Gatherings/ Movie: Children of Divorce/ Attractions/ Subscribe/ Retrouvaille /Click for Marriage Advice -6/22/08

[Smartmarriages]

- FAMILY WELLNESS GATHERING
- PICKS/LINKS/AVOID A JERK GATHERING
- MOVIE ADDED: CHILDREN OF DIVORCE
- LOCAL ATTRACTIONS
- ADD ME TO THE FREE NEWSLIST
- RETROUVAILLE 
- CLICK FOR MARRIAGE ADVICE - BUT IS IT A VALID OPTION?

############################
- FAMILY WELLNESS GATHERING
Diane, 
Please add us to the list of gatherings/reunions. We'd like to host a
welcome Smart Marriages to California party Thursday from 5:30-7pm.
People can stop by the Family Wellness booth to get the room #. Ya'll come.
George Doub 
Scotts Valley, California
http://www.familywellness.com

- PICKS/LINKS/AVOID A JERK GATHERING
Diane, 
Please invite people to join us Friday 4:30 - 7pm.  We'll welcome our
Picks/Links/Avoid a Jerk instructors plus anyone curious about the programs
or who just want a place to gather before heading out for the fireworks.
Stop at our How to Avoid Marrying A Jerk exhibit to get the room #.
John Van Epp 
http://www.nojerks.com

To review the earlier conference Gathering announcements:
http://lists101.his.com/pipermail/smartmarriages/2008-June/003759.html

###########################
- MOVIE ADDED: CHILDREN OF DIVORCE
We're adding a new film, Children of Divorce, to the film screening line-up
in SF.  The film, produced and Directed by Carri Taylor of Designing Dynamic
Stepfamilies, is another wonderful tool for your marriage-strengthening
arsenal. The Marriage Movies prove the point that a picture is worth a
thousand words - and that talking/moving pictures might be worth a million.
Here again is the schedule with the new film added. Two times to view each
one.  -d 

Marriage Movies
JUST SHOW UP € YOUR BADGE IS YOUR TICKET
MEET THE DIRECTORS € BRING A SANDWICH

Wednesday July 2 € 1:30 - 3pm
Fireproof (Christian content) - Union Square 15
Couplehood as a Spiritual Path - Union Square 23

Wednesday July 2 € 3:30 - 5pm
Song of Songs - Union Square 15
Secrets to Love - Union Square 23

Thursday July 3 € 5:30 - 7pm
Secrets to Love - Continental 4
Ultimate Relationships - Imperial B

Friday July 4 € 4:30 - 6pm
Fireproof (Christian content) - Continental 4
Couplehood as a Spiritual Path - Imperial B
Children of Divorce - Union Square 22

Saturday July 5 € 5:30 - 7pm
Ultimate Relationships - Continental 4
Song of Songs - Imperial B
Children of Divorce - Union Square 22

########################
- LOCAL ATTRACTIONS

>> DianeŠanything new from folks about GREAT things to do (besides the SM conf)
>> in SF?  
>> Cas Caserta  
Check the "attractions" page at Smart Marriages:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/sf.sights.html

########################
- ADD ME TO THE FREE NEWSLIST
> Hi ,
> I just got my badge and the enclosed letter suggests we subscribe to the Smart
> Marriages newslist. Can I ask you to add me?
> Kind Regards,
> A. E. 

We are unable to subscribe you. You must subscribe yourself. That prevents
people from maliciously subscribing their ex-wife/husband, etc....people
they think need this smart marriage info. It's simple, just go to Smart
Marriages home page and Subscribe link is in left column.
http://www.smartmarriages.com

###########################

- RETROUVAILLE 
Troubled couples rediscover their marriages
Retrouvaille challenges the social tragedy of widespread divorce
It doesn't have to be this way. Retrouvaille helps couples overcome a
marriage gone bad.
The Western Catholic Reporter
Week of June 23, 2008
By ANN LEWIS

The wedding was a big affair in the cathedral just nine years ago.

They had six bridesmaids, six best men and two priests. The reception was
for 350 people.

Tonight the harsh words and ugly names reverberate in the silence of their
living room. The muffled sobs of the children can be heard coming from the
bedroom.

The latest estimates by Statistics Canada (2005) put the risk of divorce by
the 30th wedding anniversary at 38 per cent for the country as a whole and
41.9 per cent for Alberta (Vanier Institute of the Family).

Divorce, especially for couples with children, is not just a personal
tragedy - it is a social crisis. "They say it takes a village to raise a
child. That may be the case, but the truth is that it takes a lot of solid,
stable marriages to create a village," says Diane Sollee, director of the
Coalition For Marriage, Family and Couples Education.

Retrouvaille (the French word for rediscovery) is creating villages. It is a
program designed to help couples living in the pain of a marriage gone bad.
It was started in Hull, Quebec, in 1979 and is offered in over 30 countries
today. It is a peer ministry - married couples reaching out to other
couples.

Retrouvaille is a marriage program that starts with an intense weekend
facilitated by three couples and a priest. The three couples had all
experienced pain and misery in their own marriages.

Retrouvaille is not a two-day miracle. After the weekend, there is a series
of 12 post sessions with the couples usually meeting once a week for two
hours. The follow-up is very important since it allows a couple to put into
practice the skills they learned on the weekend along with the support of
presenting couples.

The final phase of the program is called CORE, or Continuing Our
Retrouvaille Experience. This is an ongoing support group for couples in the
program. The Retrouvaille "family" meets once a month to help and support
each other, since the healing process usually takes a lot longer than just
the initial weekend and follow-up period.

Retrouvaille teaches couples how to communicate, how to trust, how to
forgive, how to resolve conflict, even how to fight - yes, how to fight.

Couples want hope, they want to believe their marriage can survive. We offer
them hope because we have been through it and we have survived.

For information about or to register visit the website at
www.helpourmarriage.com .

############################
- MARRIAGE COUNSELING MOVES ONLINE

Marriage counseling moves online
Click for marriage advice ­ but is it a valid option?
By Marilyn Gardner | Staff Writer for The Christian Science Monitor
June 22, 2008 

When troubles cloud a marriage, couples typically have several options for
resolving their differences. Some work out problems themselves. Others turn
to family and friends for advice. Still others head for a marriage
counselor¹s office.

Now, in a high-tech world, they have another choice: online marital
counseling. A computerized program called eHarmony Marriage seeks to help
couples communicate better, rekindle romance, and resolve conflicts more
compassionately, says Les Parrott, who created the program
(marriage.eharmony.com) with his wife, Leslie, a marriage and family
therapist.

The site is an offshoot of the Internet matchmaking service, eHarmony.com.

³It¹s perfect for people not quite at the place to get counseling, who want
to do something practical to improve their relationship,² says Dr. Parrott,
a psychology professor at Seattle Pacific University.

That ³something practical² begins with a 40-minute online questionnaire
covering issues ranging from finances to housework, trust, family
relationships, and spirituality. Each partner answers separately. Their
responses generate a computer report outlining their strengths and
weaknesses as a couple.

³It will reveal where you guys are really strong and where you will find the
most benefit if you invest in this area,² Parrott says. For instance, ³You
do really well in communication until you get to this area ­ in-laws.²

>From that summary, the computer produces a ³marriage action plan² that
includes interactive video exercises, articles, and resources.

Couples pay $150 for the program, which typically takes six to eight weeks
to complete. Users are often in their 30s and 40s. ³Women tend to be the
first to move in this direction,² Parrott says. ³Men tend to be a bit more
oblivious to the problems.²

Although online matchmaking is widely accepted, does Internet marriage
counseling, with its click-of-the-mouse approach, hold a legitimate place?

Diane Sollee, director of the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples
Education in Washington, D.C., thinks it does. Explaining that good
counseling gives people new information, she says, ³You can do that in any
medium ­ face to face, over the phone, by computer.²

It¹s also a way to help couples who are far apart ­ a husband in Iraq, his
wife in the United States.

³It¹s very cost-ineffective to require that a couple sit with a therapist in
a private office, an hour at a time, to get information,² says Ms. Sollee,
herself a marriage therapist. ³It¹s more efficient to get that information
on a DVD or a website. You can give couples an assignment: ŒWatch this DVD.
Make a list of your 10 wishes, hopes, dreams for yourselves as a couple.
List five issues that give you the most anxiety. Then if you need more help,
more counseling, more coaching, the two of you can get on the phone with a
counselor.¹ ²

Parrott emphasizes that e-therapy is not a cure-all for every troubled
marriage. ³It¹s not a substitute for counseling,² he says. ³If a couple is
on the brink of divorce or at a huge impasse, they need to see somebody in
person.²

Mort Fertel, founder of Marriage Fitness, an alternative to counseling that
uses a CD audio learning system, acknowledges that face-to-face contact
offers certain advantages. ³Trust is very important,² he says. ³People can
acquire that trust more quickly if they shake hands and look at each other.²

Noting that a lot of communication takes place nonverbally, he adds, ³[A
therapist] can see physically the couple¹s dynamics ­ if their arms are
crossed or their legs are crossed away from each other.²

Yet remote counseling offers advantages, too, Mr. Fertel says. People can
choose an expert anywhere, regardless of geographical location. For those
who find it hard to discuss difficult subjects, ³It¹s easier to get to the
heart of the matter more quickly if you¹re not sitting face to face.²

Parrott finds that the No. 1 problem couples struggle with is communication.
Resolving conflict ranks second. ³People ask, ŒWhat¹s the one most important
thing I can do to improve my marriage?¹ We say, practice empathy.²

For Sollee, finding ways to deal with the nation¹s ³alarming and
unacceptable² rate of divorce and family breakdown remains a challenge. ³If
we know we have something that can help couples,² she says, ³it¹s our
responsibility to get that information to them in a user-friendly,
understandable, affordable form. I really think the divorce rate can go
down, and we can do better.²

####################
Please do not reply to this email. This mailbox is not monitored and you
will not receive a response.

Send submissions and comments for the listserv or for list moderator, Diane
Sollee, to: diane at smartmarriages.com  (In other words, do NOT simply hit
"reply". If you hit reply your email will disappear into cyberspace.)

This is a moderated list. Submissions and comments are read by Diane Sollee.
Please indicate if your comment is NOT to be shared with the list.  PLEASE
include your email address and/or url as part of your signature.

With thousands of subscribers, not all comments can be shared. Also realize
that opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by members of the
Coalition.

To SUBSCRIBE, UNSUBSCRIBE, or Change your subscription address,
visit: http://www.smartmarriages.com/app/Newsletter.Subscribe

To read past posts to the listserv, visit the Archive at:
http://lists101.his.com/pipermail/smartmarriages/

12th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, Hilton San Francisco Hotel,
June 30-July 6, 2008  (General Conference July 2-5)
Pre-Conference Training Institutes June 30-July 2
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 6
DOWNLOAD a conference brochure and register at:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/download.brochure.html

List your program and resources on the Directory of Classes at
http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html

Order conference audio & video CD/DVD/MP3s: 800-241-7785 or
http://www.iPlaybackSmartMarriages.com

Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd NW, Washington, DC 20015-1961
http://www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332

FAIR USE NOTICE: This e-newsletter/site contains copyrighted material the
use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright
owner. We make such material available in our efforts to advance
understanding of marriage, family, couples, divorce, legislation, family
breakdown, etc. We understand this constitutes a 'fair use' of such material
as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with
Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed
without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the
included information for research and educational purposes. For more
information: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml. If you wish to
use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go
beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.