Vow Renewal / Age of Marriage / Plastic Surgery / Shared Emails - 9/15/09

Tue Sep 15 23:45:25 EDT 2009

- PRACTICING WHAT SHE PREACHES
- EXHIBIT APPLICATIONS
- CAN *JUST COUPLES* ATTEND?
- THE RIGHT AGE TO MARRIAGE
- DIVORCE/PLASTIC SURGERY: CONNECTED
- ON COUPLES SHARING ONE EMAIL ADDRESS

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- PRACTICING WHAT SHE TEACHES
> 
> Diane, 
> The email about Marriage Week and renewing vows, made me think.
> John and I renewed our vows 3 years ago and it blew my mind
> how powerful it was. I think it's a Great idea for marriage week.
> Sue Johnson

Renewing Vows - maybe we should call it the *Hold Me Tight Again and
Forever* ritual.  I promise that I'm trying to get Sue to do a longer Hold
Me Tight Training Institute.  Her schedule is vicious. I'll let you know the
minute I know.  Sharing her note because it's so nice to see the experts
practice what they teach. :) - diane

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- EXHIBIT APPLICATIONS

I've had several emails today asking when I was going to make the Exhibit
application available?  I know many of you got it because the applications
are arriving.  If you missed it, it's online here:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/exhibits.html

I also had an email asking if Exhibits are reserved for Presenters. No, you
do NOT have to be a presenter to Exhibit, just related to the field. And,
this year we did accept some *shops* - jewelry, games, toys, etc, who did
well and made it even more fun.  Last year in SF, a clothing & fancy hats
booth was a huge hit.   - diane

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- CAN *JUST COUPLES* ATTEND?

Please help spread the news to your friends, family about how perfect this
event is for just couples.  I must get this question at least once a week
and it kills me that it's so hard to get this message across.  - diane

>> Diane, I have been on the distro for your newsletter for years and just told
>> my husband I was interested in attending the conference in Orlando next July
>> in 2010.  Is the conference primarily for educators and group leaders or also
>> just couples looking to strengthen their own marriage?  I'm hoping we can
>> attend as a couple and walk away with a lot of valuable information for
>> ourselves, but understand if this conference is targeted at a different
>> audience. Thanks,
>> Kim
> 
> 
> It is definitely for couples and I guarantee that you will walk away with TONS
> of wonderful information to make your good thing even better.  There are
> couples who come each year and look forward to it as their marriage getaway -
> it tunes up and sparks up.  It's also nice that it's at a beautiful resort at
> conference rates.  Also tell your husband that you'll blend right in - no one
> can tell the counselors from the educators from the chaplains from the
> marriage activists from the mentor couples from the *just couples*.  There are
> no degrees or designations on the badges.  There are also singles trying to
> get smarter about marriage.  It is, of course, our hope that you'll love the
> idea of marriage education so much that on your second or third conference
> you'll no longer be able to resist and will decide to become marriage
> educators, yourselves, but there is no push in that direction.  You are
> welcome and encouraged to attend the entire 7 days - including the pre and
> post conference sessions.  And, definitely the keynotes and workshops and I
> promise you will love it.  You might want to read the FAQs section: scroll all
> the way through, there are lots of questions from past years that might help.
> http://www.smartmarriages.com/faqs.html
> 
> Also, you might be reassured by the comments in the reviews section, here's
> just a few:
> http://www.smartmarriages.com/testimonials.html
>> --------------------------
>> You told me it was so, but still can't believe how comfortable I felt
>> attending all the training sessions alongside
>> therapists - even psychiatrists - and blending right in. It never came up
>> whether I was a mental health person
>> or not. I think it's brilliant to not put degrees on the badges.  I learned
>> so 
>> much and had a great experience and
>> felt like I was an insider, very welcomed and one of the gang. You do a truly
>> great job and it's a gift to make the
>> conference open to the public.
>> Rita from Canada
>> --------------------------
>> 
>> I've found more answers in two days than I have in two years of therapy.
>> Kristen Lee Mead, stepmother
>> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
>> First time I have attended EVERY event at a
>> conference - in body and spirit! Looking forward to the next one.
>> Miriam Davis, LPC
>> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
>> Looking forward to Smart Marriages which has become one of my
>> "can't miss" conferences. I truly believe some of the best
>> presenters in the world show up there; I have learned a lot."
>> William Fals-Steward, PhD

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- THE RIGHT AGE TO MARRIAGE

The Marriage Divide
Was I too young to get married or too old? Depends on whom you ask
By Monica Hesse
The Washington Post
September 6, 2009 

The two responses I received last year when, at 26, I announced I had gotten
engaged: 

a) Oh, God, finally!

b) Oh, God, already?

Followed by: 

a) Have you chosen your canape platter yet?

b) Is this because of a tax break or something?

And then possibly by:

a) Where are you registered?

b) Wait, are you sure you haven't been drinking?

Whether my friends answered a's or b's depended entirely on which time zone
-- which side of the International Wedding Date Line -- they lived in. The
IWDL is a complex concept that can be explained only by me (because I just
made it up), but it comes down to this: On the East Coast where I live now,
at least among most of my friends, getting married is something you do after
college, after grad school, after your 30th birthday, after your second solo
climb of Mount Everest, after you successfully balance your checkbook for 16
months straight, after, after, after. In other words, getting married at 26
is pretty much like getting married as a fetus.

In the Midwest, at least in the rural Illinois town where I grew up, getting
married is something that you do before you begin to think of buying
property, before your single-person routines make you stubborn and
inflexible, before your metabolism slows enough that a white wedding dress
would make you look like a rhinoceros. Optimal marriage age: 20 to 23.
Getting married at 26 is like filing your tax returns on April 16.

So the Midwest friends were supportive, as if they were welcoming me into
their club, while the D.C., Philadelphia and Boston friends were just
dubious, as if the club I wanted to join was for insane people. When I broke
the news to my New York buddy Jo, I sheepishly tried to hide it in casual
conversation: " 'Real Housewives' was beyond ridiculous; Simon's pants are
horri -- I'm-getting-married-do-you-want-to-be-a-bridesmaid -- fying, and
did you see Alex's hair?" Then I called my Illinois friend Jeanne and went,
"Eeeeeeeeeeee!"

Read the full article with photo here:
http://tinyurl.com/lorf97

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- DIVORCE/PLASTIC SURGERY: CONNECTED

(I guess the point is that people get plastic surgery after a divorce to
help in their hunt for true love; so if divorce is down, plastic surgery is
down?   - d)

Plastic Surgery Plummets with Divorce Rate
Plastic surgery plummets with the divorce rate in this current economy. Is
there a link?

As the economy sags, so does the plastic surgery business, along with the
divorce rate.

Cosmetic procedures, such as skin tightening and body contouring, are no
longer in high demand, according to Millennium Research Group, an
organization that analyzes trends in the medical industry.

But, all hope is not lost for practitioners. While plastic surgery may be in
the pits for the time-being, the economy always bounces back. Millennium
Research Group analyst Lisa Shantz told TheStreet.com:

³A lot of these plastic surgery procedures are tied to consumer confidence.
If they¹re more confident in the economy, they might be more likely to
undergo these procedures because they can see an end to it.²

Other real-life economic indicators include a dip in the divorce rate, which
Millennium Research report noted rate is down in part because of the
depressed real estate market  not because there are fewer cosmetic
surgeries.

So, while the pundits measure the health of our nation¹s economy by facts
and figures, tummy tucks and divorce proceedings may be better indicators.

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- ON COUPLES SHARING ONE EMAIL ADDRESS
Dear Diane, 

I have my questions about couples sharing e-mails.  Aside from the fact that
my husband and I both get so many that we would never finish reading them,
our experience has shown us advantages to each having our own.  For years we
shared an address and thought it was working fine, defending the idea to
others, but after I got my own I realized the delicate balance between 'me
and we' in marriage is important for both of us and our healthy
relationship.  But also sometimes in corresponding with our grown children,
there is a freedom to write to 'mom' or 'dad' about certain things.  On the
other hand, it is easy to send it to both of us when they want to. It's been
fun to watch.

However, it was my work with 'abused women' that has moved me to get my own
as well as encourage everyone to have their own.  A women in an abusive
relationship needs her own computer as well as her own address.  I know this
mailing is for  Smart marriages, but not everybody is there yet.  I am not
talking about 'social cases' I work with a Christian organization.  Such
women take even longer to come out of denial and need a lot of 'personal'
encouragement along the way.  We often have to communicate in code but at
least I can connect and let her know she is not alone.

And since the article was about 'Christian couples  . . ."  I have to wonder
about Christians who think they can control the 'lusts of the flesh' by
sharing an e-mail. I am no computer guru but it is easy to set up an extra
account and keep it hidden.  I know of so many 'accountability groups and
partners' that didn't work because 'someone never really told it all'. . . .
If one needs to share an e-mail to be honest in relationship, that one isn't
in a very honest relationship with God or their partner and needs the help
of Smart Marriages in a variety of ways.

Coralee Murray

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Pre-Conference Training Institutes July 6-8
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