83 \ Hold Me\ McCartney-Mills\ Fresno Marriage Week \Marriage Course \Navajo \ Overstreet - 2/18/08

[Smartmarriages]

- 83 YEARS!
- HOLD ME
- WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?
- MCCARTNEY-MILLS DIVORCE??
- MARRIAGE WEEK IN FRESNO
- THE MARRIAGE COURSE/THE MARRIAGE PREPARATION COURSE
- NAVAJO MARRIAGE STRENGTHENING
- GIVING CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE: PAUL OVERSTREET

##################

- 83 YEARS!

To have and to hold ... for 83 years and counting
The Star Tribune, Minneapolis
Jeff Strickler
February 18, 2008

Eight decades after heading down the aisle, a White Bear Lake couple may be
headed for the Guinness Book of Records.

Clarence, 101, and Mayme Vail, 99, celebrated their 83rd anniversary Sunday,
possibly making them the longest married couple alive in the United States.

Married in 1925, they almost didn't make it to their 25th anniversary. When
Clarence became critically ill with tuberculosis in 1948, Mayme made a
promise to God that if her husband survived, she would attend mass every day
-- a promise she kept until last year when health issues forced them to move
into an assisted-living center.

"She's got good genes; she used to walk to mass every day," said her
daughter, Arlene Leyden of St. Paul, who filled out the 17 pages of
paperwork required by the Guinness record-keepers.

There was no shortage of people to attend the Vails' anniversary party.
Their family includes six children, 39 grandchildren, 101
great-grandchildren and 40 great-great grandchildren. Mayme Vail's "kid"
sister was there, too. She's only 98.

Check out the photo: http://www.startribune.com/local/east/15724647.html

####################
- HOLD ME
Don't ask me why but this 83 Years married story reminded me of this one
from the Marriage Quotes page, so I'm sharing it.  I guess I imagine that
they look so good and have made it so long because they took their vows
literally: 

> Hold Me
> Some close friends filed for divorce. When we explained the situation to our
> boys, they were confused and declared, ³We don¹t understand. They were so
> happy whenever we were with them.² I asked what they would do if they were
> married and their wife got upset and mad and even treated them mean. Without
> hesitation, my youngest, declared, ³I would hold her.² How could a four year
> old know the security a woman feels when a pair of strong arms gently wrap
> around her!? When I am stressed or worried, my heart immediately softens if my
> husband simply holds me. I asked Philip WHY he would hold her. He explained
> that that¹s what Dad always says in the ceremony. Philip had witnessed several
> of the vow renewal services that conclude our marriage conference weekends. As
> in a wedding ceremony, Sam leads couples to repeat their vows, ³To have and to
> hold from this day forward². Unlike many married couples, Philip took these
> vows literally.
> Marriage - The Foundation newsletter www.thealexanderhouse.org/

############################
- ANOTHER CLASSIC MARRIAGE SONG

Also, you can't make these things up ­ someone sent in this song the same
time that someone else sent in the 83 Years Married article.  I've long
loved this one, a classic. Listen, if you don't mind choking up. - diane

>  WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?
> 
> Claire had all but given up
> When she and Edwin fell in love
> She touched his face and shook her head
> In disbelief she sighed and said
> In many dreams I've held you near
> Now at last you're really here
> 
> Chorus
> Where've you been?
> I've looked for you forever and a day
> Where've you been?
> I'm just not myself when you're away
> 
> He asked her for her hand for life
> Then she became a salesman's wife
> He was home each night by 8
> But one stormy evening he was late
> Her frightened tears fell to the floor
> Until his key turned in the door
> 
> Chorus
> 
> They'd never spent a night apart
> For 60 yrs she heard him snore
> Now they're in a hospital
> In separate beds on different floors
> 
> Claire soon lost her memory, forgot the names of family
> She never spoke a word again
> Then one day they wheeled him in
> He held her hand and stroked her head
> In a fragile voice she said
> 
> Where've you been?
> I've looked for you forever and a day
> Where've you been?
> I'm just not myself when you're away
> I'm just not myself when you're away
> 
> Performed by Kathy Mattea:
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibvuK5WQ9tk&feature=related
> 
###########################
- MCCARTNEY-MILLS DIVORCE??
Diane,
I'm curious.  I've sent several article links about the McCartney divorce.
Do you not think this is news? Because of who he is it has quite an impact
on many of us. I also sent three articles about collaborative divorce. I
wonder if my emails are not getting through.  You don't reply to acknowledge
that you've received them and you don't post them.  I think some of the
material you send is, in fact, useless.  Like all the country love songs.
Amanda

First, let me apologize. I receive hundreds of emails a day and I know
(because people tell me) that it's frustrating that this is a moderated list
and they can't get their stuff posted.  Also, I post or don't post, but in
either case there is not time to reply to senders.  There is way too much
marriage/divorce/parenting/fathering news to post even 20% of it. AND, I
never thought I'd see the day, but it's even gotten to the point that there
is MARRIAGE WEEK and Marriage EDUCATION news I don't post.  We've come a
long way, baby!  As for the love songs, many find them useful in their work
- even in their lives and say it's nice to have a break from the constant
MARRIAGE EDUCATION proclamations and legislation news.

I'm guessing that I've avoided the McCartney-Mills divorce news 1) because I
figure everyone sees it daily on TV, radio, print; but 2) because I believe
it is such bad news for our efforts and don't like emphasizing it. It sends
the message to marriageable men to avoid marriage and the possible alimony
penalties.  Likewise, Collaborative Divorce.  It's nice to be able to
cooperate as the ship is going down, but I prefer the articles about
Collaborative Marriage.  It's hard to please all of the readers all of the
time.... - diane 

########################
- MARRIAGE WEEK IN FRESNO

Diane,
The list might want to watch this news clip:
http://abclocal.go.com/kfsn/story?section=news/local&id=5958731

It features a Marriage Week event sponsored by the Fresno Healthy Marriages
Coalition, one of the California Healthy Marriage Initiative's most
successful organizations.

In case anyone asks, no federal funds were used to sponsor the faith-based
Love and Respect Conference featured in this clip - but this shows the power
of organizations that can play in both the faith-based and the secular
arenas.

Also, I want to point out that although last line of the transcript about
the divorce reduction rate is a mistake (a misquote), the divorce rate in
Fresno did actually fall 6%.  Not bad at all for the first year of the
grant! We expect that with the Fresno SATURATION approach that we'll see
continued and dramatic reductions.

In addition to the TV spot, there was a radio report earlier in the day that
featured Fresno HMC and results of CHMC's California Baseline Survey.  And,
Fresno director Ron McLain wrote an article that was printed in the Fresno
Bee; has arranged for a series of radio PSAs to be played on radio stations;
is participating in our statewide "10,000 lawn signs" promotion; and we are
running a series of "Because of ME" ads on the FresnoBee.com website
throughout the month of February. In addition they're working with the mayor
and police chief to access "hard to get into" areas to present MML and
Connections in schools, Boys and Girls Clubs, after school programs, PAL
(police athletic league) activities, neighborhood watch meetings, etc.

Is this paying off?  You betcha'!!!  In fact, a few weeks ago Fresno HMC
launched a Mastering the Mysteries of Love (MML) program that had 90
participants, and they have a total of five MML programs scheduled for
February and March - several being taught in Spanish.   Go Fresno!

Dennis Stoica 
California Healthy Marriages Coalition
########################

- THE MARRIAGE COURSE/THE MARRIAGE PREPARATION COURSE

I just saw on their Canadian Newsletter that they have 489 Marriage Courses 
and 48 Marriage Preparation Courses operating across Canada!! How many are
operating in the United States?  Let me know, someone.
This is the teach-out-of-the-box course that received the 2007 Smart
Marriages Impact Award - and for which the creators, Nicky and Sila Lee, got
RAVE reviews for their keynote presentation in Denver.  And, they're again
coming all the way from England and will present twice in San Francisco:

> 213
> The Marriage Course - TOOB
> Nicky & Sila Lee
> This practical, DVD-based dinner format is easy for lay couples to teach,
> transforms & strengthens any relationship (married or cohabiting), and draws
> couples in ³like magic². Based on the famed Alpha course.

> 503
> The Marriage Preparation Course ­ TOOB
> Nicky & Sila Lee
> Learn to teach the course and also to recruit & train mentor couples so that
> the program basically runs itself. Practical, 5-session, DVD-dinner format,
> inventory, and mentor-couple based.

###########################
- NAVAJO MARRIAGE STRENGTHENING

Navajo families learn about healthy relationships
By Alysa Landry 
The Daily Times (New Mexico)
02/15/2008 

FARMINGTON ‹ Nine years and two children into their relationship, Tamara and
Brandon Castillo decided to tie the knot.

The Castillos, both 25-year-old students at San Juan College, grew up on the
Navajo Nation, and saw firsthand some of the issues that challenge healthy
families, Tamara said.

Getting married was the best thing the couple ever did for their
relationship, she told an audience of about 300 people Thursday at the
second Healthy Marriage Conference sponsored by the Navajo Nation Program
for Self Reliance.

The couple attended the conference last year, and based on information
gained there, decided to make the marriage commitment.

"We really found out how sacred marriage is," Tamara said. "We learned about
respecting your partner, and all the parenting tips no one ever tells you."

For complete article: http://www.daily-times.com/news/ci_8266889

######################
- GIVING CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE: PAUL OVERSTREET

> Diane,
> On a post from 13 February, you listed lyrics and attributed the song to Randy
> Travis.  Now, Randy has a unique voice and did a fine job with that song, but
> the author is my friend Paul Overstreet (who won a Grammy for his song).  Paul
> has written MANY songs that are equally, if not more, family and marriage
> friendly than that one.  He deserves credit for not only writing and singing
> about, but LIVING his faithfulness as a husband and father.  He is truly a
> spokesperson ("lyrics-person"?) for our movement and deserves his own mention.
>  
> Incidentally, such positive posts are a GREAT juxtaposition to the ongoing BS
> about working with military families in which at least ONE of the members has
> demonstrated his or her inability to commit to family, choosing instead to run
> after the fool's gold of empire-building.  I'd like to put in my vote to
> reduce such posts in favor of the former.
>  
> Rev. Dr. Craig Hexham, LPC, CFLE, CAAC, CCS-M
> 

Wow, so impressed that you know this great poet, Paul Overstreet. Maybe you
could get him to come sing a medley for us.  I'll correct on the Songs
collection page.  - diane


Send submissions and comments for the listserv to: diane at smartmarriages.com
Do NOT hit "reply". If you hit reply your email will go into cyberspace and
NO ONE will see your email.

This is a moderated list. Submissions and comments are read by Diane Sollee,
editor. Please indicate if your comment is NOT to be shared with the list.
PLEASE include your email address and/or url as part of your signature.

Please also understand that with thousands of subscribers, not all comments
can be shared. Also realize that opinions expressed are not necessarily
shared by members of the Coalition.

To SUBSCRIBE, UNSUBSCRIBE, or Change your subscription address,
use the form at: http://www.smartmarriages.com. Click Newsletter/Listserv -
in the left column under the puzzle piece.

To read past posts to the listserv, visit the Archive at:
http://lists101.his.com/pipermail/smartmarriages/

12th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, Hilton San Francisco Hotel,
July 2 - 5, 2008  
Pre-Conference Training Institutes June 30-July 2
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 6

List your program and resources on the Directory of Classes at
http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html

Order conference audio & video CD/DVD/MP3s: 800-241-7785 or
http://www.iPlaybackSmartMarriages.com

Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd NW, Washington, DC 20015-1961
http://www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332

FAIR USE NOTICE: This e-newsletter/site contains copyrighted material the
use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright
owner. We make such material available in our efforts to advance
understanding of marriage, family, couples, divorce, legislation, family
breakdown, etc. We understand this constitutes a 'fair use' of such material
as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with
Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed
without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the
included information for research and educational purposes. For more
information go to: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml. If you
wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own
that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright
owner.