Rain? Something's happenin here...what it is ain't exactly clear/ Infidelity Isn't for Sissies /BAN - 7/

[Smartmarriages]

- RAIN POWER ??? 
- INFIDELITY ISN'T FOR SISSIES
- HERE IS THE BAN
----------------------------------------------
  
HERE IS THE BAN listing on the Smart Marriages Directory.

> BAN - Beyond Affairs Network - Bercht
> Anne and Brian Bercht
> BAN is an International Support Group with local chapters for people
> recovering from the devastating experience of a spouse's affair. Anne is
> author of My Husband's Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me,
> now also available on audio. Anne and Brian offer seminars, retreats, and
> workshops for healing from affairs and marriage enrichment as well as
> relationship coaching by phone or in person. Their website offers resources
> for recovery including free articles and newsletters. In 2006, Anne and Brian
> assumed leadership from BAN founders Peggy and James Vaughan (dearpeggy.com).
> BAN received the 2008 Smart Marriages Impact Award.
> 
See their schedule of programs and trainings here:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory/35

Start a group in your community! Order the recording of their fantastic
how-to-do-it workshop at http://www.iplaybacksmartmarriages.com/
Or at 800-241-7785 
> 759-608 
> Beyond Affairs: Prevention and Recovery
> Anne and Brian Bercht
> Help couples not only recover from infidelity, but make their marriage even
> stronger and how to establish a BAN recovery support group in your community.
> ¹08 SM Impact Award recipient.


- RAIN POWER ??? 

> Diane, 
> OMG, listening to the recordings of the conference and you can actually hear
> the rain on the recording.  Must have been amazing.
> Taylor

It WAS amazing. I bet the session you listened to was on Fri afternoon - a
#500 session. We were all very impressed with the Florida rain power - but
can't believe you could actually HEAR it.  My iPod has been out of whack.  I
finally gave up rebooting it and went and bought a new one this afternoon.
I'm curious - I'll listen to a Fri afternoon session, first. - diane

OK, it's Sat morning and I just listened to #506 - Rebuilding Intimacy After
an Affair (started there because it was a Fri afternoon session and it was
new to the conference, and the volunteer in the session had highly praised
it.) It's a great session, I highly recommend it and I see what you mean, I
heard the rain!  

Which led me to reflect on my walk about the fact that the powerful weather
(deluge &152 lightening strikes in an hour) that delayed the launch of the
shuttle, led to so many interesting conversations - and such a spirit of
something, not sure what, at this conference. Missing the shuttle launch was
disappointing BUT I think the waiting-for-the-shuttle also worked its own
magic. I guess when you're all gathered together gazing at the power of the
heavens it can have that effect (for the churched AND the unchurched.) It
also makes me wonder if that's why everyone insisted that this was the very
best conference ever. You said it on-site and you keep writing - everyone is
convinced it was the BEST.

It WAS a great program, but, truly, we always have a great program - great
presenters.  I think it had to be the combined effect of that Taj-Mahal of a
hotel - (it was, as you all said, definitely the best hotel we've ever had -
the incredible space, the food, the pools, the ambiance of the colors and
art.) But I think being smack in the center of the Florida peninsula between
two bodies of water (Atlantic Ocean and Gulf of Mexico) and the kind of rain
that creates plus the heavy-duty keynotes was like sprinkling rocket fuel on
our brains. 

It also helps to have 1700 folks focused on marriage for a week *contained*
as we were in our little palm-tree lined oasis. The Resort-effect seemed to
have a more intense Retreat-effect on everyone.  It was also beautiful, and
sunny - I saw plenty of sunburned kids - but maybe that also contributed -
the drama of the changes from the incredible morning light and balmy breezes
to the afternoon deluges - plus those high cathedral, temple-like ceilings??
Or something. Whatever it was, it produced a greater spirit of connecting &
intensity, and incredible philosophizing about the heavens - which then led
right into eloquent waxing on the topics on the table. The opening
Yes-We-Can mood introduced by Markman just seemed to cascade into easy
discussions about things like the built-in inherent differences discovered
with the Money Habitudes cards (that sold out three times) and the delicious
ideas about Thrift empowering Generosity and what Boomers face in this
economy and can we help them reorient (young couples and their boomer
parents facing such incredible changes) .....in time?  Or, the built in
differences that led to the need for so much discussion around Mating in
Captivity and Couples Sexual Styles and Mars and Venus in the good ole
Bedroom. 

People were stunned by the elegant predictability of Carder's 19 Close Call
Slippery Steps to Infidelity - as predictable someone said as the afternoon
rain. And stunned to silence by Stosny's Core Values keynote. And all were
abuzz after Sue Johnson's talk with musings on how Attachment is taught in
the various Marriage Education Programs - how many times did I hear *empathy
and attachment skills* -  replacing *communication skills*? With others
analyzing the Prayer Intervention as a new Attachment tool.  As I was
signing the evening invoices, I overheard a conversation about creating a
Prayer Intervention for atheists. I have a witness - our hotel food/bev
manager. She said, *I thought you said no one drinks in your group.*

I do think it was the resort/retreat/the-heavens-are-opening effect that
made this conference seem so incredible.  Or, what do you think? Was it just
the quality of the keynotes and workshops and institutes? It's true, more
people bought more stuff at the exhibits and more people were moved to buy
more complete packages of the recordings than ever before - so the content
obviously gets a lot of credit and I did feel that the keynotes were
breathtaking.  But I think there was some extra magic this year - something
in the air that made every thing seem shinier and more hopeful.   Why was
this one so over-the-top? Is it a sign of the times?  Is this economy going
to be good for marriage, just as it's turning out to be good for crime?  All
the sociologists and criminologists are scratching their heads - murder
rates are lower this year than they've been in 4 decades and crime and
homicide *should* be up in our bad economy!?!
Is the reaction to this conference something really big that's *in the air*?
You tell me.  - diane

If you missed it, we can't send you *conference essence* in a bottle, but
you can listen in on all the recordings and much of the power & spirit
conveys (even the rain).  Order at http://www.iplaybacksmartmarriages.com/
Or at 800-241-7785 


#################################
- INFIDELITY ISN'T FOR SISSIES

Marriage Matters: ŒInfidelity isn¹t for sissies¹
By James and Audora Burg
Sturgis Journal
Sat Jul 25, 2009
Sturgis, Mich. -

Michele Weiner-Davis of ³Divorce Busting² fame told a packed ballroom of
marriage advocates and educators at the Smart Marriages conference earlier
this month that she no longer wants to give the message that ³recovery from
infidelity is a Œslam dunk.¹² It¹s not, she said: ³infidelity isn¹t for
sissies.²

Healing can happen, marriages can recover and become stronger than they were
before the affair ­ but there¹s nothing automatic or programmed about it,
she said.

It¹s one thing to hear an expert speak about infidelity in general terms,
it¹s quite another to hear directly from those who bear stark living witness
to that message of healing and hope, like Brian and Anne Bercht.

We talked briefly with the Berchts at the Smart Marriages conference. They
were promoting her book, ³My Husband¹s Affair Became the Best Thing That
Ever Happened to Me,² as well the Beyond Affairs Network (BAN), a support
group for betrayed spouses modeled on Al-Anon, which is dedicated to helping
those dealing with an addicted loved one.

Brian spoke frankly about how he betrayed his wife and their
two-and-a-half-year process of recovery as a couple as straightforwardly as
one would talk of the weather.

So we asked: how was this possible? For many betrayers, this public
recognition would be humiliation, and perhaps even part of the betrayed
spouse¹s ³revenge² to exact such a visible ³penance.²

He said their mission involved talking about affairs, but it was not about
his affair. That was the past, because they had truly worked through to
healing.

Even so, we gained new appreciation for how complete that healing could be
after reading her book, ³My Husband¹s AffairŠ². It was a no-holds-barred,
brutally honest account of Anne¹s discovery of Brian¹s infidelity,
heart-rending realization that their ³perfect² marriage had never been
perfect, and how they got through it.

As she writes on their Web site, beyondaffairs.com, ³Today we¹re both
stronger and more in love than ever. I remember the affair, and I remember
everything that happened in those days, clearly, but I no longer have pain
attached to the memory.²

Their mission through BAN is to help other couples find that wholeness and
healing. Thus BAN serves two primary purposes: ³a place to safely share the
painful emotions that interfere with recovery, a place to gain strength and
perspective, aimed at thinking more clearly and acting more effectively ­ in
order to recover from this experience.²

Anne writes on beyondaffairs.com: ³It is our vision that BAN will become as
commonly known and available as Alcoholics Anonymous, that we can break the
Œcode of silence,¹ and that no betrayed spouse need ever suffer this
tremendous pain in isolation, as many in the past have had to do.²

James Burg, Ph.D., is an associate professor at Indiana University-Purdue,
Fort Wayne. His wife, Audora, is a freelance writer.

The incredible Infidelity Keynote featuring Weiner-Davis and Carder was
Session #: 759-009 

> Infidelity Busting
> Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW
> Although infidelity does not have to be a marital deal breaker, it is
> unquestionably
> the biggest challenge millions of couples face each year.  Unfortunately, time
> is not the great healer it's cracked up to be. Learn a step-by-step,
> no-nonsense, proactive process
> for helping even 11th-hour couples heal from infidelity.
> 
> Close Calls
> Dave Carder, MA
> Advice from thousands of adulterers helps couples identify their
> own high risk situations and ³Dangerous Partner Profiles²
> and provides ideas for using Close Call experiences to actually
> strengthen marital intimacy.
----------------------------------------------
  
Here is the BAN listing on the Smart Marriages Directory.

> BAN - Beyond Affairs Network - Bercht
> Anne and Brian Bercht
> BAN is an International Support Group with local chapters for people
> recovering from the devastating experience of a spouse's affair. Anne is
> author of My Husband's Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me,
> now also available on audio. Anne and Brian offer seminars, retreats, and
> workshops for healing from affairs and marriage enrichment as well as
> relationship coaching by phone or in person. Their website offers resources
> for recovery including free articles and newsletters. In 2006, Anne and Brian
> assumed leadership from BAN founders Peggy and James Vaughan (dearpeggy.com).
> BAN received the 2008 Smart Marriages Impact Award.
> 
See their schedule of programs and trainings here:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory/35

Start a group in your community! Order the recording of their fantastic
how-to-do-it workshop at http://www.iplaybacksmartmarriages.com/
Or at 800-241-7785 
> 759-608 
> Beyond Affairs: Prevention and Recovery
> Anne and Brian Bercht
> Help couples not only recover from infidelity, but make their marriage even
> stronger and how to establish a BAN recovery support group in your community.
> ¹08 SM Impact Award recipient.

**************************
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