Poster Sessions / Politics / Life Coaching as a Career/ Infidelity Leave/ Fathers and IQ - 10/7/08

[Smartmarriages]

- POSTER SESSIONS?? AND, LUNCHES, TOO
- POLITICS AND THE LIST - MY GOODNESS
- LIFE COACHING: DR PAT WILLIAMS INSTITUTE & TWO FREE TELECONFERENCES
- INFIDELITY LEAVE 
- FATHERS AND IQ 

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- POSTER SESSIONS?? AND, LUNCHES, TOO

Someone just called to ask if we'd have Poster Sessions in Orlando. Yes, we
will ­ the Poster Sessions are a popular feature.  The only reason we didn't
have them in San Francisco was lack of space ­ we had not a spare inch of
space in the Exhibits area in SF.  But the Orlando Shingle Creek Resort is
the Taj Mahal. Wait till you see it!

The Poster Session application is available online - just click Conference
and it's near top of center column.  I left the 2007 Poster list in place to
give an example of what kinds of Posters might be accepted.

WE ALSO HAVE ROOM at the Shingle Creek Resort hotel to reinstate the lunch
plenary sessions.  Conference Registration will again include three lunches:
Thurs, Fri & Saturday.

The Volunteer and Roommate info is also posted.  Just click Conference.

As you're tooling around the Conference website, I would appreciate your
sending corrections - typos, mistakes, broken links.  I go blind trying to
make all the updates and know I mess up.  - diane

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- POLITICS AND THE LIST - MY GOODNESS

Even though some of your comments about the article about the examples set
by presidential marriages are inspired and some are truly funny (though a
bit crude) and some of you really know your presidential politics going way
back to the founding fathers - I'm not going to post them. This stuff ­ as
many of you pointed out - is just too inflammatory. (Even the nicely
detailed founding fathers material seems biased or even, misogynist or
racist. As I said, I think you should write a book because much of the
presidential marriage material, if true, is fascinating but, no, I don't
think it would be suitable for a workshop in Orlando.)

So let's just agree we wouldn't be marriage ACTIVISTS if we didn't have
strong opinions about MARRIAGE, DIVORCE and INFIDELITY ­ ESPECIALLY when
mixed with POLITICS. And, let's once again acknowledge that this is a true
coalition held together by our passion for marriage - but with many other
strongly held differences.

I will summarize the main threads: The great majority of posts felt the
Hendricks were WAY out of line in their characterization of the Reagan and
Bush (1 & 2) marriages. Second largest group were those upset that I'd send
out one article and not the ones they submitted - like the ones about
"McCain leaving his first loyal wife and children" or the ones that take the
opposite perspective and point out that McCain's "first wife supports his
campaign, which is the strongest testimony you could have as evidence of his
exemplary character."  A few dozen sent the article on McCain's marital
history from yesterday's Washington Post but, again, with totally different
interpretations.  Some thought it was evidence McCain is a moral cad while
others thought it proved the point: that his first wife and kids support and
respect him, even work with Cindy.  And one man, like McCain in a strong
second marriage identifies with idea that you can be married to the wrong
person the first time. Which goes to show that we all see things through our
own experiences.  Here's the link, for those who can't get enough - with
photos.  I thought the bit about Nancy Reagan was interesting - hadn't
read/heard about that connection.  Link: http://tinyurl.com/3p96xe

Several of you already sent the one about Obama's comments around his
anniversary celebration.  I agree it's interesting to see what Obama said
"on the spot" when asked his advice for having a successful marriage: ³Sense
of humor, listening,² he started. . .  and then settled on his message:
³Never get so mad you forget why you love them.²

Good advice for all of us in this season - to keep in mind the importance of
a sense of humor and listening and hope we can all remember "not to get so
mad that we forget why we love each other" and that we're all rowing
together because we want to strengthen marriage NO MATTER WHO GETS ELECTED.
- love, diane 

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-  LIFE COACHING: DR PAT WILLIAMS INSTITUTE & TWO FREE TELECONFERENCES

Great news!  Patrick Williams, President and CEO of the Institute for Life
Coach Training and author of Law and Ethics in Coaching will again offer a
training Institute at Smart Marriages Orlando - two days July 7 & 8th!

To help decide if you want to take the training, listen in on his FREE
teleconferences: 

OCT 17 AND NOV 7TH/2pm Eastern Time
INTRODUCTION TO COACHING:
A one-hour introduction to help you decide if a career in life coaching is
for you: 

   * What is Coaching?
    * Origins of Coaching
    * What Research Says Good Coaches Do
    * Current Status of Coaching
    * Why is Coaching Becoming So Popular and Needed Now?
    * Benefits of Adding Coaching to Your Business
    * Helping Professional to Coach: 7 Success Factors
    * Some Similarities and Differences Between Coaching and Therapy
    * Questions and Answers


OCT 9: IS COACHING CERTIFICATION NECESSARY OR NOT?
60-minute discussion on "to get certified or not to get certified"...

   1. Is certification as a coach required for adding coaching to your
business?
   2.  If you do both counseling and coaching, how do you separate your
identities?

REGISTER NOW by calling 972 867 1915  - or check upcoming schedules at:
http://www.lifecoachtraining.com/

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- INFIDELITY LEAVE 

> Diane, 
> Peggy Vaughan and I don't disagree. No two people are alike and what works for
> one person in terms of healing from infidelity might be poison for another.
> Furthermore, I certainly didn't mean that people should literally request
> "infidelity leave."  However, after decades of helping couples past the
> initial shock and pain of the discovery of betrayal, I can say without
> hesitation that most people feel safer when their spouses are by their sides.
> The post on Psychology Today was meant less to be a prescription than an alert
> that for most people, the willingness to do whatever it takes, even if it
> means disrupting the normal schedule, is an important factor for healing. If
> the betrayed spouses needs alone time, so be it.  But that has not been true
> in the majority of the cases in my "on the brink" practice.  And when alone
> time is what is required, it's much simpler to put into place.  My post was
> designed to address an important need of so many betrayed spouses often
> minimized and downplayed by unfaithful spouses as deemed too "needy."  The
> desire to spend extended time together isn't excessive even if it's not
> possible.  I agree with Peggy, if it's truly not possible, it doesn't mean
> that the couple can't heal.  It just means that extra measures must be taken
> to insure that the betrayed spouse feels reassured and comforted if separation
> triggers anxiety or pain.  In the end, although both spouses must learn how to
> lead independent and healthy lives, togetherness during the crisis seems to
> facilitate this process.
> Michele Weiner-Davis
> Founder of the Divorce Busting Center

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- FATHERS AND IQ 

I should be sure to send this one out again around Father's Day.....see how
important fathers are!  Just hanging with you makes us smarter.  - diane
 
> Children who spend large amounts of time with their fathers have higher IQs,
> according to a new study.
> Telegraph (UK) 
> By Urmee Khan 
> 01 Oct 2008
> 
> According to the study children whose fathers spent more time with them had a
> higher IQ and were more socially mobile than those who had received little
> attention. 
> 
> Strong fatherly involvement in their early life can also improve a child's
> future career prospects, the research shows.
> 
> Academics at the University of Newcastle, who carried out the study, also
> found that men tended to pay more attention to their sons than their
> daughters. 
> 
> The researchers warned that it was not enough for parents to live together,
> but that a father should be actively involved in a child's life to benefit
> their development.
> 
> The study looked at more than 11,000 British men and women, born in 1958.
> 
> The scientists asked their mothers how often the father of their child took
> part in activities with them, including reading, organising outings and
> general "quality time".
> 
> The findings, published in the journal Evolution and Human Behaviour, show
> that those children whose fathers spent more time with them had a higher IQ
> and were more socially mobile than those who had received little attention.
> 
> The differences were still detectable by the age of 42.
> 
> Dr Daniel Nettle, who led the research, said: "What was surprising about this
> research was the real sizeable difference in the progress of children who
> benefited from paternal interest and how thirty years later, people whose dads
> were involved are more upwardly mobile.
> 
> "The data suggest that having a second adult involved during childhood
> produces benefits in terms of skills and abilities that endure throughout
> adult life," he added.
> 
> Jon Davies, chief executive for Families Need Fathers, said: "We hope that
> research like this will lead to the government to reconsider how poorly served
> separated families often are and how a child needs a father as well as
> mother." 

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13th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, Shingle Creek Resort,
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Pre-Conference Training Institutes July 6-8
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