Love DARE / Fireproof Continue to Burn Brightly - 10/30/08

[Smartmarriages]

- DO YOU DARE TAKE THIS ADVICE?
- THREE SAMPLE LOVE DARES
- FIREPROOF CONTINUES TO BURN AS OTHER FILMS FIZZLE

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The Fireproof/Love Dare phenomenon continues to amaze!  Note that we've
added a Fireproof Marriage Ministries Institute at the Orlando Smart
Marriages Conference to help you use the Fireproof/Love Dare package in your
community marriage initiatives.  More on that latter.    - diane



- DO YOU DARE TAKE THIS ADVICE?

Do you dare try this advice?
Alex and Stephen Kendrick are making a name for themselves as grass-roots
Christian film- makers. But can their new book, The Love Dare, really make a
difference in your marriage?

By Sharon Jayson
USA TODAY
October 30, 2008 

In the beginning was Fireproof, a Christian movie about a firefighter who
gets religion and saves his marriage.

The movie has been a surprise hit at the box office, but it also begat a
book called The Love Dare, a 40-day marriage guide that turns out to be the
movie's real star.

Since its release last month, The Love Dare has climbed best-seller lists.
Nielsen BookScan, which monitors retail book sales, ranks it No. 1 in
religion and No. 8 in adult non-fiction. (It's No. 20 this week on USA
TODAY's list.) The book, whose advice one spouse can use even with a
recalcitrant partner, is going into its ninth printing, and an estimated 1
million copies will be in print by next month.

But how sound is the advice?

Co-author Stephen Kendrick says it was drawn from a range of sources,
including Scripture, marriage conferences and relationship books. He and
brother/co-author Alex Kendrick also sought opinions from their wives and
looked to the example of their parents, married 43 years in November.

"I've taught a lot on relationships," Stephen Kendrick says.

USA TODAY asked two nationally recognized marriage experts to read The Love
Dare and evaluate its counsel: William Doherty directs the Marriage and
Family Therapy Program at the University of Minnesota and is a researcher,
therapist and author. John Gottman is executive director of the non-profit
Relationship Research Institute in Seattle. A therapist and author, he has
conducted extensive marital research.

Both say the book's three-page chapters and the idea of a daily dare may
appeal to men who don't normally read relationship guides. But Gottman says
the book's brevity gives struggling couples too few specifics.

"I think it's almost completely worthless," he says. "I think it sets people
up for failure. It sounds like they're doing the same thing most workshops
in therapy suggest in the first 13 days, but they don't give people enough
guidance so they won't mess it up."

Doherty says much of the advice early in the book is based on principles
developed in the marriage field in about the past 20 years, such as
"focusing on changing yourself instead of browbeating the partner into
changing, focusing on positives in the other person, making small changes
that can change the atmosphere of a marriage, keeping up one's hope when
you're tempted to be demoralized."

The authors know marriage troubles are not easy to resolve.

"This is very challenging," Stephen Kendrick says. "We try to be very clear.
What we communicate is that this book is about learning to love another
person. When a person begins to demonstrate love in their marriage and for
their spouse, it helps create an environment for marriage to bloom and
healing to take place and for love to thrive."

But "there is no guarantee in the book."

"There is a whole lot more depth to any issue" than can be covered in one
slim volume, Stephen Kendrick says. "We only had three pages. The book is
not supposed to be an exhaustive explanation of any one issue."

The Love Dare begins each day with a quote from Scripture and a short
lesson, such as Day 1's "Love is patient" or Day 3's "Love is not selfish,"
then offers a challenge. For example, Day 3 suggests buying your spouse a
gift to show that he or she is in your thoughts.

Gottman doubts that this will work. "The research shows once you think your
partner is selfish, if they do something nice, it's a selfish person who has
done something nice. People think there's an ulterior motive. It's very hard
to reverse a selfish attribution, and buying your spouse something won't do
it."

Both experts took issue with the simply-stated challenge for Day 23: Remove
addictions or influences hindering the relationship. They say infidelity,
alcohol, gambling, drugs or Internet porn can't be resolved so quickly;
overcoming addictions often requires professional help and other support.

"The approach really works great for getting through the day without saying
anything negative or doing one unexpected act of kindness, but to get rid of
an addiction?" Doherty says. "I worry that if people are not able to follow
through on the sudden giving up ‹ will they feel like a failure?"

Doherty and Gottman both noted that the advice takes a decidedly religious
tone as the book unfolds, which may limit its audience.

"Readers should be aware that this book is going to have its strongest
appeal to evangelical Christians," Doherty says. The book is published by
B&H Publishing Group, a division of LifeWay Christian Resources.

But Stephen Kendrick says the religious messages were introduced gradually.

"We wanted to slowly walk them into that without being over the top," he
says. "We wanted to be careful in how we laid that out. It was not about
being deceptive or denying the biblical content in the book, but some people
can take just so much."

----------------------------------------------
- THREE SAMPLE LOVE DARES
Three sample 'love dares'
USA TODAY
Oct 30, 2008 

The Love Dare offers 40 daily reflections and "dares" based on Scripture.
Examples:

Day 3: Love is not selfish

Today's dare: "Whatever you put your time, energy and money into will become
more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing
in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something
that says, 'I was thinking of you today.' "

Day 23: Love always protects

Today's dare: "Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any
addiction or influence that's stealing your affections and turning your
heart away from your spouse."

Day 37: Love agrees in prayer

Today's dare: "Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together. Talk about
the best time to do this, whether it's in the morning, your lunch hour, or
before bedtime. Use this time to commit your concerns, disagreements, and
needs before the Lord. Don't forget to thank Him for His provision and
blessing. Even if your spouse refuses to do this, resolve to spend this
daily time in prayer yourself."

#####################################

- FIREPROOF CONTINUES TO BURN AS OTHER FILMS FIZZLE
The Love Dare Book-Turned-Movement Sweeps Married America

In the fifth week of its theatrical run FIREPROOF is still #11 at the box
office though 22 films have opened wide since its debut.  FIREPROOF retains
80 percent of its original screens after five weeks, remarkable by Hollywood
Standards! 

Meanwhile, The Love Dare, published by B&H Publishing Group, enters its
third week atop the NYT Bestseller¹s List for paperback advice books.
Keeping up with high demand, 1 million books will be in print within the
week.

³FIREPROOF and The Love Dare¹s hand-in-hand success confirm a desire for a
great story that also delivers a meaningful message,² said Kris Fuhr, VP of
marketing for Provident Films. ³People leave the theater filled with hope  -
for all the relationships in their lives. Given the current cultural
climate, this message of hope is clearly a resounding hit with audiences."
 
To put FIREPROOF¹s performance in perspective:
     €    FIREPROOF¹s cumulative box office through the fifth weekend is
$23, 617,000
     €    FIREPROOF had the smallest drop among nationwide releases for the
third week in a row
     €    FIREPROOF opened at #4 in the nation, although the rest of the
films in the top ten had three times had three times as many screens or
more.
     €    FIREPROOF expanded to 85 new screens this week.
     €    FIREPROOF finished sixth in per-theater average among the top 15
movies with $2,380.

To interview the filmmakers, contact Monique Sondag at 214-536-4319.
Order the Love Dare book and DVD teach out of the box kit here:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/app/Media.Booklist
 
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