Genes / Seminars "in between" Smart Marriages Conferences / Heart Healthy/Recovery Time/ Mutual Consent - 9/4/08

[Smartmarriages]

- WHILE THE SCIENTISTS ARE AT IT
- REKINDLING DESIRE SEMINARS
- HEALTHY ENOUGH FOR SEX?
- AFFAIR RECOVERY FEEDBACK
- NO FAULT FEEDBACK

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- WHILE THE SCIENTISTS ARE AT IT

Next job for the DNA scientists, figure out the genes that control these
behaviors. - diane 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQhPMwMlm_w

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- REKINDLING DESIRE SEMINARS
Many of you ask where you can find training "in between Smart Marriages
Conferences". One place is on the Smart Marriages Directory of Programs -
for example, here are two listings that came in this week being offered by
two of the top presenters at the Smart Marriages conference - Barry McCarthy
and Michele Weiner-Davis about whom you wrote on the evaluations "This was
great, we just needed more time!"  Now you can have more time.... - diane

> Barry McCarthy - Rekindling Desire Seminars
> Forty million Americans are trapped in low-sex or no-sex marriages, not
> knowing where to turn for help. Barry McCarthy, nationally acclaimed sex and
> marital expert and author, will equip you to help couples confront secrecy and
> stigma and develop a step-by-step plan to a fulfilling, life-long sexual
> partnership. CEs available.
> Schedule
> September 26, 2008 Portland, Maine
> October 3, 2008 Youngstown/Boardman, Ohio
> October 31, 2008 Cromwell, Connecticut
> November 7, 2008 Pittsburgh/Coraopolis, Pennsylvania
> December 5, 2008 Minneapolis/Bloomington, Minnesota
> Website: http://www.health-ed.com
> Phone: 800.839.4584

> Advanced Divorce Busting Workshops: Michele Weiner-Davis
> Advanced Divorce Busting Workshops for marriage educators, mentors, clergy,
> military chaplains, mental health professionals, anyone who works with couples
> and is committed to helping them resolve their differences rather than
> dissolve their marriages.  Inspire couples to choose marriage over divorce.
> Boulder, Colorado / Sept 25-27, 2008/CE available
> Contact/Organizer: Virginia Peeples
> Website: http://www.divorcebusting.com
> Email: mailto:virginia at divorcebusting.com
> Phone: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004

Find additional trainings here:
> http://www.smartmarriages.com/app/Directory.BrowsePrograms
 
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- HEALTHY ENOUGH FOR SEX?

Speaking of, this article which blows some harmful myths and answers
important questions should be helpful in working with clients of a certain
age/stage. 

Are you healthy enough for sex?
The Enid News and Eagle (Enid, Oklahoma)
September 3, 2008

By Judy Rupp, Commentary

> Sex is one of the most important issues to address after a heart attack,
> according to heart expert Dean Ornish, M.D., author of ³Love and Survival:
> Eight Pathways to Intimacy and Health.² After surviving a major threat to your
> life, it¹s time to start putting your life back together. . . .

> You may have heard stories of heart fatalities during love-making. They are
> tailor-made for office rumors and tabloid journalism. In reality, only about
> one half of one percent of fatal heart attacks occur after sexual activity,
> and 80 percent of these involve extramarital affairs or persons having sex
> with much younger partners.
> 
> Aside from the fear of death, there are many other reasons why heart patients
> may have a difficult time resuming sex.


Six months after his heart attack, Dave did not want to even think about
sex. Sam was ready to jump back into action before the stitches from his
heart surgery had healed.

Sam is the target of the ads you hear on TV: ³Some men are not healthy
enough for sex.² In fact, the majority of men ‹ and women ‹ are healthy
enough for sex even if they recently have undergone heart surgery or
survived a heart attack or stroke.

Of course, your heart pounds a little faster at the mere thought of sex, and
you may feel slightly breathless when it¹s over. Sex is exercise, after all
­ the equivalent of a brisk 20-minute walk. An orgasm stresses the heart
about the same as a climb up one flight of stairs.

Except during the first few weeks of recovery from a heart attack or surgery
(when your doctor may warn you against certain activities), that¹s
ordinarily not too much stress for the heart.

Probably because it does challenge the heart in the same way that exercise
does, sexual activity generally is considered good for the cardiovascular
system. Data compiled by researchers at Massachusetts General Hospital
concluded the risk of a fatal heart attack brought on by sexual activity was
one in 50,000, even for a person with heart disease and one in 500,000 for a
healthy person.

Other studies have found a wide range of health benefits for both men and
women associated with sexual activity. Researchers have linked sex to better
immune protection and to a lower risk of prostate cancer. One study found
men with more frequent ejaculations (21 or more a month) had a lower risk of
prostate cancer compared to men with four to seven ejaculations monthly.

After a heart attack, stroke or heart surgery, all of that may change.
According to Dr. Miriam Stoppard in ³The Magic of Sex,² fewer than 25
percent of heart attack patients return to the same level of sexual activity
they enjoyed before the attack.

You may have heard stories of heart fatalities during love-making. They are
tailor-made for office rumors and tabloid journalism. In reality, only about
one half of one percent of fatal heart attacks occur after sexual activity,
and 80 percent of these involve extramarital affairs or persons having sex
with much younger partners.

Aside from the fear of death, there are many other reasons why heart
patients may have a difficult time resuming sex. Sex drive may be reduced by
the illness, and some heart medications such as beta blockers can also
contribute to loss of libido in either men or women. This is a side effect
that should be reported; in most cases, another medication can be
substituted.

Erectile dysfunction is frequently associated with cardiovascular disease,
and the ED drugs, Viagra, Cialis and Levitra are not indicated for men
taking nitrates for heart-related chest pain. The combination can cause a
life-threatening drop in blood pressure.

Depression, performance anxiety and other emotional after-effects are common
following a heart attack or heart surgery. The patient may be preoccupied
with his or her health during this period; in comparison, sex may be
perceived as a trivial matter.

Emotional problems are to be expected with any major illness, but in the
majority of cases they start to fade within about three months. Talk to your
doctor if they persist for a longer period.

Although some individuals feel they can get by quite well without sex, that
feeling is not necessarily mutual within a marriage. For good health as well
as marital harmony, it¹s important to make a special effort to resume sexual
activity. In some cases, this may mean altering your routine and
expectations.

If you develop chest pain, extreme shortness of breath or an irregular heart
beat, stop what you¹re doing and rest until the problem passes.

Sex is one of the most important issues to address after a heart attack,
according to heart expert Dean Ornish, M.D., author of ³Love and Survival:
Eight Pathways to Intimacy and Health.² After surviving a major threat to
your life, it¹s time to start putting your life back together.

Rupp is information and assistance case manager with the Northern Oklahoma
Development Authority Area Agency on Aging.

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- AFFAIR RECOVERY FEEDBACK

> Diane,
> I hope you get MANY comments similar to mine/this one: Mrs. Bercht states in
> the Marriages CAN survive article that "...it takes 2 1/2 years for a marriage
> to escape the grip of an affair".  I would have loved to see the
> statement/recognition that it takes AT LEAST that much time -- and usually
> MUCH longer -- to put lives back together after a divorce!
> Susan Sweeney

It's a misquote on behalf of the journalist. I said it took me 2.5 years. I
never said it takes everyone 2.5 years. As if the amount of time can be
calculated exactly!

While I've found most affair recovery experts agree it takes a minimum of 2
years to recover fully ....

1. I would avoid saying this to a couple fresh in recovery because it's too
discouraging. You feel like you'll never make it. People going through this
need to realize the pain is diminishing throughout journey.

2. We are actually finding some couples are healing in as little as a year,
and with reverent respect for those who've been doing this work a lot longer
than we have, we've wondered if we were missing something. However, we've
noticed a common denominator among those who are healing so quickly. They
are the one's who found good help within the first week from disclosure.
It's actually not the affair itself that is the most difficult for couples
to heal from - not minimizing how incredibly hard it is to heal from an
affair, but in the final end in most cases it's all the mistakes spouse's
make after disclosure that does the biggest damage to the marriage and
lengthens the time it takes to recover.

Overall, I thought it was a responsibly written article, and I'm thankful
for journalists like Ms. Wetzstein that do write articles that actually have
the potential of helping and informing the public, so I decided to overlook
her misquote, although I admit I cringed slightly when I saw it too. Thanks
for pointing it out, so we could set the record straight at least to the
people on this list.
 
Anne Bercht
Beyond Affairs Network
http://www.beyondaffairs.com
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- NO FAULT FEEDBACK
Let's just say your reactions to the McManus campaign to replace nofault
divorce with mutual consent were all over the map.  Which is to be expected.
Many wrote to say they wish there had been something to slow them down as
they headed over the divorce cliff. Others wrote to say that if a couple
wants a divorce they'll just get mean and nasty if they're constrained and
that that's not good for the kids.  - diane

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13th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, Shingle Creek Resort,
Orlando, Florida, July 6-12, 2009 (General Conference July 8-11)
Pre-Conference Training Institutes July 6-8
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 12
 
Shingle Creek Resort: http://www.rosenshinglecreek.com/

Conference schedule, registration, & exhibit information will be posted as
it becomes available at:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/conferencedetails.html

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http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html

Order conference audio & video CD/DVD/MP3s: 800-241-7785 or
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Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd NW, Washington, DC 20015-1961
http://www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332

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