Uncensored Line-Up / Marriage Coaching / CONNECTIONS Deals/ Certification? / Great Dates - 10/24/08
Smartmarriages
smartmarriages at lists101.his.com
Fri Oct 24 14:39:53 EDT 2008
- MARRIAGE UNCENSORED LINE-UP
- WHAT IS MARRIAGE COACHING?
- CONNECTIONS: A CURRICULUM ON DATING AND MARRIAGE
- WEBINAR TESTIMONIAL
- BECOMING CERTIFIED AS A MARRIAGE EDUCATION INSTRUCTOR?
- GREAT DATES CLASS FOR MILITARY COUPLES
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- MARRIAGE UNCENSORED LINE-UP
Hey Diane,
We are excited to welcome Steven Stosny to our show, Marriage Uncensored,
tonight, Oct 22. Upcoming guests include:
Oct 30/08 - Julie Baumgardner Big Wedding, Little Marriage AND Restoring
Community, One Marriage at a Time
Nov 5/08 - Scott Haltzman The Secrets of a Happily Married Women AND The
Secrets of a Happily Married Man
Nov 19/08 - Dr. Sue Johnson Hold Me Tight: The EMOTIONAL DIMENSION of Love
AND Cracking the Code on Love
Thanks for your help with this great line-up!
Janice Nikkel
Marriage Uncensored
http://www.marriageuncensored.com
And, you can hook-up with these folks at the Orlando Smart Marriages
Conference. They'll again have an exhibit and be busy doing interviews and
booking talent. They booked the above and more while they were in San
Francisco. - diane
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- WHAT IS MARRIAGE COACHING?
By: Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr. from Marriage Builders, Inc.
This is a wonderful piece by Willard Harley of Marriage Builders and His
Needs/Her Needs who explains how and why he developed his very successful
couples coaching model and how just as with anything else to have a good
marriage we have to do things we sometimes don't want to do. It's our job
as marriage educators/coaches to motivate and inspire:
> I was raised in a Germanic tradition of "no pain, no gain." Many, if not most,
> of my childhood achievements were accomplished through personal sacrifice and
> hard work. During my adolescence and then later as an adult, I applied the
> same rule of personal sacrifice to almost every goal I had. Without a doubt,
> if I had not forced myself to work long and hard, I would not have amounted to
> much. And that's the story of most people who have achieved their personal
> objectives -- they must work for it. . . .
>
> I helped hundreds of alcoholics stop drinking and smokers stop smoking. I did
> it all with plans that were proven to be successful if people were willing to
> follow them. My job, as their coach, was to provide the plan, and then
> motivate them to follow it. And in most cases I was motivating people to
> follow a plan they really didn't want to follow.
>
> Whether it's getting an A in a psychology course, losing weight, giving up
> smoking, or having a great marriage, the plan that achieves your personal
> objectives is usually something that you would rather not do, and that's why a
> coach can be so important. The coach's job is "getting players to do what they
> don't want to do so they can be the kind of players they always wanted to be"
> (Tom Landry, former coach of the Dallas Cowboys).
FOR THE FULL ARTICLE:
http://www.myfamilyminute.com/articles/viewarticle/print.php?id=24
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- CONNECTIONS: A CURRICULUM ON DATING AND MARRIAGE
Here's an excerpt from a comprehensive article on Char Kamper's Connections
program "A curriculum on dating and marriage". Train as an instructor at
the Orlando Pre-Conference Institute and begin offering the program in your
community. Check out the great DEALS for those that apply early -
first-come/first serve! Scroll to Institute #116 here:
http://christiancentury.org/article.lasso?id=5167
----------------------
Jessica, a quiet, mature senior, says that she will save page 35, "What Is
Love?" forever, and give it to her little brother and anyone else she thinks
will listen. At the top of the page, Kamper identifies three elements of
"imitation love": "over-controlling," "conditional" and "based solely on
physical attraction." Further down on the page, "genuine love" is described
as "nurturing," "unconditional" and "generous." Jessica says that she sees
"imitation love" everywhere, and it helps to believe that the genuine kind
exists and that she can find it.
Other students are using Connections to think carefully about their futures.
James sits at the back of the room diligently filling out his workbook. He
tells me that he's going to college and will major in criminal justice‹and
that he's never had a girlfriend but has seen his friends get into trouble
with the girls they've dated. He hopes to avoid the same mistakes, and he
says now he has the words to tell his friends why they get into trouble and
maybe even how to get out of it.
Micah, a sophomore who has just moved to California from Texas, is using
Kamper's curriculum to help him think about a long-distance relationship. He
read Kamper's "Rate Your Relationship" checklist to his girlfriend over the
phone.
"No way am I reading that list to my girlfriend," a student named Josh fires
back. When I ask him why, he says that Mrs. Kamper told the students that
when people do these exercises together they often break up. He doesn't want
to break up yet.
Here are some of the questions:
Does your partner share similar interests with you?
Is the relationship growing stronger and moving forward?
Does your partner trust your decisions and behavior when you are apart?
Does your partner treat his/her family members well?
When you talk to friends or someone new, does your partner feel
threatened?
Does your partner show respect for your feelings and ideas?
Can your partner handle disappointment or frustration without
demonstrating physical aggression or violence?
One chapter of the curriculum directs students to find partners and get
"married" for a few days. They can marry anyone‹inside the class or out, of
a different gender or the same. The couple has to plan a wedding together,
work out a budget, have children and get jobs.
Once married, the students "design babies." Kamper has adapted this exercise
from her days as a science teacher. The students have a handout with several
pages of physical characteristics from eyebrow shape to skin color. Each
"parent" flips a coin and uses the results to determine the appearance of
the child, on the basis of dominant and recessive genes and a complex chart
that Kamper gives them. The students then try to draw the baby they have
designed. Implicit in this exercise is an understanding that you cannot
predict what your baby will look like or act like and that two people
participate in creating a child. Perhaps this seems like common sense, but
in teenagers, common sense can be rare.
This is also a moment for Kamper to do the kind of teaching she has clearly
mastered. She gets the students involved in an activity and then drops
one-liners.
"Remember, when you have children, you don't get to decide ahead of time who
they are going to be."
"Remember, a baby is not a little you. A baby is its own person."
Most of the students in the sections I am observing tell me that they have
partners in another class or even out of state or in another country. A few
have partners in the class.
Peter and Joanna, for example, quickly work out a way to accomplish the
assignment as they lightly joke with each other and enjoy each other's
company. But in front of them Christina and Ryan are flirting outrageously
and arguing constantly. "Mrs. Kamper," Christina complains loudly, "I want a
divorce!"
"Tough luck," Kamper says dryly. "You picked him. Work it out."
For the complete article:
http://christiancentury.org/article.lasso?id=5167
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- WEBINAR TESTIMONIAL
> - FREE WEBINAR: THE IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON KIDS
> Dear Diane,
> I've never sat in on a Webinar before. Although I did not have online
> capability at my office to visually tune in, just listening by phone was
> sufficient. The topic was comprehensively covered and very well-done. Thanks
> so much for posting this online. I'd have never known about it otherwise.
> thanks, Geri
If you missed it, the combined audio/video WEBINAR recording and all
presentation materials will be posted on the NHMRC website by Nov 5th at
http://www.healthymarriageinfo.org
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- BECOMING CERTIFIED AS A MARRIAGE EDUCATION INSTRUCTOR?
> I am interested in obtaining your Smart Marriages program certification.
> Please advise me to the steps in the process. I have a MDiv degree. I have
> done a few workshops on my own but I like your material I have seen. I look
> forward to hearing from you soon.
>LPH
As it says on the website, there is no program called "Smart Marriages".
Smart Marriages is a coalition that supports the field of Marriage Education
and clearinghouse for information and training for the dozens and dozens of
available marriage and family education programs - each of which can help
you educate couples about how to have smarter, healthier marriages.
Many of these curricula offer instructor training and certification. Others
are teach-right-out-of-the-box programs, and don't require instructor
training or certification. You might want to attend the annual Smart
Marriages conference where you can see everything in one spot, both kinds of
programs the training-based and the teach-out-of-the-box or TOOB programs.
You can train and certify as an instructor in the programs that require
instructor training in the pre & post conference Training Institutes. Here
is the schedule for the 2009 training line-up:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/institutes.html
During the general conference (Thurs - Sat) you can attend 90-min workshops
and sample various TOOBs - the Teach Out of the Box programs and gain tips
in how to best teach them. See last year's 2008 TOOBs to get an idea of
what to expect in 2009:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/toobs.html
The conference will feature TOOB workshops but also many other workshops
Keynotes, and Banquets about implementation of marriage education in your
community, congregation, or practice and many topic-focused sessions that
cut across all program types. See last year's brochure to get an idea of
how it works: http://www.smartmarriages.com/download.brochure.html
You can find a list of the many marriage education programs on the Directory
of Programs:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/app/Directory.BrowsePrograms
Send your postal mailing address if you would like to receive a conference
brochure when they're available - they usually mail in Feb. I also suggest
you subscribe to the free elist for updates and marriage education news - do
that on the website.
- diane
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- GREAT DATES CLASS FOR MILITARY COUPLES
Speaking of Teach-Out-Of-the-Box (TOOB) programs here is an article about
one of the most widely used programs - 10 Great Dates created by David and
Claudia Arp. At the Orlando Smart Marriages Conference, you'll be able to
take a 10 Great Dates workshop with the founders, David and Claudia, or with
Rozario and Angela Slack on an adaptation: 10 Great Dates for Black Couples.
-d
Great Dates aims to improve marriages
The Fayettville Observer
October 23, 2008
By Margaret Damghani
Correspondent
On Monday, military couples will have the chance to attend a workshop based
on the award-winning book ³Ten Great Dates to Energize Your Marriage² by
Claudia and David Arp at Fort Bragg¹s Watter¹s Center at Knox and Randolph
Streets.
The workshop will be conducted by Rozario and Angela Slack, a couple married
for 16 years who have been trained by the Arps.
The books and workshops focus on the concept of dating within marriage,
including 10 specific topics ‹ one for each date in the series ‹ that
couples can use to rekindle their marriage and keep it healthy. One date
focuses on the different roles husbands and wives play.
The program typically runs 10 sessions, but will be condensed into a
one-night seminar and will emphasize communications skills, clarifying
roles, encouragement and tools to strengthen marriage.
Couples in the military have particular issues to deal with, such as
deployments and frequent moves, Slack said.
³What we¹ll do is highlight the principles (of the 10 great dates), but the
principles are adaptable and can emphasize those particular nuances,²
Rozario Slack said.
³One thing that¹s important with the 10 great dates is that we don¹t allow
ourselves to be sucked into a children-centered marriage and let the
marriage fall by the wayside,² he said. ³A strong, healthy marriage is the
best environment for children, for everybody.²
Couples who register for the workshop will receive a copy of the book for
free. You can register by calling 396-5521. There will also be limited free
child care available.
Slack is a pastor who started his career at a welfare office in New Orleans
and received his doctoral and master¹s degrees from the Interdenominational
Theological Center at the Atlanta University Center. Angela Smith-Slack is a
pediatrician. The couple has three children.
³For at least 25 years, I¹ve been doing social service family type work.
I¹ve done a lot of work with fathers and single women, trying to help them
develop good relationship skills, trying to help them build a better
environment for their children,² Rozario Slack said.
The authors of the book have been married for 40 years and have appeared as
marriage experts on several national television and radio shows, such as
NBC¹s ³Today² and National Public Radio.
The University of Tennessee has also spent two years researching the
positive effects of the program on marriages and an estimated 60,000 people
have taken part in seminars worldwide, according to the school¹s Web site.
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13th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, Shingle Creek Resort,
Orlando, Florida, July 6-12, 2009 (General Conference July 8-11)
Pre-Conference Training Institutes July 6-8
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 12
Shingle Creek Resort: http://www.rosenshinglecreek.com/
Conference schedule, registration, & exhibit information will be posted as
it becomes available at:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/conferencedetails.html
List your program and resources on the Directory of Classes at
http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html
Order conference audio & video CD/DVD/MP3s: 800-241-7785 or
http://www.iPlaybackSmartMarriages.com
Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd NW, Washington, DC 20015-1961
http://www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332
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