Write Dear Abby - 4/ 23/08

[Smartmarriages]

- A DEAR ABBY OPPORTUNITY

Diane:
I just fired off this letter to Dear Abby in response to her column today.
You should encourage others to write her as well. If enough of us
bombard her, one letter might get printed.
Jana


Dear Abby,

I¹m writing to let you and ³Happily Single², the young woman who¹s afraid to
date or marry because of abusive parents, that there is now good news for
her, and for others like her. There's a growing, nationwide network of
education programs that teach the relationship and marriage skills everyone
needs to create and sustain a lifelong, satisfying intimate partnership as
adults (aka ³marriage²). The programs are provided by a coalition of 10,000+
marriage counselors, family educators, high school & college instructors,
religious leaders, and staff of local community agencies, all members of the
independent, grassroots Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education
(CMFCE).

She should know that no human being is born with the instincts for a
monogamous, harmonious adult attachment bond: WE ALL HAVE TO BE TAUGHT. If
our parents don¹t do a good job, others in the community can and should
teach these skills to teens, young adults, and even to older couples now
trying to correct years of fear-based, angry interactions. The time to learn
these skills is while she¹s still single or when a couple begins dating, so
that relationship start out on the right foot, and couples don¹t end up like
her parents. The skills are based on 30 years of excellent, federally-funded
research studies.  This isn¹t counseling, it¹s basic education.

If your readers go to www.smartmarriages.com, the CMFCE website, they¹ll
find a directory of relationship skills programs for singles as well as for
couples (yes, even for unmarried parents and for gay and lesbian partners)
in every city and town in America. We even have them in Montana where I
teach relationship skills at our local adult education center.

Jana Staton, PhD, LCPC
Member, CMFCE since 1997

Here is today's Abby column:

> DEAR ABBY: I have made a decision (at least for now) not to date or try to
> find a husband. The reason is my fear that I would repeat my parents'
> horrible, abusive marriage. They're still together -- I have no idea why --
> but that's another issue. I have decided the abuse will end with me. I know
> that if I ever met a really awesome guy and did get married, I'd have a hard
> time not repeating my parents' marriage.
> 
> I have told my parents, siblings, extended family and close friends that I'm
> not looking for a life partner. My problem is, they won't leave me alone. Can
> you help me get them off my back and allow me to enjoy being single like I
> want to? How do I fend off these matchmakers? -- HAPPILY SINGLE IN TACOMA
> 
> DEAR HAPPILY SINGLE: Please remember that your family and friends are trying
> to fix you up because they love you. So hang onto your sense of humor when
> they try to make a match. The magic words are: (smile) "Nope. Not interested."
> 
> Considering that you had such poor role models, your feelings are
> understandable. However, because your parents have had a terrible marriage is
> no guarantee that you would, too. The surest way to break the cycle would be
> to discuss this subject with a licensed mental health professional.
> 
> Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and
> was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
> www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
> 

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