Infidelity/ Long Marriage/Video Clip/ Marriage and Poverty/ School Performance - 10/2/08

Fri Oct 3 00:13:19 EDT 2008

- INFIDELITY LEAVE: MICHELE WEINER-DAVIS
- THE SCIENCE OF LONG MARRIAGE
- STUDY: FOUR HUGS A DAY SECRET TO HAPPY MARRIAGE
- GREAT VIDEO CLIP AT LET'S STICK TOGETHER
- MARRIAGE EDUCATION SERVICES TO REDUCE POVERTY IN US
- INTACT BIOLOGICAL FAMILIES AND SCHOOL PERFORMANCE

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- INFIDELITY LEAVE: MICHELE WEINER-DAVIS

You've heard of Maternity Leave. You may have even heard of
Paternity Leave. But if you're clueless about the term,
Infidelity Leave, it's not surprising. There is no such
thing. But if I had my way, there would be.
I've been working with couples on the brink of divorce for two
decades. Needless to say, that means that I've become an expert on
helping people heal from infidelity. . . . .

http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/forward/emailref/1957

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- THE SCIENCE OF LONG MARRIAGE

This article uses the Paul Newman/Joanne Woodward 50-year marriage as a
starting point to discuss the science of long marriages and as another
platform for Maggie Scarf's findings as revealed in her book September
Songs.  Did you know you had a blue spot?  - diane

> But now, there is scientific and psychological insight into the benefits of
> long-term marriage, and the reasons why marriages that survive often become
> better as they age. In the long run, marriage is a state of being that suits,
> even enhances, human biology, experts say.
> 
> "There are biological changes that occur in aging in the so-called 'blue spot'
> of the brain, an area that has to do with anger, aggression, anxiety. That
> area literally loses neurons as we age," which means those emotions are less
> acute, explains Maggie Scarf, a therapist and author of several books
> including September Songs: The Good News About Marriage in the Later Years.
> 
> Ms. Scarf uses this and other research to explain the surprising evidence she
> found in interviews with couples aged 50 to 75 that sticking out a marriage,
> even a contentious one, brings a level of happiness that few of the
> participants could have predicted earlier on.

Full article: http://tinyurl.com/3ebmgn

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- 
STUDY: FOUR HUGS A DAY SECRET TO HAPPY MARRIAGE

These findings have to make Willard Harley happy - research he'd say that's
moving in the right direction towards his Policy of Undivided Attention:

> the Policy of Undivided Attention: Give your spouse your undivided attention a
> minimum of fifteen hours each week, using the time to meet the emotional needs
> of affection, conversation, recreational companionship and sexual fulfillment.
> This policy will help you avoid one of the most common mistakes in marriage --
> neglecting each other.

For a summary of Harley's Basic Marriage Concepts:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_summary.html

The secret of maintaining a happy marriage is four hugs a day, a study has
found.
The Telegraph (UK) 
By John Bingham
Oct 1, 2008

Couples who described themselves as 'happy' recommended regular romantic
gestures and time spent without the children Photo: JOHN TAYLOR

A poll of 4,000 couples found that spending at least 22 periods of "quality
time" together every month, such as going for a walk or sharing a romantic
meal, were also key to maintaining a healthy relationship.

Researchers asked couples who described themselves as "happy" or "very
happy" to estimate how much time they spend together in an effort to work
out the secret of their success.

Analysis of their responses suggested that couples looking for happiness
should aim to spend at least seven evenings in together every month with two
proper dinner dates.

Other important elements included two romantic walks a month and at least
one visit to a pub or cinema without the children or other friends.

The couples also recommended that husbands should give their wife flowers or
another gift at least once a month. But they also advised people to spend at
least one evening away from their partner a month.

Educational Psychologist Dr Ludwig F.Lowenstein said: "Affection, cuddles
and romantic gestures are part of a whole romantic scene which is desired by
those entering a relationship.

"They are the safe gestures which say 'I like you, I am glad to be with you,
I like and appreciate your support and care.'

"In this busy world we often take our partners for granted whilst we get on
with our daily struggles of work and rearing a family.

"We tend to forget the importance of hugs when familiarity becomes part of
our lives, and as the saying goes 'familiarity breeds contempt'."

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- GREAT VIDEO CLIP AT LET'S STICK TOGETHER
To watch, click the newspaper at bottom of left column.

http://www.letssticktogether.co.uk/

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- MARRIAGE EDUCATION SERVICES TO REDUCE POVERTY IN US
Yesterday at the Brookings Institution in DC, Wade Horn, PhD, presented a
report: "Three Policy Options for Reducing Poverty in the U.S."  His third
option: "Provide Support for Healthy Marriages through Marriage Penalty
Reduction and Expanding Availability of Healthy Marriage Education Services"

. . . But reducing marriage penalties is not enough.  For a marriage to be
successful, both parties must have the skills necessary to sustain it, such
as the ability to listen to one another with respect, communicate
effectively, and problem solve conflict in healthy ways.  By increasing
access to relationship education skills training, one increases a couple¹s
ability to negotiate relationships in healthy ways, including marriage. Of
course, programs that seek to help couples form and sustain healthy
marriages should not be a substitute for other approaches to improve the
economic well-being of . . . .

Read the full report here:
http://www.brookings.edu/events/2008/0929_poverty.aspx

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- INTACT BIOLOGICAL FAMILIES AND SCHOOL PERFORMANCE

Family Structure and Expulsion or Suspension from School
- http://www.mappingamericaproject.org/get.cfm?i=MA08I02

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