Faith/ Money/ Marriage - 9/26/08

Fri Sep 26 14:57:46 EDT 2008

- SURVEY: FAITH AND MARITAL SATISFACTION
- MARRIAGE UNCENSORED LAUNCHES NEW FALL SEASON
- MARRIAGE AND MONEY
- WHEN DISPUTES OVER HOUSING COSTS THREATEN YOUR MARRIAGE

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- SURVEY: FAITH AND MARITAL SATISFACTION

This would be helpful data.  Please help him collect it.  - diane

My name is Tony Larson and I am a doctoral student at the School of
Professional Psychology at Forest Institute. I am collecting data for my
dissertation research project, under the supervision of Dr. Jennifer Baker.
I need married couples (same faith or interfaith) to take a 10-minute online
survey on "The Effect of Religious Labels, Orientation, Beliefs, and
Attitudes on Marital Satisfaction".  There is one requirement: the survey is
set up so one partner answers the questions followed by the other partner,
meaning that you will both have to be present to complete the survey. If you
can help, please go to the following link:
http://qtrial.qualtrics.com/SE?SID=SV_0umJ9Ckgj4UEkrG&SVID=Prod  and follow
the directions on the screen.  If you have any additional questions, you can
e-mail me at alarson at forest.edu.

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- MARRIAGE UNCENSORED LAUNCHES NEW FALL SEASON

> Hi Diane,
>  
> We just kicked off our 6th season last night with Tom and Bev Rodgers as
> featured guests.  Upcoming guests this season include: Gary Smalley, Steve
> Stosney, Julie Baumgardner, Scott Haltzman, Sue Johnson, and Dave Carder. I am
> so grateful for the Smart Marriage conference where we were able to make
> personal connections with these guests.
> 
> We're in 16 PBS markets in the United States but we'd like to reach more
> viewers. We are sending out a promo to over 120 PBS stations asking them to
> add our show this season. It would be great help if people on your list would
> contact their local PBS station and ask them to carry the show. I think
> they'll have great arguments for why their local station should carry our
> marriage show.
>  
> Janice Nikkel
> http://www.marriageuncensored.com

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- MARRIAGE AND MONEY

Several of you have written to suggest that, given the current crisis,
instead of a focus on sex in Orlando, we should focus on money.  When I
listened to the Money Education workshop I admit I thought everyone needed
to add the course to their marriage initiative. It's not just Wall Street
that's been living beyond its means - that's a problem for couples across
the country. As Rob Scuka says in this article, couples need a way to sit
down and begin a money conversation.  The Money Education program was
developed with federal dollars which means it's a FOOB (Free Online Out of
the Box) program.  It comes with training and everything you need to begin
teaching couples.  The Money Habitudes card deck, an actually enjoyable way
for couples to begin their money dialogue, is also very affordable and comes
highly recommended by those who use it.  EASY to teach and EASY to add to
any marriage education program.  - diane

> #757-515
> Money Education Program  FOOB
> Bill Bailey, PhD, Sharon Burns, PhD, CPA, Rebecca Wiggins
> Learn how to help couples improve their financial well being by learning about
> money. This grant-funded program provides FREE web-based training and
> resources for use in your community.

> #757-311
> Money Habitudes: The Last Taboo  TOOB
> Syble Solomon, MEd
> Use a unique card deck to give couples life-changing insights into their
> hidden attitudes about money. Teach groups, use with individual couples, or
> add to any marriage program.

Order at http://www.iplaybacksmartmarriages.com/
Or at 800-241-7785 

Or, for links to these programs, just visit the Directory of Programs:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/app/Directory.BrowsePrograms

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- WHEN DISPUTES OVER HOUSING COSTS THREATEN YOUR MARRIAGE
Chicago Tribune 
By Ellen James Martin
September 26, 2008

Did you and your spouse buy a home in recent years using an adjustable-rate
mortgage that started with an affordable "teaser rate"? Are you now facing a
whopping increase in your monthly payments due to an upward adjustment in
your ARM? Are you even fearful of foreclosure?

If so, this financial crisis‹coupled with the overall economic
downturn‹could be exerting tremendous stress on your marriage. However,
there are many ways to shield your relationship from harm, says Robert
Scuka, a therapist and executive director of the National Institute of
Relationship Enhancement ( www.nire.org).

"The financial pressures on couples are now substantial. But money problems
aren't likely to lead to divorce‹if your relationship is fundamentally
sound," Scuka says.

Those who take proactive steps to protect their marriages are the most
likely to make their way through a rough patch unscathed, he says.

"You need to get on the same page to come up with a plan for handling your
financial issues," says Scuka, whose nonprofit organization focuses on
teaching couples how to keep their relationships strong and resolve problems
without severing their ties.

He urges couples who are nervous about their mortgage payments, or other
financial issues, to avoid faulting each other. "Blame causes communication
to break down," Scuka says.

Here are several pointers for couples trying to navigate choppy financial
waters:

Consider attending a relationship workshop. When you and your spouse are
going through a money crisis, it might seem like a waste of time and money
to attend a workshop on fundamental relationship skills. On the other hand,
Scuka says, such a workshop could give you the problem-solving methods
needed to work through your predicament.

Scuka's organization offers two-day workshops that teach couples such basic
techniques as conflict management and behavior change. Participants can use
the workshop exercises to focus on real-life issues, such as a mortgage
problem.

As he points out, the marriage education movement is growing rapidly and an
increasing number of workshops, run by both secular and religious
organizations, are now available. You can learn about a variety of these
programs through the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education (
www.smartmarriages.com).

Read books that can help strengthen your relationship. Books can provide
valuable insights as you work on thorny financial issues.

One newly published manual used in workshops is "Mastering the Mysteries of
Love," co-authored by Mary Ortwein and Bernard Guerney, Jr., pioneers in the
relationship-enhancement field. It can be obtained by visiting
www.skillswork.org.

Another useful book is "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," by
research psychologist John M. Gottman. It is available through the Gottman
Institute ( www.gottman.com).

Select marriage counseling with care. If you've been married for a number of
years and have gone through hard times in the past, as many couples have,
you may still harbor lingering resentments resulting from your arguments.
Perhaps you let your emotions get the best of you and were harshly critical
of each other, or maybe you stonewalled after a fight. Either can limit your
ability to communicate in the present.

Scuka says a couple may need marriage counseling to regain the trust
required to resolve their financial issues as a unified team.

One source for referrals that Scuka recommends is the National Registry of
Marriage Friendly Therapists ( www.marriagefriendlytherapists.com). This
organization helps prospective clients by ensuring that the therapists on
their list are rigorously screened.

Quality marriage counseling can be expensive. If money is a pressing issue
for you and your spouse‹as it is for many people with mortgage problems‹be
sure that the counselors you're considering are willing to work on a sliding
scale. This means they'll reduce their fees to take your financial situation
into account.

Look to financial counseling for help with your mortgage problems. Perhaps
you and your partner have a well-functioning relationship. Yet you're
searching for strategies to reduce your monthly housing costs and avert
foreclosure. In that case, you may wish to go straight to a financial
planner or housing counselor who can help you sort through your options.

One source for short-term financial planning is the Garrett Planning Network
( www.garrettplanningnetwork.com). For a low- or no-cost housing counselor,
you can go to the Web site of the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban
Development ( www.hud.gov) or call HUD's toll-free counseling and referral
line: 800-569-4287.

For those who must sharply curtail their spending to keep their homes, Scuka
recommends Debtors Anonymous, an organization for people trying to reduce
their debt loads and regain solvency through a major alteration of their
buying habits ( www.debtorsanonymous.org).

Realize you're not alone in grappling with tough home-finance issues.
Because of the upheaval in the housing markets‹as well as turbulence on Wall
Street‹thousands of Americans have already turned in their house keys or had
their homes taken away. And more are expected to face the same outcomes in
the near future.

You may be unable to save your house from foreclosure. But, ideally, the
conflicts associated with your rough housing transition will not also cost
you your relationship, Ortwein says.

Universal Press Syndicate

Copyright © 2008, Chicago Tribune

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13th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, Shingle Creek Resort,
Orlando, Florida, July 6-12, 2009 (General Conference July 8-11)
Pre-Conference Training Institutes July 6-8
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 12

Shingle Creek Resort: http://www.rosenshinglecreek.com/

Conference schedule, registration, & exhibit information will be posted as
it becomes available at:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/conferencedetails.html

List your program and resources on the Directory of Classes at
http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html

Order conference audio & video CD/DVD/MP3s: 800-241-7785 or
http://www.iPlaybackSmartMarriages.com

Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd NW, Washington, DC 20015-1961
http://www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332

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