Advice / FREE Crossroads of Divorce / Value of Marriage Ed for Remarriage - 6/15/09

Mon Jun 15 10:48:53 EDT 2009

- ADVICE TO GRADUATES
- FREE PDF DIVORCE PREVENTION HANDBOOK
- REMARRIAGE AND MARRIAGE EDUCATION

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- ADVICE TO GRADUATES

> The most important decision any of us make is who we marry. Yet there are no
> courses on how to choose a spouse. There¹s no graduate department in spouse
> selection studies. Institutions of higher learning devote more resources to
> semiotics than love. - David Brooks, NY Times, June 10 2009

Full article: 
http://tinyurl.com/nqcasv

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- FREE: PDF DIVORCE PREVENTION HANDBOOK

Hi Diane,

³Should I Keep Trying to Work It Out? A Guidebook for Individuals and
Couples at the Crossroads of Divorce (and Before)² is now available. This
self-directed, research-based guidebook was developed by the Utah Healthy
Marriage Initiative for couples at the crossroads of divorce. Some of the
information in it is specific to Utah, which has a mandated divorce
orientation education class for divorcing parents. But overall, the
guidebook is relevant to any individuals in this situation. (We are
considering producing a modified national version of the guidebook next
year.) We will be discussing this resource and supporting project in our
session (with Bill Doherty) at the conference. If you want to alert listserv
members to this resource, it is available in pdf form at utahmarriage.org.
(Click on ³Thinking About Divorce?² and then on ³Should I Keep Trying to
Work It Out?²) Or they can order a hard copy for $8. Note that this is a
beta version. We are now recruiting individuals to use the guidebook and
give us feedback so that we can improve it.

Alan Hawkins, Ph.D.
Professor of Family Life
Brigham Young University
hawkinsa at byu.edu

I've also got the free download pdf posted at SmartMarriages.com - once from
the FREE STUFF page and once from the THINKING ABOUT DIVORCE PAGE.  -d

> 716 - Sat July 11, Orlando workshop
> It's Never Too Late: The Crossroads of Divorce
> Bill Doherty, PhD, Alan Hawkins, PhD, Tamara Frackrell, JD
> Learn the lessons from two innovative approaches that work at reconciliation
> with couples who have already filed for divorce using education, team, and
> community-based supports.

Also, check out this workshop and attend the Divorce Reform Saturday Morning
Roundtable 7:30am

> 418 - Fri July 10, Orlando
> Divorce Reform Legislation Strategies
> John Stemberger, JD, Mike McManus
> Reform No Fault in cases of minor children with mutual consent and a
> presumption of joint custody that could slash family breakdown by 50%. Learn
> what's being done across the country.

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- REMARRIAGE AND MARRIAGE EDUCATION

> Considering ourselves fairly informed people, we were astounded to find so
> many marriage-education resources at the annual Smart Marriages conference.

ON ReMARRIAGE: Marriage training a good investment
June 14, 2009
The Washington Times
Paula Bisacre

Did you know the federal government has spent $150 million yearly on grants
for healthy marriage and responsible fatherhood since October 2006?

If that makes you grumble, consider this: Divorce cost the nation about
$33.3 billion in 2003, with the "average" divorce costing state and federal
governments $30,000 in direct and indirect costs, according to a report
titled "Making Marriage & Divorce Your Business" by Matthew D. Turvey and
David H. Olson of Prepare/Enrich Life Innovations Inc., an organization
dedicated to building strong marriages.

A case is forming that shows marriage education and relationship-skills
training can have a direct impact on curbing divorce rates. And for those
who are married a second time, it's never too late to learn.

In California, home to about 12 percent of the U.S. population, "the related
social service impact on state and federal governments of California's
broken families conservatively costs taxpayers more than $4.8 billion per
year," according to Dennis Stoica, president of the California Healthy
Marriages Coalition (CHMC) in "The State of California's Unions: Marriage
and Divorce in the Golden State," released in October 2008.

The CHMC is a pioneering nonprofit organization that works throughout
California to improve the well-being of children by strengthening the
relationship of parents through marriage education and relationship-skills
classes. Since 2006, the CHMC has received nearly $12 million annually as
part of a five-year grant.

Even though it is too early to make final conclusions about the grant work,
the CHMC is seeing some early positive signs in Orange County, where it has
invested less than $2 million in marriage education. The divorce rate,
fairly consistent for the previous nine years, has decreased by 11 percent,
leading to an annual savings of $18.2 million, according to Patty Howell,
CHMC vice president of operations.

For those of you who are remarried, take note. Divorce takes place in about
60 percent of remarriages. With 1 million remarriages occurring annually in
the U.S., 65 percent of which include children, remarried people should
seriously consider taking marriage education or relationship-skills classes.

In the first five years of my remarriage, my reaction to this would have
been, "What? Been there, done that. I'm fortysomething years old, why do I
need to take a class with a bunch of starry-eyed, naive first-timers?"

Those ill-conceived notions changed once I learned about marriage education.
Think about it; we invest time and money to acquire and strengthen skills
for most of the key areas of our life. We learn about hobbies, physical
activities, financial planning, leadership, career, religion, health, etc.
Why wouldn't we put equal effort into learning about how to have a
successful marriage?

The No. 1 thing my husband and I would have done differently when we were
getting remarried would have been to pursue marriage education. When we
remarried, we didn't know about the Coalition for Marriage, Family and
Couples Education (smartmarriages.org), which is dedicated to getting
information about creating successful marriages out of the research labs and
clinical offices and into the hands of the public.

Finding the right resources is challenging. Considering ourselves fairly
informed people, we were astounded to find so many marriage-education
resources at the annual Smart Marriages conference.

According to CHMC's report, 58 percent of Californians were not aware of any
relationship, marriage-education or premarital-preparation programs
available in their communities. When it comes to remarrieds, in a survey of
1,000 people conducted in March 2008 by Remarriage LLC, 59 percent said it's
easier to find a diet they could stick to than find remarriage resources.

Furthermore, CHMC reports that "among married couples who attended
relationship or marriage education classes, 95 percent found the classes
somewhat helpful or very helpful, and more than three-fourths (80 percent)
reported that the experience strengthened their relationship."

As a start, I think my next investment will be in improving relationship
skills, even if I do nothing else but read Gary Chapman's "The Five Love
Languages," which has been sitting on my nightstand since last summer.

Article: 
http://tinyurl.com/ksqmd5

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13th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, The Shingle Creek,
Orlando, Florida, July 6-12, 2009 (General Conference July 8-11)
Pre-Conference Training Institutes July 6-8
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 12

Shingle Creek Resort: http://www.rosenshinglecreek.com/

To download a Conference Brochure, register Online, or for Exhibit
Information: http://www.smartmarriages.com/conferencedetails.html

List your program and resources on the Directory of Classes at
http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html

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Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
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http://www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332