CFLE Exam/ Door Prize Drill / Couples and Technology/ Arranged Marriage Study/ Wife Test - 5/14/08

Wed May 14 16:00:41 EDT 2008

- BECOME A CFLE: CERTIFIED FAMILY LIFE EDUCATOR
- THE DOOR PRIZE DRILL.....
- 21ST CENTURY COUPLES ....AND TECHNOLOGY
- LOOKING FOR ARRANGED MARRIAGE COUPLES FOR STUDY
- TIMES HAVE CHANGED

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- BECOME A CFLE: CERTIFIED FAMILY LIFE EDUCATOR

Diane, 
WHEN did you say the CFLE exam was going to be?  And, do we just show up or
do we need to reserve a spot?  - Ed

You need to register in advance.  I think that's so that NCFR can be sure
you're qualified.  Or, maybe just to be sure they bring enough materials:

> CFLE Exam offered at Smart Marriages Conference
> The National Council on Family Relations (NCFR) will be offering the Certified
> Family Life Educator (CFLE) Exam onsite at the Smart Marriages conference on
> Friday, July 4, 4:30 - 7:30 p.m. (You'll still have time to see the
> fireworks!) Information on the Exam can be found at
> http://www.ncfr.org/cert/become/  If interested, contact Dawn Cassidy ASAP at
> 888-781-9331 x 12. Pre-registration is required.

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- THE DOOR PRIZE DRILL.....

Dianne,
I just registered. Thank you so much for extending the early discount
deadline!  I always seem to miss these deadlines. Which reminds me that I've
been meaning to ask you a question. I've been to two conferences and I've
never been able to figure out how to get registered for the door prize
drawings you do in the big sessions. I met someone last year that won a full
Smart Marriages conference registration for San Francisco. I'm always busy
visiting the exhibits or standing in line to buy coffee, and have never even
seen the door prize box except when you hold it up and shake it on stage.
Could you arrange it that we could register in advance? I'm sure others miss
out on this because things at the conference are very busy. Also, if you
could answer me by direct email as I sometimes miss the answer when you do
it on the e-newslist.
Darla

I agree things are very busy at the conference, but not to worry. If you are
registered for the conference, your name is automatically put into the prize
drawing box.  We print out all the names and put the names on a card in the
door prize box.  You simply have to be present in the ballroom to win 10
mins before the keynote sessions begin. That's when we draw the names.

You're right that the door prize drawings are great - for instance, Sue
Johnson just sent hers.  Her prize will be drawn before her keynote on Sat
morning - so get to the ballroom by 8:20am Saturday.  Someone is going to
win this terrific prize!

> Her new book, Hold Me Tight; PLUS the 12-hour Emotionally Focused Therapy DVD
set;  PLUS a 4-day EFT Externship training with Sue, herself!

The person you met that won the full conference registration won that by
registering ONLINE by the early-bird cut off date for last-year's Denver
Conference.  We give away four of those each year. We don't do those at the
keynotes.  The door prize drawings held before the keynotes are usually
training sessions, DVD packages, etc. You'll find a full list of the keynote
door prize drawings in your badge mailing (badges mailed end of June) and in
the on-site packets.

Bottom line: if you are registered for the conference, you are registered
for the door prize drawings. You don't need to do anything but show up,
listen for your name, and keep your fingers crossed.  - diane
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- 21ST CENTURY COUPLES ....AND TECHNOLOGY

Hi John, 
I am a psychologist in private practice in San Francisco, and I agree with
your sentiments about the elephant in the room (http://tinyurl.com/3vks4z) -
the prevalence of male use of pornography affecting romantic relationships.
In fact, we pro-actively address it with our engaged and newlywed couples in
the workshops I teach with my Husband. In our workshops, and in my
practice, I find that exploring the use of porn in a non-judging and
accepting way works wonders. I suggest they "try an experiment of not using
porn" for a week or month to see if indeed their desire for the partner
improves and interest in relationship sex increases. Using "content
barriers" on the computer has helped some clients also to eliminate their
use of porn that really replaces sex with their partner.

When I attended Mark Laaser's keynote on the subject at Smart Marriages a
couple of years ago, I asked him "What about occasional use of porn?" He
took a position that "porn is infidelity. A man is getting aroused by
looking at another woman". When I have shared this idea in our workshops I
am met with a great deal of cynicism and resistance from the guys! 

So, instead I suggest they see if it is working for them or not. I have seen
many relationships end because the WOMEN want more sex and the guys are
masturbating to porn instead!

Our comeback is that the female counterpart we hear is "Some women are too
addicted to their vibrators! They can only come with the Magic Rabbit and
they get desensitized to the male touch." Somehow this humorous approach
seems to help the best, and we have heard from couples that they decided to
take a "vacation from both porn and vibrators" and then sex does become more
frequent and about making love!

Michelle Gannon, Ph.D.
Marriage Prep 101
San Francisco, CA
www.marriageprep101.com

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- LOOKING FOR ARRANGED MARRIAGE COUPLES FOR STUDY

> In a continuing effort to learn how people deliberately learn to love each
> other in romantic relationships, I've been interviewing couples in happy
> arranged marriages for several years.  I'd like to add couples and would
> appreciate hearing from spouses in such marriages or from individuals who
> could help me reach such couples.  I'm especially interested in couples from
> Muslim, Orthodox Jewish, Asian, and African cultures.  You can reach me at
> repstein at post.harvard.edu.
> Robert Epstein, Ph.D.
> Director Emeritus, Cambridge Center for Behavioral Studies
> Tel: 760-436-4400   Fax:  760-758-8942
> http://DrEpstein.com

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- TIMES HAVE CHANGED

Mark your wives: The 1930s marriage test
The Telegraph (UK) 
By Matthew Moore
14/05/2008 
Have you ever wished that your marriage had a little more of the romance,
respect and decorum of the 1930s?

American psychologists have unearthed a ³marital rating scale² used by
marriage counsellors in 1939 to assess the performance of wives  and the
categories make interesting reading for modern couples brought up to believe
in the equality of the sexes. . .

The scores are tallied up and the final score determines whether the woman
is ³very poor² or ³very superior² at her matrimonial duties.

The questionnaire was devised by George W Crane, a marriage counsellor,
columnist and matchmaker from Northwestern University in Chicago.

The test was designed to be answered either by husbands or their wives
themselves, and was meant to provide couples with feedback on the quality of
their marriage, and point out where they might be going wrong.

To read: http://tinyurl.com/5qeram
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They only include the first page of questionnaire, but it's enough to show
just how much times have changed. - d

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