Marriage Record Pittsburg| Tornados \ Tracks \ Valentine's Day - 2/13/08

Wed Feb 13 16:18:36 EST 2008

- NEW MARRIAGE RECORD!!
- TENNESSEE TORNADO
- VALENTINE'S DAY - TO FEEL GRATEFUL IF YOU'VE SURVIVED ONE TORNADO OR
ANOTHER, GET YOU IN THE MOOD, WRITE IN YOUR CARDS....

########################
- NEW MARRIAGE RECORD!!

Oh my goodness!!!  This made my day.  You MUST watch the video - the
beautiful couples - young and old - and the wonderful mayor leading the vow
renewal. And the elegant setting.  I cried. Be sure to watch both videos.
- diane  

Diane,
Did you know that Pittsburgh is going to be in the Guinness Book of World
Records on marriage? On Sunday evening, February 10 over 600 couples
gathered to renew their wedding vows in the largest wedding vow renewal
ceremony in history. There were 750 couples registered but the official
count is not in. It really does not matter, because we clearly set the
record. The old one was set in Sydney, Australia last September with 272
couples. The number of couples who signed in properly is 630. The number who
had certificates is 611, slightly lower than our 629 but still enough to
squash the Sydney record like a bug!

Here are some links with photos and video.

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/08042/856586-53.stm
http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/s_551291.html
http://www.wpxi.com/video/15269165/index.html
http://www.examiner.com/p-113718~Wedding_Vow_Renewal_Ceremony_Expected_to_Br
eak_Record.html

Dr. Terry Mann, Project Director
www.twogetherpgh.org

############################

- TENNESSEE TORNADO

I'm sharing this article, 1) to show that Tennesseans have tornados on their
minds even when it comes to marriage (understandable after what they've been
through) and 2) to share the last line to remind you that tomorrow is the
big day  if you don't know what to give your sweetheart for Valentine's
Day:  
> a fulfilled commitment of faithfulness is a Valentine gift that keeps on
> giving.

- TRACKS 
And, 3) because as soon as I sent the last post I immediately got an email
suggesting I should have sent people who are interested in Networking to the
Community Organizing TRACK on the website:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/chmi.track.html

Which gives me the opportunity to remind us all, again, that whatever the
topic area, there's a conference track - (a list of workshops/events grouped
by category). Like Infidelity Tornadoes:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/sex.track.html

Whatever your interest area, the tracks make it easier to find what you're
looking for: http://www.smartmarriages.com/tracks.html

If you see mistakes (I'm sure there are MANY - I practically went blind
creating these) or missing topics, just suggest them. Thanks for the help.
- diane 
----------------------
The Tennessean 
February 13, 2008

Infidelity rips through marriages
By RAMON PRESSON

Tennessee Voices

There will be awkward Valentine's Day moments for hundreds of couples in
Middle Tennessee. That is because in the past year an emotional tornado
ripped through the marriage and tore trust and security from its foundation.
The violent twister was an exposed affair.

The statistics are staggering. Lowest estimates put the incidence of affairs
at 16 percent (Lauman, 1994) while another topped out at 70 percent (Hite,
1987). The spectrum of infidelity research reviewed by Maggie Scarf
independently of D.A. Buss led both to conclude that about 55 percent of
married men will have affairs, as will 45 percent of married women. The data
thereby suggest that approximately 70 percent of all marriages will
experience infidelity at some point during the marriage.

As Tennessee's per capita divorce rate annually ranks in the top five of the
50 states, there is absolutely no reason to suspect that the infidelity
rates are any lower for the Volunteer State. And it doesn't get any more
promising for Middle Tennessee when one factors in economics and higher
income levels. Dr. Lana Staheli (1995) surveyed the patterns of middle- and
upper-class Americans and noted several studies, which concluded that almost
75 percent of affluent married men commit adultery at some point in their
marriage and are more likely than lower-income men to have multiple affairs.

The research reveals that for men and women, the higher the income, the
greater likelihood of an affair. Correlations seem to include greater
mobility, more travel, more contact with successful and attractive people,
more recognition and admiration Š more temptation. The majority of these
affairs are not one-night stands during an out-of-town business trip. For
men and women, most affairs occur within the hometown social network, and
most often with a co-worker.

Of significance for thousands of couples in Middle Tennessee is research
confirming that American middle- and upper-class couples spend more time
apart than lower-income couples. The extra resources are not spent to buy
more time together. Just the opposite: The added income seems to invest
itself in greater busyness and in more individual and separate activities,
as well as more activities for the children. One result of this affluence,
mobility and busyness appears to be a significant decrease in quality time
spent together as a couple. One or both partners in a malnourished marriage
are vulnerable to seeking and/or responding to someone else's attention,
affirmation and affection.

The good news is that a surprising percentage of marriages are actually able
to recover from infidelity if 1) the affair is truly and completely
terminated and 2) help is sought to rebuild trust and restore intimacy. Many
couples around you are survivors, and not just permanently handicapped
survivors. Though wounded and bearing scars they are healing and are
becoming stronger in the broken places.

Nevertheless, every survivor desires to serve as a lighthouse warning all
wandering vessels of the deadly rocks hidden in the fog. They would tell us
that a fulfilled commitment of faithfulness is a Valentine gift that keeps
on giving.
#########################
- VALENTINE'S DAY - TO FEEL GRATEFUL IF YOU'VE SURVIVED ONE TORNADO OR
ANOTHER, GET YOU IN THE MOOD, WRITE IN YOUR CARDS....

> As we work to strengthen marriage on a societal level, we must not neglect our
> own marriages. What good will it be for a man if he strengthens all the
> marriages in the community and loses his own way?
> Mayor Bill Hardiman, chair, Greater Grand Rapids Community Marriage Policy
####################
>> They do not love who do not show their love.
>> William Shakespeare
>> *************** 
>> Ann Meara of the comedy team Stiller and Meara observed awhile
>> ago in a  New York Times interview of her 30-plus year marriage,
>> "Was it love at first sight? It wasn't then - but it sure is now."
>> New York Times 
>> *****************
>> For most people, a life lived alone, with passing strangers or passing
>> lovers, is incoherent and ultimately unbearable. Someone must be
>> there to know what we have done for those we love.
>> Frank Pittman 
>> ****************
>> The Time is Now
>> If you are ever going to love me,
>> Love me now, while I can know
>> The sweet and tender feelings
>> Which from true affection flow.
>> Love me now
>> While I am living.
>> Do not wait until I'm gone
>> And then have it chiseled in marble,
>> Sweet words on ice-cold stone.
>> If you have tender thoughts of me,
>> Please tell me now.
>> Unknown
********************
> It's you I like,
> It's not the things you wear.
> It's not the way you do your hair,
> But it's you I like.
> The way you are right now
> The way down deep inside you
> Not the things that hide you
> Not your diplomas...
> They're just beside you.
> But it's you I like,
> Every part of you,
> Your skin, your eyes, your feelings,
> Whether old or new.
> I hope that you'll remember
> Even when you're feeling blue,
> That it's you I like,
> It's you yourself, it's you
> It's you I like!
> Mr Rogers
####################
> Be my heart's prop.
> In the waste places be a shade-giving tree.
> Be good to me!
> The night is long, the dawn is far away.
> Be a small light, be a sudden joy,
> be my daily bread.
> Rachel
####################
> Grow old along with me.  The best is yet to be - the last of life for
> which the first was made.
> Robert Browning
####################
And here's one from Sam Bradley who will present in San Francisco on
21st Century Marriage:

> I'm very neat. My wife is messy - never picks anything up.
> Doesn't even notice the mess - it's below her radar. I cured
> myself from my annoyance with her by imagining that she had died
> and then asking myself, "If you could bring her back to life but she'd
> still be messy, leave clutter all over the house - 5 pairs of shoes in the
> living room, would you still want her back?" "Yes, for sure!"
> And, it cured me. Whenever I get annoyed with her mess, I rerun the script.
> Sam Bradley, "Marriage Makeover" workshop Smart Marriages Conference, Reno
##############
And, because I know you'll all think I've gone senile if I don't repeat this
one for Valentine's Day, just because I always do:

>  On Valentine's Day
> 
> An old man got on a bus one February 14th, carrying a dozen
> roses. He sat beside a young man. The young man looked at
> the roses and said, "Somebody's going to get a beautiful
> Valentine's Day gift."
> 
> "Yes," said the old man.
> 
> A few minutes went by and the old man noticed that his young
> companion was staring at the roses. "Do you have a
> girlfriend?" the old man asked.
> 
> "I do," said the young man. "I'm going to see her right
> now, and I'm going to give her this Valentine's Day card."
> 
> They rode in silence for another 10 minutes, and then the
> old man got up to get off the bus. As he stepped out into
> the aisle, he suddenly placed the roses on the young man's
> lap and said, "I think my wife would want you to have these.
> I'll tell her that I gave them to you."
> 
> He left the bus quickly. As the bus pulled away, the young
> man turned to see the old man enter the gates of a cemetery.

> Unknown
> ****************

All from the Smart Marriages Quotes page where there are a few thousand
more: http://www.smartmarriages.com/marriage.quotes.html

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY.  BTW, for some reason my computer cannot open those
email website greeting cards - maybe because I'm on an old MAC. So, don't
even try.    
- diane 

Send submissions and comments for the listserv to: diane at smartmarriages.com
Do NOT hit "reply". If you hit reply your email will go into cyberspace and
NO ONE will see your email.

This is a moderated list. Submissions and comments are read by Diane Sollee,
editor. Please indicate if your comment is NOT to be shared with the list.
PLEASE include your email address and/or url as part of your signature.

Please also understand that with thousands of subscribers, not all comments
can be shared. Also realize that opinions expressed are not necessarily
shared by members of the Coalition.

To SUBSCRIBE, UNSUBSCRIBE, or Change your subscription address,
use the form at: http://www.smartmarriages.com. Click Newsletter/Listserv -
in the left column under the puzzle piece.

To read past posts to the listserv, visit the Archive at:
http://lists101.his.com/pipermail/smartmarriages/

12th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, Hilton San Francisco Hotel,
July 2 - 5, 2008  
Pre-Conference Training Institutes June 30-July 2
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 6

List your program and resources on the Directory of Classes at
http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html

Order conference audio & video CD/DVD/MP3s: 800-241-7785 or
http://www.iPlaybackSmartMarriages.com

Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd NW, Washington, DC 20015-1961
http://www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332

FAIR USE NOTICE: This e-newsletter/site contains copyrighted material the
use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright
owner. We make such material available in our efforts to advance
understanding of marriage, family, couples, divorce, legislation, family
breakdown, etc. We understand this constitutes a 'fair use' of such material
as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with
Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed
without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the
included information for research and educational purposes. For more
information go to: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml. If you
wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own
that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright
owner.