Haltzman on Mike & Juliet/ I Hate Him So Much/ Good Arguing/ Divorce Up/ Childlessness UP - 8/19/08

[Smartmarriages]

- SET YOUR TIVO: HALTZMAN ON MIKE AND JULIET TOMORROW, WED 8/20
- I HATE HIM SO MUCH CONTINUES TO PROVOKE PUBLICITY
- GOOD CAN COME FROM ARGUING
- SOARING BRIT DIVORCE RATE
- MORE WOMEN ARE CHILDLESS

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- SET YOUR TIVO: HALTZMAN ON MIKE AND JULIET TOMORROW, WED 8/20

> Hi Diane,
> I was invited on Mike and Juliet last Friday to discuss (debate) "the
> secrets of happily married women," and they asked me and the "panel" to
> return tomorrow (Wed). I'll be there, trying to advocate for a model of
> relationships that makes everyone happy--rather than one that strives to
> make everyone "even."
> 
> "The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet" Fox (syndicated). Live at 9:20 AM
> EST Wednesday, August 20.
> Scott Haltzman - http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com

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- I HATE HIM SO MUCH CONTINUES TO PROVOKE PUBLICITY

You have to hand it to the Family Resources folks in Florida, their PR
campaign has hit a nerve and continues to provoke lots of great free
coverage for their marriage education/marriage-strengthening mission.
Genius.  See the most recent article at:
http://tinyurl.com/5qgxep\

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- GOOD CAN COME FROM ARGUING

Here's one from Bruce Swanson who has attended several Smart Marriages
conferences and does a great job of translating core marriage education
principles into a very engaging read.   - diane

Idaho Press Tribune
August 16th, 2008
Good can come from arguing
By Rev. Bruce Swanson
 
Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning handsprings or eating with
chopsticks.  It looks easy until you try it.

For me the baton falls, I fall on my head on the handsprings, and the
chopsticks lead to a fork. I know there are people who can do all three, but
I can¹t. But given time, perhaps I could learn.

Marital conflict is similar for me. I went into this marriage thing 39 years
ago and still have trouble with conflict. Stop and reread that last line.
Basically, I¹m not a stupid person, but I do not like to argue with my wife.

My wife and I came into marriage with different strategies for arguing. She
is much more sharply vocal ‹ which is to say she shouts. I developed the
highly unsuccessful strategy of pouting, and I¹m very good at it.

Pouting is the finely developed attempt to put the other person down by
giving them the emotionally silent treatment while at the same time trying
to intellectually rationalize my side. I found that one who shouts has no
intellectual side Š  at least in those first few minutes of expression!

I have learned that there are basically only five things that we will argue
over: miscommunication, money, sex, kids, time. Beyond those five there
isn¹t much.  

Each category has variables, but basically ³till death do us part² that¹s it
Š yet there are PhD¹s who cannot successfully navigate those five.

As we reminisce over those amazing Olympic athletes who dedicated their
lives to winning one race, let¹s take a couple minutes to ponder what it
might take to run the distance on one marriage. Here are some training tips.
For the article and tips:
http://www.idahopress.com/?print=true&id=12570

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- SOARING BRIT DIVORCE RATE
This clip from Dave and Liz Percival's UK Marriage News elist is DEPRESSING,
but we need to stay aware and informed about what's going on and the
public/media interpretations.  - diane

> ·  Britain¹s divorce rate soared 150% this summer
> The credit crunch on top of the depressing return from long-awaited family
> holidays were blamed by experts trumpets the Sun
> <http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article1565420.ece> . Traditionally
> January witnesses the biggest number of break-ups as couples fall out over
> Christmas. But July¹s divorce rate was 40 per cent higher than January ­ and
> an alarming 150 per cent hike on 2007. Relationship specialists and divorce
> lawyers warned August¹s figures are set to rise again ­ then peak next month,
> which they are dubbing ³Separation September².
>  
> [Before you all reach for your pens ­ no, these are not the official
> statistics ­ just the number of new cases being handled by some lawyers! Ed]
>  
> The soaring rate comes after 2006 saw the lowest stats for 22 years, when
> 132,562 couples broke up. Solicitors SAS Daniels LLP believe couples are
> finding it harder to hold their marriages together as the stress of rising
> bills takes its toll.  A spokesman said: ³It¹s a combination of circumstances.
> ³Personal finance pressure, a nation who can¹t completely switch off on
> holiday, and getting thrown together for two weeks solid with a spouse they
> wouldn¹t normally see for more than a few hours a day. Throw in alcohol,
> travel delays, bickering kids and a hotel or apartment that¹s tiny or not up
> to scratch, and it all becomes a pressure cooker just waiting to blow.²
>  
> Dr David Holmes, a senior lecturer at Manchester Metropolitan University¹s
> Department of Psychology, was also not surprised by the sharp rise. He said:
> ³It¹s a common misconception that summer is the time when love blossoms and
> relationships thrive. It¹s far more likely that when contemplating life back
> at home while on holiday, we are most likely to make important life-changing
> decisions.  Other research has shown you¹re most likely to review your career
> during summer. So it fits that this theory should extend to one¹s personal
> life. Going on holiday gives people the feeling of confidence and rejuvenation
> needed to make major decisions and improve ("IMPROVE"??) their lives back
home.² 

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- MORE WOMEN ARE CHILDLESS

While we're on depressing topics, check this out.....what happens with a
lack of accurate information about optimal age to marry and have
children...the crisis of waiting.  - diane

. . . . said Suzanne Bianchi, chairwoman of the sociology department
> at the University of Maryland. ³The interesting question is, has it stopped?
> Is this it, or will we see even higher rates of childlessness among future
> generations?²

More Women Than Ever Are Childless, Census Finds
New York Times  | August 18, 2008 | Katie Zezima
Aug 19 09:54:24 2008

Women are waiting longer to have children, and more women than ever are
choosing not to have children at all, according to a new Census Bureau
report.

Twenty percent of women ages 40 to 44 have no children, double the level of
30 years ago, the report said; and women in that age bracket who do have
children have fewer than ever ‹ an average of 1.9 children, compared with
the median of 3.1 children in 1976.

³A lot of women are not having any children,² said Jane Lawler Dye, a Census
Bureau researcher who did the report, which looked at women of childbearing
age in 2006. ³It used to be sort of expected that there was a phase of life
where you had children, and a lot of women aren¹t doing that now,² Ms. Dye
said.

Women with advanced degrees are more likely to be childless, the study
found. Of women 40 to 44 with graduate or professional degrees, 27 percent
are childless, compared with 18 percent of women who did not continue their
education beyond high school, the data show.

The numbers are consistent with a 2006 report Ms. Dye issued on the same
subject. While year-by-year change is slow, Ms. Dye said, the data show that
women of the baby boom generation are continuing to transform the American
family.

Hispanic women are the only group bucking the trends found in the study,
averaging 2.3 children each by their 40s. The number of children a Hispanic
woman has decreases sharply, however, depending on how many generations her
family has lived in the United States, the data show.

For full article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/19/us/19census.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

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