Networking Events/ Utah / Facebook Married Tips/ The Easy Way/ Proactive - 3/3/09

Tue Mar 3 13:14:44 EST 2009

- ATTENTION: UTAH MARRIAGE EDUCATORS AT SMART MARRIAGES CONFERENCE 2009
- CHECK OUT OTHER NETWORKING EVENTS AT THE ORLANDO CONFERENCE
- HOW FACEBOOK CAN IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE
- MARRIAGE THE HARD WAY OR THE EASY WAY?
- ROWING THE BOAT: MARRIAGE ACTIVISTS

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- ATTENTION: UTAH MARRIAGE EDUCATORS AT SMART MARRIAGES CONFERENCE 2009

Gather with other Utahns to learn about Utah¹s Healthy Marriage Initiative
and share what you are doing to strengthen marriages in the Beehive State.

Wednesday, July 8, 8:45 pm - check room locator for meeting room.

The Utah Healthy Marriage Initiative is supported with 1% set-aside federal
TANF funds. Come learn about specific initiatives supported by the UT HMI
and how you can link what you are doing to the UT HMI.

For more information visit our websites: http://www.utahmarriage.org or
http://www.strongermarriage.org.

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- CHECK OUT OTHER NETWORKING EVENTS AT THE ORLANDO CONFERENCE
And, possibly add your own.
http://www.smartmarriages.com/roundtables.html

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- HOW FACEBOOK CAN IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE
Jason Krafsky

One of the most obvious and important suggestions: make it clear in your
profile that you are married, click your relationship status option.  *Your
relationship status acts like a wedding ring on the left hand and will
likely influence how some of your FB friends interact with you.*
For other suggestions:
http://www.fullmarriageexperience.com/fme.aspx?pid=317

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- MARRIAGE THE HARD WAY OR THE EASY WAY?

Marriage the hard way or the easy way?
Harry Benson
Bristol Community Family Trust, UK

Harry Benson, like so many of us, hoping to help the next generation avoid
having to learn from their own mistakes.....so he shares his own and then
devotes his life to figuring out how to best help couples do marriage the
easy way.   

Paper presented at National Conference on Marriage, Malta, 7th February 2009
http://www.bcft.co.uk/images/Harry%20Benson%20Malta%20talk%202.doc

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- ROWING THE BOAT: MARRIAGE ACTIVISTS

Here is another great example of being proactive - TAKING THE TIME to reply
when you see an opportunity like this in your local media!  And this one was
in a local high school paper.   I'll share the article and the response to
inspire you. - diane

Is there happiness beyond divorce? <http://www.hilite.org/archives/2896>
February 27, 2009
By Lexi Muir

Speaking as a child of divorce (a recent divorce I will add) I will say that
I know what it¹s like to have a life completely turn upside-down. I know
what it¹s like to have everything fall apart past the point of gluing it
back together. I know what it¹s like to start from scratch, and I know what
it¹s like to survive.

But I¹m not alone. According to divorcerate.org, over 50 percent of
marriages in the Unites States end up in divorce. Whether it is because of
infidelity, financial reasons, lack of commitment, change in priorities or
whatever the reason might be, it still sucks.

Obviously there are much worse things that would happen in life, but
everyone has disasters, and this is mine. I have spent the past year
wondering why this happened and how it will affect my future. Will I have
commitment problems? Am I more likely to get divorced because of my parents?

According to the book, ³Adult Children of Divorce,² the divorce rate for
children from families of divorce is 57 percent, while the rate for children
of non-divorced families is only 11 percent. The reason, according to the
book, is that relationships of children¹s parents are important in defining
marriage as an institution. Showing children that divorce happens in
marriage teaches them that divorce it is the ³normal² thing to do.

After reading these statistics my first instinct was to run from my
relationship and never look back. If my chances of getting divorced are 57
percent then why even try? Being the child of two people who absolutely hate
each other certainly doesn¹t help with my relationships, and it certainly
can¹t help in the future, right?

My view, however, negates all the statistics out there.. If I have seen what
can come of divorce and what causes two people to fall out of love, wouldn¹t
I be better able to have a great marriage? Shouldn¹t I be able to learn from
the mistakes of my parents and make my marriage better than theirs? Or will
the stress and the pain from my parents¹ divorce stand in the way of a happy
future for me? 

Obviously, showing from the statistic, there are many children and teens
that are in the exact same boat as me. And according to the other statistic,
over half of them will end their marriages in divorce as well. But I can¹t
help but wonder and hope if there is any hope for me and everyone else. Hope
for anyone, like me, who has ever felt the pain of a divorce, for anyone who
feels lost in the storm and for anyone who has drowned in the sorrow.

I believe that there is hope, and life beyond divorce. I believe there is
life beyond this disease, and I hope that I will someday be able to look
back this with what is has taught me, as a happily married woman.

> Dear Miss Muir~
>  
> I am a parent who follows the HiLite and enjoyed reading your article  about
> happiness beyond divorce, as well as your review of the movie "He Just  Not
> That Into You."
>  
> You did a great job expressing the confusion and challenges that face  youth
> when their families break apart though divorce. It does leave one  reeling for
> a while and often parents are so caught up in their own drama that  they are
> not as able to help support their teens as they might wish. I am sure  many
> other students could identify with your experience and concerns about  their
> future for relationships and marriage.
>  
> I found an important resource when my own marriage went through hard  times:
> marriage education. It supports marriage success and  can help give you the
> skills your future marriage will need to  succeed. It is not a matter of
> finding the right person. (Your  parents no doubt thought they and found the
> right one when they married.) It  is a matter of having the right skills and
> knowledge base to know how  to handle the inevitable difficulties that are
> guaranteed in even  the best of marriages. It is important to learn what to
> expect as marriage and  the individuals in them grow and change and how to
> adjust to these changes..  The web site is www.smartmarriages.com
> <http://www.smartmarriages.com/> . It is of  course, largely oriented towards
> married adults, but the articles can give you  lots of encouragement in what
> you need to know (and what kind of partner you  want to look for) to have a
> marriage that lasts a lifetime, while providing a  stable, loving home for
> your children throughout their lives. You can  subscribe to their list serve
> and learn about lots of research into what leads  to the healthiest marriages.
>  
> I think the one of the best resource for teens and young adults among the
> many marriage education programs is  "How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk."  Funny I
> know, but it really has good information. John Van Epp's website is
> www.nojerks.com <http://www.nojerks.com/> . I see he has a new  book, How to
> Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk. :)
>  
> I wish you all the best, both in your writing and in your efforts to  educate
> yourself to build a lasting love for the future. I look forward  to reading
> more of your writing.
>  
> Sincerely, 
> Gwyn Borcherding
> 

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13th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, Shingle Creek Resort,
Orlando, Florida, July 6-12, 2009 (General Conference July 8-11)
Pre-Conference Training Institutes July 6-8
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 12

Shingle Creek Resort: http://www.rosenshinglecreek.com/

Conference schedule, registration, & exhibit information:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/conferencedetails.html

List your program and resources on the Directory of Classes at
http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html

Order conference audio & video CD/DVD/MP3s: 800-241-7785 or
http://www.iPlaybackSmartMarriages.com

Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd NW, Washington, DC 20015-1961
http://www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332

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