Marriage Education Agreement/ Jerk Brand/ Avis Link/ Yosemite/ Infidelity RESEARCH/ WINNERS/ Book Raves- 5/20/08

[Smartmarriages]

- PROBLEMS WITH LINK
- TODAY, MAY 20, HISTORIC DAY IN CALIFORNIA MARRIAGE CAMPAIGN
- THE JERK BRAND
- MORE LINK PROBLEMS: AVIS RENTAL CAR DISCOUNT LINK
- ADVICE ON SIDE TRIP TO YOSEMITE
- PLEASE HELP WITH ONGOING INFIDELITY RESEARCH
- 2009 CONFERENCE WINNERS
- JULIE BAUMGARDNER RECOMMENDS "CAN MY MARRIAGE BE SAVED?"

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- PROBLEMS WITH THE MICHELE WIENER-DAVIS PSYCH TODAY BLOG LINK
If it didn't work for you, try this:
http://tinyurl.com/69ugqy

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- TODAY, MAY 20, HISTORIC DAY IN CALIFORNIA MARRIAGE CAMPAIGN

Orange County pastors to sign the state's first Community Marriage Education
Agreement. 

On Tuesday, May 20, 2008 (11am-1pm), pastors and church leaders will meet at
Eastside Christian Church (2505 Yorba Linda Blvd - Fullerton) to sign the
Orange County Marriage Education Agreement (OCMEA).

According to the OCMEA, clergy are committing to

(1) PROMOTE Marriage Education programs and services in the community by
informing people about its importance.

(2) RECRUIT & TRAIN healthy married couples, volunteers and staff to
facilitate expanded Marriage Education programs.

(3) PROVIDE Marriage Education including pre-marriage, marriage enrichment
and for troubled marriages.

(4) INVITE others to Marriage Education and help them feel welcome
regardless of their church involvement or affiliation.

(5) SUPPORT Marriage Education by encouraging married couples to regularly
invest in their relationship, including participating in Marriage Education
activities at least once a year.

Orange County pastors and church leaders will hear Dennis Stoica, California
Healthy Marriages Coalition president and other speakers.  In addition,
every attendee will receive a free marriage resource kit, OC marriage and
divorce data, and lunch.  Also, information booths featuring local
marriage-strengthening resources and organizations will allow pastors to
find low-cost (and no-cost) training opportunities to impact marriages in
their congregation and community!

For more info: http://www.becauseofme.org/

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- THE JERK BRAND
> Diane, 
> I noticed that there will be a Sack Lunch in San Francisco on How to Avoid
> DATING a Jerk. That led me to search your website and I read the transcript of
> the keynote "How to Avoid Marrying A Jerk (Jerkette). Then, 5 minutes ago I
> heard on the radio that there's going to be an interview Saturday on "How to
> Avoid FALLING IN LOVE With a Jerk". I guess this is what they call branding.
> You might want to let the list know about the radio show.  Not everyone can
> get to San Francisco, and, like me, they might want to figure this out for
> their own personal reasons! I suggest his next book should be called "How Not
> to Marry a Jerk, AGAIN!"
> Thelma 

Yes, the brand moves on.  I think it's because everyone finds the RAM model
on which it's all based so sensible - RAM stands for Relationship Attachment
Model and it's all about "how to pace the dating, falling-in love, and
engagement stages". Funny you should mention a book for Not Marrying a Jerk,
AGAIN. As I think he said in that keynote (I'll have to reread the
transcript) he thought the course would be most popular with parents and
teachers but that he finds it is hugely popular with divorced folks who take
it for just the reason you describe, to NOT make the same mistake again.
It's a great program to teach to single-again groups. He also has a program
for married folks.  I thought he should stay with the brand and call it
something like "How to Stay in Love with the Jerk (Jerkette) You Marry" but
he and his publishers thought that was too negative.  He says he can't even
use the Jerk brand in some settings....has to, instead, use the "other" name
of the program "Pick A Partner". So, he named it Marriage LINKS (he's
teaching a full-day training on Marriage Links on Sunday July 6 in SF.)  I
just emailed John who is doing a Jerk and a LINKS training at an Army base
in Europe. He says that, yes indeed, you heard right, and that the new
paperback edition of the How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk book has a new title:
"How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk" (I didn't even know  that) and
that yes, he will be doing an hour-long segment on the Audrey Chapman Show
as part of the show's month-long theme: "Rescue Yourself From A Broken
Heart."  He says Audrey said she thinks that the best way to do that is to
consciously choose better partners ­ in the first place.  I'll try to find
and send the link after it airs so everyone can listen. He says it's on
WHUR.  AND, the SACK Lunch on Friday at 11:30am in San Francisco will be on
the new curriculum for schools/youth "How to Avoid DATING a Jerk". No need
to register.  Just a need to find a quick sandwich and drink and rush to the
Imperial A. 

I realize as I lay out the on-site information our big challenge in SAN
FRANCISCO is finding quick places to eat.  More on that soon. - diane

##########################

- MORE LINK PROBLEMS: AVIS RENTAL CAR DISCOUNT LINK
I'm told the link to Avis was last year's, and had expired! I'm so sorry.
Hope not too many of you were inconvenienced. It's been fixed.

Note that Avis has an office near the Hilton so you can pick up a car when
you need it and not have to rent at airport and pay $50 a day to park
downtown. Avis will deliver for free or it's a short walk to pick it up.
https://www.avis.com/AvisWeb/reservation/ReservationsInitializer?AWD_NUMBER=
D086788

Or call: 800-521-4041
Use Smart Marriages Discount code: #563XA

Remember it's July 4th weekend and reserve early.

ALSO, reserve early for Alcatraz tours.

See Alcatraz info at:  http://www.smartmarriages.com/sf.sights.html

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- ADVICE ON SIDE TRIP TO YOSEMITE

This was shared by someone familiar with the park who encourages you to
visit - when you're so close.   I can hear the sound of all of you calling
at once to try 1) to change your flights and 2) reserve a car with Avis. ;)
- diane 
 
> Yosemite is one of my favorite places and I love to share it with others.
> Entrance fee to the park is $20 per car. Lodging within the park is usually
> booked up already for July and is (in my opinion) expensive.  Google Yosemite
> National Park lodging for availability. You'll find Curry Village tent cabins
> around $100 a night to the Awhanee at over $400 a night and up.  Camp sites
> are also all booked up that time of year and the first come first served sites
> are outside the valley. I'm assuming most of the conference attendees will not
> be bringing  camping gear though camping is great ­ I especially love
> Tuolumne Meadow campground.  If no camping gear and park lodging not
> available, I recommend staying in one of the motels in Mariposa and driving
> into the park daily. The park fee is good for 7 days into and out of the park.
> I personally have stayed at the Mother Lode Lodge in Mariposa - the price was
> right, less than $100 per night, the place clean, I felt safe there, and it is
> walking distance to Savorys restaurant, my favorite place to eat in the area.
> I like it better than the fancy dining in the Awhanee! Reservations strongly
> recommended. There are other lodges and motels in Mariposa and the areas
> outside the park entrances.
> 
> Visiting the park, places to see: Valley visitor center area, see video "The
> Spirit of Yosemite", Indian museum, Indian village, take open air valley floor
> tour, well worth the money, walk trail around lower Yosemite Falls Drive to
> Wawona.  Park at store/gas station and catch free shuttle to the Merced Grove
> of GIANT Sequoias. The newspaper Yosemite Today that one receives when
> entering the park is packed with info as to what to do and what programs are
> scheduled that week. With kids, while in the valley visit the nature center -
> great flat trail, beautiful area, on the Merced River, trail head to Vernal
> Falls if they feel like a hike going up and seeing some great sights! I could
> go on and on.  I dearly love the place.
> sandy

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- PLEASE HELP WITH ONGOING INFIDELITY RESEARCH

Dear Smart Marriages List Members,

I just received approval to conduct another study on parental infidelity.
Specifically, I am interested in  the forgiveness process children go
through after discovering their parent engaged in infidelity.

Researchers have found that parent-parent communication and
parent-child communication influence the parent-child relationship.
However, little empirical data exists on the study of how, if at all,
disclosure of parental infidelity impacts family communication beyond
the married couple. I believe these events are important to examine
and would like your help in doing so.

To better understand the communication surrounding parental infidelity, I
am looking for adults to complete a questionnaire. To
participate, you must meet all of the following criteria:

a) You must be at least 19 years of age.

b) One or both of your birth or adoptive or stepparents engaged in
infidelity at some point while still married to each other

c) You discovered the information of an infidelity that occurred during your
parents marriage while your offending parent was still living

d) Your offending parent is aware that you knew of the infidelity.

If you participate, all of your information will be kept
confidential. If you are willing to participate, please visit the
following link:  
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=1RQIZuILR3_2f3prJu71z_2bYw_3d_3d

If you would like more information about this study, please contact me
at athorson at bigred.unl.edu.

Thanks in advance for your participation.

Allison Thorson
Doctoral Candidate
Department of Communication Studies
University of Nebraska-Lincoln
athorson at bigred.unl.edu

IRB approval # 2008058953EP

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- 2009 CONFERENCE WINNERS

We've drawn four names from the online early-bird San Francisco registrants
who will receive a FREE Smart Marriages 2009 Registration. Date is July
6-12, 2009 - location pending. Watch list for announcement.
Rhonda Hamner
Randolph Imhoff
Milton Iwaasa
Melva Johnson

They sound like twins - Rhonda and Randolph, Milton and Melva; two men and
two women; and bunched up with three of them from the H/I section of the
alphabet. I guess that's what random can do.  Winners are from: NY, MI, CA,
and Canada.   
#####################

- JULIE BAUMGARDNER RAVES RECOMMENDS "CAN MY MARRIAGE BE SAVED?"

Julie Baumgardner has been flying a lot with time to read and she says this
is the book that has really impressed her.  The good news, is that Mae
Chambers will be exhibiting in San Francisco.  You can buy a copy of the
book which features many familiar Smart Marriages experts and meet with her
to discuss her ideas for how to use it in your CHMI work. Her motto: "Hand
them hope."  - diane

> New Book Offers Hope For Troubled Marriages From Couples Who Have Been There
> 
> There are many reasons for problems in a marriage, including financial
> problems, affairs, sexual addiction, stepfamily stress and unfulfilled
> expectations. Mae Chambers has lived through most of them and stresses that
> there are ways to overcome these seemingly insurmountable obstacles.
> 
> (NASHVILLE)‹ The divorce rate in America for a first marriage is 41 percent,
> 60 percent for a second marriage and 73 percent for a third marriage,
> according to enrichment journal. There are many reasons for problems in a
> marriage, including financial problems, affairs, sexual addiction, stepfamily
> stress and unfulfilled expectations. Mae Chambers has lived through most of
> them and stresses that there are ways to overcome these seemingly
> insurmountable obstacles.
> 
> ³Marriage reconciliation is not only possible, but is the most desired
> solution,² says Chambers, whose book Can My Marriage Be Saved?: True Stories
> of Saved Marriages was released on her 30th wedding anniversary in March 2008.
> This is the first book in a three-part series on divorce and troubled
> marriages, designed to bring a sense of hope in a time where divorce is the
> norm.
> 
> Chambers¹ book, co-written with her daughter Erika Chambers, tells not only
> the story of her own troubled marriage but the stories of 21 other couples
> whose marriages were, at one point, seemingly beyond hope. All of these
> couples are telling their own difficult stories in order to send the message
> to America that, with a little work, the divorce rates can take a downturn.
> 
> ³My husband and I have a marriage that was miraculously brought back from the
> brink of divorce,² explains Chambers. ³For 20 years, I¹ve witnessed the impact
> of telling our ³saved marriage² story to the troubled couples who¹ve crossed
> our path. I began to imagine the tremendous impact that a book full of TRUE
> ³saved marriage² stories could have on thousands of people in crisis
> marriages.²
> 
> Website Link: http://www.savedmarriagenetwork.com

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12th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, Hilton San Francisco Hotel,
June 30-July 6, 2008  (General Conference July 2-5)
Pre-Conference Training Institutes June 30-July 2
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 6
DOWNLOAD a conference brochure and register at:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/download.brochure.html

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http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html

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Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
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http://www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332

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