Better than Coffee - watch this one and get energized! MN Family Project - 4/08/08

[Smartmarriages]

- TAH DAH: TO SPUR YOU ON: MN FAMILY FORMATION PROJECT

Here's the transcript below, but don't read it, watch it!
This one is so inspiring....better than my morning coffee.  I'm completely
energized! Upwards and onwards...  - diane

> "We both came from divorced parents," he said. "And I didn't want to follow
> suit."
Watch at: 
http://wcco.com/local/supporting.unmarried.parents.2.695287.html

Promoting Marriage By Supporting Unmarried Parents
WCCO.COM 
Dennis Douda
April 8, 2008 

(WCCO) Remember the old playground rhyme, "First comes love, then comes
marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage." Experts say fewer people
are doing things in that order.

Case in point: Davis and Danyelle Draheim. The high school sweethearts from
Crosby, Minn. were partners then parents. They didn't become husband and
wife until last summer, with their young sons Wiley and Elliot at the
wedding.

Why did they wait so long to marry?

"I honestly had no interest in being married. Ever," said Danyelle. She's
not exaggerating.

"I told him when we were very young, 'If you propose to me, I'm going to say
no. Things are gonna get weird, and it's just gonna ruin a good thing,'" she
said.

Davis didn't need the warning. He was gun-shy too.

"We both came from divorced parents," he said. "And I didn't want to follow
suit."

The Draheims might still be unmarried if it weren't for the Family Formation
Project. The government-funded initiative is led by Dr. Bill Doherty, a
University of Minnesota Family Social Science professor. Married since 1971,
he has seen attitudes about marriage change dramatically.

"A lot of people aren't so sure they can achieve it. It troubles me that as
a society we have separated parenthood and marriage so much," he said.

The Family Formation Project aims to do just that -- form families. It
connects unmarried couples with a relationship coach, mentor couple and, in
some cases, a social worker. The hope is that some of these couples will
marry and create an ideal growing-up environment for their kids.

"We know from just tons of research that the ideal environment for children
is to grow up in a family where the parents love each other, are permanently
committed to each other and that usually means marriage and that they both
love their child," said Doherty.

The project is currently working with around 100 participant couples. They
are still trying to recruit more mentor couples.

Jason Wilde trains mentors and serves as a relationship coach. As a married
father of four, he doesn't talk much about marriage.

"Mostly it's been communication, how do we really talk and get along," he
explained. "Whatever it is that's going to help them, we're there to help
them do."

It sounds strange, but in this pro-marriage project, there's no pressure to
marry. According to participant Davis Draheim, a high-pressure approach
wouldn't work.

"They know that it's the goal to get people to be married, but when you do
push things down people's throat, they don't want anything to do with it
then," he said.

Instead of pressure, the program offers support. In the early days of the
Draheims' marriage, things were a little rocky.

"What did we expect?" said Danyelle. "Just people to kind of embrace us as
being a married couple, and we didn't feel that they did." That's no
surprise to Bill Doherty.

"Our couples live in a world often where there's not always a lot of support
for their couple relationship," he said.

The project had the couple's back when others didn't.

"We had a voice," recalled Danyelle. "We could bounce some of this off
people and get their feedback and support."

Danyelle and Davis are now leaders in the project. While they don't push
anyone to take the plunge, they are willing to share what they've learned
through their marriage.

"You do feel more of a connection, as a family, as a whole," said Davis.

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