Tah Dah! Money: Invest in the Relationship/Richer or Poorer/ In Orlando - 2/8/09

Sun Feb 8 15:28:10 EST 2009

- 10 GREAT DATES IN TODAY'S WASHINGTON POST
- HOLDING ON, FOR RICHER OR POORER
- MONEY AT SMART MARRIAGES
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- 10 GREAT DATES IN TODAY'S WASHINGTON POST

Tah Dah! Bravo to Claudia and David Arp.  Though any Tah Dah linked to these
dark economic times is a bit unsettling, but we have to celebrate that 10
Great Dates made such a big splash in today's Washington Post and we have to
hope that this nationally syndicated article (below) with full color photos
and selection as the Color of Money Book Club pick for Feb - that this will
help many couples *invest in their relationships* and make it through these
times and also that it will expand the use of the curriculum and even of the
idea that there are such marriage education curricula.  When 10 Great Dates
received the Smart Marriages Impact Award in 2005 it was, in part for
*opening the doors for other programs to walk through*.  Here they go again.
Even though the article focuses on couples purchasing the books and using
them on their own, there are links to the website where people will see the
programs - the highly-affordable and incredibly easy to teach-out-of-the-box
programs. We can hope for a domino effect, the same domino effect that
happens when people stumble across one program or one idea and that leads
them through the Marriage Education portal into the whole new world of *Yes
We Can* - YES we CAN turn this whole sad family breakdown mess around.

10 Great Dates is already one of the most widely used programs  available
in Spanish, Korean, & German translations - with more on the way and it's
being taught across the country and around the world - including statewide
by the California Healthy Marriage Initiative. But we know that is just a
drop in the bucket and that we have many many miles to row.

I hope some of you who are teaching the course will go to the Washington
Post website and write comments to that effect - talk about how, yes, this
is wonderful for couples to do on their own, BUT about the fact that there
are the teach-out-of-the-box curricula and how effective it is to teach the
programs in congregations, community centers, on bases, etc.
http://tinyurl.com/cgvly3

If you're not using the curriculum in your community, attend the Masters
Session at the Orlando Smart Marriages conference taught by program creators
David and Claudia Arp or the Sat Seminar on 10 Great Dates for Black Couples
taught by Rozario and Angela Slack.  Get teaching and marketing tips right
from the founder/masters.     - diane

Short on Cash? Invest in the Relationship

By Michelle Singletary
Sunday, February 8, 2009

It's often said that money is the main cause of marital discord and even
divorce.

But that's not quite accurate. What really causes the fights is all the
emotional baggage -- fear, mistrust, immaturity, selfishness, or lack of
self-worth -- that gets stirred up when money enters the conversation. Money
-- that's just a convenient, albeit huge, hook for the quarrels.

As I was going through the many "love and money" books I get this time of
year, I decided to choose two non-financial works for the Color of Money
Book Club pick for February.

This month I've selected "10 Great Dates to Energize Your Marriage" by David
and Claudia Arp (Zondervan, $12.99), available in bookstores and online.
There's also a companion book I recommend, "52 Fantastic Dates for You and
Your Mate" (Thomas Nelson, $12.99), which you can get at any of the online
bookstores or at http://www.marriagealive.com (click on the link for
"catalog/store," then "full catalog").

The Arps are the founders of Marriage Alive International, a nonprofit
organization that strives to build better marriages and families.

Their approach is soft-spoken, low-key and humorous -- despite the serious
topic. Their goal is to take couples back to their dating days, when love
was in the air and money was just paper.

Perhaps the world's most famous dating couple right now is President Obama
and first lady Michelle (what a lovely name). The first couple has
frequently talked about their regular Friday night dates.

The concept of both books is deceptively simple. In the first book, couples
go on 10 dates, each intended to concentrate on a particular skill. The
first three dates focus on developing an effective way to communicate.
Subsequent dates involve learning to encourage each other, finding unity in
your diversity, building a creative love life (whoopee), working together as
a team, balancing your roles as partners and parents, developing spiritual
intimacy and setting goals for your marriage.

In "52 Fantastic Dates for You and Your Mate," the Arps have created even
more interesting ways to get couples talking to each other, and not about
the kids or the MasterCard bill. Some ideas include a bubble date -- as in
blowing bubbles.

"Be willing to let your child out from time to time," they write. "It will
add laughter and fun to your marriage team."

What's fun and frugal about these dates is that you don't have to spend
money. You can if you want to, but it's not about the place, meal or event.
It's about reconnecting.

"Great dates involve communicating with one another, reviving the spark that
initially ignited your fire, and developing mutual interests and goals that
are not focused on your careers or your children," the Arps write. "Great
dates can revitalize your relationship."

That certainly may be in order for a lot of couples dealing with the fallout
from the recession. In a recent survey focusing on relationships and
finances, 43 percent of U.S. couples said the economic downturn has caused
them to argue more often, primarily about finances. One in 10 couples
reported that the role of the primary breadwinner had changed over the past
six months because of a job loss or salary decrease, according to the third
annual "Can't Buy Me Love" survey conducted for PayPal, the online
payment-processing company.

The research that PayPal commissioned examined topics centered on love and
money in the United States, Australia, Canada, Italy, Mexico, the
Netherlands and Britain.

The survey found that more American couples are hiding purchases from their
partners (23 percent), and that U.S. couples bring the largest levels of
debt into their relationships (51 percent).

If your marriage needs a financial boost, get these date books.

"Every divorce prevented saves the government money in down-the-road
services," Claudia Arp said in an interview. "We believe that when we
strengthen marriages, we strengthen our economy."

With the economy in a crisis, "10 Great Dates" is an easy and inexpensive
way to make a difference in marriages and families.

To become a member of the Color of Money Book Club, all you have to do is
read the recommended book. I also invite you to join me online to chat about
the book. We'll have a live discussion with David and Claudia Arp at noon
Feb. 25 at http://www.washingtonpost.com.

In addition, every month I randomly select readers to receive a copy of the
book, donated by the publisher. For a chance to win a copy of "10 Great
Dates to Energize Your Marriage" or "52 Fantastic Dates for You and Your
Mate," send an e-mail to colorofmoney at washpost.com. Please include your name
and an address so we can send you one of the books if you win.

· On the air: Michelle Singletary discusses personal finance Tuesdays on
NPR's "Day to Day" program and at http://www.npr.org.

Visit here to leave your comments:
http://tinyurl.com/cgvly3

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- HOLDING ON, FOR RICHER OR POORER

And, as if right on cue, here's a second article in my in box about a
federally-funded marriage education demo project in Milwaukee that talks
about couples, in the face of the economic downturn, struggling to meet
their financial challenges.

Classes give couples tools to salvage marriages
Milwaukee Journal Sentinel - Milwaukee,WI,USA
Feb 8, 2009 
But as a marriage educator, she sees an increasing number of couples who
haven't made adjustments and are struggling to meet their financial
challenges. ...

> The nonprofit organization is the lead agency for the Milwaukee Marriage
> Partnership. The partnership, going into its third year, is a coalition of
> community-based groups funded through a three-county federal demonstration
> grant. Its aim is to promote the value and benefits of healthy relationships
> and marriages.
> 
> So far, the Vow to Succeed program has served more than 1,500 adults,
> including married couples, in Milwaukee, Kenosha and Racine counties,. . .
> Stevens said now more than ever before, families are facing financial strife,
> and that is causing a breakdown in communication for a lot of couples.

http://www.jsonline.com/news/milwaukee/39270302.html

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- MONEY AT SMART MARRIAGES

We'll have several sessions at Smart Marriages Orlando that focus directly
on money and finance (though not nearly as many as we should have given this
economny and not nearly as many as the programs focused on sex - I've
pondered this before, why so much sex in this year's submissions? As I've
said, maybe the anxiety increases sex drive? - or maybe it's that sex is
affordable?) - anyway, back to the money.  Check out these session in
Orlando though I almost all the inventories like THRIVE, the Couple Checkup,
FOCCUS, Prepare/Enrich, or the Primary Colors Personality Tool and all of
the marriage education curricula also deal with finance....

> P-3 Thurs, July 9, 11:30am
> Luncheon Plenary Keynotes
> Generosity and Thrift
> Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, PhD
> Thrift? Does it mean penny-pinching and belt-tightening, suffering and
> self-denial? That's what many think but thrift comes from the word "thriving"
> and being thrifty actually makes life and marriages more joyful and free from
> anxiety. Best of all, it is tied to generosity, because it creates an
> abundance of good things to share with others.
> 
> Money Habitudes
> Syble Solomon, MEd
> The truth is that money  the actual dollar amount  is not the #1 cause of
> conflict in marriage, it's what it represents: power, control, love, freedom,
> security, etc. Use the Money Habitudes card deck to help couples gain
> understanding and mastery of this tricky, slippery slope.  In addition to this
> keynote also see Money Habitudes, recipient of the 2009 IMPACT AWARD in
> SESSION #812 Sat Seminar.
> 
> 703
> Helping Boomers on the Edge
> Terry Hargrave, PhD
> Boomers face enormous challenges: caring for aging parents,
> adult kids moving home, and being unable to afford to retire.
> Explore solutions to help strengthen marriages in these trying times.

> 715
> Facing Financial Hard Times Together
> Linda Miles, PhD, Robert Miles, MD
> Use the concepts from Behavioral Finance and Positive
> Psychology to help couples approach financial decision-making
> and problem solving as a team.
> 
Plus, we gotta know how to raise it:
> 220
> Private Fundraising 101: Beyond the Feds
> Kay Reed
> Learn the basics for successful fundraising with individuals
> and foundations: who, when, and how to ask. Develop a
> strategic plan, choose your targets, hone your message,
> create perpetuity.

> 620
> Grant Writing 101
> Dennis Stoica, MBA
> Understand the fine points of grant writing in order to qualify
> for government and private foundation marriage money.

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13th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, Shingle Creek Resort,
Orlando, Florida, July 6-12, 2009 (General Conference July 8-11)
Pre-Conference Training Institutes July 6-8
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 12

Shingle Creek Resort: http://www.rosenshinglecreek.com/

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