Sacrifice \ Calif \Oklahoma\ Michigan \ Secrets \ Male Mid-Life Crisis \ Put your DVDs on... 2/25/09

Smartmarriages smartmarriages at
Mon Feb 25 00:29:29 EST 2008



> Hi Diane,
> I see on the PREP website that Scott Stanley presented on The Paradox of
> Sacrifice at the last CMFCE Conference in Denver. Unfortunately we were not
> able to attend, but would like to be able to get that presentation
> either on DVD or on CD. Can you help me out with the best way to go about
> obtaining the presentation.
> Terri Ammirati 

Good choice.  Paradox of Sacrifice was one of the highest rated of the 20+
keynotes at the 2007 conference.

Order session #757-P2 on DVD, CD, or as an MP3 download at 800-241-7785 or

Note that Scott Stanley and Howard Markman will present a major keynote in
San Francisco: 

> P-5 Fri, July 4, 8:30am
> Let's Get Real: Marriage Education for Individuals
> Howard Markman, PhD, Scott Stanley, PhD
> Although Marriage Education has traditionally focused on working with couples,
> it is increasingly obvious that there are a an extraordinary number of
> opportunities > – and obligations – to provide preventive education to
> individuals. New data and service models provide an idea of the exciting
> potential on the Marriage Education horizon.


California now has 141 class listings at 104
classes in English, 7 in Spanish, 24 in Korean, and 6 Leadership
Trainings...and growing!

Again, if you are teaching a marriage or relationships skills class in
California for teens, single adults, couples at any stage, parents, fathers,
stepfamilies - you can list your class for free at

And, to repeat, you can also list on the Program and Resources Directory at but it's $75 a year.


It's fun to see photos - helps to see how they set this up.
Here are photos of the marriage education class attended by 600 Oklahomans
on Feb 9th to launch their "All About Us" campaign.

That's Natalie Jenkins, Howard Markman, Scott Stanley on stage in photo #2.
They'll present a three-day PREP and Chrisitan-PREP Training institutes at
the San Francisco Smart Marriages Conference:

> 101 Three Days - Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, June 30, July 1 & 2
> The PREP Approach
> Howard Markman, PhD, Scott Stanley, PhD,Susan Blumberg, PhD, Natalie Jenkins
> Videos, role play and research shed light on both marital failure and success.
> Qualifies you to present the PREP program to help couples communicate, manage
> conflict, and nurture fun, friendship and intimacy in marriage. $150 spouse
> discount if both spouses attend PREP. Discount couples will receive two leader
> manuals but will share the instructor kit and book.
> Click for more information:


For immediate release: February 22, 2008
Contact: Pamela Hudson, Ph: 313‑278‑4400
Black Marriage Day 2008: "Our Sacred Vows"
Getting Married is Good; Staying Married is Better; A Healthy Marriage is
In recognition of the efforts of the Marriage Resource Center of Wayne
County, Governor Granholm has issued a proclamation declaring March 30th as
“Black Marriage Day” in Michigan. The Governor recognizes Marriage Resource
Center’s mission to promote healthy marriage throughout Wayne County, the
need for healthy marriages and the benefits a healthy marriage has on the
father, mother, and children of families.
In accordance with the Governor’s proclamation and to further affirm its
commitment to the value of marriage, Marriage Resource Center will join
activists in more than 200 cities around the country to highlight the
benefits of married life.  Nearly 50 couples will renew their vows at
Charles H. Wright Museum of African American History, March 22nd at 6
o’clock. The event will feature words of encouragement from Nisa Muhammad,
the founder of Black Marriage Day and Executive Director of Wedded Bliss
Foundation. The affair will also spotlight producer, composer, keyboardist,
and saxophonist Randy Scott, music poetry by Detroit’s own, Cherrie Amour,
and much more.  
Wedded Bliss Foundation Executive Director, Nisa Muhammad, stated that
"We're creating a cultural shift in the Black community to reconsider
marriage and celebrate the joy that exists in spite of the pain we often
Military spouse and marriage education participant, Erica P.B., said the
Black Marriage Day event is “One of the most exciting and engaging events
that I have been a part of …truly an evening for couples.”

Haltzman will present three times in San Francisco.  Order the book now and
get him to sign it in Calif.  - diane

Secrets of Happily Married Women
Deborah Kotz
US News and World Reports
February 8, 2008

As writer Amy Bloom puts it, "Love at first sight is easy to understand;
it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it
becomes a miracle." A new finding from the University of Michigan appears to
confirm the challenges of sustaining romance: While we manage to improve our
relationships with our parents, kids, and friends as we age, we're more
likely to find our spouses ever more irritating and demanding. What's more,
other research has shown that marriages go downhill after having children.
Now they tell me? After I had three kids?

Fortunately, for every problem, there's a self-help book. And The Secrets of
Happily Married Women: How to Get More Out of Your Relationship by Doing
Less, out last month, might be particularly helpful because it's written by
a guy - Scott Haltzman, a marriage counselor and assistant professor of
psychiatry at Brown University - who wants to help us get into the heads of
the men we love. Scanning down the chapter titles, some of the advice is
fairly obvious: Chapter 1: Know Your Husband. Chapter 2: Nurture His
Needs - and Yours. Chapter 5: Have Lots of Sex.

Then there's Chapter 3: Fight Better. Yes! We're allowed to fight!'

Haltzman says to be direct and tell your spouse exactly what you want
instead of hinting at it like please don't leave (choose one): your wet bath
towel on the floor, the milk out on the counter, the seat up. He also
provides some classic therapist tips like allow your husband to speak
uninterrupted and repeat back what he says in the heat of the battle. "If I
understand you correctly, you're upset because..." Compliments, too, can go
a long way: Research shows that in successful marriages, positive
interactions outnumber the negative 5 to 1. Speaking from experience, saying
something nice can be especially helpful in the middle of an argument - as
hard as that is to do - to take the anger down a notch.

Once the fight is finished, the author recommends in the next chapter to
"Talk Less." Hmmm. I might feel compelled to keep on expressing my feelings,
but I shouldn't expect my husband to say "l love you" or "I'm sorry" right
back. In fact, Haltzman tells women to look for nonverbal cues as an
expression of love: He unexpectedly makes the bed in the morning, gives you
a hug, or hands you his umbrella when it's raining.

Happy couples, Haltzman says, accept these differences in communication
styles. Wives understand that their husbands often talk about factual stuff,
like politics, bills, or sports scores, with the purpose of making a point.
Of course, husbands, too, need to tune in to their wives' vivid descriptions
of daily events with twists and turns that meander far from the main topic.
That's driven home in Haltzman's previous book, The Secrets of Happily
Married Men.



I'm sure we can count on Frank Pittman to cover this one in his Marriage and
the Movies workshop. It's his specialty.  - diane

> 401
> At the Movies
> Frank Pittman, MD
> Everything we need to know about marriage can be found at the movies: explore
> meaning, expectations, love, insanity, brain chemistry, secrets, lies, deal
> breakers – even clues about how to get it right. Bring popcorn.

Mid-life crises take toll on marriages
The Financial Times (London)
By Ben Fenton
February 25 2008 

In the grip of mid-life crisis, the British male used to buy a new sports
car or a powerful motorcycle to salve his angst. Nowadays, he is as likely
to opt for a new wife.

In a survey of 100 leading matrimonial lawyers published today, the
emotional volatility of men in middle-age was the second-most commonly cited
cause of divorce in the UK in 2007.

A year earlier, in the same survey by Grant Thornton, the accountancy and
legal services company, only one in 50 divorces were said to be the result
of the erratic behaviour of spouses who became irked with the sameness of
their everyday existence or alarmed by the approach of old age.

Last year that number rose to one in seven and 93 per cent of those cases
were laid at the door of male, rather than female, ennui. But the
extra-marital affair, an urge perhaps even deeper-rooted than masculine
middle-age restlessness, is still the number one reason for break-ups, with
29 per cent of all divorces blamed on infidelity.

Men were to blame for the vast majority of adultery cases that UK lawyers
handled, the survey found - and the disparity was even more marked than a
year earlier.

Grant Thornton found that in 78 per cent of cases where the divorce was
caused by an affair, it was the husband who had strayed and in 22 per cent
the wife.

In its last survey, the company reported that men were to blame in 69 per
cent of divorces caused by infidelity, while they were the injured party in
31 per cent.

Two-thirds of people who suspected their spouse was being unfaithful had
employed a private investigator, with women almost twice as likely as men to
take that option.


> Your self-improvement/personal development DVDs wanted — Tony Alessandra
> <TA at>
> I have a tentative “green light” from Crystal Cruises (CCI) to start a
> “Motivation Station” on their cruise ships. They need 48 hours of
> self-improvement/personal development programs on DVD — NOT business topics —
> to show on their in-house TV on the cruise ships.
> If you have any 20-60 minute top-notch programs on DVD, please send them to me
> ASAP to review and send on to CCI for their evaluation and approval. You must
> own the (licensing) rights to your DVD programs.
> CCI ships are high-end cruises that often have business executives and their
> families as passengers. You do not get paid for this project but it’s a great
> opportunity to get in front of these decision makers from around the world.
> Send your self-improvement/personal development DVDs to me at 46 Grand
> Corniche Drive, Henderson, NV 89011.

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12th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, Hilton San Francisco Hotel,
June 30-July 6, 2008  (General Conference July 2-5)
Pre-Conference Training Institutes June 30-July 2
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 6
DOWNLOAD a conference brochure and register at:

List your program and resources on the Directory of Classes at

Order conference audio & video CD/DVD/MP3s: 800-241-7785 or

Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd NW, Washington, DC 20015-1961

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