On Falling in Love/ Deployment/ Low Income/ Cohabitation /Cutting Divorce -12/19/09
Smartmarriages
smartmarriages at lists101.his.com
Sat Dec 19 14:42:30 EST 2009
- SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN MIND ON FALLING IN LOVE
- THE JOURNAL FOR MARRIAGE EDUCATORS: DEC ISSUE
- COHABITATION RESEARCH UPDATE COMING IN JULY
- CUTTING DIVORCE AS AN ECONOMIC STRATEGY
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- JUST BTW: It is really snowing in DC area......I know 20" is nothing in
certain parts of the country, but here in DC we don't do snow -- aren't
equipped. We'll probably just have to wait for the sun to melt us out. -
diane
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- SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN MIND ON FALLING IN LOVE
Just out, the cover story in the new (Jan/Feb) issue of Scientific American
Mind (the magazine of Behavior € Brain Science € Insights) is all about the
possibility that we can take control over our love lives. On the cover they
call it a Special Report: "Fall in Love and Stay That Way". Inside, the
article by Robert Epstein, is entitled "How Science Can Help You Fall in
Love: Nothing is more fulfilling than being in a successful love
relationship. Yet we leave our love lives entirely to chance. Maybe we don¹t
have to anymore." It's about a course he taught recently at the University
of California San Diego that made national news, useful new findings in
relationship science, and Epstein's new research on how people learn to love
each other in arranged marriages. Here's a link:
http://DrRobertEpstein.com/downloads/Epstein-HOW_SCIENCE_CAN_HELP_YOU_FALL_I
N_LOVE-Sci_Am_Mind-JanFeb2010.pdf
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- THE JOURNAL FOR MARRIAGE EDUCATORS: DEC ISSUE
The Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy (JCRT) (edited
by Jeffry Larson, Ph.D.) just published two important papers of interest to
couple educators in the December, 2009 issue:
The Impact of Soldier¹s Deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan:
Secondary Traumatic Stress in Female Partners, by Briana Nelson et al
AND
Caring for My Family: A Pilot Study of a Relationship and
Marriage Education Program for Low-Income Unmarried Parents, by Ronald Cox
and Karen Shirer
The JCRT is the primary journal in the U.S. for research, theory and
practice of couple education interventions. To get a copy of these articles
and to learn more about subscribing to the journal, go to:
<http://www.tandf.co.uk/journals/WCRT>
Merry Christmas! Jeff Larson, Editor
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- COHABITATION RESEARCH UPDATE COMING IN JULY
And, just to whet your appetite for the latest from the PREP Cohabitation
research of Stanley and Rhoades, here's their workshop at the July Smart
Marriages Conference. Lots of exciting, mind-bending new findings will be
revealed:
> Dating and Cohabiting Couples: Research Update and Implications for
> Relationship Education
> Scott Stanley, PhD, Galena Rhoades, PhD
> Most relationship education programs have been targeted to couples
> who are married or planning marriage. Research on earlier stages in
> relationship development, however, suggests that there may be many areas to
> intervene with relationship education long before a couple is married or
> considering marriage. This presentation will review new data from an ongoing,
> longitudinal study at the University of Denver on dating and cohabiting
> relationships, drawing specific attention to dynamics regarding relationship
> formation and commitment that will be of interest to those working with
> individuals (or singles) in relationship education or couples in early stages
> of relationship. Following this review of new research findings, we
> will discuss how to put this information to use in relationship education
> efforts. Specifically, this research can inform best practices in recruitment
> (e.g., seeing individuals vs. couples, identifying high-risk individuals and
> couples) and help in considering the most important content areas and messages
> in relationship education programs.
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- CUTTING DIVORCE AS AN ECONOMIC STRATEGY
Dear Diane,
Here is a proposal that suggests three ways to cut the divorce rate in
half as a strategy to spark economic development.
Note the progress we are making in getting bi-partisan support for No
Fault Divorce reform in Michigan. Black Democratic Senators are sponsoring
the bill alongside strong, if not universal Republican support.
It is likely to be published, probably in two parts, by Detroit area
newspapers. But you can beat them to it.
Blessings in this blessed season,
Mike
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To: Michigan Political, Civic and Religious Leaders
Fm: Mike McManus
Where is the next Henry Ford?
Michigan is desperate to find a new Henry Ford to revive the
economy. However, instead of looking for an individual economic savior,
consider the need for a soil in which innovative people grow. Ford was the
product of a strong family and married parents as have been most of the
business founders, large and small, that built the Michigan economy and the
nation.
Family is the cell structure for our entire economy and for
every sector of society. Small businesses benefit tremendously from the
unique advantages family relationships provide in overcoming the economic
hurdles of starting, sustaining and growing a new profit making enterprise.
Marriage and family relationships offer the best economies of scale for
assuring employers that their workers are productive and reliable.
Few have considered how laws such as No Fault Divorce have
weakened marriage and family over four decades with devastating consequences
for individuals and the larger economy.
The cure for this economic plague is to re-establish a marriage
culture. Dr. Michael Ross, an Oakland County emergency physician, and I, as
President of Marriage Savers, a national group that has worked with 10,000
clergy in 229 cities -- have a three-fold proposal to cut Michigan¹s divorce
rate in half as a new strategy to promote economic growth and reduce state
budget deficits.
Strengthen Marriage To Spark the Economy
That is not what Michigan has been doing. The divorce rate of
Wayne Couty was an extremely high 76% in 2007, up from 71% in 2002. It is
not much lower in the suburbs and is also growing 61% in Macomb County, up
2% from five years earlier and 58% in Oakland County, up 5% from 2002.
What¹s particularly important is that the number of marriages of Metro
Detroit plunged from 22,731 in 2002 to only 18,728 in 2007, down 17.6%!
This is a plan for economic destruction. In fact, Michigan¹s divorce rate in
1970 was only 33% and the state was one of America¹s wealthiest states. By
nearly doubling the divorce rate, Michigan impoverished its people.
Detroit¹s per capita income in 2006 was under $14,000, the lowest of any
city. In Chicago, where the IL divorce rate is only 44%, the per capita
income is $24,000. In Boston, with a 37% MA divorce rate, the per capital
income is $29,000, double that of Detroit.
A strategy to strengthen marriage is an economic development
strategy. If fewer people divorce, fewer have to set up two households on
the same income, pay big lawyers fees and deal with unhappy children doing
poorly in school. Fewer divorces means more families have the income to
start small businesses, which account for most of America¹s job growth.
Fewer divorces also reduces costs of state government. Why? Less than 1% of
married women are in poverty, but 24% of divorced women are poor, and
taxpayers will pay for welfare, Medicaid, food stamps, housing and day care
subsidies, Earned Income Tax Credits, etc. In Detroit, where three-quarters
of children are born out of wedlock, only 20% of African American males and
17% of white males graduate from high school, a high predictor for later
criminal behavior. Indeed, 85% of young prison inmates and 75% of violent
criminals come from broken homes.
Three Ways To Cut the Divorce Rate In Half
1. Replace No Fault Divorce with Mutual Consent in cases with
children. .
Due to No Fault Divorce, no fault, such as adultery, needs to be
alleged to get a divorce. Indeed, No Fault allows any person to say the
marriage is ³irreconcilable² even if their spouse disagrees. And divorce is
opposed by a spouse in four of five cases. No Fault should be called
Unilateral Divorce, because the person filing gets it every time. Though
the marriage had been willingly entered into by two people, one can
unilaterally terminate it gaining economic advantage. In no other legal
contract can one person break the contract, without paying a stiff penalty.
The law is unjust and unconstitutional. The 5th and 14th Amendments state:
³no person be deprived of life, liberty or property without due process of
law.²
Unless it is divorce law where every divorce is granted.
I proposed a solution in my book, How To Cut America¹s Divorce Rate
In Half: A Strategy Every State Should Adopt. If a couple has minor
children, no divorce should be granted unless both the mother and father
agree to it, with one exception. If one spouse can prove a mate is guilty
of one of ³the 4 A¹s: adultery, abuse, abandonment, addictions² the divorce
could be granted on a fault ground. However, I proposed that No Fault be
changed to require Mutual Consent in cases involving young children.
Hundreds of studies prove that children are profoundly harmed by divorce.
As Michael Reagan put it in his book, Twice Adopted: ³Divorce is where two
adults take everything that matters to a child the child¹s home, family,
security and sense of being loved and protected and they smash it all up,
leave it in ruins on the floor, then walk out and leave the child to cleanup
the mess.²
Ironically, it was Michael¹s father, Ronald Reagan, who, as Governor of
California, created No Fault Divorce 40 years ago. No Fault was adopted by
Michigan in 1971, the major reason your divorce rate has nearly doubled from
33% to 60%. ³By giving the spouse who wants to save the marriage an equal
voice with an unhappy mate, many marriages could be restored, perhaps saving
most of them,² argues Catholic Bishop Gerald Gettelfinger.
Will Michigan Be The First State To Pass Divorce Reform?
Michigan could be the first state to pass No Fault Divorce Reform.
The Family Rights Coalition of Michigan invited me to speak to state
legislators in March. Two who were supportive that day were Sen. Mike
Bishop, Majority Leader of the Senate, a Republican and Rep. Robert Dean, a
Democrat. In November I spoke to conservative state legislators at a
conference sponsored by a national pro-marriage group, WallBuilders.
One who was very encouraging was Michigan State Sen. Alan Cropsey, Senate
Majority Floor Leader, Bishop¹s top assistant. I asked him, ³How big is your
Social Services budget?² He replied, ³$4.4 billion.² I replied, ³Half that
cost, $2.2 billion, is due to divorce. If the divorce rate were cut in half,
you¹d save $1 billion.² He replied, ³My gosh, we have an $800 million
deficit.² Bingo!
Cropsey encouraged Coalition President Dr. Michael Ross, to ask Democrats to
sponsor the bill. Two Democrats in the Senate will sponsor Mutual Consent:
Senators Hansen Clarke and Martha Scott, joined by Republicans. House
leaders showing interest are Reps. Robert Dean, Jimmy Womack, Lesia Liss,
Tom MacMillan, Jay Kissling, Marty Knollenberg, and Mary Valentine. No other
state has got key leaders of both parties committed to No Fault Divorce
Reform. I have been invited to meet with a bi-partisan group of legislators
in January.
If Divorce Reform passes in Michigan, it¹ll sweep the country.
Why? No Fault Reform is a economic strategy to reduce state budget deficits,
as well as a moral, social justice issue.
2. Require Two Years of Separation in Contested Divorces
Why is America¹s divorce rate two to seven times that of Europe?
After five years of marriage, 23% of Americans have divorced, vs. only 8% of
British and French, reports Andrew Cherlin in his new book, The
Marriage-Go-Round. Why? He notes that if a divorce is opposed by one spouse
in those countries, the couple has to live apart for five to six years! That
allows time for many to reconcile. In the U.S. 32 states have NO separation
requirement, including Michigan.
These are ³Hot Head States,² which allow angry spouses to file for divorce
immediately. The 5.1 per 1,000 average divorce rate of such states as KY,
AR, NH, OR, FL, TN, MI and ID is double the 2.6 per 1,000 of MD, PA and IL
which require up to two years of separation if the divorce is contested. So
Hot Head States with zero separation requirements could cut their divorce
rate in half if they adopted laws like my home state of Maryland which
requires couples to live apart one year if the divorce is mutually agreed
to, and two years if contested. Two years is time for reconciliation.
Changing the law to require up to two years of separation may be
a more politically viable strategy than requiring Mutual Consent. It
provides a second way to cut divorces in half.
3. Create Community Marriage Policies
Dr. Ross has been the driving energy to create Community
Marriage Policies in Metro Detroit: in Wayne, Macomb & Oakland Counties.
Why? ³Their results are as proven as penicillin,² he says. Marriage Savers,
which I lead with my wife, has created 229 Community Marriage Policies
signed by local clergy in which they pledge to do a better job preparing
couples for a lifelong marriage, enriching existing ones, restoring troubled
marriages, helping the separated to reconcile, and enabling stepfamlies to
be successful. An independent study of our first 114 CMPs, reported that
divorce rates fell an average of 17.5% and eight cut divorces rates in half,
such as Austin, Kansas City, Modesto, CA, El Paso and Salem, OR.
Cohabitation rates fell by a third compared to similar cities. Marriage
rates rose 16%. More than 100,000 divorces have been averted by Community
Marriage Policies. No other organization has had such an impact of reducing
divorce and cohabitation and raising marriage rate.
Dr. Ross worked with Fr. Lawrence Ventline, to help Macomb
County clergy sign a CMP in March and with Fr. Stan Ulman to gather 19
Oakland churches clergy, deacons and mentor couples in November --who were
trained by Marriage Savers. Oakland will sign a CMP in April, and train
wider numbers. Terra Defoe, an aide to Detroit Mayor Bing, organized 20
Detroit African American pastors who were delighted to learn their own
churches¹ divorce rate could drop to near zero. The Mayor¹s office will help
organize a Detroit CMP in 2010.
Catholic Archbishop Allen Vigneron wrote me a letter November 3,
thanking me for Marriage Savers¹ ³enduring commitment to assist in the
strengthening of traditional marriage in our society, a most important
goal.² He asked me to contact a top assistant in the Archdiocese with
regard to training, and another at the Michigan Catholic Conference on the
need to change the law. This was most encouraging.
None of the three changes outlined here, each of which could cut
the divorce rate in half, will be achieved unless they win the support of
top legislative, religious and civic leaders.
Mike McManus is President of Marriage Savers, a group which has saved
100,000 marriages from divorce. He also writes a nationally syndicated
newspaper column, Ethics & Religion.
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