marriage Tip.
> 4. Provide posters for participating restaurants to put in their
> window, "We are a 10 Great Dates Partner."
> 5. Adopt the slogan "Dating is good for business!" For instance, if
> one group has 20 couples for 10 date nights that is 400 meals. Good
> marketing tip to get restaurants to participate.
> Claudia & Dave

10 Great Dates is a TOOB (teach out of the box) program that received the
Smart Marriages Impact award for being an accessible, affordable,
easy-to-teach program that couples love. Just open the box and teach and get
your restaurants and community involved.  Order it here:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory/64

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- JAY-Z SHOULD RAP ABOUT MARRIAGE

> Hi Diane!
> Here¹s an interesting article that makes the point that if so many listen to
> rappers and take their word as gospel, why not send positive messages about
> marriage in their lyrics?
>  
> http://www.theroot.com/views/jay-z-should-rap-about-marriage/?gt1=38002
>  
> So excited that we¹ll be in Orlando again next year.
>  
> Monica Murray

Yes, agree this is a must read.  Lorraine Blackman presented a keynote way
back in 2001 on this and this year, 2009, Gena Ellis presented same message
in a very well-received workshop, #759-519 Taking It To The Streets. But
clearly what we need is the real thing: for someone like Jay-Z to get on the
bus.  We gotta love and CELEBRATE fact that Jay-Z and Beyoncé got MARRIED!
Big TAH DAH.  And that he's now rapping about maturing.  I'll bet when he
gets a few kids we'll see some message-to-our-sons-and-daughters stuff.  I
also think Jozen Cummings Blog is one we might want to bookmark (Until I Get
Married/Inside the Mind of a Bachelor -  http://untiligetmarried.com/- ) We
gotta figure out how to reach these Jay-Z guys - diane

Jay-Z Should Rap About Marriage
Sept 11, 2009 
The Root
Jozen Cummings 
He's the most influential rapper in the world. If anyone can change young
black men's attitudes about marriage, all fingers point to HOV.
For the article: http://tinyurl.com/kseqdq

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- AMAZING AIR FORCE MARRIAGE STATS

> Diane,
> The Air Force Times has just published an analysis of the Air Force's
> marriage and divorce statistics.  As the article says, it "turned up
> surprising conclusions. Many defy easy explanation."
> Kay Grosinske

Divorce and the Air Force Female airmen, caregivers have highest
split-up rates
Erik Holmes, Air Force Times
09/21/2009

Forget everything you thought you knew about marriage and divorce in the
Air Force.

Most of it isn't true.

Airmen in career fields with the highest deployment tempos don't get
divorced more than those who spend most of their time at home station.
Fighter jocks, supposed playboys, actually get divorced less than the
force as a whole. And those whose job is to care for others - nurses,
social workers, family support center staff and educators - have the
hardest time staying married.

As of August, 70.9 percent of officers and 56.3 percent of enlisted were
married, and 4.4 percent of active-duty officers and 7.3 percent of
enlisted airmen were divorced.

Among adults in the general population, 50.5 percent were married and
10.5 percent were divorced as of 2007, the latest year for which data is
available from the U.S. Census Bureau.

An analysis by Air Force Times of the service's marriage and divorce
statistics turned up surprising conclusions. Many defy easy explanation.

. . . . Deployments "were definitely 80 percent of the problem," he wrote in
an e-mail. "When you're deployed it is hard to communicate. ... And
sometimes when you do get to communicate you just don't get the feeling that
the other person cares." Even when he returned from deployments, the TACP
operator said, the time away from home and his war experiences affected the
marriage.

"Getting back from a deployment was like being a newlywed again, for a
few weeks," he said. "Then it is hard to adjust again [and] I noticed
some problems that most would now associate with PTSD [post-traumatic
stress disorder], such as getting angry at ... something as simple as
the dishes or cleaning around the house." The deployments, the TACP
operator said, placed a strain on an essential part of marriage: trust.
He sometimes heard about his wife being at a party and became jealous
simply because she was around other men.

A lack of trust has been a problem that Master Sgt. Mark Wilson has seen
in other marriages during his seven deployments. Wilson, the plans and
programs superintendent for the 96th Security Forces Squadron at Eglin
Air Force Base, Fla., described himself as happily married for 22 years.

"I've seen several marriages fail [because of it]," he said. "In fact,
I've seen attempted suicides over jealousy or somebody thinking that
their husband or their wife is cheating on them while they're away. It's
mainly because of the unknown." Deployments are difficult for Wilson
because he has to miss birthdays and anniversaries and because they are
a burden on his wife, a physical education assistant at Eglin Elementary
School.

"It's very difficult any time anybody's separated," he said. "Stress is
enhanced quite a bit because obviously the [spouse] is taking on all the
[family] roles and you sort of step out of those roles for six months at
a time. ... That help isn't there." Despite the statistics, deployments
- especially repeated deployments - are the biggest contributor to the
divorces that Carr, the chaplain, sees.

"There's no question that extensive deployments make ... [relationship]
health harder and harder," he said. "We try to teach skills about how
you can keep love alive though you're separated ... how to keep good
communication flowing."

. . . . Many support resources are available for airmen in troubled
marriages or those who want to keep their healthy marriages strong, Carr
said.

Chaplains on base are available to provide confidential counseling, and
the Chaplain Corps started sponsoring marriage wellness retreats at some
bases last year.

Called Marriage Care, the retreats are free or low-cost to encourage
military couples to participate. About 20 couples participate in the
weekend-long sessions. Only a limited number of bases have the retreats,
Carr said, but the Chaplain Corps plans to expand the program.

The retreats are based on a successful Army program called Strong Bonds.

"It's designed primarily to help recently redeployed airmen reconnect
with their spouses and to prevent marital difficulties and certainly to
prevent divorce," Carr said. "We've been able to touch 226 marriages
with those 12 events, and according to the feedback [we've] saved dozens
of marriages." Airmen interested in marriage retreats should contact
their base chaplain's office, he said.

Social workers and counselors are also available on base, at Airman and
Family Readiness Centers and through base mental health offices.

For airmen who prefer to go off base for counseling, the Military
OneSource program allows service members and dependents to attend up to
12 sessions with a professional in the community for free.

The newest program is the Defense Department's Military Family Life
Consultants initiative, which hires qualified counselors as contractors
to provide support for service members. The program launched in 2004 but
has recently been expanded to serve more installations and airmen.

The counselors are all licensed clinicians with master's degrees and at
least five years' experience in social work or counseling. They receive
special training so they can understand military-specific issues such as
deployment cycles and military culture.

Under the program, airmen can have six free, confidential counseling
sessions. Along with marriage counseling, the counselors can provide
help with other family issues, stress and anxiety, depression, grief and
loss, anger management and parent and child communication. Even when
counseling fails and a marriage ends in divorce, Carr said, airmen can
still seek help.

"When divorce does occur, chaplains still provide counseling," he said.
"These are people who are hurting."

FOR THE FULL ARTICLE:
http://aimpoints.hq.af.mil/display.cfm?id=35596

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