Monday Morning Fuel /Tuscaloosa / A Feminist approach to Abstinence/ It's your Books/ Singapore - 3/31/08

[Smartmarriages]

- MORE FUEL IN OUR TANKS
- BLACK MARRIAGE DAY, YESTERDAY
- A *FEMINIST* IVY LEAGUE APPROACH TO ABSTINENCE
- IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S YOUR BOOKS
- MEN, WOMEN, AND MARRIAGE - A MALE *SOLUTION* FROM IRELAND
- MARRIAGE EDUCATION CENTER ESTABLISHED IN SINGAPORE

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- MORE FUEL IN OUR TANKS

Sharing this from the Michele Weiner-Davis discussion list....

> Michele, I just want to thank you for what you have done for my marriage and
> others. We have 9 children, and I nursed all of them for over 2 years, so my
> touch needs were saturated for many years. This was hard on John, and it was
> your story about laying next to the person you love most in the world and not
> being able to touch her that opened me up to what JOHN was feeling all that
> time. Our sex life improved overnight. Thank you again and we hope to thank
> you in person in San Fransisco." - K

It shows how just a little info can go such a long way - can turn on the
light bulb and turn a marriage around.  We know it's husband JOHN who is
probably most thankful and who would really like to be thanking Michele.
BTW, you can see Michele in San Francisco at her Thursday keynote "Sex
Starved Wives" (and husbands) and her Fri workshop on her two TOOB programs:
Marriage Breakthrough & Keeping Love Alive. - diane

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- BLACK MARRIAGE DAY, YESTERDAY

There are SO MANY wonderful articles about Black Marriage Day/Black Marriage
Week celebrations from around the country - Chicago, Cleveland, Houston,
Fort Worth ­ all over the place. I've sent so many, will share just one more
for Black Marriage Day 2007.  Bravo to Nisa and everyone across the country
who has contributed to this incredible success:

For better or worse
Church service focuses on the state of black marriages
Tuscaloosa News 
Mar 31, 2008
By Jamon Smith
Staff Writer
TUSCALOOSA | Getting married is good. Staying married is better. And a
healthy marriage is best.

> ³I don¹t want to infer that there are white marriages and black marriages,²
> Pastor Palmer said. ³Biblical principles apply as in all marriages.²
> 
> ³But there are some unique spiritual, cultural, economic and political factors
> that impact black marriages,² he said.

That was the theme at Cornerstone Full Gospel Baptist Church Sunday as the
church celebrated it¹s sixth annual Black Marriage Day.

The service kicked off with a young boy and girl dressed in white wedding
attire strolling down the church isles to a wedding arch.

Cornerstone¹s pastor, Bishop Earnest Palmer, awaited the young couple at the
arch, but ended the mock wedding once the young couple reached him ‹
apparently to the great joy of the young boy and girl who squirmed during
most of the ceremony and appeared elated when they were told it was over.

³People may be thinking, Œwhy the Tom Thumb imitation?¹ ² Palmer said as he
dismissed the children participating in the mock wedding and made a joke
about them not being ready yet.

³The earlier we start people thinking, the greater the effect will be down
the road,² he said.

The sermon Palmer preached on black marriage on Sunday was extensive,
touching on topics such as divorce, how marriage effects health, marital and
premarital economics, God¹s plan for marriage, how marriage and divorce
affect children, why black men marry white women, the benefits of a healthy
marriage and a slew of statistics the church compiled on black marriage and
factors affecting it.

³What is God¹s plan for marriage?² Palmer said. ³It¹s one man for one woman
for one lifetime.²

A good bit of the sermon discussed marital challenges and goals that could
be applied to any marriage, regardless of race, but there were a number of
topics targeted to black marriages.

³I don¹t want to infer that there are white marriages and black marriages,²
Palmer said. ³Biblical principles apply as in all marriages.²

³But there are some unique spiritual, cultural, economic and political
factors that impact black marriages,² he said.

Palmer said the rate of marriages by blacks is on the upswing from 46.1
percent of blacks in 1996 to 47.9 percent in 2001.

But after a 40-year downward spiral, he said, the number of black married
couples is still only half the number of white counterparts.

Palmer said only 33 percent of black women once married remarry after a
divorce, as opposed to 58 percent of white women.

³Most black women just say ŒI¹ve had it¹ after the first time,¹ ² Palmer
said.

Palmer said marriage, divorce and single parenthood effect black children in
a number of ways.

³Over the past 40 years, nearly seven of 10 black children are born to
unmarried mothers in the black family and roughly 85 percent of black
children are expected to spend some or all of their childhood in a
single-parent family,² Palmer said.

³As a result of that we have mothers struggling to raise their sons and
daughters and so we have delinquent children, and children moving into
foster situations, which is not ideal,² he said.

Palmer said two-thirds of all black marriages will end in divorce, and, as a
result, two-thirds of black children from married families will witness the
termination of their parents¹ marriage by the time they reach age 16.

Palmer said black married couples are also more likely to separate than
married couples of other races.

³When you separate you¹re holding up a sign saying ŒI¹m available,¹ ² Palmer
said. ³There is no time out in marriage. Time outs are for kindergarten.
There¹s no time out once you say ŒI do.¹ ²

Palmer gave out other statistics about marriages to prove his point. He said
married men live longer and have healthier lives than single men, premature
death is four times higher among divorced men, marriages reduce poverty by
27 percent, children raised in healthy married households are more likely to
succeed, married men earn 10 to 40 percent more than single men, between
one-fifth and one-third of divorced women end up in poverty, and churchgoing
black women are more likely to be married when they have children and to
report excellent relationships with their families.

³There is a Godliness to marriage, and it¹s important for us, especially as
African Americans, to express the Godliness of our marriage,² Palmer said.

At the end of the service, wedding cake was served to the more than 300
people in attendance, and more than 50 married couples in the church renewed
their wedding vows before the congregation.

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- A *FEMINIST* IVY LEAGUE APPROACH TO ABSTINENCE

I should probably leave well enough alone and not stir this pot again, but
this is interesting.  No matter how you feel about these issues (two topics
where the feelings are intense - understatement!) this article provides a
workout for your brain - and it can't hurt to keep thinking....looking at
things from different angles, perspectives, experiences, ages, genders.....
Just try to stay calm and read it all the way through.  - diane

http://tinyurl.com/3bu5a4

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- IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S YOUR BOOKS
A perspective on "picking a mate" from the NY Times Sunday Book Review
http://tinyurl.com/378hry

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- MEN, WOMEN, AND MARRIAGE - A MALE *SOLUTION* FROM IRELAND

The secret to happy marriage
Irish Independent - Dublin, Ireland
After the future wife and I dragged ourselves out of bed last Saturday
morning for the compulsory pre-marriage course, I think I've discovered the
solution ...  http://tinyurl.com/2fbp46

(to add a dose of humor?)

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- MARRIAGE EDUCATION CENTER ESTABLISHED IN SINGAPORE

[Hats off to Singapore!  And, BTW, we've already got lots of registrations
for San Francisco from all around the globe....makes it so much more fun to
have the international perspective. - d }

Singapore to set up marriage centre for happy marriage
29 March 2008

The Singapore government will set up a marriage resource centre in a bid to
nurture healthy and happy marriages in the low-birth-rate country.

The Minister for Community Development Youth and Sports Vivian Balakrishnan,
announced yesterday that Marriage Central will be a one- stop center
providing marriage-related services.

These will be in areas such as education and counseling, research and
promotional programs to help couples strengthen their marriages.

His ministry will fully fund the set-up and operational costs of Marriage
Central in the first three years as a start.

This would allow Marriage Central to focus on building its capability, said
Balakrishnan.

For a start, Marriage Central will focus on streamlining the various
marriage education programs provided by community partners.

They will make these programs easily accessible to married couples and those
preparing to tie the knot, through a resource point at the Registry of
Marriages.

Couples can drop by for advice, pick up information to enhance their married
life, or seek help early when facing difficult issues.

They can also look forward to a virtual Marriage Central on the Internet.
Facing an aging population, the Singapore government has been trying for
years to encourage people to tie the knots and have children, with
incentives ranging from tax breaks to baby bonuses.

The Social Development Unit and other government agencies also organize
matching parties and trips to encourage young Singaporeans to get married.
Speaking at the opening of Marriage Convention, the minister also revealed
that Singapore is facing a rising trend in divorces.

The general divorce rate in Singapore increased from 3.8 per 1, 000 married
resident females in 1980 to 8 in 2006, he said.

Marriages are also breaking down earlier. Only 2.6 percent of civil
marriages registered in 1987 lasted less than 5 years, now 3. 8 percent of
the 2002 marriage cohort divorced before the 5th year.

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