Things That Impress: Fresno TV / Caribbean Love Boat / BAN Groups/ NFI LEGACY campaign/ Cozumel - 5/12/08

Mon May 12 14:06:21 EDT 2008

- GREAT MARRIAGE COURSE COVERAGE ON FRESNO TV
- THE MARRIAGE COURSE IN CANADA - IMPRESSIVE NUMBERS!! & A CRUISE
- BAN SUPPORT GROUPS FOR THE OFFENDING SPOUSE?
- THE NATIONAL FATHERHOOD INITIATIVE (NFI) "WHAT'S YOUR LEGACY?" CAMPAIGN
- HOW TO LIST COUPLES RETREAT IN COZUMEL?

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- GREAT MARRIAGE COURSE COVERAGE ON FRESNO TV

http://www.cbs47.tv/mediacenter/local.aspx?videoid=76139@video.cbs47.tv

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- THE MARRIAGE COURSE IN CANADA - IMPRESSIVE NUMBERS!! & A CRUISE

I am so impressed.  The Canadian association of The Marriage Course and The
Marriage Preparation Course just listed on the Directory and they have 561
locations offering the course across Canada. 561!

And, they offer an annual CRUISE - Americans warmly invited.  Take the
course on the Crown Princess touring the Caribbean, Nov 9 - 16, 2008 with
stops in the Bahamas, St. Maarten, St. Thomas and Grand Turk with island
excursions, ship board nightclubs & theater, 5 pools, complete Spa, games,
and a chapel for those that want to renew vows.  Rates include The Marriage
Course and a bonus training seminar so guests can be trained to run The
Marriage Course in their community when they return home.

Hmmmmmm....if you haven't figured out what to give her for Mother's Day or
give him for Father's Day.....what could be more loverly!
http://www.themarriagecourse.ca/loveboatcruise.htm

The Marriage Course founded by Nicky and Sila Lee received the 2007 Smart
Marriages Impact Award.  Nicky and Sila will teach two workshops in San
Francisco.  This is a teach-out-of-the-Box, dvd-based program but it's a
great opportunity to spend time with these delightful program founders. Or,
if you can't make it to the workshops, stop at their booth.

> 213 - Thursday 10am, San Francisco Smart Marriages
> The Marriage Course - TOOB
> Nicky & Sila Lee
> This practical, DVD-based dinner format is easy for lay couples to teach,
> transforms & strengthens any relationship (married or cohabiting), and draws
> couples in ³like magic². Based on the famed Alpha course.

> 503 - Friday 2:30pm
> The Marriage Preparation Course  TOOB
> Nicky & Sila Lee
> Learn to teach the course and also to recruit & train mentor couples so that
> the program basically runs itself. Practical, 5-session, DVD-dinner format,
> inventory, and mentor-couple based.

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- BAN SUPPORT GROUPS FOR THE OFFENDING SPOUSE?

> Hi, 
> There is a BAN group staring up in our area, and someone asked me if there is
> a support group/recovery group for the spouse who did the betraying.  I
> noticed on BAN's web site there is someone in, I believe, Georgia who has a
> support group for women who betrayed their spouses.
> I will check with BAN as well, but was wondering if you know of any other
> programs that may be helpful to the one who did the betrayal. - P

Here is the response from Anne Bercht, BAN director.  I thought this would
be interesting to the list.  Also note that BAN will receive a Smart
Marriages Impact Award in San Francisco.  Attend their workshop and/or stop
at their Exhibit to learn more. - diane

Dear P, 

At this time there is not a BAN format for offending spouses, although my
husband, Brian, is doing pilot work in this area including one-on-one
support phone coaching for offending spouses. I'm not sure how successful
the group in Georgia with the offending wives is. The organizer is female
and feels comfortable addressing these issues with unfaithful women, but not
comfortable with the cross-gender support with such intimate topics.

In addition to questions about offering support groups for offending
spouses, we also get questions about why we don't just include everyone -
both partners - in our support and recovery groups.

We feel we need to restrict the BAN support groups to the betrayed - they
need a place to share and gain perspective where they can be truly
understood. BAN groups work in conjunction with counseling or whatever other
avenues of support a betrayed spouse is seeking. We find these people need
all the help they can get - especially in the beginning. The thought of
waiting all week for your next one hour counseling session feels unbearable.

If BAN included couples, it would not be as effective, because when
unfaithful spouses are in the room the betrayed are not free to share fully
how they feel. The risk of being told "they should just get over it" shuts
them down. Also I've found it is not beneficial for the unfaithful spouse to
be called upon to listen to ALL the crazy emotions that initially come from
the betrayed. Better to have a place to sort out those emotions with
understanding listeners.

But back to your question of separate support groups for the unfaithful.

There are many challenges in offering such support. Many "offending" spouses
struggle to give up their affair or don't even know if they want to. Some
unfaithful spouses are in the process of leaving their marriages and looking
for support to do that. Frankly, we don't want to support people in the
choice to leave and we don't want to influence those that are struggling to
give up their affairs and save their marriages.  Others get influenced if
someone starts venting about how much "anger" they've had to take from their
betrayed spouses. 

What does work is to offer support for the offending spouse as part of or
AFTER they've attended a Healing From Affairs Weekend. The HFA weekend seems
to set the person on a solid information-based foundation and ensures the
person is headed in the right direction. As part of the HFA weekend we split
the unfaithful in one group, the betrayed in another. Somehow when these are
integrated into a weekend of instruction, it works.

In addition to Brian's one-on-one coaching, we have also organized
couple-to-couple mentoring support  help from those that have rebuilt after
an affair to those going through the process.

As I said we're working with pilot projects to see if we can create
something that is effective like BAN for "the other side", and want to hear
from anyone about what they've done, but at this time, we do not have an
official support group format to offer.

Anne Bercht
Director - Beyond Affairs Network
ban at beyondaffairs.com

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- THE NATIONAL FATHERHOOD INITIATIVE (NFI) "WHAT'S YOUR LEGACY?" CAMPAIGN

We'll be introduced to the NFI Legacy campaign at their exhibit at Smart
Marriages in San Francisco. The Legacy Wall will be an interactive
collection of real stories from real families. Each "brick" on the wall
highlights the photos and stories of how a strong marriage helped a father
build a long-lasting legacy. At the site, you'll be able to learn about the
benefits of marriage to the well-being of children, how to build and
maintain a healthy marriage, and you will be able to add your family's
marriage story as another brick in the wall.  Visit the site, still under
construction, to listen to radio spots on "Bragging Rights" and view
Bragging Rights ads.
https://www.fatherhood.org/Legacy/

> Four years later, the Burtonsville family has been recognized by the National
> Fatherhood Initiative, a Gaithersburg-based nonprofit dedicated to raising
> awareness of the importance of marriage, and its ŒŒWhat¹s Your Legacy?²
> campaign. The Parrises, an African-American family, were honored for their
> commitment, since statistically, blacks do not get married as often or stay
> married as long as other groups. . . .

> The purpose of the ŒŒWhat¹s Your Legacy?² campaign was to identify regular,
> working-class families that flourish despite economic and cultural factors
> that discourage marriage within the African-American community, Warren said.
For  the full article:
http://www.gazette.net/stories/050708/burtnew212238_32356.shtml

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- HOW TO LIST COUPLES RETREAT IN COZUMEL?

>> HI Diane
>> My husband and I do couple retreats in Cozumel and we are doing one in
>> December. How do we post that on your website?
>> Laraine
>>  
I sounds idyllic.  I love Cozumel! Go to the Directory
http://www.smartmarriages.com/app/Directory.BrowsePrograms

Then click on the link to "how to add your listing".   Basically you EMAIL
me your 100 word description and then MAIL a check for $50 for the calendar
year 2008 to address listed. But it's important that you read the
instructions and check out several listings to understand the
style/format/what to send - and what not to send.  -diane

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12th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, Hilton San Francisco Hotel,
June 30-July 6, 2008  (General Conference July 2-5)
Pre-Conference Training Institutes June 30-July 2
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 6
DOWNLOAD a conference brochure and register at:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/download.brochure.html

List your program and resources on the Directory of Classes at
http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html

Order conference audio & video CD/DVD/MP3s: 800-241-7785 or
http://www.iPlaybackSmartMarriages.com

Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd NW, Washington, DC 20015-1961
http://www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332