I'm Not Buying It / Clever Wives = Longer lives / Housework =Between Sheets - 10.21.09

Wed Oct 21 11:46:10 EDT 2009

- I'M NOT BUYING IT
- MEN WHO MARRY CLEVER WOMEN LIVE LONGER
- HOUSEWORK PAYS OFF BETWEEN THE SHEETS

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- I'M NOT BUYING IT

> Diane,
> I hate to bother you, but I had a contact from the radio station this morning
> from a woman whose husband is a 3x vet from Iraq who suddenly wants out of the
> marriage, but probably it has much more to do with what's going on with him
> than with his unhappiness with her. Reminds me of the story you featured of
> the woman in Montana who hung on while her husband figured it out and they're
> happily married today. Trouble is, I've searched the archive and am not able
> to find the story. Can you help me please? I'd like to pass it along to the
> woman.
> Jennifer

Was she in Montana?  Good to go to this page "Unwanted Divorce, How to Fight
It" when you're looking for divorce ammo.....it's all there:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/fighting.divorce.html

And, here's the particular one I THINK you're looking for:
Here's a strategy from the Modern Love section of the NY Times  -a woman who
hung in.
When her husband said, "I don't love you any more, I want a divorce" she
said, "I don't buy it."

http://lists101.his.com/pipermail/smartmarriages/2009-August/004030.html

She's become a hero at Smart Marriages - definitely deserves an award.  -
diane

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- MEN WHO MARRY CLEVER WOMEN LIVE LONGER
The Telegraph
Oct 5, 2009 

Men who marry clever women are more likely to live longer, according to a
study reports the Telegraph. A study on 1.5 million people found a woman's
level of education was more important than a man's when it came to the
chance of him living a long life.

The authors suggested that better educated women may be more aware of
healthy diets and medical treatments, thereby influencing their partner's
lifespan. ''Women traditionally take more responsibility for the home than
men do, and, as a consequence, women's education might be more important for
the family lifestyle - for example, in terms of food habits - than men's
education. If highly educated women more easily understand the plethora of
advice about healthy lifestyles, women's education could have a substantial
influence on the health and mortality of the partner. Women with higher
education may in addition (be able to) receive better medical treatment,
which may also be true for men - and for partners of highly educated
women.'' 

The research, from experts at Stockholm University, examined data from the
1990 Swedish Census on 1.5 million people aged 30 to 59 who were in
employment. Information on causes of death, including from cancer and
circulatory diseases like heart disease and stroke, was then examined for
the following 13-year period.

The study, published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health,
found that while women's education was an important factor in the longevity
of a couple, it was the man's income, and not education, that was important.

The authors found that a man's income influenced death rates for both sexes
''presumably since men stand for the major part of the family income and
thus the material standard of the family.''

http://tinyurl.com/y9tc9um

* Found this one by way of Dave and Liz Percival's UK Marriage News:
http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk

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- HOUSEWORK PAYS OFF BETWEEN THE SHEETS

Another GREAT article by Sue Shellenbarger.  Bet the dishes will get done
tonight by all the WSJ subscribers.  - diane

Housework Pays Off Between the Sheets
Wall Street Journal
Sue Shellenbarger
Wed, Oct 21, 2009 

Housework may seem like the ultimate romance-killer. But guess what?

A new study shows that for husbands and wives alike, the more housework you
do, the more often you are likely to have sex with your spouse.

Earlier studies have hinted at this connection for men; the sight of a
husband mopping the floor or doing dishes sparks affection in the hearts of
many wives. But the more-housework-equals-more-sex link for wives,
documented in a study of 6,877 married couples published online recently in
the Journal of Family Issues, is a surprise.

Scrubbing the floor is no aphrodisiac, and seeing your spouse doing it
usually isn't either. "My husband loves doing laundry, yet I don't get any
thrill out of his doing it," says Chicago writer Julie Danis. And "I don't
think he thinks it's sexy when I go around gathering the detritus of his
daily life." 

But for some high achievers who take a "work hard, play hard" approach to
life, researchers say, working hard in one domain produces more energy for
others. The study also found a correlation between hours spent on paid work
and the frequency of sex in marriage.

"Rather than compromise their sex life" because of time demands at work or
at home, "this group of go-getters seems to make sex a priority," says
Constance Gager, lead researcher and an assistant professor of family and
child studies at Montclair State University, Montclair, N.J. The study
doesn't measure what proportion of spouses fall into this group, but she
believes "they are on the leading edge of couples we expect to see more of
in the future."

Many husbands and wives I interviewed offered an additional explanation‹that
housework may be a proxy for a general willingness to invest in shared
interests, a symbol of commitment to home and hearth. Perhaps "working on
the same task Š makes the couple remember why they married‹to be on the same
team, to build a life," Ms. Danis says.

. . . . . .The study defined housework as nine chores: cleaning, preparing
meals, washing dishes, washing and ironing clothes, driving family members
around, shopping, yard work, maintaining cars and paying bills. Wives in the
study spent an average 41.8 hours a week on these tasks, compared with 23.4
hours for husbands‹a split that is fairly typical, and often regarded by
wives as unfair. However, the effects of any fairness concerns among wives
weren't measured in this study.

. . . . . Could the study spark a national housework craze? Like a number of
spouses I interviewed, Lawrence Lamb is skeptical. At home, the Birmingham,
Ala., medical-school professor unloads the dishwasher and puts away laundry
while his wife, a teacher, does laundry and cooks. "But that has nothing to
do with the sex life," he says. For him and his wife, career achievement and
the energy and attitudes they bring to their relationship provide more of a
spark, he says. The bottom line, he adds: "It's chemistry."

But another married man, a communications manager attending a panel
discussion at which the research was mentioned, quickly announced that he
was leaving. "Gotta go," he said. "I need to run home and put in a load of
laundry."
------------------------
 For the full article: http://tinyurl.com/ylzkcgw - and read great comments
section, a sampling:

> feminist propaganda
> ----------------------
> 
> A moving man is a sexy man.   A man laying on the sofa isn't.
> ----------------------
> 
> Perhaps the results are due to consistent overestimation/exageration. Thus the
> correlation. 
> Those who overestimate the frequency of one also overestimate the frequency of
> the other!

 This article will be available to non-subscribers of the Online Journal for
up to seven days after it is e-mailed.

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