Facebook/ YouTube/ Tracks/ McCarthy / Stanley - 4/24/09

Fri Apr 24 13:18:48 EDT 2009

- REAL LOVE STORIES FROM REAL COUPLES ON VIDEO
- FACEBOOK ADDICTIONS
- HAVE YOU FOUND THE TRACKS?
- BARRY MCCARTHY: TOTAL IMMERSION
- SCOTT STANLEY SMORGASBORD
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- REAL LOVE STORIES FROM REAL COUPLES ON VIDEO

You MUST watch these - they cover the waterfront....expectations, reality,
stepfamilies, deployment, drugs and...... marriage education.

> Hi Diane,
> I thought you might like to pass along the latest additions to the Operation
> Us web site. We've uploaded DVD clips of actual couples from our Love Nests
> project -- six of them only 2 mins each -- half from the St. Louis area and
> half from the Ozarks region. You can catch all of them by clicking on:
>  
> http://www.youtube.com/operationus
>  
> Jennifer Baker

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- FACEBOOK ADDICTIONS

Dear Diane,
There is an article on CNN.  link-
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/04/23/ep.facebook.addict/index.html and how
it is impacting life and marriages.  I also have a Facebook Compulsion
Inventory on my web site that you are welcome to put on your site or have
others link to it. 
Paula Pile
www.imagolady.com

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- HAVE YOU FOUND THE TRACKS?

> Diane, 
> I'm writing because I didn't discover your Interest Area tracks on my own. A
> colleague mentioned them by chance AFTER I registered.  I called this morning
> and was able to change two of my workshop and my post-conference selections.
> (I appreciate that it was so easy to make the change.) However, I'm writing to
> suggest that since you go to the trouble of creating the tracks (and I'm sure
> I'm not the only one who didn't find them), that it would make sense to print
> them in the brochure.  It would also be helpful to include a list of all
> the different times each presenter is presenting.  I read the booklet
> carefully and missed that I had several different opportunities to see
> different presenters which I didn't realize until I compared notes with my
> colleague.  It would have helped me to have those listed in advance.
> R.T. 

You are not the only one to make this suggestion about publishing the
tracks.  The dilemma: space and printing costs.  The brochure is already 24
pages long - and jammed full - which is why they're published on the
website, instead.  I do highlight the existence of the Tracks on pages 2, 6,
and 22 - but realize many miss them.

I think you are the first to suggest creating presenter *tracks*. One help
is the presenter index on page 20 where you can see how many times each
person is presenting and look them up. I also, from time to time, list what
each presenter is doing on the newslist (you might want to subscribe between
now and the conference to stay plugged in). I suppose I could start being
more conscious of doing this and then post these *Presenter tracks* on the
tracks page.....though it's getting late in the process.

In any case, the tracks are here:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/tracks.html

I am pleased to hear that you found it easy to switch sessions.  I'll share
this with the list and point out that to change sessions you call
651-789-3738. - d 

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- BARRY MCCARTHY: TOTAL IMMERSION

Buy the new book *Discovering Your Couple Sexual Style*, listen to the
podcast, read his Blog, attend the keynote, attend his 90-min workshops
workshops, and then spend a full-day training with Barry McCarthy at the
Orlando Smart Marriages Conference.  You'll be set to help couples with his
unique approach to helping couples realize they have the power to discover,
create and decorate their own Sexual Style and chart their own path to
Marital Sex as It Ought to Be.

http://www.routledgementalhealth.com/barry-mccarthy/

The Orlando Barry McCarthy TRACK:

> 903 One Day - Sunday, July 12, 8:30am-5:30pm
> Couples Sexual Awareness: Developing a Premarital and Marital Sexuality
> Program
> Barry McCarthy, PhD
> Sexual problems are the major cause of separation and divorce in the first 4
> years of marriage. Learn to help couples develop their sexual style, eroticize
> their marriage, prevent affairs, confront sexual secrets, and address sexual
> dysfunction. For premarital or marital education, and marital enhancement. $50
> spouse discount. Click for more information:
> http://www.smartmarriages.com/mccarthy.html

> 807 - Saturday July 11, 4-5:30pm
> Marital Sex As it Ought to Be
> Barry McCarthy, PhD
> When it's good, it¹s great. When it's bad or non-existent, it's a bummer.
> Learn what it takes to have great marital sex  intimate and erotic  and how
> to prevent and resolve sexual problems.

> 507 - Friday July 10, 2:15pm
> Married Sex for Men
> Michael Metz, PhD, Barry McCarthy, PhD
> Ten things men need to know to deal with the common problems  low desire,
> porn addiction, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation  to build a
> healthy, pleasurable sex life.

> Couples Sexual Styles - Keynote, Friday July 10, 8:30am
> Barry McCarthy, PhD
> When it's good, it¹s great. When it's bad or non-existent, it's a bummer.
> Learn what it takes to have great marital sex  intimate and erotic  and
> how helping couples understand the concept and basics of Sexual Styles
> can prevent and resolve sexual problems.

Morning Roundtable - Healthy Sexuality - Sat 7:30am

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- SCOTT STANLEY SMORGASBORD

Ditto on Stanley - you can chart a course and spend intensive hrs absorbing
his research-based approaches to helping singles and couples decide vs slide
into healthy, satisfying relationships with innovative ways to maintain what
they've created.  Here's his latest Blog insights *Got Love? Give Love* plus
I'll list all the ways to spend face time with him in Orlando:

Thursday, April 23, 2009
Got Love? Give Love
Healthy sacrifice is good for relationships. According to a new study out
last year, it also is attractive.

> sacrifice is one of the ways that partners send signals to each other about
> the nature of the commitment between the partners.

Colleagues like Sarah Whitton and I have conducted some studies looking at
sacrifice in romantic relationships‹particularly marriage. We¹ve published a
couple of papers on this subject and I¹ve given talks on it as well. While
there have not been a lot of studies on sacrifice, there have been a number
of good ones by different researchers. (click here for abstracts of related
studies)

For purposes of this discussion, sacrifice simply means giving up what you
want, at times, for what is best for your partner and your relationship. It
also means not resenting giving up something for the good of your
relationship. In fact, resentment and score keeping (³you owe me because I
did this²) are associated with bad things. Of course, that does not mean
being a doormat or putting yourself in danger. Done in healthy relationships
in reasonable ways, sacrifice can be seen as a core element of true and
committed love.

Sacrifice has been measured in many different ways by different researchers,
and in all the studies I know about, it is associated with greater happiness
and commitment in marriage. In an age when cultural messages surround us
extolling the virtues of taking care of number one (ourselves), the findings
of such studies are delightfully counter-culture.

Here¹s a fun little nugget that is a new addition to the studies I¹ve known
about. Being a giver is attractive. It seems that women and men find
altruism attractive in a partner. (Altruism is a close cousin to sacrifice.)
This is especially true of women. Women dig giving men. A study published in
the British Journal of Psychology showed that women place great importance
on altruistic traits when searching for mate. (here¹s a link to a summary of
this study) Things like giving blood or volunteering to help others made men
much more attractive to women.

Putting these two streams of findings together is not very hard. It¹s smart
for people to be attracted to others who give. Giving is a good sign in a
potential partner because it is connected to things that build a strong
foundation in relationships. Our take on some of the findings in our
research and that of others is that sacrifice is one of the ways that
partners send signals to each other about the nature of the commitment
between the partners.

For those of you looking for a mate, this is one of those things that you
can look for before you get too involved with someone‹if it¹s truly
important to you. In fact, meeting someone in the context of helping others
(say, while volunteering to help in a local animal shelter) is probably an
especially good way to be sure that you are meeting someone who really is a
giver versus someone posing as a giver. It¹s not very likely that a person
does that type of service just to find people to date.

If you are not much of a giver now, there is a paradox here; starting to
give to others in order to look cool to potential partners is probably not
going to work. That is just another form of giving to get, and that type of
giving just doesn¹t cut it. Worse still would be trying to draw all kinds of
attention to just how great a giver you are. Can you imagine the pick up
line? ³Hi there. I gave blood today and I helped a frail, elderly person to
cross the street. I¹m going to teach someone how to read tomorrow. Want to
hang out and appreciate me tonight?²

Next time, I¹ll write some thoughts about how to boost genuine sacrifice in
a relationship. 

The Scott Stanley Track:

> KEYNOTE - Thurs, July 9, 8:30am
> Living With Cohabitation
> Scott Stanley, PhD
> Galena Rhoades, PhD
> While cohabitation before marriage has become common, it remains
> associated with increased risks. Exciting NEW findings will be presented
> along with empirically-based strategies for your work in marriage and
> relationship education.

> 101 Three Day Training Institute - Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, July 6, 7, 8
> PREP (revised version 7.0!) & Christian PREP
> Howard Markman, PhD, Scott Stanley, PhD, Susan Blumberg, PhD, Natalie Jenkins
> Train to teach the COMPLETELY REVISED PREP curriculum! PREP Version 7.0 is
> packed with interactive activities. New topics such as personality types,
> stress management, mutual support, and love-styles are included along with
> classic PREP concepts. Christian PREP overview included. $150 spouse discount.
> Discount couples will receive two leader manuals but will share the instructor
> kit and book. Click for more information:
> http://www.smartmarriages.com/prep.html

> 218 - Thursday, July 9
> Strong Bonds: Helping Those That Serve
> Scott Stanley, PhD, Michael Strohm, MDiv, MS, Howard Markman, PhD
> Learn how the Army is strengthening marriage, exciting research about what
> works, new PTSD findings, and how the research will inform future work with
> young military and civilian couples.

> 412 - Friday, July 10
> Domestic Violence: To Screen, Or Not To Screen?
> Scott Stanley, PhD, Anne Menard, Patrick Patterson, MSW, MPH
> That¹s just one question marriage & relationship educators must ask.  How do
> we best protect  and serve  couples?  Lessons learned in the PREP program
> plus tools & guidelines from the NHMRC.

> 504 - Friday, July 11
> The Prayer Journal  TOOB
> Scott Stanley, PhD, Tera Hurt, PhD, Regero Sampson, MSW
> Create powerful, lasting change by engaging deeper meaning systems. Use with
> individuals or couples, in counseling or education, as an add-on to any
> program, in any setting: couples, men¹s groups, etc.

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13th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, The Shingle Creek,
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Post-Conference Training Institutes July 12

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