Chapman Apology Keynote / Become a Founder! / Divorce Busting at Harvard/Marriage Week Trifecta/ InsideOut Dads/ Status Check -11/22/08

Smartmarriages smartmarriages at lists101.his.com
Sat Nov 22 14:07:22 EST 2008 

- CONFERENCE FLYERS: SMART MARRIAGES 2009
- BECOME A BRING-BACK-MARRIAGE *FOUNDER*!
- DIVORCE BUSTING AT HARVARD MEDICAL SCHOOL
- STOSNY COMPASSION PROGRAM FOR EMOTIONAL ABUSE
- CALIFORNIA'S MARRIAGE WEEK TRIFECTA: IMAGO, FIREPROOF, SECRETS
- INSIDEOUT DADS   
- A STATUS CHECK FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

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- CONFERENCE FLYERS: SMART MARRIAGES 2009

All 25 Conference Training Institutes and 60% of the keynotes and banquets
are set.  It would be a great help if you download the flyer and post them
all over the place.  We can't change the world unless we reach it and until
the brochures are printed in March the flyers are THE best way to let people
know about this week-long, amazing event.

Also note that GARY CHAPMAN will present a PRE-conference banquet on Tues
night July 7 on his best seller: The Five Languages of Apology. This will be
your only chance to see him (about which I apologize) - and I want to give
you special early warning before you make airline reservations.  If you're
planning to attend a pre-conference Institute, you'll already be in town for
this banquet. 
Institutes:  http://www.smartmarriages.com/institutes.html

However, if you were planning to arrive Wed for the opening night keynote,
you might want to arrive a day early and attend the Chapman Tues night
banquet.  

Spend Wed browsing the exhibits, attend the Marriage Film Festival which
will run all day Wed (see several great films - all included in Conference
Registration, no extra charge), or just relax at the pool, spa, golf,
Disney. 

The Chapman banquet is co-sponsored by the Fireproof Marriage Ministries.
They're also sponsors of a Fireproof Luncheon on Wed July 8: Strengthening
Marriage One Congregation at a Time which we encourage you to attend.

Download the flyer here and please do distribute them everywhere.
http://www.smartmarriages.com/uploaded/Flyer.Orlando.09.11.21.08.pdf

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- BECOME A BRING-BACK-MARRIAGE *FOUNDER*!

Visit the Bring Back Marriage Campaign website and make a donation by Dec
31, 2008 and you'll have the satisfaction of not only helping with this
exciting national campaign but you'll also attain FOUNDER status. Put your
money where your passion is. You can contribute ANY amount and qualify as a
founder. I made my contribution - join me!
- diane 

> A generous $1,000,000 Challenge Grant has been provided to match your gift,
> dollar-for-dollar, during the Phase I, the Founding Phase. To qualify,
> donations must be received by the deadline of December 31, 2008.
> 
> NOTE: ³Founders² are only those who give any amount during Phase I of the
> Campaign. 

https://www.marriagefamilyfoundation.org/make-a-difference/donate-now

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- DIVORCE BUSTING AT HARVARD MEDICAL SCHOOL

Michele Weiner-Davis is presenting at the Harvard Medical School Couples
Conference this week along with ten other experts at their Treating Couples
Conference.   Michele's topic: Divorce Busting Strategies for Saving
Marriages.  Helen Fisher is presenting on: The Drive to Love: The
Neurobiology of Romance and Attachment.  It's nice to know the neurobiology
but even nicer to know what to do about it.  You'll be able to spend two
full days training with Michele in Orlando where she'll teach a
pre-conference institute July 7 & 8 on her Divorce Busting approach - on
what to do about it! During the general conference, Michele will turn her
attention to Infidelity Busting - we have to help couples bust infidelity,
not let it bust them.  Registration available in March.     - diane

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- STOSNY COMPASSION PROGRAM FOR EMOTIONAL ABUSE

> Can you refer me to someone who is well versed in Steven Stosny's
> work and Compassion Power? I need support from someone with this
> awareness. I live in Kansas City. I could work over the phone with someone.
> RG

Stosny, himself, provides phone coaching. The only thing better than that is
to attend one of his Boot Camps couples seminars, which I highly recommend.
I've heard back from many couples I've referred and all say it's a
life-changing, miracle weekend.  The retreats fill in advance through
word-of-mouth advertising - even in this economy.  I imagine that's because
couples fight even more and are even more emotionally abusive and blaming
when money is tight and because the Boot Camps are so much cheaper than
divorce. 
http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory/44

I also encourage you to listen to Stosny's workshops - he's one of the
highest rated presenters at the Smart Marriages Conferences - and the
workshop recordings are incredibly helpful.  Advantage is you can listen to
them over and over till you master the concepts.  They're pitched at
marriage educators but work great for the public.  Available as downloads or
CDs. Order at http://www.iplaybacksmartmarriages.com/
Or at 800-241-7785 

> #758-308
> Love Without Hurt
> Steven Stosny, PhD
> Learn how to use this approach in marriage education settings to help overcome
> entrenched resentment, anger, verbal and emotional abuse BEFORE you try to
> teach communication skills.

> #756-702
> Power Love 
> Steven Stosny, PhD
> Women maintain and nurture relationships, but men decide if, and when, they¹ll
> improve. In this male-friendly program, learn to engage men and teach
> scientifically-validated behaviors to improve marriage.

Your also invited and encouraged to attend the Smart Marriages Conference in
Orlando, July 6 - 12, where you'll have several opportunities to hear Stosny
and 200 top marriage experts. The entire week-long event is open to the
public - you'll blend in, no one knows who is a mental health professional
and who is public.  You can attend a day or the week - as much as you have
time for. - diane 

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- CALIFORNIA'S MARRIAGE WEEK TRIFECTA: IMAGO, FIREPROOF, SECRETS

The California Healthy Marriage Coalition folks are nothing if not
ambitious! Another way to put it is: they've never been know to make little
plans.  I'm sharing this to give you ideas......just scale it to fit your
organization.  Also note that this is not actually scheduled for Marriage
They're doing this in January to *seed* the ground for Marriage Week in Feb.

Also note that you'll be able to experience all of this at the Orlando Smart
Marriages Conference.  Harville Hendrix will present a two-day
pre-conference training in how to teach the CASP program.  Fireproof will
present a two-day training on how to use the film and the Love Dare book in
your community.  And, The Secrets of Love will be featured in the Marriage
Movie Festival. 

I clipped this from their email to their partnering organizations around the
state:

> Our Trifecta Event will include Harville Hendrix, Fireproof, and Secrets to
Love.  
> Part 1)  Harville Hendrix:
> 
> Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. and his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D., originated
> Imago Relationship Therapy, a unique and highly respected healing process for
> couples.  This collaboration led to the publication of the best seller Getting
> the Love You Want:  A Guide for Couples that has sold over 2,000,000 copies
> worldwide.  At this year's Smart Marriages Conference, they released a new
> Teach-Out-of-the-Box (TOOB) DVD-based course for couples called "Couplehood as
> a Spiritual Path" (CASP)--a 9-hour faith-based, DVD-based curriculum, which
> represents a breakthrough in making this material available to couples.  At
> that time, CHMC approached the Imago organization about the possibility of
> their doing a secular adaptation of the CASP program so that you would be able
> to offer the MESOs you work with an option to chose either the spiritual or
> secular version of their TOOB program. The exciting news is that the first
> draft of this adaptation is now done (called Couplehood: The Imago
> Journey--also a 9-hour, DVD-based program).  The Couplehood materials will be
> finalized by the time Harville (and perhaps also, Helen for some Northern
> California events) are in California in January.
> 
> We are excited about this for three significant reasons:
> 
> a)  Harville and Helen are very well known Marriage Educators and program
> developers.  Their high profile will attract may couples to this curriculum
> and therefore, this is a ME courses that pastors and other decision-makers
> will want to know about.
> 
> b)  The CASP and Couplehood DVD-based programs are, in CHMC's estimation,
> excellent launch programs for Marriage Ministries, for several reasons:  They
> are TOOBS; they are available in two flavors (spiritual or not); the 6-session
> format of CASP and Couplehood are conducive to high attendance rates; and they
> teach communication skills that are compatible with other CHMC-approved
> curricula such as MML and World Class Marriage, so that as couples move on
> from CASP/Couplehood to other ME courses, there will be a reinforcement of
> skills learned, which is key for changing lives.
> 
> c)  MESOs will be able to pick whichever curriculum works best for them:
> Couplehood will be available at no charge from CHMC through a volume Purchase
> Order we have placed with the program developers (9-hours MESH), and CASP can
> be purchased for a reasonable price by those organizations that prefer the
> faith-based curriculum (9-hours non-Federal MESH).
>  
> Part 2) Secrets to Love, documentary--with Tracie Donahue, producer:
> CHMC's Tracie Donahue produced and directed this documentary which is having
> considerable success being accepted at Film Festivals and where at the Mammoth
> (CA) Film Festival it just yesterday was chosen as a finalist from more than
> 100 films shown at the festival.
> 
> CHMC has developed two supporting sets of materials for the Secrets to Love
> DVD:  A Discussion Guide (for the pastor or program leader) and Viewer's
> Guides (for those coming to see the film).  These elegant-looking materials
> will help churches and other organizations set up a screening that brings out
> the public and generates a discussion that heightens interest in your Marriage
> Education classes (e.g., Couplehood:  The Imago Journey)!!  The STL DVDs and
> resource materials will all be available at no cost from CHMC to our POs, and
> Tracie will be available to come to your Trifecta event to talk about STL and
> how you and your MESOs can use it.
> 
> Part 3)  Fireproof--with representative from that organization:
> This pro-marriage movie has received a LOT of buzz nationally and the DVD of
> it will be released around the time of the Trifecta.  We plan to invite
> someone from that organization to talk at the Trifecta events about how you
> can use this popular movie and its materials to generate interest in ME
> (e.g.., Couplehood: The Imago Journey).  Meanwhile, we will learn more about
> how to make these materials available to and through POs.
> 
> That's the 3-part package:  Two great films plus related resources that will
> enable your MESOs to draw big crowds, and a new TOOB curriculum that comes in
> two flavors, either of which will be a terrific launch curriculum that is
> compatible with others in CHMC's treasure chest of ME/RST programs.  I hope
> and expect you will find this Trifecta to be a uniquely valuable package for
> your work.
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- INSIDEOUT DADS 

Diane,
One of the most rewarding aspects of my role at NFI is the unique
opportunity to see and hear firsthand the impact that our work is having on
incarcerated fathers.  Over about 2 years, we have seen our work in this
area expand tremendously, with 48 states now implementing our InsideOut Dad
programs in their jails and prisons.  (You can learn more about the program
at http://www.fatherhood.org/insideoutdad/.)  This is especially important
since most incarcerated men are fathers and their children are more at risk
to be involved in crime and end up incarcerated as well.
 
That said, I was particularly encouraged when we received a letter from an
inmate named Raymond whose cellmate was enrolled in an InsideOut Dad class
in Montgomery County, MD.  I have shared this letter with others and thought
you would appreciate it as well.  You can read it at
http://www.fatherhood..org/doclibrary/Corrections_Impact_Letter.pdf.

Raymond told the facilitator of the program that he was so blown away by the
changes he saw in his cellmate that he wanted to write a letter to give to
all program graduates.  His words are powerful, hopeful, and yet cautionary,
and he graciously has allowed us to share them.   I can't help but wonder
how different his story would have been if we had been able to reach him as
a father before he was incarcerated and how different his son's story would
have been if InsideOut Dad had been available when Raymond was first
incarcerated.  However, I am encouraged because we have an opportunity to
change the future for his fellow inmates and their children.
 
Roland C. Warren 
President 
National Fatherhood Initiative
Website: www.fatherhood.org
Email: rwarren at fatherhood.org

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- A STATUS CHECK FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

Marriage Matters: A status check for your marriage a good thing
By James and Audora Burg
Sturgis Journal
Nov 22, 2008

> So are we on track? It depends on which factors get the focus, if it¹s
> motivation or discouragement at issue.


School days, final exams, and report cards. We were quite aware of the
school¹s schedule this week, because we endured the stress-fest with our
eldest as she prepared for trimester-ending exams. At least we had the
pleasure of attending conferences with teachers of the two younger Burglets.

These academic status checks occurred the same week we marked the 11th
anniversary of our engagement. Something about this annual remembrance
prompts us to look back over the previous period and conduct our own review.

Instead of a parent/teacher conference, it¹s a husband/wife conference: how
are we doing? What is going well, where are we merely meeting standards, and
what definitely needs improvement?

There¹s a line between motivation and discouragement, between dreams and
disappointment.

It¹s a joint journey to discern lofty but still reasonable goals and put
aside delusions over the highly-desired and ultimately impossible outcomes.

Such an analytical approach to love kind of sucks all the romance out of it,
doesn¹t it? So abandon the objective measures and let¹s go completely
subjective.

It¹s been a good year. A family vacation last winter, a recent getaway for
just the two of us, and we now cherish the anticipation of attending next
summer¹s Smart Marriages conference together.

It¹s also been a heck of a year. Huge percentages of our retirement equity
disappeared in the tanked market. We struggled with various family
situations, especially the deployment of Audora¹s brother, Paul, to Iraq.
Death has come close, calling away a grandfather and an uncle.

It tiptoed way too close last weekend, in an unexpected way, when we learned
that Paul¹s roommate was killed in a helicopter accident. In this case, our
grief was probably an extension of Paul¹s grief, but mourning the pilot¹s
death activates fear we¹ve tried to keep buried since he was deployed this
summer.

So are we on track? It depends on which factors get the focus, if it¹s
motivation or discouragement at issue.

Discouragement says that financially, we¹re upside down in the investment
ditch. Motivation, sometimes seasoned with a healthy dose of denial ­ of
mortality, anyway ‹ reframes our view that we¹re in it for the long-term.
There¹s plenty of time for recovery, so keep plugging away and hold off on
freaking out, at least for now.

Underwriting the 11 years of us-ness and our current views is the mindset
that we will have as long as we have, or are granted, to keep working on
these things. There¹s no final exam or end of the marking period in this
marriage.

And report cards? Not sure how to ³grade² this greedy thought, but even if
many years mark the rest of our lives together, it won¹t be long enough.


####################
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13th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, Shingle Creek Resort,
Orlando, Florida, July 6-12, 2009 (General Conference July 8-11)
Pre-Conference Training Institutes July 6-8
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 12
 
Shingle Creek Resort: http://www.rosenshinglecreek.com/

Conference schedule, registration, & exhibit information will be posted as
it becomes available at:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/conferencedetails.html

List your program and resources on the Directory of Classes at
http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html

Order conference audio & video CD/DVD/MP3s: 800-241-7785 or
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Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
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202-362-3332

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