NO Tah Dah? | Solutions for the "no spirituality" ruling - 2/1/08

Fri Feb 1 16:09:52 EST 2008

- NO TAH DAH ON BROCHURES AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT BANNED PROGRAMS?

> Diane,
> I'm surprised you didn't do one of your big TAH DAHs about the brochure being
> available on the web site. Even when I'm busy, I make sure to read anything
> you have headlined with a Tah Dah. BTW, it's beautiful!!
> 
> I'm also surprised that you sent the notice about the Methodist Bishop
> endorsing 10 Great Dates without reminding everyone that that is one of the
> programs we're not supposed to teach in our ACF-funded initiatives. I've been
> watching the list hoping that you'd send out some suggestions about what we
> can do about this buzzard in the marriage education ointment.
> - please don't identify me if you share this with your list

Actually, I slipping, just forgot to do a shout out - the brochure being on
the website ready to download is definitely worthy of a TAH DAH. To
download: http://www.smartmarriages.com/download.brochure.html

And, as I understand it, there no injunction against using 10 Great Dates,
just a ruling against teaching Date #9.

I asked David and Claudia Arp, the program founders, to share any solutions
they've come up with.  Here's their reply:

----------------------------
- DATE #9 

Diane,
Thanks for asking.  As you can imagine, we've been inundated with inquiries
about how to handle this, like the one below.  Please share our reply with
the list:   

> 
> Hi, Claudia,
> 
>    I'm checking to see how you all are handling the "no Date #9" thing.   I've
> got some church groups who are wanting to do a Valentine's Day event with 10
> GD. Have any suggestions as to how to handle #9?  Any change at all on the
> Fed's stance since last week?  This is SO irritating and wrong!
> CB

Suggested fix for 10 Great Dates Date #9

Concerning the separation of church and state as it relates to Date 9 in our
10 Great Dates program: As you know this program has been used in many
different settings over many years. We even did a ACF video conference on
it, so we were surprised to learn that the Fed lawyers have suddenly moved
the bar of what they feel is acceptable in talking about marriage and
spirituality. We are very glad they have made it clear that 10 Great Dates
can still be purchased and used in programs run by federal grantees. The
only issue is Date 9 which fortunately is an EASY FIX. Here is a copy of an
email we sent as a answer to one grantee:

³Thank you for your email. We just heard about the communication from ACF
not to use Date 9. It seems they are shying away that anything that has the
word ³spiritual² in the title as we really created this Date 10 years ago
for universal use. So here is a suggestion for how to craft an alternate
Date 9 in place of the current one for those not interested in spirituality.

Announce at Date 8 that Date 9 in the book and on the DVD is on spirituality
and that according to the federal government you can¹t offer it as part of
the program using federal funds. So for Date 9 you¹re doing something a
little bit different. This will be the ³great make-up date² or ³choose your
own topic² date or ³fun² date or whatever you want to make it. You¹ll still
get together and greet everybody and have a short date launch. Then announce
that the date launch is officially over and they are free to leave for their
date but mention that you will reconvene in 5 or 10 minutes and show the
Date 9 Developing Spiritual Intimacy DVD launch but clearly state that this
is TOTALLY VOLUNTARY. We believe that this fulfills the requirement of
separation of time and or space and that most couples will stick around to
see what all the fuss is about.²

Blessings,
Claudia & Dave

We would add to our response above: Since most 10 Great Dates (and other
marriage education ) are run through churches we would caution you to be
very careful in how you explain to the churches why they should make the
spiritual date optional.  Our take is, it is a wonderful opportunity for
churches to emphasize the spiritual by even having to say it is optional.
You can be sure curiosity will get the best of many who might not have taken
this date seriously if it were just one of ten.

We would love to get feedback from others who are using 10 Great Dates and
have them share their creative suggestions for abiding by this new line
while helping couples grow in all areas of their relationship. Again we are
pleased that ACF was very clear that 10 Great Dates resources can be bought
and used with federal funds.   Arps at marriagealive.com

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