Eggshells Survey/Funding Opportunity/ Black in America/ School-Youth/Conference/ TV - 7/23/08

[Smartmarriages]

- YOUR INQUIRIES
- FUNDING OPPORTUNITY
- CNN BLACK IN AMERICA SPECIAL BEGINS TONIGHT
- WALKING ON EGGSHELLS SURVEY
- SCHOOL/YOUTH MARRIAGE EDUCATION RESEARCH BRIEF
- GRIZZLIES TO BENEFIT MARRIAGE COALITION
- THOUSANDS ATTEND MARRIAGE CONFERENCE IN SAN FRANCISCO
- HOW DO YOU FEEL LOVED?
- 20 KEYS TO HAVING A HAPPY MARRIAGE FROM RABBI PLISKIN
- EPSTEIN REALITY SHOW CONCEPT: ARRANGED LOVE

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- YOUR INQUIRIES
Sorry if you missed the notice that I was taking off a few days - realize
some of you thought the list was down or my email wasn't working. Am back
and working through your emails and voice mail.
 - diane 

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- FUNDING OPPORTUNITY
Compassionate Love in a Relational Context RFP
Letters of intent are due September 15, 2008
The Fetzer Institute announces the availability of $1 million total funding
to support scientific research projects on compassionate love in a
relational context (marital relationships, parent-child relationships,
familial relationships, intergroup relationships, and relationships between
religious and cultural groups).
View and print the complete RFP.
<http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001YZhH0sqFCApZinvHfVzWj-eVtQKtVanDnBmJlkwPLN_CRMAg
sLeB13cnCDQziubTHZoz65mUu38ASUl00Rs0HFA1cXZw647uQJTsbnZI-iyNfGo3AWStGdshJK0k
YY3YGmoQS1mAAgXukfq6Hwq24Ssht8h0Hbjhbwn5_7osGWCWgjh1152fjw==>

Fetzer Institute
9292 West KL Avenue
Kalamazoo, Michigan 49009
www.fetzer.org 
<http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001YZhH0sqFCAoOrwLNqzcaSVWKRGUd2OjnXtDgd8B6c-fAyC2S
VidvgNqNOp1PLtqPw-pLwbFkSJZmzvk7lkFThZTMeYKIwR5Kz_t-TMVyLnY=>

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- CNN BLACK IN AMERICA SPECIAL BEGINS TONIGHT

The Black Woman & Family - July 23 at 9pm ET
The Black man - July 24 at 9pm ET
http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2008/black.in.america/

(CNN Student News) -- Forty years after the assassination of Dr. Martin
Luther King Jr., CNN launches a sweeping on-air and digital initiative, CNN
Presents: Black in America. These documentaries, "The Black Woman and
Family" and "The Black Man," focus on fresh analysis from new voices about
the real lives behind the stereotypes, statistics and identity politics that
frequently frame the national dialogue about Black America. Before and after
viewing these programs, use the overview questions and discussion activity
that follow to facilitate a discussion with your pre-teen and teenaged
children.  After the special, Click on iReport and share your views and
input. http://www.ireport.com/ir-topic-stories.jspa?topicId=9773

((Let's see if they could use input on marriage education
programs....diane))
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- WALKING ON EGGSHELLS SURVEY

> Diane,
> Recent studies have shown sharp increases in anger and stress, which are
> causing more abuse at home and more of the walking-on-eggshells syndrome I
> described in the Oprah series a couple of years ago. In an attempt to track
> the uptick, we are asking for people to complete the very brief (5 mins)
> Walking on Eggshells Quiz at <http://compassionpower.com/Eggshells>.  Please
> ask coalition members to forward this to their lists or post the link on their
> website.
> Steven Stosny
> CompassionPower.com

I just got a preliminary report from Playback Now and it looks like Steven
Stosny's workshop, Love WithOut Hurt, is on the top ten list. Order on CD or
MP3 download at: http://www.iplaybacksmartmarriages.com/
Or at 800-241-7785 

> 758-308
> Love Without Hurt
> Steven Stosny, PhD
> Learn how to use this approach in marriage education settings to help overcome
> entrenched resentment, anger, verbal and emotional abuse BEFORE you try to
> teach communication skills.

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- SCHOOL/YOUTH MARRIAGE EDUCATION RESEARCH BRIEF
Starting Early: How the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative Helps Schools Prepare
Young People for Healthy Marriages, Research Brief, June 2008. A model to
implement in your state.
http://www.aspe.hhs.gov/hsp/06/OMI/StartingEarly/rb.htm

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- GRIZZLIES TO BENEFIT MARRIAGE COALITION
Another great idea from the Fresno Healthy Marriage Coalition that you can
adapt for your community marriage fundraising.  - d

> Grizzlies game to benefit ministries
> Fresno Bee
> Celebrate Marriage Night will be held at Chukchansi Park at 7:05 p.m. Aug. 1,
> when the Fresno Grizzlies play the Memphis Redbirds.
> 
> Proceeds from ticket sales will benefit Marriage Mentoring Ministries and the
> Fresno/Madera Healthy Marriage Coalition.
> 
> Cost is $8 for field-level reserved seating. Ticket orders must be made by 5
> p.m. Friday. Details: (559) 320-2591 or fresnogrizzlies.com.

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- THOUSANDS ATTEND MARRIAGE CONFERENCE IN SAN FRANCISCO

World News
ISKCON News Weekly
July 19, 2008
Thousands Attend Marriage Conference in San Francisco
By Krsnanandini Devi Dasi, Certified Family Life Educator, Director,

Wouldn¹t it be grand if married couples everywhere could have enduring,
satisfying relationships, based on spiritual principles? Wouldn¹t it be
marvelous if all children could grow up in a healthy two-parent home? Such
was the goal of most of the attendees of the 12th Annual SmartMarriages
conference from July 2-6, 2008 in San Francisco, California.

Founded by Diane Sollee, MSW, this is the premier conference of its kind in
the world. More than 2,000 people from all over the globe come to share,
present, gain insight and get inspiration from marriage and family books,
programs, dvds, and presentations. Marriage Educators, Therapists,
ministers, teachers, youth project leaders, government officials, judges,
couples and other lay persons converge in a wonderful, near week-long
experience of marriage and family strengthening workshops, keynotes,
exhibits, roundtables and networking.

Krsnanandini Devi Dasi and Tariq Saleem Ziyad, co-directors of the
Dasi-Ziyad Family Institute, traveled over two thousand miles to attend this
year¹s SmartMarriages conference. The conference was held at the San
Francisco Hilton, by far the largest and one of the most prestigious hotels
in California.

At this year¹s SmartMarriages conference, the co-directors of Dasi-Ziyad
Family Institute presented a workshop featuring an overview of their ³From
Couple to Couple² curriculum, which trains and certifies couples in healthy
marriages to become Mentor Couple/Marriage Educators. These Mentor Couple
Marriage Educators can then work with couples before and after marriage,
modeling healthy relationship skills and teaching skills to their mentee
couples. (To find out how you or a healthy couple you know can get this
training, check the DZFI website at www.dzfi.org or the GVT website at
www.vaisnavafamilyresources.org)

Krsnanandini and Tariq rubbed shoulders with notables like John Gray, author
of the Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus series of books, Dr. Gary
Chapman, author of the Five Love Languages and related works, Dr. David
Olson, co-founder of Life Innovations and the internationally acclaimed set
of Prepare/Enrich premarital and marriage inventories, Dr. Scott Stanley,
famed author of Fighting For Your Marriage and the Prep healthy marriage
curriculum and Nisa Muhammad, Director of Wedded Bliss Foundation and
creator of the National Black Marriage Day Initiative.

These and other dedicated Marriage and Family proponents spend much time and
effort to strengthen marriages and families. They know the benefits; And
they know all too well the consequences of the break down of family. As
researchers Wood, Goesling and Avellar state in their report, The Effects of
Marriage on Health: A Synthesis of Recent Research Evidence, ³A burgeoning
literature suggests that marriage may have a wide range of benefits,
including improvements to individuals¹ economic well-being, mental and
physical health and the well-being of their childrenŠA focus on the most
rigorous recent evidence reveals that marriage has positive effects on
certain health-related outcomes.²

Further, such research is validating what many marriage and family experts
already know: Marriage Education programs work to ³reduce strife, improve
communication, increase parenting skills, increase, stability and enhance
marital happiness.²

Some highlights from the 2008 SmartMarriages conference include:

>From Dr. Gary Chapman: ³Many couples love each other but don¹t know how to
connect. Sacrificing for one¹s spouse is important. When it (a service for
your spouse) doesn¹t come naturally, it¹s actually a greater expression of
love. We must learn to speak one another¹s love language.²

>From Dr. John Gray: ³ Men talk to solve problems; Women talk to express
feelings.²

>From Dennis Stoica¹s (Director California Healthy Marriage Initiative):
³Marriage matters to children. Divorce is hard on kids and it is a serious
national problem.²

>From Michelle Weiner-Davis: (Founder, Divorce Buster Programs) ³Real giving
means giving what your spouse wants ‹ no matter if you don¹t understand
it‹it¹s mutual caring.²

Dr. Sue Johnson (Sociologist and author): ³Without empathy and secure
connection, there can be no real love. All humans need nurturing, soothing
and protectionŠŠ Key moment which defines forgiveness: when the injured
party looks into the eyes of the offender and sees that their pains matters.
They have to see it in their faces.²

Dr. Steven Stosny (Author and founder of Compassionworks.Com): ³You can turn
your resentful, angry or emotionally abusive relationship into a
compassionate, loving oneŠ.. The urge to improve, appreciate, connect or
protect are the motivations of our core values. The experience of value
gives you meaning and purpose. Crime goes up when the sense of community
goes down. People feel disconnected.²

Many of these thoughts are reminiscent of the teachings of an ancient Vedic
wise man, Rupa Goswami. In his treatise on Devotional Service, Goswami
delineates 6 Kinds of Loving Exchanges which keep healthy connections
between people:

    1. Giving gifts in charity

    2. Accepting gifts with appreciation

    3. Offering food prepared with love and devotion

    4. Accepting such food with grace and care

    5. Revealing one¹s mind confidentially

    6. Respecting and honoring such confidential sharing.

Over 125 workshops and 16 keynotes were presented at the conference,
covering a wide spectrum of marriage, family, fatherhood and healthy
relationship topics. Next year¹s 2009 SmartMarriages Conference will take
place in Orlando, Florida, July 6-12, 2009.

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- HOW DO YOU FEEL LOVED?
Marriage Blog: Have a Great Marriage
Bill MacReynolds 
July 16, 2008 

This introduces the concept of "active staying" - nice way to put it...which
sounds a lot like Sue Johnson's secure attachment keynote. I'll never forget
the "active staying" photo she used to open her talk. Also very reminiscent
of the Chapman Love Languages keynote.
http://haveagreatmarriage.blogspot.com/

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- 20 KEYS TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE FROM RABBI PLISKIN

A nice list with items like these:

> 14.  Write a list of ways that you have benefited from being married to your
> spouse. Keep adding to the list and reread it frequently.
> 
> 15.  Write a list of your spouses positive patterns and qualities. Keep adding
> to the list and read it frequently.

http://www.simpletoremember.com/growth/20-key-ideas-for-happy-marriage.htm

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- EPSTEIN REALITY SHOW CONCEPT: ARRANGED LOVE

'Making Love' (Out of Nothing At All) May Be Good Reality TV
A Former Magazine Editor Has a Show Concept That Could Change the Way We
Date and Mate
By Lenore Skenazy
July 21, 2008

Making love on TV. That's not just what Robert Epstein, former editor of
Psychology Today, plans to have 10 couples start doing. It's the trademarked
name of his next project: a reality TV show that puts strangers together and
heats things up.

Crass as that may sound, it isn't. Well, maybe it's a little crass. But it's
also the only TV show I've ever heard of that has the potential to change
the way Americans date and mate.

That's because the phrase "Making Love" has a very different connotation for
Epstein. The Harvard Ph.D. believes in arranged marriage -- marriage where
two people start out as strangers and have to make love ... happen. Think
Tevye and Goldie in "Fiddler on the Roof" (not to mention another billion
couples in countries where arranged marriage still rules).

Epstein's wild idea is to try a Westernized version of the same thing: From
thousands of hopefuls, he will create 10 seemingly compatible couples, just
the way Yente the Matchmaker would.

Relationship experts will counsel them on patience and caring, just the way
parents (in 19th-century Poland) would. The couples will commit to trying to
grow to love each other by signing a no-cheating "love contract" for the
10-week series. And then Epstein will put them through the kinds of
experiences during which people tend to bond. Scary ones. Emotional ones.
Ones where they overcome temptation. At the end, Epstein expects maybe six
couples to tie the knot on his show.

Now, obviously, a lot of people have come up with reality shows that never
get on the air. Maybe this one won't. But the idea has such great potential,
it's inspiring. It's also a product-placement bonanza. Let's talk
inspiration first.

In his own search for love, the divorced Epstein grew fascinated by how well
arranged marriages seem to work. "The love in 'love marriages' starts out
high and decreases very substantially after a year and a half or two years,"
he says. "But in the arranged marriages, it starts at zero and gradually
increases. It surpasses the love in love marriages at around the five-year
mark." By year 10, it's -- on average -- double.

Not only does arranged marriage seem to work well in the long run, it's also
proof that you can find love without searching forever for your one, true
"soul mate." In fact, Epstein has come to the conclusion that each of us has
about 350,000 potential soul mates -- including about 50,000 right here in
the U.S.A.. . . 
For full article: http://adage.com/print?article_id=129728

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13th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, Shingle Creek Resort,
Orlando, Florida, July 6-12, 2009 (General Conference July 8-11)
Pre-Conference Training Institutes July 6-8
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 12
 
Shingle Creek Resort: http://www.rosenshinglecreek.com/

Conference schedule, registration, & exhibit information will be posted as
it becomes available at:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/conferencedetails.html

List your program and resources on the Directory of Classes at
http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html

Order conference audio & video CD/DVD/MP3s: 800-241-7785 or
http://www.iPlaybackSmartMarriages.com

Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd NW, Washington, DC 20015-1961
http://www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332

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