Standing / Hotel Alert/ Door Prizes/ the In-Between/ Happy Marriage = Health / Deadbeats - 5/27/09

[Smartmarriages]

- DO-IT-STANDING CORRECTION & NEW PROGRAM FOR SENIORS
- VERY IMPORTANT HOTEL ALERT
- DOOR PRIZES
- CONFERENCE TIP: DON'T MISS THE "IN BETWEEN"
- MARRIAGE: HAPPINESS PAYS OFF
- REALITY TV: DEADBEAT DADS?????
 

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- DO-IT-STANDING VIDEO CORRECTION & NEW PROGRAM FOR SENIORS
I had a mistake in the url I sent you yesterday.  Sorry. If you didn't watch
this sexy video, please treat yourself.
http://www.fark.com/cgi/vidplayer.pl?IDLink=4365716
- diane 

> Diane,
> I love the posting!! - HOW TO FIGHT BOREDOM IN MARRIAGE - DO IT STANDING
> http://www..fark.com/cgi/vidplayer.pl?IDLink=4365716  (an extra period after
> www. has to be removed for the link to work:
> http://www.fark.com/cgi/vidplayer.pl?IDLink=4365716 )
> 
> And, you can see why it reminded me to update you on my new program, Life
> After Sixty: 12 Conversations for Active Living. We'll launch it at Smart
> Marriages Orlando. Here is a link to a 1 page description:
> http://12conversations.com/mentoring_for_senior_couples
> 
> Dr. Ed Gray, LMFT
> http://12conversations.com/

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- VERY IMPORTANT HOTEL ALERT:
DON'T LOSE YOUR RESERVATION OR GET CHARGED FOR A ROOM YOU WON'T USE!!

Many of you made multiple reservations at the Rosen Shingle Creek so you
could bring extra staff or family members.  That's great, but the hotel has
a requirement that you NOW put a real name on each reservation, or lose
them. You can't hold multiple reservations all on one name.

Also, you may have booked your room far in advance, before you knew your
actual arrival date.  If you don't show up the first night you reserved, you
face a double penalty: 1) you lose the reservation and 2) you'll be charged
for room for one night even though you're not there. AND, when you finally
show up, IF you can even get a room, you'll have to pay the $185 per night
regular rate, not the $115 a night rate.  We're not the only conference in
the hotel over our dates so this is serious.

Please  put names to any multiple reservations and trim your room back to
your actual arrival and departure dates.  Here:  866-996-6338. - diane

#################################
 
- DOOR PRIZES

Because there is always confusion about the door prizes and disappointment
when people hear from their friends that their name was called and they
missed out, I want to remind everyone how it works.

If you're registered for the conference, you're registered for the door
prize drawings (we put all the names in the door prize drawing box), but you
must be present to win.  The drawings are held about 10 mins BEFORE the
keynotes are scheduled to begin.  So, for example, if you'd like to win the
PREP Commitment Package you need to be in the ballroom by 8:20am for the
Scott Stanley/Galena Rhoades *Living With Cohabitation* keynote which starts
promptly at 8:30am.

This Scott Stanley package is a great example of why it pays to come early -
it's a whole package designed to help understand his Commitment research and
his Sliding vs Deciding® Concepts and includes his book, The Power of
Commitment; a DVD of his Commitment Talk for Couples; a DVD of his 2007
Smart Marriages keynote The Paradox of Sacrifice; and a free training to one
of PREP's programs for individuals (your choice) - Within My Reach; Airman
to Airman (for those working with the Air Force); Got Your Back (for those
working with the Army); or a new PREP program for working with incarcerated
men or women.  

Here is a list of just some of the other Door Prizes.  Lots of great prizes
$$ - for example, the Weiner-Davis and Steven Stosny trainings are full
three-day events!

> Tues Banquet 6:25pm: Five Love Languages DVDs // Wed 6:25pm: PREP Fighting For
> Your Marriage DVDs // Thurs 8:20am: PREP Commitment
> package//Thurs11:40pm: Money Habitudes DVD Kit // Thurs
> 3:40pm: Prayer Journal Kit // Fri 8:25am: Couples Sexual Style & Mating in
> Captivity package // Fri 11:55pm: Divorce Busting Training Workshop € Torn
> Asunder package// Fri 3:55pm: Without Talking About It basket € Stosny
> Compassion Boot Camp // Fri 7:25pm: IMAGO's Couplehood As A Spiritual Path &
> Connection DVDs// Sat 8:25am: Hold Me Tight DVD Kit // Sat 7:25pm: FTU
> University Tuition - Basic Training DVD Series - Digital Life Coaching

############################
- CONFERENCE TIP: DON'T MISS THE "IN BETWEEN"

I always wish I'd said things a little better, a little clearer, but Marc
Payan just posted a clip from my opening remarks at the 2008 conference -
very brief 47 seconds - where I give an additional tip about how to get the
most out of the conference: <http://vimeo.com/4868515/l:transcoded_email

Marc is putting a lot of work into his Thurs 5:30pm Marriage Tech Boot Camp.
It's so easy in the rush of the conference to forget about the events that
don't appear in the original brochure. I suggest you make your own
conference schedule and note these off-the-grid add-on meetings.  We've put
Marc in a big room, but get there early if you want a seat.

To check out the other events scheduled in the IN-BETWEEN (in the breaks
between official conference sessions) see here:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/roundtables.html

Don't email asking to add additional Networking events.  The on-site
schedule is set and on it's way to the printer.  You can organize
gatherings, but you're on your own - put a message on the message boards and
invite people to breakfast, lunch, dinner, drinks or the hot tub. It's a
HUGE hotel and I'm sure you can find a place to gather.  - diane

############################

- MARRIAGE: HAPPINESS PAYS OFF

The posting below from Jacksonville is not news to anyone in Smart
Marriages, but it's always nice to see that the message about the health
benefits of a happy marriage is getting out there. It reminds me to
encourage you to mark your Conference Calendar now and attend the Networking
Meeting on Thurs at 5:30pm on Marriage and Health hosted by Jana Staton.
Will give you lots more ammo for making your benefits-of-marriage points and
also give you ideas for how to bring Marriage Education to Medical Settings.

I also suggest you check out these workshops:

> 320
> Marriage Education and Health Care Reform
> Jana Staton, PhD, Patty Howell, EdM, Lara Rezzarday, MPA
> Marriage Education is the missing link in Health Care reform.
> Make the case to national & local leaders with programs,
> resources, and research about what can work in a health
> care setting.
> 
> 718
> Heart Rhythm Practice
> Jana Staton, PhD, Dan McMannis, MEd
> Teach couples a new way to reduce stress, heal old wounds, increase trust,
> optimism and connection by synchronizing heart, body & brain in a positive,
> energetic state. Couples welcome.

> 420 
> Marriage: Corporate America’s Business?
> Jeff Fray, PhD, Julie Baumgardner, MS, Gary Oliver, PhD, Matthew Turvey, PsyD
> Research makes the case: employees with healthy marriages are more productive.
> Learn what HR executives say they need and how marriage educators can deliver.
> Corporate examples.


Marriage: Happiness Pays Off
Florida Times-Union
May 26, 2009 

A good marriage is good medicine.

The latest confirmation of it comes from a 13-year study about middle-aged
women by researchers at the University of Pittsburgh and San Diego State
University.

They compared the health of women with a high satisfaction in marriage or in
a romantic relationship with women less satisfied in relationships and other
women who were divorced, single or widowed.

The 493 participants agreed to have blood drawn to measure sugar and
cholesterol levels along with blood pressure readings and assessments of
their personal habits and mental health, according to the study.

The results: Women who were happier in their relationships had healthier
hearts with lower blood pressure and cholesterol.

They also experienced less anger and depression, the research showed.

Researchers suggest several factors could be in play, including more
emotional support and less social isolation.

Also, a good spouse or significant other can encourage mates to take better
care of themselves and avoid risky behaviors, according to a news release
from the American Psychological Association.

It's long been said that a strong marriage is good for the heart.

Nobody is claiming that bad marriages are good for you.

But evidence continues to mount that good marriages do the rest of a body
good, too.

###############################
- REALITY TV: DEADBEAT DADS?????

Just in time for Father's Day. Oy.  - d

> While researching the effects absentee fathers have on their offspring, I came
> across a publication called "The One Hundred Billion Dollar Man, the Annual
> Public Costs of Father Absence." Written by professors Stephen Nock and
> Christopher Einolf, of the University of Virginia and St. Paul University,
> respectively, their research shows that fatherless households cost U.S.
> taxpayers $98.9 billion a year. But this is just the tip of the iceberg of the
> many problems that female-headed households face. . . .

> The issue of absentee fathers isn't just a black problem, it's now an American
> one. And it touches nearly every community and crosses all racial and
> socio-economic barriers. I also think many women must share some of the blame
> for deciding that we can go it alone. Ladies, we've screwed up royally and our
> children are suffering because of it.
> 
> Feminists will probably jump all over me, but here's the real deal. . .


Fatimah Ali: 'Deadbeat Dads' an insult to reality
May 26, 2009 
By Fatimah Ali
Philadelphia Daily News

JUST WHEN I thought TV couldn't sink any lower with some of its toxic
programming, yet another new reality show is poised to hit the lineup -
"Deadbeat Dads" on Lifetime.

The show targets fathers who refuse to pay child support, and features
businessman Jim Durham's collection agency, called National Child Support.

My first "primal thought" was darn, they got here 15 years too late to help
me. But my more spiritually evolved side knows better, and I realize those
evil thoughts are just wrong. Durham and the Lifetime producers who created
the show are the ones who should be flogged - for using the woes of single
mothers and their children to boost ratings.

Unfortunately, my evil twin rears her ugly head from time to time, and
recaps the unpleasant memories of what it was like not getting child support
from my ex-husband. When I was a single mother, he accrued more than
$150,000 in unpaid court-ordered child support, which kept me in a tizzy for
years.

He made enough money, yet he neglected his obligations because he was angry
at me, not because he didn't love our kids.

Despite the fact that I worked two jobs, my children and I were always
struggling without his contribution. But I was a wimp and never petitioned
the courts to issue an arrest warrant for his blatant disregard of our
children's needs. His sudden demise made the judge's order moot. It can be
almost impossible to collect back support from a dead man with a tangled-up
life.

While he was still alive, the reasons I didn't want him imprisoned were
simple, as well as selfish. I didn't want to have to take our children to
visit him in jail because I knew it would be traumatic. But mostly I
realized that having him arrested would prevent him from working and put yet
another stigma on our already challenged life.

Two decades later, I still feel just as strongly that throwing deadbeat
parents in jail is a stupid idea. And it definitely shouldn't be televised.
This only causes. more problems in a child's life. The residual effects that
deadbeat parents have on kids are way deeper than the unpaid money and leave
deep psychological scars.

While researching the effects absentee fathers have on their offspring, I
came across a publication called "The One Hundred Billion Dollar Man, the
Annual Public Costs of Father Absence." Written by professors Stephen Nock
and Christopher Einolf, of the University of Virginia and St. Paul
University, respectively, their research shows that fatherless households
cost U.S. taxpayers $98.9 billion a year. But this is just the tip of the
iceberg of the many problems that female-headed households face.

Their findings also show that children of single parents are more likely to
do poorly in school and drop out of college and are at greater risk of being
incarcerated or on drugs than children who have both parents in the home.

Just a year ago, President Obama caught flak for telling black fathers to
take more responsibility for their children during a speech at a Chicago
church. With Father's Day just around the corner, I anticipate that his
message this year will have a much wider reach than just for
African-Americans.

The issue of absentee fathers isn't just a black problem, it's now an
American one. And it touches nearly every community and crosses all racial
and socio-economic barriers. I also think many women must share some of the
blame for deciding that we can go it alone. Ladies, we've screwed up royally
and our children are suffering because of it.

Feminists will probably jump all over me, but here's the real deal.

Many of us joined the women's movement decades ago without looking ahead to
see what repercussions our actions would have on both our families and the
economy. Now, most of us have to work, which leaves our husbands and
children angry because no one is at home tending the hearth.

Our choice to be independent of men financially and of the family structure
creates a wide range of problems in our children. And many men feel
displaced and angry now because women are competing with them at work.

Far too many women are willing to go it alone and risk poverty and
instability for shallow reasons of "self-empowerment" rather than trying to
work out their marital challenges. Families need both parents in the
household - not just economically but also spiritually and morally.

The whole idea of a "Deadbeat Dads" show is ludicrous. The creators are
using the program to exploit what is really a much larger social problem -
America's broken families. *

Fatimah Ali is a journalist, media consultant and an associate member of the
Daily News editorial board.

 
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13th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, The Shingle Creek,
Orlando, Florida, July 6-12, 2009 (General Conference July 8-11)
Pre-Conference Training Institutes July 6-8
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 12
 
Shingle Creek: http://www.rosenshinglecreek.com/

To download a Conference brochure, register online, or for Exhibit
information:
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