Black Marriage Day Celebrations, Contemplations, and Research - 3/24/08

[Smartmarriages]

- 'I DO' AGAIN IN ALABAMA
- BLACK MARRIAGE DAY CELEBRATED IN OHIO
- 300 COUPLES EXPECTED AT BLACK MARRIAGE DAY AT ENON TABERNACLE IN PHILLY
- WHY BLACK MARRIAGE DAY?: JULIE BAUMGARDNER
- GET IT STRAIGHT NISA MUHAMMAD FOUNDER OF BLACK MARRIAGE DAY
- WHY OBAMA STANDS WITH HIS CHURCH
- RESEARCH GRANTS ON AFRICAN AMERICAN MARRIAGE AND HEALTH

###########################

- 'I DO' AGAIN IN ALABAMA

'I do' again: Communication, conflict resolution and date nights work for
these couples who participated in a vow renewal ceremony as part of Black
Marriage Celebration
Decatur Daily (Alabama)
March 22, 2008

> At the series of healthy marriage classes, he said, "it was emphasized that
> you should put the marriage first, not personal desires. And you may have to
> sacrifice personally to do that." . . .
> 
> "But the class helped me most with conflict resolution, which is a very
> important skill to learn," she said.
> 
> "It's not that you won't have conflict, but that you need to learn techniques
> to manage it, rather than walk away."



For a marriage to survive, a couple needs to work at it.

This is the third marriage each for Detrus and Makeba Dobbins of Decatur, so
they decided to strengthen their bond by participating in marriage
enrichment classes and renewing their vows.

They were among four couples participating in a vow renewal ceremony and
reception Sunday afternoon as part of a Black Marriage Celebration sponsored
by Parents and Children Together (PACT) of Decatur.

Speakers included Charles Jackson of the Alabama Community Marriage
Initiative, based in Auburn. He said this is the FIRST SUCH EVENT IN
ALABAMA, with more communities expected to follow.

The ceremony, complete with silk rose petals scattered at the altar
decorated with greenery and candles, was at Progressive Christian Outreach
Ministries in Decatur. Arthur Warrior handled the renewal ceremony, with
Ricky Miller, Jewel Freeman and Ronnissa Stevenson providing music.

Some of the participants recently attended one of several classes PACT will
offer this year, funded by a Community Marriage Initiative grant to build
healthy marriages.

"Stronger marriages mean a better life for the children," said Susan
Roberts, executive director of PACT, which aims to prevent child abuse and
neglect.

During the reception, where bride's and groom's cakes and treats were
served, the Dobbinses and others talked about what they have learned about
marriage.

"There's always room for improvement," said Detrus, 45. "If you've been
married before, you kind of learn from that.

"And I think finances are one of the biggest problems putting stress on
marriages today."

At the series of healthy marriage classes, he said, "it was emphasized that
you should put the marriage first, not personal desires. And you may have to
sacrifice personally to do that."

His wife, Makeba, 38, said they learned a lot about the important of
communication, too.

"But the class helped me most with conflict resolution, which is a very
important skill to learn," she said.

"It's not that you won't have conflict, but that you need to learn
techniques to manage it, rather than walk away."

Detrus said he liked the hands-on activities used in the class, such as
preparing a CD with three love songs for your spouse and making smoothies to
demonstrate the blending of stepfamilies. He is pleased that his adult
daughter now has expressed interest in attending the classes.

The Dobbinses met and married at a church in Cleveland, Ohio, where she is
from.

"We did it the old-fashioned way and actually jumped over a broom as part of
our wedding ceremony on June 28, 2003," said Detrus.

"That symbolizes sweeping away the past and jumping into the new union,"
Makeba said.

The Rev. Rex Jarman of Decatur and Linda Batts of the PACT staff led their
marriage enrichment classes. Jarman and his wife, Jewel, also participated
in the renewal ceremony.

"You need to focus on your marriage, not on yourself," said Jarman.

"Love your wife -- even if you have to bring more to the table than she
does. You should bring 110 percent if necessary to make the marriage
successful," he said.

"We've been married 33 years, and I thought I knew everything about
marriage, but I didn't," Jarman said.

He decided to get involved in leading marriage enrichment classes when he
read that the number of black marriages was steadily dropping.

"As a pastor and husband and father, I prayed about what I could do about
that. Then my cousin Linda Batts, who works for PACT, told me about these
classes they were planning and asked if I would train to be a leader," he
said.

He agreed to attend training sessions "and I liked what I heard -- and I
even learned some things about my own marriage to make it better," he said.

In the class sessions, he helps the men understand their role as a husband,
while Batts handles the female viewpoint.

Lisa and Jeffrey Shine of Huntsville were married 20 years on Dec. 12, and
they learned about this renewal ceremony while attended a Marriage Festival
in Huntsville.

"We wanted to renew our vows," he said, while Lisa said they also wanted to
set a good example for their four children, ages 8 to 15.

'Date night'

"I think a lot of marriages end in divorce because of finances," he said.
"But you've got to put a priority on love, communication, listening and
trust -- and we make every Friday night 'date night.' "

Jeffrey is a motivational speaker who has served as the voice in Taco Bell
customer-service videos, but he said he always made his marriage a priority.

"We're in an interracial marriage, so it doesn't take a rocket scientist to
know we're at risk," he said.

Both their parents were divorced when they were teens, so the Shines decided
early that they wouldn't even entertain the idea of divorce.

"Before couples get a divorce, they should definitely get counseling and see
if they can work it out," he said.

9th renewal

Frank and Carolyn Orr of Moulton renewed their vows for the ninth time, "and
each time has been great," she said.

"Our priority is celebrating the miracle of marriage. It's a mission, and
it's very important to us because each renewal will strengthen a marriage,"
she said.

The Orrs were married Nov. 27, 1984, and began renewing their vows regularly
in 2004. They had a renewal ceremony Nov. 3, but when they heard about
PACT's Black Marriage Celebration, they wanted to participate.

Jackson, who is public relations coordinator for the Community Healthy
Marriage Initiative, a five-year program, said 11 family resource centers in
Alabama are partners, with another 195 community groups involved in some
way. Churches can receive free materials for the classes, too.

"We're not trying to force people to stay in bad situations but to teach
them the basic tools for blending two lives and creating a healthy
marriage," he said. "And it's child-centered, because a healthy marriage has
a direct impact on a child's well-being."

Other programs offer help for teens in relationships, couples preparing to
marry, peaceful co-parenting by divorced parents, and stepfamilies.

The next four-week series of free marriage enrichment classes will begin in
April at the PACT office, 245 Jackson St. S.E. in Decatur. A workbook has
keys to building healthy marriages, as well as tips for managing money,
stepfamilies and more.

PACT also is offering other relationship enhancement classes throughout
2008. Topics and expected beginning dates include "Mastering the Magic of
Love," starting May 5; "Relationship Smarts," starting July 14 and Sept. 2;
"Basic Training for Couples," starting April 14 and July 14; "Together We
Can," starting July 8; and "Smart Steps for Stepfamilies," starting April 3,
July 10 and Aug. 21.

Call PACT, 355-7252, to check exact class dates and times. Free child care
and dinner will be provided with classes.

#########################
- BLACK MARRIAGE DAY CELEBRATED IN OHIO

> The Columbus Urban League and the Healthy Marriage Collaboration of Central
> Ohio, in collaboration with other local community organizations, are hosting
> the 2008 Central Ohio Black Marriage Day celebrations.  These celebrations
> will correspond with celebrations held across the country that highlight the
> importance and the benefits of marriage within the African American community.
> 
> As part of our celebration, we are hosting the 2nd Annual Marriage Leadership
> conference, Rebuilding the Cornerstone: Marriage Matters. This leadership
> conference targets leaders from business, faith-based, government, education
> and community sectors.  The leadership conference will include a distinguished
> panel discussion and Yvette McGee Brown as the keynote luncheon speaker.
> 
> Additionally, the community is invited to participate in our Community
> Celebration events.  Bishop Mel Griffin, our Master of Ceremonies, will host
> events that include marriage recognitions, awards, resources and much more! We
> will also have special guests from the Mrs. Ohio Pageant.  Our own local dance
> troupe, Radical Awesome Wonder, will perform, along with Barbara Amos, Rob
> Waters, Julius Wright and Melvin Marshall of the acclaimed jazz band,
> Crosswalk. You are sure to be up on your feet!
> 
> For more information or to register, please see attached brochure, visit
> HealthyMarriageOhio.org or call (614)825-0009.
>    
##########################
- 300 COUPLES EXPECTED AT BLACK MARRIAGE DAY AT ENON TABERNACLE IN PHILLY

An Update from Greater Philadelphia Healthy Marriage Coalition:
Black Marriage Day will be celebrated Friday, March 29, 2008 under the
leadership of Elder Rob and Elizabeth Harrison of the Philadelphia African
American Healthy Marriage Coalition (who are also the representatives to the
Marriage Co-Mission) .  More than 300 couples are expected to celebrate
Black Marriage Day at Enon Tabernacle Church.  Awards will include
'Champions of Marriage' and the 'Marriage Hall of Fame'.  Couples receiving
the Hall of Fame awards will be listed on a plaque that will be accepted by
the Philadelphia African American History Museum.   To nominate couples in
the greater Philadelphia community email Rob Harrison at
robh at innovativefaith.com.
 
Saturday, March 30 will be the kick off of the 'Fifth Saturday Dating
Initiative'.  "Date Night" in Philadelphia will be promoted throughout the
Philadelphia community on March 29, May 31, August 30, and November 29.

Hold the dates of July 23 & 24 2008 for a Healthy Marriage, Safe Families,
Strong Communities Conference and Training Institute to be held in
Philadelphia. The theme will be "Bridging Healthy Marriage, Responsible
Fatherhood, and Domestic Violence Programs. Our keynote speaker will be
Maria Kefalas, "Promises I Can Keep" and our Banquet Speaker will be Mark
Gungor, "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage".  For more information and to
register visit www.pamrc.com.

The Greater Philadelphia Healthy Marriage Coalition will hold it's second
quarter meeting on Thursday, April 17 from 11:30 - 1PM.  To join contact
Rita DeMaria at Marriagedoctor at aol.com.

#####################
- WHY BLACK MARRIAGE DAY?: JULIE BAUMGARDNER

Why Black Marriage Day?
By Julie Baumgardner
March 23, 2008 
 
³Why should there be a day set aside to celebrate Black Marriage?² said the
caller.  This is a great question that deserves an answer.  The latest
marriage research shows that marriage in the African American Community is
on the decline. Today, African Americans have the lowest marriage rate of
any racial group in the United States. According to the U.S. Census, 43.3
percent of black men and 41.9 percent of black women in America have never
been married compared to 27 percent and 22 percent respectively for whites.
In 30 years, the overall marriage rate in the United States declined by 17
percent, but for African Americans, it fell by 34 percent.

³Contrary to popular belief, marriage rates in the Black community have not
always been low,² said Dr. Rozario Slack, Director of Fathering, Families
and Marriage Initiatives at First Things First. ³Following slavery, marriage
was held in high esteem by African Americans.  In fact, research shows that
close to 70 percent of Blacks during that time period were married.²

Recent research conducted by University of California, Davis economists
Marianne Page and Ann Huff Stevens indicates that divorce and marriage play
much bigger economic roles for black children than white children in the
United States.  Page and Davis found that in the first two years following a
divorce, family income among white children falls about 30 percent, while it
falls by 53 percent among black children.  This difference dramatically
increases over time.

It is estimated that 80 percent of all African American children will spend
their childhood living apart from their fathers. While an estimated seventy
percent of African American children are born to unmarried mothers.

³Many African American adults don¹t seem to recognize how badly young black
teens still desire marriage,² said Dr. Slack. ³Just the other day I was
talking with a young man who is a junior in high school.  He told me he was
going to be a daddy.  He said he wants to try this Œfamily thing¹ out
because he has never seen it in his lifetime.  He wants to try it for a
while to see if it works.²

Like this young man, there are lots of people out there ³playing² at family
says Dr. Slack.  If you play at family you get a play family.

³If people want a real family they will seek to be married,² said Dr. Slack.
The young

man told me he wanted to be married, but he didn¹t know anybody who was in a
happy marriage.  To which I replied, ŒYou didn¹t until you met me.¹  These
young people clearly want marriage, but they do not feel it is within their
reach because of the lack of modeling.  The African American community needs
to develop a culture where these teens see that married people are having as
much if not more fun than single people.²

Page and Stevens¹ research estimates that while the family income of white
children rises by 45 percent when their single parent marries, the family
income of black children rises by 81 percent with marriage. One reason for
the difference in improvement is that married black mothers are more likely
to work than married white mothers. Marriage appears to have even greater
benefits for black children whose single mothers marry than for their white
counterparts, according to the study.

Research shows that Black children with married parents typically receive
better parenting, are less delinquent, have fewer behavioral problems, have
higher self esteem are more likely to delay sexual activity and have better
educational outcomes.  In areas including parental support, delinquency,
self esteem and school performance, having a father in the home and
particularly a married father as a role model is a crucial determinant of
better outcomes for young black males. While it is possible for single
parents to provide these benefits for children, research clearly shows that
they are far more likely to be present in a two-parent household.  Marriage
is clearly the safest environment for children.  Child abuse is 50 times
more likely to occur in households with unmarried, cohabitating adults than
with a child living with their biological parents.

For couples, even when studies control for a wide range of variables, they
consistently find that married Black adults, compared to those who are
unmarried, have more income, are less likely to face poverty and are more
likely to be happy.  Marriage also appears to promote better family
functioning.  Marriage provides companionship and good sex for couples. In
communities where marriages flourish, the property value is higher, crime is
lower and there are better schools.  In communities where marriages fail, or
fail to happen, the opposite exists.

³Black Marriage Day was started by the Wedded Bliss Foundation to create
cultural change in the Black community and to rethink how marriage is
viewed,² said Dr. Slack.  ³I believe we should celebrate Black Marriage Day
to make a difference for the next generation, which includes my children.  A
risk to marriage anywhere is a risk to marriage everywhere.  And I need
there to be less risky marriages so my kids will not grow up thinking that
is the way relationships should be.²

Julie Baumgardner is the Executive Director of First Things First, an
organization dedicated to strengthening marriages and families through
education, collaboration and mobilization.  She can be reached at
julieb at firstthings.org <mailto:julieb at firstthings.org> .
   
########################
- GET IT STRAIGHT FROM THE FOUNDER OF BLACK MARRIAGE DAY
Listen to or watch Nisa Muhammad's classic Keynote as she received the Smart
Marriages Impact Award in 2007.  Order on DVD, CD, or download (only $9.95)
at 800-241-7785 or at http://www.iplaybacksmartmarriages.com

See a quick grab of Nisa's keynote (3rd one in) on YouTube at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7S4KGSzANt0&feature=related

Visit http://blackmarriageday.com for instructions on how to start planning
your Black Marriage Day celebrations for March of 2009.

#####################
- WHY OBAMA STANDS WITH HIS CHURCH

This is apropos -- Black churches being key to Black Marriage Day and the
revival of marriage in the Black Community. - d

> . . . The two men formed their own congregations. Jones gained permission from
> the Episcopal Diocese of Pennsylvania to establish America's first black
> parish, St. Thomas African Episcopal Church. He eventually became the
> Episcopal Church's first African American priest.
> 
> Allen formed a Methodist congregation that eventually became today's
> multimillion-member African Methodist Episcopal (AME) Church.
> 
> The walkout in the City of Brotherly Love occurred in 1787 -- a year that
> marks the beginning of America's independent black church, a theological
> movement born out of racism. . . .

For the full editorial:
http://tinyurl.com/263aj7
#########################
- RESEARCH GRANTS ON AFRICAN AMERICAN MARRIAGE AND HEALTH

Research Grants on African American Marriage and Health

The Office of the Assistant Secretary for Planning and Evaluation within
the Department of Health and Human Services has contracted Mathematica
Policy Research, Inc. (MPR) to commission a series of research briefs
examining the link between marriage and health in the African American
community.  

MPR plans to fund up to six proposals at $10,000 per award.  Proposals
are due April 30, 2008.

For the full RFP, see http://www.mathematica-mpr.com/amhr/index.asp

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