Joe Beam/Network in SF/ Fresno UP!/ Jobs/ Willard Harley Q & A/ Baby Makes Two - 4/18/08

[Smartmarriages]

- JOE BEAM ON MIKE AND JULIET THURS APRIL 18
- ORGANIZE A MEETING AT SMART MARRIAGES SAN FRANCISCO
- FRESNO CALIFORNIA DIVORCE FILINGS ARE DOWN
- TWO MARRIAGE EDUCATION JOBS IN OHIO
- WILLARD HARLEY: HOW DO WE STOP ARGUING?
- AND BABY MAKES TWO....

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- JOE BEAM ON MIKE AND JULIET THURS APRIL 18
Check your local listings for times in your area for this Fox morning talk
show.  

Joe will present twice in San Francisco:
> 402 - MASTERS SESSION - Friday, July 4
> Falling in Love: As Easy as P. I. E.
> Joe Beam
> Learn how this visual model and a dynamic group process help married couples
> understand how to fall in love all over again whether in crisis or simply in
> search of deeper satisfaction.

> 207- Workshop - Thursday, July 3
> Ecstasy Without Guilt
> Joe Beam 
> Understand the inherent causes of ³low² and ³no² sex marriages and an approach
> to help more ³conservative² couples find excitement and fulfillment.
 
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ORGANIZE A MEETING AT SMART MARRIAGES SAN FRANCISCO

Thursday NETWORKING Meetings - Thursday, 5:30pm - 7pm
CHMI - host Patty Howell
Meet with other Community Healthy Marriage Initiatives
and brainstorm about what works. Open to all who are
interested in organizing in their communities ­ the funded and the unfunded.

United Methodists - hosts Glenn & Gwen Tilton
United Methodist Marriage Ministries (therapists, lay leaders and clergy)
are invited to meet, exchange ideas, and find out what is working in other
localities and churches.

Do-It-Yourself SACK LUNCHES - Thurs, Fri, Sat - 11:30am -12:30pm
Organize your own sack lunch group. Purchase a take-out lunch and
eat together in a meeting room.
Friday - Char Kamper: One, Two, I Do

To organize a Thursday Networking Meeting or a sack interest group lunch,
contact diane at smartmarriages.com

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- FRESNO CALIFORNIA DIVORCE FILINGS ARE DOWN
Fresno Divorce Filings Are Down
April 15, 2008 
By Liz Harrison Fresno, CA (KFSN) -- The number of divorce filings in Fresno
County is the lowest it's been in five years.
Click to WATCH THIS ENCOURAGING NEWSCAST:
http://abclocal.go.com/kfsn/story?section=news/local&id=6080918

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- TWO MARRIAGE EDUCATION JOBS IN OHIO

Faith-based organization in Dayton, Oh, seeks Assistant Marriage Education
Director responsible for the execution of a diverse set of Marriage
Education Programs for couples throughout our 6-county region.
Responsibilities include the training and observation of Marriage Education
employees, management of goals for activities and service numbers,
retention, incentive efforts, etc.  Supports the Contracted Partner
Supervisor who oversees Partner-run marriage programs. Marriage Works! Ohio
will be reaching out to various communities, including a curriculum targeted
to low-income, unwed expectant and fragile family clients.
   
 
Faith-based organization in Dayton, Oh, seeks Marriage Education Director
responsible for the execution of a diverse set of Marriage Education
Programs for couples throughout our 6-county region, including marriage
education, enrichment and relationship skills programs and supplemental
services. Oversees the Domestic Violence Protocol and referral services.
Available to Contracted Partner Supervisor who oversees Partner-run marriage
programs. Marriage Works! reaches out to various communities, including one
curriculum targeted to low-income, unwed expectant, and fragile family
clients.  

For more information about these positions as well as a complete listing of
current job openings, please visit our website at www.elizabethnewlife.org
and click on Employment Opportunities.

Send cover letter and resume to: HumanResources at elizabethnewlife..org
<mailto:Resources at elizabethnewlife.org> or fax to 937-226-1682 or mail to
359 Forest Ave. Suite 203, Dayton, Ohio  45405-4559.

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- WILLARD HARLEY: HOW DO WE STOP ARGUING?

You'll have three chances to study with Willard Harley at Smart Marriages
San Francisco - three 90-min workshops in which he'll detail how to teach
his Marriage Builder Love Bank/Enthusiastic Joint Agreement/Undivided
Attention concepts. Here's a recent Q & A from his website to whet your
appetite.  - diane 


Dr. Harley,
My husband and I attended a recent Marriage Builders® Weekend and have
started the follow-up program.  But whenever we spend time together, as part
of the undivided attention, we end up arguing. It's miserable. Our love
banks are waaaay in the red and we have many issues to resolve. Any
suggestions on how to avoid arguing so we can start making a few Love Bank
deposits?  How do other couples on the brink of divorce get started? Thank
you. 
Amy

Dear Amy,

One of the main points I made during the Marriage Builders® Weekend that you
attended is that arguing ruins marriages.  It drains Love Banks and solves
nothing.  Thoughtful negotiation, on the other hand, builds Love Bank
balances and finds solutions that make both spouses happy.  All couples that
attended were encouraged to practice the latter and abandon the former.

When Love Bank balances are in the red, Takers want to be in charge.  But
they don¹t know how to negotiate.  All they know how to do is make demands,
show disrespect, and get angry.  In other words, they want to argue.  They
follow the Taker¹s rule, do whatever you can to make yourself happy, and
avoid anything that makes yourself unhappy, even if it makes your spouse
unhappy.  When both you and your husband are being influenced by your
Takers, neither of you show any care or empathy for the other person‹you
only care about yourselves.

But it takes two to argue, so when you find yourself trying to defend your
position on a topic, try to resist the influence of your Taker.  Stop your
side of the argument.  Instead of defending your position, try to understand
your husband's position, regardless of how he doesn't seem to grasp, or
agree with, what you are trying to tell him.  Unless he asks you how you
feel, don't give him answers.  Ask him how he feels, instead.

Granted, you both have a long way to go toward recovery.  Neither of you
feel that you can resolve the issues that have brought you to the brink of
divorce.  But your pessimism is based on your years of arguing instead of
negotiating.  Since arguing has not worked, you feel that there are no
answers.  So for the next few months, resist the Taker¹s influence and use
your intelligence to find ways that you can find solutions to your problems
with mutual satisfaction.  Instead of arguing, brainstorm when you are faced
with a conflict.  What could you be doing that would resolve the conflict
with enthusiastic agreement?

In the beginning, you will find my rules to recovery to be unreasonable. 
The Policy of Joint Agreement (never do anything without an enthusiastic
agreement between you and your spouse) will seem to bring your lives to a
screeching halt because there is so little that you currently do with mutual
agreement.  But the longer you stop arguing, and practice the Four
Guidelines for Successful Negotiation, the more your life will get on track,
this time creating a lifestyle that helps create love for each other.

The Policy of Undivided Attention (spend a minimum of 15 hours each week
meeting each other's emotional needs for affection, intimate conversation,
recreational companionship, and sexual fulfillment) is another rule that
will seem equally impossible at first.  It's supposed to be the most
enjoyable 15 hours of your week, but at first you may find it to be the
worst 15 hours because you use the time to hurt each other instead of caring
for each other.  Since its main purpose is for you to simply have fun with
each other, if you are tempted to argue instead of negotiate, at first I
suggest that you do not use that time to resolve issues.  Use it to deposit
love units.

Those who attend the Marriage Builders® Weekend have to start somewhere if
they want to turn their marriages around, and these rules will guide them
toward safety.  It's like you are a huge oil tanker headed for a rocky reef
and sure death.  To avoid that disaster, you must turn the oil tanker
around.  You have time to do it, but it will require tremendous effort on
both of your parts to make the turn.

Start making that tanker turn today by avoiding arguing at all costs.  When
you have a conflict, try to see it through each other's eyes.  Imagine being
in the other person¹s shoes as you use your intelligence to find ways to
make both of you happy.  Right now, you are both fixated on solutions that
make only one of you happy, and the other miserable.  Try to break out of
the rut you¹ve been in for years, and imagine completely different solutions
to your problems.  Let the issues you face incubate, and look for ways that
give both of you satisfaction.  That may mean that you give up your present
dreams, because they don¹t include each other.  Instead, you may need to
discover new dreams that give you just as much satisfaction, but become
mutual dreams.  Blend your lives together to become completely integrated. 
That¹s how to fall in love and stay in love.

Willard F. Harley, Jr.
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- AND BABY MAKES TWO....

The best policy: Making government work better.
Š And Baby Makes Two - Forget Juno. Out-of-wedlock births are a national
catastrophe.
By Emily Yoffe
Slate.com
March 20, 2008
http://www.slate.com/id/2185944/

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12th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, Hilton San Francisco Hotel,
June 30-July 6, 2008  (General Conference July 2-5)
Pre-Conference Training Institutes June 30-July 2
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 6
DOWNLOAD a conference brochure and register at:
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