Parenting in Prison \ Website Optimizing \ Walking \ Vitamins \ Marriage Skills at Work - 3/8/08

[Smartmarriages]

- HEALTHY MARRIAGES ARE GOOD FOR CHILDREN
- PARENTING PROGRAMS IN PRISON
- MAKING YOUR WEBSITE WORK FOR YOU
- WALKING FOR YOUR MARRIAGE
- MARRIAGE EDUCATION AS VITAMINS, NOT A VACCINE
- MARRIAGE SKILLS IN THE WORKPLACE PAY OFF

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- HEALTHY MARRIAGES ARE GOOD FOR CHILDREN
(Letter to the Editor by Wade Horn's replacement at ACF. -diane)

Letter to the Editor
Tucson Citizen 
March 4, 2008
 
A recent column suggests that the Bush administration is using the federal
government, through the Healthy Marriage Initiative, to advance an
ideological agenda and coerce women into marriage ("Uncle Sam wants . .. .
marriage recruits," Feb. 13). Nothing could be farther from the truth.
 
The Healthy Marriage Initiative was not created to force anyone into
marriage, but rather to give couples, who participate on a voluntary basis,
greater access to marriage education services. This will help them acquire
the skills and knowledge necessary to form and sustain a healthy marriage.

Indeed, the two main purposes of the program are to improve children's
outcomes through strengthening family bonds and to assist both married and
unmarried individuals in identifying the danger signs of unhealthful
relationships. 

The column also incorrectly asserts that the program has spent millions of
dollars to "fuel the expansion of conservative evangelical organizations."
Research would have revealed that 84 percent of Healthy Marriage grants have
gone to secular organizations.

There always will be extreme voices on the edges of our political spectrum
that are so ideologically driven they conveniently ignore sound research and
common sense. 

However, the great majority of Americans realize that this is not an issue
of political debate, but rather a firmly established fact: Families with a
committed and devoted mother and father are usually best able to provide
children with healthy and happy homes and the foundation for future
success.. This is in stark contrast to children without two parents in a
healthy marriage. They are more likely to use drugs, drop out of school,
become teen parents and run away from home.

Healthy marriages are good for children. This is not a form of "social
experimentation" as the author says, but rather a strategy for improving the
well being of families and children.
 
DANIEL SCHNEIDER 
Acting assistant secretary for children and families
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
Washington, D.C.
 
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- PARENTING PROGRAMS IN PRISON

> Hi Julie,
> Regarding parenting programs in prisons, my Parenting Wisely program is being
> used in all prisons in one region of Michigan, as well as in the Michigan
> Department of Corrections in Lansing. You can check with them about their
> experience. I have recommended for jails and prisons that the inmate watch the
> program with the other non-incarcerated person who is parenting the children
> when this person comes for a visit. This gets them on the same page, and they
> have great conversations about parenting as they are go through the
> interactive CD together. The communication skills taught also strengthen their
> partner relationship. The primary predictor of recidivism is family trouble,
> so using a good evidence-based parenting program like Parenting Wisely is
> likely to reduce recidivism after release. If you would like to discuss this,
> call me at 541-201-7680.  I am in OR on PST.
> Don Gordon, PhD

Don exhibits and also presents his programs each year at the Smart Marriages
Conferences. Download a recording of his 2007 Conference workshop at
http://www.iplaybacksmartmarriages.com

> 575-211
> Parenting Wisely & Divorce: Children In the Middle ­ TOOB
> Don Gordon, PhD
> Two DVD-based, out-of-the-box, award-winning parent education programs that
> work like magic to reduce children's risk of substance abuse and behavior
> problems. Brief, effective, proven!

For more info about Parenting Wisely:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory/147

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- MAKING YOUR WEBSITE WORK FOR YOU

I want to encourage any of you who are thinking about signing up for
Elizabeth Thomas's website Optimizing teleclass to do it! Busy as I am I sat
in on the class this week and learned so much - plus her enthusiasm and "can
do" attitude are contagious - better than a tonic. I'm going to take the
Nuts and Bolts class on Tues/11th AND I'm excited because a bunch of us
Marriage Educators were on the intro class telecall.  We'll crack this
internet code and get our info out there!

Here's her listing that I just posted on the Smart Marriages Directory of
Programs and Resources

> You've got a great website, but is it working? Are you reaching your target
> audience? Are you ranked as high as you'd like to be on search engines? Or,
> do you sometimes feel invisible? Elizabeth Thomas is offering incredibly
> affordable tele-classes to teach you the steps ­ free to very inexpensive
> ways to optimize your site so that those that want your services can find
> you. For schedule, pricing and lots of FREE information, see the website.
> Contact/Organizer: Elizabeth Thomas
> Website: http://www.ThomasConsultation.com
> Email: mailto:elizabetht128 at comcast.net

AND, here's the original post to the list in case you missed it:

You may remember that I sent several enthusiastic emails to the listserv
about Elizabeth Thomas (daughter of Bill Doherty) developing expertise in
something called "website optimizing".  Her story is the perfect example of
"the mother of invention" - she became an expert by creating and
refining two websites: first for their FIRST DANCE program and 2nd for
Bill's MARRIAGE-FRIENDLY THERAPISTS site.  She started by hiring web
designers who created beautiful, snazzy sites, and then, in frustration,
learned that BEAUTIFUL is good, but not enough - not if driving traffic to
the site is the goal.  So she taught herself all about "optimizing" - which
means HOW TO get your site at the top of the search engines and HOW TO reach
your target customers. She has had to completely redesign (optimize) the two
websites but they are now hugely successful - at the top of search engines
and reaching their target customers.

I learned about her journey because, generous as she is and excited about
what she'd learned, she offered to help me.  I realized that there were tons
of non-technical, marriage education people like me that could use her help
and suggested that if she could figure out how to help a bunch of us it
might be the best thing that could be done to move the whole Marriage
Education field forward. She's now figured out how to do this through VERY
AFFORDABLE telecourses - only $30 for the hour-long INTRO course - the
basics: what it is, the lingo, terms, concepts. Then there are two
additional courses if you decide you want them, each $50 an hour: "nuts and
bolts" and another on analyzing web traffic.   She also makes a lot of the
info free on her website. Check it out and sign up for the telecourse at:
http://www.ThomasConsultation.com.   The first telephone course is offered
this TUESDAY, March 4.

Also note that anyone in your organization can listen in on the same call
for the one low $30 intro or $50 Nuts & Bolts fees.  This includes the
people who write the website content and your webmaster who makes the web
edits.  And, both mom and pop if you're one of those mom and pop operations.
:)

I have high hopes for this effort.  PLEASE forward this to anyone in the
field.  

- diane 

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- WALKING FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

Walking for Your Marriage
KSPR.COM ABC
By Kyle Bosch
Mar 7, 2008

Daniel and Lisa wouldn¹t miss their daily walk for anything, even when the
weather doesn¹t cooperate! The Grothe¹s are definitely on the right track!
Exercising together is one of the best ways a couple can connect every day.

Joann Condie, RN ­ Counselor, Focus on the Family says, ³By doing fitness
together, walking or other kinds of activities, that can be a time for great
conversationŠ and to bring up topics that maybe you¹d be too rushed to do
otherwise.²

Lisa Grothe ­ Newlywed says, ³Always was something I enjoyed doing with my
parents even when I came home from college, because it was a good time to
talk and communicate and just catch up, so I was like, I want to do this
with my husband.²

Exercising with your spouse gives you a perfect workout partner, holding you
accountable for those times when you¹re having trouble staying motivated.

Joann says, ³When one of you may want to sit and watch TV and eat potato
chips, we can encourage each other to get up and to get going, so it¹s going
to affect your mental healthŠ and your physical health, your sexual health.²

Daniel Grothe ­ newly married says, ³I think the walking is actually just a
way to spur the communication onŠ we mostly go on a walk for the sake of
spending time with each other, so the walking is sort of an added health
benefit of the communication benefit.²

Daniel and Lisa are reaping lots of benefits; they¹re getting healthier,
strengthening their relationship, having fun and laying groundwork for
healthy kids one day.

Lisa says, ³We already dream and think about the day when we¹re walking with
our kids and they¹re riding their bikes and we¹re allŠ it¹s a tradition, you
know a family thing.²

Daniel says, ³I would never have guessed that I would love going on walksŠ I
thought walking was stupid, but now that I¹m a married man and we¹re doing
the family thingŠ going on a walk is just the best thing that we could do!²

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- MARRIAGE EDUCATION AS VITAMINS, NOT A VACCINE

Marriage Matters: All aboard the emesis express
By James and Audora Burg
Sturgis Journal
March 7, 2008 

It was a lousy seven days in this household last week as the emesis express
got stuck in the Burg station. One by one, four of us had the misfortune of
playing host to the nastiest tummy bug ever to invade this family.

It became a pathetically predictable game of viral duck, duck, goose: after
one person had his day or two in possession of the ever-present vomit
bucket, we only needed to wait another 24 hours or so to discover who the
next anointed "urper" would be.

All semblance of normal household functioning ceased. Dishes piled up, mail
went unopened, and dust bunnies openly played games of tag with each other.
The only thing that kept going was the laundry, and only because the
night-time urpings required frequent changes of sheets and blankets.

All semblance of normal relationship functioning ceased as well. After
January's Florida trip, Audora's February time with her brother in Alabama
and then Jim getting sick just as she returned, we thought we were in need
of some couple recuperation time. After last week's family foray into
stomach flu, we definitely are.

So it's a wonderful thing - and great timing, too - that we're attending the
"Love and Respect" marriage conference this weekend hosted by Grace
Christian Fellowship. We've been looking forward to it for a month. That we
need this booster only heightens the anticipation.

Fresh on the heels of illness, we're seeing things through a disease/immune
system lens, which is ideal, because one of Jim's pet sayings is, "Marriage
education is a vitamin, not a vaccine."

That is, marriage education (or enrichment) is not ever intended to be a
one-shot deal, so to speak. However powerful the content and thorough the
integration into the relationship, the positive effects of even the best
marriage retreat will fade as real life and daily moments of conflict
return. The good created by the retreat will not last forever; it's not
meant to.

Better to consider such activities as vitamins. Not only are vitamins meant
to be taken more frequently, they have the most impact when taken on a
regular basis.

But how realistic is it to expect to take your marriage vitamins all the
time? Plenty realistic, if you realize that those vitamins come in many
forms and are not limited to formal marriage conferences or retreats.

While day-to-day living may lack the excitement and purposeful awareness of
a weekend retreat, tending your relationship in all the little ways promotes
health in the marriage bond as vitamins do in the body. Then when illness
(conflict) strike, as they will, it's a stronger immune system
(relationship) that marches out to meet the challenge.

James Burg, Ph.D., is executive director of the Healthy Marriages Sturgis
program. His wife, Audora, is a homemaker. and free lance writer. They are
parents of three children and reside in Sturgis.

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- MARRIAGE SKILLS IN THE WORKPLACE PAY OFF

Continuing Education Pays Off at Work and at Home
Springfield Business Journal
Jennifer Baker
March 3, 2008

It¹s not uncommon for businesses to offer or even require continuing
education, workshops, and training updates for their employees. The world is
changing. Technology is changing. Savvy employers know that business must
change as well in order to remain profitable and meet the demands of 21st
Century customers. What they might not recognize is how making ongoing
relationship education more accessible to their employees can impact their
profit margin.

It is not uncommon for Employee Assistance Programs today to offer health
and wellness education to employees as a benefit. Classes include everything
from smoking cessation to weight management, as well as how to construct a
fitness plan around walking. Some employers have begun including marriage
and relationship education as well. One good example, Chick-fil-A, offers
lunchtime relationship education sessions and marriage retreats for its 600
employees and 1200 franchise operators. According to S. Truett Cathy, CEO of
Chick-fil-A, ³You can¹t expect people to do well in their business if
they¹ve got problems at home² (USA Today, June 22, 2006).

Relationship Education Comes to Workplaces in the Ozarks

Closer to home, Springfield employers are waking up to making relationship
education opportunities available to their employees, e.g., through
Operation Us. City of Springfield Public Works employees sipped coffee and
listened intently one wintry morning not long ago as they learned about the
connection between physical well-being and relational health. Relationship
stress, they discovered, not only elevates one¹s cortisol‹the stress hormone
that increases blood pressure and blood sugar, while decreasing one¹s
ability to fight off infection and heal from bodily wounds. Being happily
married at 50, they learned, is a better predictor of being alive at age 80
than one¹s cholesterol level.

Mary Ellison, Springfield-Greene County Health Educator, says she included
relationship education in the City of Springfield health and wellness
program, ³Live Like Your Life Depends On It,² because ³When we help people
learn about the importance of relationships and good communication skills,
it helps them have a happier home life and a healthier work life.²

That same week members of the Springfield Hotel-Motel Association learned
about the benefits of relationship education for the people they supervise.
Relationship difficulties, they found, are a frequent source of lost work
time, accounting for annual losses of $6 billion in productivity for
American businesses (Forthofer, Markman, Cox, Stanley & Kessler, 1996). Even
when employees in distressed relationships do show up for work, they are
often distracted and perform at substandard levels.

Key Moments for Continuing Relationship Education

Although relationship education can benefit individuals and couples at
nearly any stage of life, there are some moments more critical than others.
These times occur when people enter a new phase or stage of life. During
these transitional eras they are likely to be more receptive to new
information, as well as experiencing more stress. Consider, for example, the
adjustment to marriage. Planning the wedding can create anxiety in and of
itself, not infrequently leading to a clash of values and families. Conflict
may be inevitable, but studies show that couples who learn the skills to
communicate well and manage conflict safely during this premarital period,
report higher levels of marital satisfaction and lower levels of domestic
violence up to four years later. These skills are taught in relationship
education classes.
<> Then there¹s the transition to parenthood. Considering all the
adjustments a new baby requires it may not be surprising that beyond the
first year of marriage, the highest rate of divorce occurs after the birth
of the first child. Studies with expectant parents who participated in a
relationship education class while anticipating their first child note
higher levels of marital satisfaction and lower levels of separation or
divorce than couples who did not receive the same intervention.
Additionally, the children of parents involved with relationship education
evidenced better health and adjustment at age two than children whose
parents did not. It appears that when the couple relationship is happy and
healthy, everyone in the family is better off.

Researchers Philip Cowan and Carolyn Pape Cowan highlighted the importance
of relationship education at the time preschoolers are making the transition
to kindergarten in their study of preschoolers and their parents. Parents of
four-year-olds were randomly selected for groups receiving no intervention,
consultation with a professional, parent education, or couple education.
Children whose parents participated in education for their couple
relationship, showed lower levels of aggression in kindergarten and higher
levels in academic performance well into first grade than children whose
parents received any other kind of intervention. Experts suggest that
couples who learn to work as a team at critical moments of family change are
more likely to have fathers involved with their children in meaningful ways.
Father involvement has been shown to increase a child¹s academic performance
while decreasing mother¹s depression and stress. Taken together, these
translate to a more optimal home environment, fewer relationship problems,
and increased worker productivity.

<>Special Populations
Getting married, expecting a baby and sending children off to school are all
normal and anticipated relationship changes. A positive, preventative
approach to these predictable changes is often helpful, but what about
unexpected events in relationships? Relationship education can be especially
helpful to couples facing the challenges of forming a stepfamily. Given that
47% of all marriages in Missouri are remarriages for one or both partners,
it is likely significant numbers of people are facing obstacles in
stepfamily formation that might benefit from the support, information and
skills training offered in relationship education. Specialized training is
available for these groups in programs like Smart Steps for Stepfamilies and
Survival Skills for Stepcouples.

Couples in high stress occupations with unusual work hours or required
absences also qualify. The U.S. military recognized that the stress of
military life and deployment was taking its toll on families and began a
number of relationship education programs to help couples keep their love
strong even when they are a part. Love Links, authored by Dr. John Van Epp,
is one such program constructed to help couples connect emotionally and
mentally even when they cannot be together physically.
Return on Investment in Relationship Education
According to Marriage & Family Wellness: Corporate America¹s Business, when
companies invest in the physical and relational wellness of their workers,
returns on investment can range between $1.50 and $6.85 for every dollar
spent on these types of programs. These cost saving are realized in greater
worker productivity and lower rates of absenteeism. When marriages fail,
experts note that divorce can disrupt the productivity of a worker for up to
three years. Mueller (2005) found that the average employee experiencing a
divorce lost an average of over 168 hours of work time annually.

Given the economic costs associated with relationship tensions and marital
disruption, businesses might well consider how to increase their bottom line
in 2008 by investing a small amount in relational wellness for employees or
taking advantage of one of the federally funded programs designed to
increase the skills and abilities to form and sustain safe and stable
relationships.

Jennifer Baker will present several times at the Smart Marriages San
Francisco Conference.
http://tinyurl.com/ywswtt

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12th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, Hilton San Francisco Hotel,
June 30-July 6, 2008  (General Conference July 2-5)
Pre-Conference Training Institutes June 30-July 2
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 6
DOWNLOAD a conference brochure and register at:
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