Feedback/ Bumpers / Haltzman Tips / The Girlfriend Experience/ Persuasion - 3/29/08

[Smartmarriages]

- FEMINISM
- ALL THE WORK IS WORTH IT
- HALTZMAN ON MIKE AND JULIET
- THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE
- HALTZMAN'S TIPS FOR KEEPING SEX INSIDE MARRIAGE:
- HATE TO BOTHER YOU

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- FEMINISM

Many eloquent comments continue to come in with many now from the "other"
side saying they didn't realize they needed to voice their appreciation of
the article. 
http://lists101.his.com/pipermail/smartmarriages/2008-March/003691.html

There are too many replies (many of which are not only eloquent but quite
long) too much to publish but I've have been asked to share several points.
Here's my attempt to summarize:
1) Feminism is a religion and you provided this feminist writer a platform
to push her religious doctrine – that is what's upsetting.
2)  I'm a Christian (included several pastors or pastor spouses) and want to
be very clear that I don't see any conflict whatsoever between feminism,
egalitarian marriages, Christianity, and the Bible.
3) Thanks for the variety of perspectives. I don't know where you find all
the information. We appreciate it. Please keep the information and amazing
balance coming.    
- diane 
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- ALL THE WORK IS WORTH IT
This is the kind of email that provides fuel to keep going. It also must
mean when people search the web for divorce info they are somehow finding us
which is very encouraging.  - d

> Dear Smart Marriages,
> Last October I found your website when I was really struggling with the
> adjustment to being married (not to mention the stress of having my
> mother-in-law and eight cats in an 1100 sq ft house living with us since a
> month after we married).  I had been looking up websites to find the paperwork
> on how to divorce and talked (cried) about it with my husband.  Reading the
> articles on your site, especially the article that shows divorced people
> aren't any happier, was very helpful.  Now my husband and I are working
> towards having a great marriage, and a smart one.  (Also, my MIL is now in the
> rennovated cottage in our backyard with her five cats.) Please send me two
> bumper stickers. I've NEVER put a bumpersticker on my car for anything, but if
> they help just one couple find your site and the same kind of information that
> helped me, it will be worth it. Thank you! - MH in Indiana (I married at age
> 35 and we will celebrate our one-year anniversary in May)
> 
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- HALTZMAN ON MIKE AND JULIET

I think Scott Haltzman did very well on the Mike and Juliet Show this week
on a challenging panel that asked, "Is monogamy possible?"  Scott
persistently inserted the "M" word (Marriage) and when everyone basically
kept repeating "all men cheat" until it started soundling like a fact, he
corrected by saying that he, for one, did not cheat.

Guests included the owner of the Bunny Ranch (maybe I have the name wrong -
some brothel in Nevada where prostitution is legal) and a prostitute from
the ranch who further "testified" that ALL men cheat. Mike and Juliet
deserve credit for being quick to point out that the ranch customers cheat,
but that the ranch services a very small sample of "all men."

- THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE
It was also interesting that on last week's ABC Diane Sawyer special (she
spent two years investigating prostitution) when she interviewed this same
owner of the Bunny Ranch and many of the prostitutes they said that the most
requested service is "The Girlfriend Experience".  Men pay women to pretend
they're their girlfriends - sit on the couch and cuddle while they watch TV
together.  The women said the men pay the prostitutes to listen to their
stories, laugh at their jokes, kiss, cuddle, and pretend you have romantic
feelings for them. While there were some fetish guys, the "Girlfriend
Experience" is their bread and butter.

- HALTZMAN'S TIPS FOR KEEPING SEX INSIDE MARRIAGE:
1)      Stay sexy: Being attractive to your mate means keeping your appeal
by staying physically, mentally and spiritually in good shape. By taking
time to care for yourself, you are showing you care about the relationship.

2)      Offer Variety: For some people, having predictability is a source of
great comfort, but for others having a relationship with the same old‚
person can be a drag.  By adding surprising and new elements to the
marriage, you can keep your partner interested. One of the contributors to
my DrScott.com website said it best: *My husband can have sex with any woman
he wants, so long as she has my social security number!* Using imagination,
we can achieve nearly all the fantasies of our mate, and for our mate.

3)      Focus on the Positives: It's human nature to be drawn to someone's
faults, but happily married couples know that they must make an effort to
see their partner in the best light. That increases the sense of attraction.
Studies prove that you need to have 5 positive interactions for every one
negative to keep a relationship on the right track.

4)      Talk Openly and Often: You can't figure out how to improve your
relationship unless you can be open about what's wrong with it. It's
important for each partner to be heard, and not judged, for what his or her
needs are.

5)      Have Lots of Sex: Sex should be a regular part of your relationship,
as necessary as having good conversation or doing activities together as a
family. Sometimes one or another couple will feel depleted of energy, and
put sex on hold. But in reality, sex is energizing, and will improve the
bond you have with your mate.

######################
- HATE TO BOTHER YOU

> Diane, 
> I hate to bother you but I could use extra brochures.  If you could send about
> 15 more.  I know we can download them but I think the brochures are more
> persuasive and I've got several people in mind that I'd like to persuade.
> George

Trust me, it's no bother. What bothers me are the brochures sitting in my
basement. I'm very happy to send any amount - 5 to 50 to 500.  Whatever you
think you can distribute.  Just send an address. I'm going to copy this to
the list - maybe others will get inspired to try some friendly persuasion.
- diane 

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