Turn conflict into Teachable moments - 12/23/09

[Smartmarriages]

Study Finds Children Aren't Distressed When Parents Argue and Solve Conflict
Children As Young As One Year Old Are Sensitive to Marital Discord,
University of Notre Dame Study Says
Dec 2009 

The typical married couple has abt 8 disputes a day. Turn ths into teachable
moments for yr kids. http://tinyurl.com/yccgfa8

Children Can Learn from Parents' Conflicts
Researchers found that when the actors played out an argument where the
resolution was positive, the children learned from the experience.

"Children actually are not disturbed by it if there are sincere efforts to
problem-solve," said Mark E. Cummings, a professor of psychology at the
University of Notre Dame and the lead researcher on the ongoing study. "They
actually are happy about it, which surprised us to find that kids would
actually say they're happy to see the parents work it out."

Po Bronson, co-author of the parenting book "NutureShock," said he is more
likely to resolve conflicts with his wife in front of his two children -- an
8-year-old boy and 5-year-old girl -- to show them that even though he and
his wife may disagree, they love each other.

"We do fight in front of the children," Bronson said today on "Good Morning
America."   Instead of delaying the resolution, Bronson and his wife say
"maybe we should start working it out right now."

. . . . If parents pause mid-argument to take their conflict elsewhere, they
should tell their children afterward that the argument was resolved, Bronson
said. 

Bronson said parents can learn how to argue and resolve conflict in front of
their children. 

That teaches children "constructive conflict resolution," which they can
then apply to their friendships and future romantic relationships.

Boys and girls react differently to parental conflicts, he added.

Boys show more anxiety in the short term and rebound faster, and while girls
may not seem as affected initially, the conflict depresses them for at least
a couple of weeks, he said.

"Boys tend to get more anxious and recover more quickly," Bronson said.
"Girls get sad and depressed."

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