FW: Army Wants Training/ Your Schedules /STAY TEEN.org/ Fatherhood / Kansas 1% /Hold Me Tight - 8/6/08

Wed Aug 6 12:35:25 EDT 2008

- THE ARMY WANTS YOU! LOOKING FOR TRAINING
- UPDATE YOUR DIRECTORY SCHEDULES
- MUST VIEW "STAY TEEN" VIDEOS
- OBAMA'S CALL FOR RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD
- 1% SPONSOR IN KANSAS
- HOLD ME TIGHT

#########################
- THE ARMY WANTS YOU! LOOKING FOR TRAINING

> Diane 
> Could you ask your list to send me a schedule of Marriage Educator trainings
> for the months of August through December 08? Our Family Program team would be
> very interested in getting trained in a live professional training.

> Eliane Notah
> FAC Coordinator
> NMNG Joint Forces Family Program
> Gallup, NM 
> Phone: 505-862-1404
> Fax: 505-722-3013
> eliane.notah at us.army.mil

##########################
- UPDATE YOUR DIRECTORY SCHEDULES

If you have Directory Schedules please send your updated class and training
dates.  I've walked through the Directory several times this week with
callers who are frustrated that many of the posted classes have expired.
Check your listing, send updates and I'll get them posted immediately.  -
diane 
http://www.smartmarriages.com/app/Directory.BrowsePrograms

#######################

- OBAMA'S CALL FOR RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD

Here's a what I think is a wonderful, brilliant "location, location,
location" quote I bet you can use - it's from a Washington Times column by
Roland Warren, president of the National Fatherhood Initiative:

> Involved, responsible and committed fathering, like real estate, is about
> location, location, location. A healthy marriage to the mother of one's
> children has a way of making sure a father is in the location where his kids
> desperately need him most - in their home. - Roland Warren

And a NFI survey stat that shows what we all know - Father Knows What's Best
- we just need to keep on keeping on in our mission to equip these dads so
they know how to do what they already know they should do - and what they
want to do:  
> . . . in a recent National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI) survey of dads'
> attitudes about fathering, 8 out of 10 fathers agreed that men generally
> perform better as fathers if they are MARRIED TO THE MOTHER OF their children.
> Of note, 6 out of 10 fathers strongly agreed.

For the full column: http://tinyurl.com/5rppzm

#######################
- 1% SPONSOR IN KANSAS

Here's a great article to clip and use in 1% Solution efforts in your state.
If you're from Kansas and not involved, please contact Representative Rhodes
or Chris Gersten who is supporting and advising 1% Solution in states across
the country.  - diane

> Rather than funding only crisis management, several states have transferred
> some of their attention to crisis prevention. . . . I was asked to sponsor HB
> 2920, also called the 1 Percent Solution, which passed through the House
> overwhelmingly and headed to the Senate late in the session without coming to
> a vote. The bill is similar to a Texas law already in place. It allocates 1
> percent of TANF dollars (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families) sent from
> the federal government to the Kansas SRS to be used to help reduce and avert
> domestic instability. Hopefully, we can try again next year.

RHOADES: Better marriages help everyone
By Marc Rhoades
Newton Kansan
Posted Aug 01, 2008 @ 11:43 AM

Ronald Reagan once said, ³All great change in America begins at the dinner
table.² Those conversations and the families who engage in them have never
been more needed than they are today.

Strong families play a bigger role in our state than you may realize.
Statistically, they are associated with greater financial security, reduced
rates of alcohol and substance abuse, longer life expectancies, improved
physical and psychological health, lower crime and domestic violence, and
reduced rates of injury and illness.

Sadly, the dissolution of marriage spirals many families toward poverty. On
average, each divorce has a negative impact of around $30,000 in state and
federal assistance, diminished productivity, and lost revenue ‹ $274 million
in Kansas taxpayer dollars for the 9,145 marriage dissolutions in 2006 ‹ in
addition to the incalculable human toll.

No one relishes family instability or divorce. It creates unfortunate
hardships on everyone involved. However, early intervention ‹ counseling and
education ‹ even prior to marriage has proven beneficial. Rather than
funding only crisis management, several states have transferred some of
their attention to crisis prevention.

The social, emotional, and financial fall out from family instability
impacts virtually every area of growth in government spending: education,
healthcare, law enforcement, social services, etc. And while genuine needs
continue to rise unabated, it is safer politically and a whole lot easier to
allocate more money for bailing water than it is to try and help seal the
breach.

HB 2920 was developed by family and marriage educators from the Kansas
Healthy Marriage Institute (KHMI). The group assembled stakeholders from
throughout the region ‹ counselors, therapists, educators, and others ‹ who
actively support individuals and families before conflicts and challenges
become too big to handle.

I was asked to sponsor HB 2920, also called the 1 Percent Solution, which
passed through the House overwhelmingly and headed to the Senate late in the
session without coming to a vote. The bill is similar to a Texas law already
in place. It allocates 1 percent of TANF dollars (Temporary Assistance for
Needy Families) sent from the federal government to the Kansas SRS to be
used to help reduce and avert domestic instability. Hopefully, we can try
again next year.

There are several things to like about HB 2920. It does not represent a new
price tag. Instead, it invests 1 percent of existing Kansas TANF money into
local programs that have proven track records for outcomes, since the
reality is that more money never ensures better outcomes; better outcomes
should prompt more funding. And it involves local organizations who are in a
better position to understand the needs of their community.

On a different, but somewhat related note, a great program has come to the
Newton area through Peace Connection¹s board of directors. It¹s called
Bridges Out of Poverty. Newton is one of only a few communities in the
country serving as an incubator for developing strategies to move
individuals up and out of poverty permanently.

>From his book, ³Until It¹s Gone,² author Scott Miller writes, ³Our nation¹s
network of anti-poverty agencies seems somehow to have become one focused
more on grants management than on effective action strategies for engaging
communities locallyŠResponsibility for ending poverty rests with every
individual as we interact in federal, state, and local governments; in
business communities, in our neighborhoods and faith communities; and in our
families.²

I agree and would like to think he placed families at the end of the list
for emphasis.

Marc Rhoades represents District 72 in the Kansas House of Representatives.
He can be contacted at rhoades at house.state.ks.us. To receive his articles
electronically, contact the same e-mail address.

Chris Gersten - gerstenchris at aol.com
http://www.famli.us
#########################
- HOLD ME TIGHT

As I said in my intro to Sue Johnson's keynote in San Francisco, her book is
wonderful.  A subscriber just sent a review that she says summarizes what it
was like to take Sue's day-long Institute training and said they hoped Sue
will repeat it in Orlando.  She said she'd take it AGAIN. I just talked to
Sue and it sounds like she does intend to repeat. In meantime, order the
book here and study up: http://www.smartmarriages.com/app/Media.Booklist

> . . . She glides the reader effortlessly through her book using tact
> and comfortable language, sense and sensibility, and support rather than
> challenge. All the while asking the reader to reflect in the seven mirrors
> (conversations) she has so carefully placed along the hallway she leads us
> down. But it's not her reputation that makes us want to follow her. There are
> stories and these stories seem to reach out to the reader as if to say, "Look,
> there in the mirror. Isn't that you?"
> 
> Make no mistake, this is a "how to" book, but one of the most unforgettable
> and remarkable "how to" books I've read. I'd like to say there's nothing new
> for a 57-year old, tainted by failed / foiled / lost love, and soured over the
> years reader like me. But there are those mirrors and the way she kept
> speaking to me and pointing to me in the mirror. Even a proofreader couldn't
> read this objectively because, she reminds us, the need to feel held tight -
> whether we want to or not - is at the very heart of human sensibility. It's
> more than a repair manual, more like a complete owner's manual for anything
> that may arise in the future as well as repairs needed now. Never did I feel
> as if I was preached to or spoken to or lectured at. Instead, the walk down
> the hallway was pleasant, slow, comfortable, and I listened and I spoke and
> she counseled in a way that made me feel the mirrors were placed so innocently
> yet strategically as to lead her into the next conversation.
> 
> Hold Me Tight, she calls it. The subtitle is Seven Conversations for a
> Lifetime of Love. Perhaps the titles ought to be reversed. At least, that's
> the way my conversation with Dr. Johnson went. Perhaps, at my age, a time past
> when these things ought to matter, she has shown me in my mirrors that a
> lifetime of love can really begin at any time.

Please do not reply to this email. This mailbox is not monitored and you
will not receive a response.

Send submissions and comments for the listserv or for list moderator, Diane
Sollee, to: diane at smartmarriages.com  (In other words, do NOT simply hit
"reply". If you hit reply your email will disappear into cyberspace.)

This is a moderated list. Submissions and comments are read by Diane Sollee.
Please indicate if your comment is NOT to be shared with the list.  PLEASE
include your email address and/or url as part of your signature.

With thousands of subscribers, not all comments can be shared. Also realize
that opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by members of the
Coalition.

To SUBSCRIBE, UNSUBSCRIBE, or Change your subscription address,
visit: http://www.smartmarriages.com/app/Newsletter.Subscribe

To read past posts to the listserv, visit the Archive at:
http://lists101.his.com/pipermail/smartmarriages/

13th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, Shingle Creek Resort,
Orlando, Florida, July 6-12, 2009 (General Conference July 8-11)
Pre-Conference Training Institutes July 6-8
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 12

Shingle Creek Resort: http://www.rosenshinglecreek.com/

Conference schedule, registration, & exhibit information will be posted as
it becomes available at:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/conferencedetails.html

List your program and resources on the Directory of Classes at
http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html

Order conference audio & video CD/DVD/MP3s: 800-241-7785 or
http://www.iPlaybackSmartMarriages.com

Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd NW, Washington, DC 20015-1961
http://www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332

FAIR USE NOTICE: This e-newsletter/site contains copyrighted material the
use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright
owner. We make such material available in our efforts to advance
understanding of marriage, family, couples, divorce, legislation, family
breakdown, etc. We understand this constitutes a 'fair use' of such material
as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with
Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed
without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the
included information for research and educational purposes. For more
information: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml. If you wish to
use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go
beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

- ARMY FOLKS LOOKING FOR TRAINING

> Diane 
> Could you ask your list to send me a schedule of their Marriage Educator
> trainings for August through December 08? Our Family Program team is very
> interested in getting trained in a live professional training.

> Eliane Notah
> FAC Coordinator
> NMNG Joint Forces Family Program
> Gallup, NM 
> Phone: 505-862-1404
> Fax: 505-722-3013
> eliane.notah at us.army.mil

##########################
- UPDATE YOUR DIRECTORY SCHEDULES

If you have Directory Schedules please send your updated class and training
dates.  I've walked through the Directory several times this week with
callers who are frustrated that many of the posted classes have expired.
Check your listing, send updates and I'll get them posted immediately.  -
diane 
http://www.smartmarriages.com/app/Directory.BrowsePrograms

#######################
- MUST VIEW "STAY TEEN" VIDEOS

Wow, look at what well spent grant dollars can do!  This site looks so hip,
appealing.  

> We are thrilled to announce the winners of the ³What¹s Your Relationship
> Reality?² Video Mash-Up Contest.  We received many videos from all around the
> country and were blown away by the quality of your submissions.
> 
> Congratulations to Kelly B. and Kevin P. on their grand prize winning videos.
> You can watch both of them on the site. Thanks to everyone who took the time
> to craft a video and enter the contest.  All of the entries were outstanding
> and we can¹t wait to see what you do next time!

> All ads are filmed by teens, for teens.

Take time to tool around the website. Watch the videos but also check out
pages like this page that lists the ten responses to a national survey of
teens.  http://stayteen.org/get-informed/default.aspx

> When it comes to teens and sex teens get tons of advice from adults, but they
> aren't often asked to offer their ownŠso we asked teens from all over the
> country what they thought about sex, relationships, and pregnancy and below
> are their top 10 answers and opinions.
> 
>     * Thinking "it won't happen to me" is stupid; if you don't protect
> yourself, it probably will. Sex is serious. Make a plan.
>     * Just because you think "everyone is doing it," doesn't mean they are.
> Some are, some aren't ‹ and some are lying.
>     * There are a lot of good reasons to say "no, not yet." Protecting your
> feelings is one of them.
>     * You're in charge of your own life - don't let anyone pressure you into
> having sex.
>     * You can always say "no" ‹ even if you've said "yes" before.
>     * Carrying a condom is just being smart ‹ it doesn't mean you're pushy or
> easy.
>     * If you think birth control "ruins the mood," consider what a pregnancy
> test will do to it.
>     * If you're drunk or high, you can't make good decisions about sex. Don't
> do something you might not remember or might really regret.
>     * Sex won't make him yours, and a baby won't make him stay.
>     * Not ready to be someone's father? It's simple: Use protection every time
> or don't have sex.
> 

################################

- OBAMA'S CALL FOR RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD

Here's a wonderful, brilliant "location, location, location" quote I bet you
can use - it's from a Washington Times column by Roland Warren, president of
the National Fatherhood Initiative:

> Involved, responsible and committed fathering, like real estate, is about
> location, location, location. A healthy marriage to the mother of one's
> children has a way of making sure a father is in the location where his kids
> desperately need him most - in their home. - Roland Warren

And a NFI survey stat that shows what we all know - father already KNOWS
what's best - we just need to continue in our mission to equip dads so they
know HOW TO do what they already know they should - and what they want - to
do:  
> . . . in a recent National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI) survey of dads'
> attitudes about fathering, 8 out of 10 fathers agreed that men generally
> perform better as fathers if they are MARRIED TO THE MOTHER OF their children.
> Of note, 6 out of 10 fathers strongly agreed.

For the full column: http://tinyurl.com/5rppzm

#######################
- 1% SPONSOR IN KANSAS

Here's a great article to clip and use in 1% Solution efforts in your state.
If you're from Kansas and not involved, please contact Representative Rhodes
or Chris Gersten who is supporting and advising 1% Solution in states across
the country.  - diane

> Rather than funding only crisis management, several states have transferred
> some of their attention to crisis prevention. . . . I was asked to sponsor HB
> 2920, also called the 1 Percent Solution, which passed through the House
> overwhelmingly and headed to the Senate late in the session without coming to
> a vote. The bill is similar to a Texas law already in place. It allocates 1
> percent of TANF dollars (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families) sent from
> the federal government to the Kansas SRS to be used to help reduce and avert
> domestic instability. Hopefully, we can try again next year.

RHOADES: Better marriages help everyone
By Marc Rhoades
Newton Kansan
Posted Aug 01, 2008 @ 11:43 AM