In-Laws / Obama Marriage Effect / Republican Perspective / Newlyweds and Christmas/ Free Stuff - 12/3/08

[Smartmarriages]

- NEW STUDY: IN-LAWS HARDER ON WIVES
- OBAMA: THE FIRST FATHER
- THE OBAMA MARRIAGE EFFECT FROM A REPUBLICAN PERSPECTIVE
- YOUR FIRST CHRISTMAS AS HUSBAND AND WIFE
- MORE FREE ARTICLES AND FREE STUFF

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- NEW STUDY: IN-LAWS HARDER ON WIVES

Study: In-laws harder on wives
November 30 2008 
Washington Times
Carleton Bryant

Unlike the standard jokes, mothers-in-law are harder on their
daughters-in-law, the Guardian is reporting.

A new 20-year study shows that mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law tear at
each other, with the son/husband in the middle.

There aren't a lot of mother-in-law jokes expressing the daughter-in-law's
pain because there aren't that many women comics. They're too busy planning
how to dispose of their mother-in-law's body.

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- OBAMA: THE FIRST FATHER

This opinion piece from the Daily Press was distributed by today's African
American Healthy Marriage Initiative listserv.  It never uses the word
MARRIAGE though comes close with a new euphemism: "two on-duty parents"....
- diane

> If more African-American children had the advantage of two on-duty parents,
> their economic situation would improve. So would the nation, for it could tap
> into the rewards of their productivity in workplaces and on tax rolls. The
> national budget could shed some of the huge cost of dependence, of Medicaid
> and welfare, food stamps and subsidized housing, police and prisons.
 

Daily Press, VA
December 3, 2008  

The first father- Obama could help the nation focus on strengthening black
families, and fathers

Barack Obama's agenda is groaning with big-ticket items, some that go to the
top because they're so important to the nation, some that get there because
they're important to the groups that helped him win. Some, particularly the
economy, will keep him and his team busy and challenge every bit of
imagination and intelligence and courage they can bring to the task.

There's an issue that's not on the official agenda, but should be: the state
of many of the nation's black families.

Is it audacious hope, or wishful thinking, that raises the prospect that
President Obama might unwind the cycle of poverty and dependence, illiteracy
and irresponsibility, that threatens another generation?

These concerns are not just part of a social agenda; they're relevant to the
economic agenda as well. The grind of poverty, inadequate education and job
skills, illegitimacy and fragile family structures are the prism through
which too many black families experience national economic trends. When
these factors combine, as they do, even the good economic times aren't so
good. And the painful ones are more so.

Let it be clear: These problems aren't exclusive to the black community, but
they strike it hardest.

According to the Census Bureau, 25 percent of black families fall below the
poverty line, compared to 10 percent to 11 percent of white, Asian and
Hispanic families.

Many get there because they don't have the education or training for the
jobs that pay more than poverty wages. Or because they live in communities
where jobs, transportation and good child care are hard to find.

Many get there for reasons that have to do with what constitutes a family.
It's easier to slide into poverty when there's just one adult ¿ and most
black children spend at least part of their childhood in such homes.
According to state birth records, in Virginia , two out of three
African-American babies are born to unmarried mothers. This isn't a problem
one race owns, of course, but that rate is more than twice the rate for
white mothers.

Families headed by mothers alone are likely to be poor. Their children are
more likely to be raised around other poor people, in communities with bad
schools and little exposure to the kind of expectations that would propel
them to success. They're more likely to drop out of school and to end up in
prison.

The angle that Obama is particularly well suited to take on this is one that
begs for more attention: black fatherhood.

One of the major contributors to the problems for so many children and their
neighborhoods is the failure of too many black men to step up to their jobs
as fathers, and the inability or reluctance of many black women to impose
the conditions that would induce them to. Without demeaning the
accomplishments of some single mothers and some part-time fathers, this must
be recognized: Children fare better in two-parent families ¿ or, at least,
if their fathers play a large and supportive role in their daily lives. They
fare better with parents who don't become parents until they have the income
to support children and the wherewithal to nurture them.

Children with two hands-on parents are twice as likely to get their fill of
the emotional stability, guidance and discipline that makes for successful
adults. And many sons and daughters who've never experienced responsible
fatherhood firsthand find that it's hard to replicate for your own children
what you've never seen.

And so the cycle spins further downward.

If more African-American children had the advantage of two on-duty parents,
their economic situation would improve. So would the nation, for it could
tap into the rewards of their productivity in workplaces and on tax rolls.
The national budget could shed some of the huge cost of dependence, of
Medicaid and welfare, food stamps and subsidized housing, police and
prisons.

This is a humanitarian issue, an economic issue, a social issue.

And an issue that Obama is uniquely prepared to champion. The absence of his
own father cast a pall over his life that he's explored in books and
speeches. The nation has been captivated by the image he presents, with his
own wife and daughters, of a devoted family man.

He knows what its like to be a father, and a fatherless child.

Obama made few forays into this territory while campaigning. But he did
address it when he spoke last Father's Day at a Southside Chicago church. He
said, "We need families to raise our children. We need fathers to recognize
that responsibility doesn't just end at conception. ... What makes you a man
is not the ability to have a child.  It's the courage to raise a child that
makes you a father."

This isn't a problem the federal government can fix, though it can help by
rewarding the right behavior. As Obama put it, "We should be making it
easier for fathers who make responsible choices and harder for those who
avoid them."

Indeed, the unintended consequences of federal actions...... notably a
welfare system that gave women incentives to have out-of-wedlock babies and
even punished them financially if fathers acted responsibly ..... are a
major foundation of today's problems.

But Obama can use the bully pulpit of his presidency, his magnetism, his
personal experience and his passion to focus attention on this issue. To
inspire communities, families .... and especially individuals who must take
responsibility for their own actions.

http://www.dailypress.com/news/opinion/dp-ed_fatherhood_edit_1130nov30,0,556
1632.story 

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- THE OBAMA MARRIAGE EFFECT FROM A REPUBLICAN PERSPECTIVE

Here is the first of two very topical articles from Jason Krafsky, aka The
Marriage Junkie, and he's giving you permission to reproduce them as long as
you properly credit.  The first is about the potential Obama Marriage Effect
and the second is full of good advice for newlyweds about how they can *do*
Christmas instead of letting Christmas *be their undoing*

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Will the Obama¹s Affect African American Marriage Rates?

I have to admit that I, being a Marriage Junkie, hadn¹t really thought about
this until I read ³The Obamas can be model for marriage² (by Cynthia Tucker
- The Atlanta Journal-Constitution).

One of the most significant changes President-elect Barack Obama could have
over the next four years has nothing to do with who he appoints to his
Cabinet, the pieces of legislation he signs into law or the inspirational
speeches he gives.

It has everything to do with his marriage to Michelle.

For more than four decades, great concern has been expressed about the
condition of the African American family and the state of marriage in the
black community.

In 1965, The Moynihan Report, a Department of Labor sponsored report raised
concerns over the rising out-of-wedlock birthrate amongst African Americans
(at the time, one-quarter of births were to unmarried women). Over the
years, many black leaders, ministers and celebrities have voiced concern
over the rising levels of fatherlessness and family breakdown in the
African-American family. In recent years, campaigns such as Black Marriage
Day and the African American Healthy Marriage Initiative have attempted to
raise awareness of the importance and necessity for marriage in the black
community.

(A great report to read is ³Responding to the Black Marriage Crisis: A New
Vision for Change²)

Could 2008 be the beginning of a new and much needed trend that revitalizes
black marriage and the African American family?

Barack Obama gave a Father¹s Day Sermon on the issue of fatherlessness
stating that too many black fathers are ³missing from too many lives and too
many homes.² They ³have abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys
instead of men. And the foundations of our families are weaker because of
it.²

After getting some flack on his message from the likes of Rev. Jesse
Jackson, Obama defended his message saying, ³I won¹t back up one bit in
asserting that is a problem that we have to be honest about.²

In the years to come, if marriage gets revived in the black community, I
believe it won¹t be due to new legislation or new laws Š it will likely be
due to the genuine example of the healthy and loving marriage of the new
President and First Lady. Barack and Michelle Obama exemplify the
characteristics and qualities of married life that married couples and
singles (despite their color or race) can be challenged and encouraged by.

And this opinion comes from a married, white guy who voted for John McCain.
http://tinyurl.com/5eyxbo
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- YOUR FIRST CHRISTMAS AS HUSBAND AND WIFE ­ MAKING THE HOLIDAYS FUN,
MEMORABLE AND STRESS-FREE

During marriage prep sessions, I give every engaged couple the same warning
when we cover expectations: ³when you get married, take control of the
holidays or you will feel like the Grinch stole your Christmas!²

The reason? With the first Christmas, too many people have too many
competing expectations for the newlyweds.

Both sides of the families want to spend the optimum Christmas Day time with
the couple, brothers and sisters want their now married sibling to be a part
of the family traditions, and the new bride and groom may even long to take
part in many of their own family¹s holiday rituals.

For the full article:
 http://marriagejunkie.com/

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- MORE FREE ARTICLES AND FREE STUFF
http://www.smartmarriages.com/free.stuff.html

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