Spanish Speaking Radio / Trust Survey/ Trust & the Kitchen Sink / HMRC Survey - 7/28/09

Tue Jul 28 15:51:34 EDT 2009

- REACHING THE SPANISH SPEAKING COMMUNITY ON RADIO
- TRUST SURVEY: MARRIED PEOPLE, PLEASE HELP
- TRUST AND THE KITCHEN SINK
- HMRC NEEDS YOUR HELP

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- REACHING THE SPANISH SPEAKING COMMUNITY ON RADIO

Diane,

We are so thrilled and thankful to have been able to attend Smart Marriages
2009.

We have already recoded 2 great programs about the Money Habitudes cards for
our Spanish language radio show *Healthy Marriages*. The first program aired
Sunday and the second one will be airing this Sunday from 9 to 10 AM EST. it
can be heard in 300+ radio stations in Latin America and on the web:
www.cvclavoz.com

We are also working on programs with Ana Morante as you recommended.

Smart Marriages 2009 gave us plenty of good material and ideas to propagate
the healthy marriage message among the Spanish speaking people and for that,
we thank you.

Rebeca Knowles 

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- TRUST SURVEY: MARRIED PEOPLE, PLEASE HELP

Married participants needed for Relationship Trust Survey
Saint Louis University Assistant Professor Andrew Brimhall grad students
Michelle Engblom and Rachel Mirecki need participants for a their survey
³Trust in marital relationships² (IRB #16239). The survey asks participants
about their relationship satisfaction and levels of trust in order to
understand how how trust influences marriage. The survey takes about 30
mins.  When you finish, you can enter a drawing to win a $25.00 gift card to
Walmart (20 will be given away). This survey is diverse and interactive.

Participants must be in a first marriage or a second marriage after divorce.
To start, just click the appropriate link. The first section gives more
information and criteria, then the fun begins!!

For FIRST MARRIED individuals:

http://academic.slu.edu/easysurvey/public/survey.php?name=trust_first_marrie
d_2

For SECOND MARRIED/DIVORCED individuals:

https://academic.slu.edu/easysurvey/public/survey..php?name=trust_remarried_
2 

Please pass this invitation to others who might qualify.
Dr. Andrew Brimhall
abrimhal at slu.edu
314-977-2496

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- TRUST AND THE KITCHEN SINK

WETZSTEIN: Best spouse will take the sink back

By Cheryl Wetzstein
The Washington Times
July 26, 2009

Recent celebrity news says Jessica Simpson was dumped by her boyfriend,
Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, after he found text messages from an
ex-boyfriend on her cell phone.

Who knows if tell-tale texts are the reason their 20-month romance fell
apart, but I've heard about cell phones and "trust" issues before.

In 2006, I was allowed to observe a few sessions of the Baltimore Building
Strong Families (BSF) program.

The couples were all new parents who were romantically involved but not
married to each other. The program gave them six months of guidance and
mentoring aimed at helping the couples improve their relationship skills,
possibly to the point where they might decide to marry.

Cell phones were a huge issue for these couples. Hiding a cell phone was a
suspicious act, and locking it was tantamount to cheating. Leaving the room
to take a call and taking calls from strangers late at night were major
no-nos.

The remedy always seemed to be the same ‹ to be trusted, one must be
trustworthy, BSF mentors told the couples.

And being trustworthy means building transparency into the relationship,
says Willard F. Harley Jr., founder of Marriage Builders and author of
several books about preventing affairs, including "Love Busters: Protecting
Your Marriage From Habits That Destroy Romantic Love."

There are many steps couples can take to shield their marriage from secrecy
and infidelity, Mr. Harley told me recently. For instance, couples should
have each other's cell-phone and e-mail information "at their disposal." If
there already has been an infidelity problem, a couple should review e-mails
together before erasing them, he said. "Trust, to me, is earned, not
assumed."

A successful marriage turns on trust, Louisiana State University professor
Loren Marks told me earlier this year when I called to talk about his
research on black couples in happy, long-lasting marriages. People, however,
seem to know little about how to create or maintain trust, Mr. Marks said,
which is why he told me about the "sink" story he shares with students.

"About five years ago," he said, "I came home from work, and my wife said,
'I need to run to Kmart.' And I said, 'Well, when we talked at lunch on the
phone today, you said you had already gone there this morning.'

"And she said, 'I did, but when I got home, I realized the cashier hadn't
charged me for this $52 sink fixture that I'd bought.'

"And so she ran out the door, went to Kmart, went to the customer-service
line and they didn't quite know what to do with her. Apparently that's not a
problem they have very often ‹ someone coming back, complaining that they
weren't charged.

"And she said, 'Well why don't I go through the line as if I'm going through
for the first time, and that way you guys can get your money, and I have a
clear conscience, and we can both go on happy.' And they said, 'Fine.'

"And I tell the students, 'That's my love story.'

"And they look at me with amused and puzzled eyes. And I say, 'Let me
explain.'

"'None of you in here know my wife, but let me ask you a question. How much
sleep do you think I lose at night wondering whether my wife is being
faithful to me or not?'

"And after some thought, someone will say, 'None.' And I'll say, 'That's
right, but why?'

"'Well, you know, she took the sink back,' they will say.

"And I'll say, 'That's right. And if I can give you one piece of advice
based on what I've seen personally and professionally, it would be to marry
someone who will take the sink back. And, to work toward being the kind of
person who will take the sink back.'"

Mr. Marks said he teaches students about all kinds of marital issues, but
this simple story seems to resonate.

"Every once in a while," he said, "I will get an e-mail from a student, and
it will be something like, 'Dr. Marks, I got married last month. And he's a
sink guy.'"

http://tinyurl.com/mmry3q

€ Cheryl Wetzstein can be reached at cwetzstein at washingtontimes.com.

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- HMRC NEEDS YOUR HELP

Diane, 

I am working on a project for the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center
to develop a series of healthy marriage "Top 10" lists to user-friendly
marriage information for the public.  I need the suggestions of people like
your list members.  I was able to gather info at the conference, but need
more.  

Instructions: Please answer as many of questions as possible.  For each
answer, your name will be entered into a drawing on Friday, July
31, 2009, which is the submission deadline for this round of questions.
Please consider including a brief statement about your response (for
example, why it is important to you, how it is useful, or why, overall, it
is a top choice on your list).  We may quote you, so if you do not wish to
have your name and organization identified, please indicate that.

> 1.    What do you think is the best piece(s) of advice for a long and healthy
> marriage?
> Example/Sample Answer:  Have a long-term view: It's like investing in the
> stock market, you can't pull your money out as soon as it dips.
>  
>  
> 2.    What do you think is the most prevalent  myth(s) people hold about
> marriage?
> Example/Sample Answer:  Healthy marriages are conflict free.  In actuality,
> all couples experience conflict, but healthy couples can communicate and
> resolve conflict effectively.
>  
>  
> 3.    What would you most like to say to President Obama about marriage and
> why he and the government should care about it?
> Example/Sample Answer:  "As President Obama's own marriage exemplifies, life
> is easier with a committed spouse--everything from raising kids to finances.
> It is like having your own familial checks and balances system.  This doesn't
> mean you can't be a great single mom, but even most single mothers desire a
> healthy, committed relationship."
>  
> 4.    What book(s) would you recommend to help couples experiencing a marriage
> crisis?
> Example/Sample Answer:  Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for
> Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love by Howard J. Markman, Scott
> M. Stanley, Susan L. Blumberg.  This book helped us identify negative patterns
> in our marriage and by following the practical advice, we really raised our
> communication to the next level. All couples will fight, learn how to do it
> productively!

>  
> 5.    In Gary Chapman's best-selling book, The Five Love Languages, he
> explains that people express and receive love in different ways. Dr. Chapman
> identifies these as the five languages of love: quality time, words of
> affirmation, gifts, acts of service and physical touch.  For people who have
> "words of affirmation" as their primary love language, verbal compliments and
> appreciation are particularly meaningful..  What do you think is the most
> valued affirmation(s) shared with a spouse?
> Example/Sample Answer: "That dress looks fantastic on you." "You look fabulous
> in that suit."   "I really admire you for all the hard work you put into that
> job day after day that provides for our family."

> Stacey Bouchet, PhD
> Bouchet and Associates Strategic Consulting
> 443-527-6456
> sbouchet at bouchetandassociates.com <mailto:sbouchet at bouchetandassociates.com>

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