Haltzman Monday TV / Nebraska / 7 Habits / Minnesota / Jon & Kate - 5/29/09

[Smartmarriages]

- SET YOUR DVRs: HALTZMAN ON MIKE AND JULIET MONDAY
- NEBRASKA LEGISLATIVE UPDATE
- 7 HABITS MEASURABLE SUCCESS: AT RISK OF FUNDING LOSS
- MINNESOTA: RAY OF HOPE
- JON & KATE PLUS MILLIONS

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- SET YOUR DVRs: HALTZMAN ON MIKE AND JULIET MONDAY

Hi Diane,
 
Monday morning, June 1, 9-10 AM, I'll be returning to "The Morning Show with
Mike and Juliet" to discuss my new book, "The Secrets of Happy Families."
It will be interesting. As you may recall, I was skewered on my last
appearance for suggesting that happily married women are those that respond
to the needs of their husbands.
 
This show will feature a young couple who married when she became pregnant
(while still a teenager) who now live with the bride's mother and
stepfather. The whole happy family will be on the show. I'll try to stay
focused on defining values and helping each family member find the strengths
of their family/mate. Hopefully, there won't be any chair throwing!
 
Scott Haltzman
Www.secretsofmarriedmen.com

You'll have three opportunities to study with Scott in Orlando at three of
the best-attended and always highest rated sessions at the conference
including this one very pertinent to the Mike/Juliet Mon appearance.

> 511
> Resiliency in Families: The Stress Antidote
> Scott Haltzman, MD
> Bad things can happen to even the best families. Use the Resiliency Survival
> Kit and The Secrets of Happy Families survey to teach families how to bounce
> back from whatever hits.

#####################################

- NEBRASKA LEGISLATIVE UPDATE

Last item shows that someone tried to pass marriage education
legislation....didn't make it.  I'm sharing this article because it's an
interesting recap of a state legislative year....and so we can appreciate
what those who try to pass Marriage Education legislation are up against. So
much stuff.  - diane

> May 28, 2009
> Key issues in the 2009 Legislature
> BY MARTHA STODDARD
> WORLD-HERALD BUREAU
> 
> LINCOLN - Women seeking abortions would have to be able to see an ultrasound
> image of the developing fetus under a bill scheduled for a final vote Friday.
> 
> The measure, expected to pass and be signed into law by the governor, is the
> last bill on this year's legislative agenda.
> 
> It caps a session in which 209 bills and 27 accompanying appropriations
> measures passed or are expected to pass. Provisions of 82 other bills were
> amended into those that passed.
> 
> One bill is aimed at developing guidelines for county attorneys in deciding
> whether to order an autopsy when investigating deaths. Another gets tough on
> people whose dogs cause serious injury after previously being declared
> dangerous.
> 
> Among other things lawmakers did - or didn't do:
> 
> € Money and taxes: Sarpy County officials seeking state help to pay for a
> planned baseball stadium went home empty-handed. Nebraskans won't get a
> back-to-school sales tax holiday, and moviemakers won't get tax incentives to
> film in the state. The state's tax system won't get a major revamp. Slumping
> state revenues prompted five senators to voluntarily delay final passage of
> their bills.
> 
> € Transportation: Drivers will have to move over on the Interstate and
> expressways when they see emergency vehicles stopped on the roadside. Fines
> for speeding in construction zones will be doubled only if workers are
> present. The Legislature no longer must approve specialty license plates.
> Cameras to catch red light violators were rejected, as was a ban on texting
> while driving. Motorcyclists must still wear helmets. Drivers won't be pulled
> over for failing to wear a seat belt.
> 
> € Health and human services: Cities and counties can't opt out of the state
> smoking ban. But cigar smokers can puff away in special cigar bars, and
> drivers can still smoke in cars with children. Cigarettes will have to be
> self-extinguishing to prevent fires. The state won't regulate escort services
> or dental assistants. Seventh graders must take more shots. Unmarried adults
> can stay on their parents' health insurance plan up to age 29. Couples won't
> have to go through MARRIAGE EDUCATION CLASSES before tying the knot.

#########################################
- 7 HABITS MEASURABLE SUCCESS: AT RISK OF FUNDING LOSS

At Smart Marriages in Orlando you can take the 7 Habits of Successful
Families workshop (Sat 4pm) or the 8 Habits Institute Tues & Wed:

> 107 Two Days - Tuesday & Wednesday, July 7 & 8
> The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage
> Jane & John Covey, EdD, MBA
> This powerful marriage curriculum equips couples not only to implement
> life-changing habits, but teach their children through fun, simple,
> self-discovery activities. Marriage training has never been easier, more fun
> or more effective! Replace boring, lecture-oriented approaches with this
> engaging, experience-based curriculum. $100 spouse discount. For license
> details, click: http://www.smartmarriages.com/eight.habits.training.html

> 805 - Sat 4-5:30pm
> 7 Habits of Highly Successful Families
> Durelle Price
> Have fun while you learn seven habits to strengthen your partner and
> parent-child relationships and make a permanent difference for you and your
> family. Kids 9-18 attend free.


Family strengthening classes work - but they are at risk
Program is successful, but now it's in economic peril
By Deirdre Conner
May 27, 2009

> Arnold was one of the 86 percent of people who finish the two-day class and
> one of the 90 percent who would recommend it. Unlike a vast number of social
> programs, the class has been independently studied - and, like even fewer of
> its kind, the statistics say it actually works.
> 
> An Ounce of Prevention Fund of Florida, a nonprofit that evaluates prevention
> programs, found that 60 percent of graduates studied had improved their family
> functioning. A different state study found that the program reduced recidivism
> for first-time juvenile offenders. Another group found that participants
> studied had a 9 percent increase in wages in seven quarters in 2005 and 2006.
> 
> With the economy fraying family ties, organizers believe the program is needed
> now more than ever.


It was school traffic time, and the parent pickup line was terrible. Someone
cut off Charlene Arnold.

She felt the hot temper that runs in her family rise. Then she thought about
Prudence Williams touching her fingers to her head, the personal "pause"
button Williams taught her the day before. She braked and let the car in.

Arnold was part of a two-day "family strengthening" workshop, taught by
Williams and sponsored by the city and federal government. Her dozen
classmates came from all over Jacksonville. They were divorced, single and
married for 20 years. They were black, white, Hispanic and Asian. They were
young and old. They came for a variety of reasons, whether because of unruly
teens or probation or unemployment.

Many of them didn't plan to like it.

Ne'Zeila Nash-Scott was expecting the 10-hour course to be so boring that
she brought a book the first day. But she never pulled it out.

"I was excited to come back," said Nash-Scott, a new mother who also cares
for her 13-year-old brother.

The Jacksonville Network for Strengthening Families has been running the "7
Habits of Successful Families" - from the same company that published the "7
Habits of Highly Effective People" - since 2005 and also offers a similar
course for married and engaged couples.

The courses are designed to help stabilize families, prevent violence,
prepare people for marriage and reduce divorce rates. Partner agencies offer
help to families that want more: financial planning, counseling, job
training, substance abuse treatment and a long list of other services.

The program reached more than 1,000 people in Duval County last year, and
nearly 4,500 since 2005. But despite a proven track record, it could end as
soon as this fall, a victim of the down economy.

A $1.5 million grant from the federal and city governments that spanned four
years runs out in September. City budget woes leave its future uncertain.

The grant pays for workbooks and calendars, the $50 stipends paid to
volunteer teachers, and the paid staff to coordinate the workshops and train
teachers.

Williams, once a volunteer instructor and now a paid staffer, is a true
believer. The social worker and Sunday school teacher mixes personal
stories, writing and hands-on activities and class interaction on basic
ideas that few people really take the time to write down and say out loud.

"Did anyone ask you yesterday, 'What is important to you?' " she asked
rhetorically, as the people around her wrote down bullet points such as
financial stability, spirituality and education.

Arnold said the class helped her cope with the irritation of the congested
pickup line, and the resulting walk in the rain with her infant son to pick
up her first-grader.

"I thought, you never know what might be going on in that person's life,"
Arnold said later of the person who cut her off. She thought, what would her
kids learn? Her 7-year-old son is at times a frustrated child.

"For me to have gone to this class, I learn to deal with anger and
frustration," she said. "I don't want him being in the car, seeing me
yelling."

Arnold was one of the 86 percent of people who finish the two-day class and
one of the 90 percent who would recommend it. Unlike a vast number of social
programs, the class has been independently studied - and, like even fewer of
its kind, the statistics say it actually works.

An Ounce of Prevention Fund of Florida, a nonprofit that evaluates
prevention programs, found that 60 percent of graduates studied had improved
their family functioning. A different state study found that the program
reduced recidivism for first-time juvenile offenders. Another group found
that participants studied had a 9 percent increase in wages in seven
quarters in 2005 and 2006.

With the economy fraying family ties, organizers believe the program is
needed now more than ever.

Robyn Cenizal, executive administrator of the Jacksonville Network for
Strengthening Families, said job losses are increasingly mentioned by
families.

"We really believe what we're doing is helping [families] cope with
stressors they can't control," she said.

The program is designed for pretty much everyone. It has been offered to
executives at CSX, schools, churches and the Salvation Army shelter.

Organizers have been training leaders at companies, churches and schools in
hopes of keeping the program going. Still, they are realistic about its
chances without financial backing.

Kimberly Smokes hopes it will go on. She said she's now communicating better
with her 15-year-old son, who got in trouble with the law. She was one of
dozens who got up at a "graduation" ceremony a month after completing the
class. They started setting aside time to talk to each other.

"I found out he didn't like to be surprised," Smokes said. "I could not
believe it. Now we plan out what we're going to do."

###################################
- MINNESOTA: RAY OF HOPE

U program helps fragile new families beat the odds
GAIL ROSENBLUM
Star Tribune 
May 28, 2009 

Connie Fowler, 28, is candid about her childhood in New Jersey and
Minnesota. It involved frequent moves, poverty and her parents' divorce,
offered no example of the loving and stable marriage she one day hoped to
have. 

Then the single mother of a little girl met smart and steady Michael Fowler,
25, whose long-married parents were models of stick-to-itiveness and good
communication. 

But even when Connie got pregnant, she and Michael didn't rush to the altar.
First, they wanted to develop skills to keep their young family on track and
intact. They got those skills as participants in a five-year University of
Minnesota project that will end Saturday with a banquet and discussion of
some surprising results.

"We found that most of these couples are in romantic relationships and
aspire to stay together," said project director Bill Doherty, Ph.D.,
professor in the U of M's Department of Family Social Science.

The federally and state-funded "Minnesota Healthy Marriage and Responsible
Fatherhood Initiative," was built upon the national Fragile Families
Project, which Doherty said, "was a turning point in the way many of us
think about unmarried, urban young couples with children. That project put
to bed the notion that fathers don't give a rip and women don't know who the
fathers are. 

"Still, the gap between aspirations and ability to carry out those
aspirations is pretty high. We designed our project to fill that gap."

While 17 couples got married after just one year in the program, Doherty
said that the focus was less on matrimony and more on helping at-risk
families attain long-term stability against often formidable odds. The
societal fallout for abandoning these "fragile families," he said, is
well-documented: poorer health, poor academic achievement among children and
greater rates of poverty among mothers.

"I'm not interested in going door-to-door and asking, 'Married? Want to
consider it?'" Doherty said. "The key thing is that we are getting behind
their own aspirations. But they think they have to have money for a big
wedding. They want to have a house and a nicer car and be middle-class
before they get married. That goal moves farther into the future when they
get laid off." 

Enter the safety net

The U of M project recruited 96 unmarried couples with at least one child.
Thirty-eight percent of the couples were biracial; 32 percent, white; 23
percent, African-American; a few others were Native American or Hispanic.
They ranged in age from their early 20s to 40s.

Each couple was matched for a year with a relationship "coach" who guided
them through challenges and connected them, when necessary, with a social
worker who helped with housing, job and financial counseling and child
support. In addition, couples came together monthly for social events
(babysitting provided) and to meet "seasoned married couples" willing to
answer anything on their minds.

So, what was on their minds? Things like:

Will we still have sex when we're older?

How do you get over a fight?

How do we make time for each other when we have a baby?

Why are there suddenly a list of things to be done when I sit down to watch
sports on TV? 

Carol and Derek Stevenson of Savage joined the project four years ago as one
of those seasoned couples. They've been married for 37 years and have three
grown sons. Carol, 56, a senior planner at NWA/Delta, and Derek, 58, a
contract administrator for McKesson Surgical, also offer marriage education
and enrichment through their Alive! Ministries.

The Stevensons' first couple dropped out (as did about 19 others over the
course of the project). While their other young couple is struggling to find
permanent housing for themselves and their 18-month-old daughter, the
Stevensons remain optimistic.

"They have a lot of challenges, including communication," Carol said. "But
they seem intrigued by us, a couple who have been together so long."

While success is difficult to measure, Derek believes that role-modeling
successful partnerships "has been tremendous" for the participants. "They
hear about our struggles, our disagreements, and how we worked through
them," he said. 

"It gives them a certain amount of hope," Carol added.

That is the certainly the case for the Fowlers of St. Paul. They are now the
parents of two little girls, Jaydah, 2, and Marie, 13 months, in addition to
Connie's daughter, Colee, from a previous relationship. The couple were
married in March, after three years together.

Last Tuesday, Michael, who works in construction, reflected on the program.
"It helped us to open up, introduced circumstances and situations that might
come up," he said. "Humor is what keeps us going in this relationship."

As do constant reality checks.

"No family is perfect," said Connie, a medical assistant for an urgent care
center. "You deal with your dysfunctionalisms."

##############################
- JON & KATE PLUS MILLIONS

I've not seen Jon & Kate so don't know how the affair and talk of divorce
was handled, but apparently it has created morality discussions about
marriage and parenting on all fronts.  I understand that many of you see
this as an opportunity for us to get our programs to Jon and Kate but please
realize that the show owns every aspect of the show - even the help aspect.
The place to weigh in, if you are concerned, is to blog, write an op ed,
call your local media.....   - d

---------------------------------
TLC ups the rewards for Jon & Kate¹s bad marriage and selling out their kids
May 28, 2009 

TLC just announced they have changed their plans for two of their reality
shows: Jon & Kate plus 8 and the new planned reality show starring Jennifer
Lopez. Apparently after a record number of viewers tuned in to watch the
train wreck that was once Jon & Kate they announced they will dump the JLo
show and double the amount of Jon & Kate plus 8 episodes!

While relatives and even a noted child psychiatrist have commented on the
negative effects the show is having on their relationships and their
children, Jon & Kate don¹t seem to care. But then that isn¹t too surprising
since they are willing to not only let their marriage disintegrate, they are
willing to do it in front of millions of viewers, for a cost.

With a 40 show season, the unhappy couple will be smiling all the way to the
bank. At the reported $75,000 per episode, Jon & Kate will be banking at
least $3 million! And then there will be twice as many trips, clothes,
services and all the other items advertisers will give them.

$3 million is a lot of money, but, Jon & Kate are apparently willing to give
up their marriage, their family¹s privacy and anything else it takes to
collect it.

I am not sure which is sadder, that TLC offered it, that Jon & Kate took it
or that people will continue to tune in and watch. When did watching a
family disintegrate become entertainment?

###########################

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13th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, The Shingle Creek,
Orlando, Florida, July 6-12, 2009 (General Conference July 8-11)
Pre-Conference Training Institutes July 6-8
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 12
 
Shingle Creek: http://www.rosenshinglecreek.com/

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information:
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202-362-3332

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