Landmark Study on Strong African American Marriages - Equally Yoked / LA Rally /Marriage & Romance in the Modern Army - 4/4/08

[Smartmarriages]

- "WE ARE STRONG" - FIRST STUDY OF STRONG AFRICAN AMERICAN MARRIAGES
- SCHWARZENEGGER COMMENDS BLACK MARRIAGE DAY
- MOST ROMANTIC (AND POIGNANT) ARMY MARRIAGE POLICY SO FAR. . .

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- "WE ARE STRONG" - FIRST STUDY OF STRONG AFRICAN AMERICAN MARRIAGES

> Unity and the Importance of Being Equally ³Yoked²

LSU spotlights strong African American marriages
Study fills gap in positive research on African American families

BATON ROUGE ­ Loren Marks, assistant professor of human ecology at LSU,
along with several colleagues, published one of the only studies hallmarking
positive, long-lasting African-American marriages. The study, ³Together, We
Are Strong: A Qualitative Study of Happy, Enduring African American
Marriages,² will be published in ³Family Relations² in April.

³This all started about five years ago, when two of my students came up to
me after class to ask me a question I couldn¹t answer,² said Marks. ³They
asked me why there wasn¹t any research done on strong, marriage-based black
families like the ones they came from.²

According to the study, scholars tend to view African American families
through what is known as a ³deficit perspective,² a manner that emphasizes
problems and negatives. ³We felt it was time that someone stepped up and
researched the many solid, long-lasting African American marriages that are
out there,² said Marks.

This qualitative study, which relies on in-depth interviews rather than
numerical data, was based on discussions with 30 African American married
couples identified across the country. Four key themes rose out of the
interviews:

   1. Challenges to African American Marriages

      Approximately one-half of African Americans ­ and 24 out of the 30
interviewed couples ­ live in inner-city neighborhoods typified by poverty,
deficient schools, unemployment, street violence and high levels of stress.
It is difficult to get married and stay married in such an environment.

   2. Overcoming External Challenges to Marriage

      Due to their stability, these marriages serve as a primary source of
support for those around them. ³Knocks of need,² or calls for financial,
emotional and social support, come to these couples in a seemingly
disproportionate amount. The couples¹ household incomes weren¹t high by
national standards but they typically had more liquid assets than their
neighbors ­ at least until they shared.

   3. Resolving Intramarital Conflict

      Like all relationships across racial and economic boundaries, each
couple reported arguments, disagreements and generally being ³different²
from one another, but they found ways to work through their conflicts.

   4. Unity and the Importance of Being Equally ³Yoked²

      90 percent of the couples interviewed were actively religious in the
same church. Only three of the couples did not regularly attend church,
instead choosing to spend Sundays home together. However, the single common
factor found was that every couple was in agreement about their religious
views, whatever they might be. The couples referred to this as being
³equally yoked.²

³The goal of the study was to tell the stories of real people, facing real
challenges and struggles, but who pull together in their marriages and
continue to make it through,² said Marks. ³We want young people, black and
white, to see that strong, happy marriages do exist but that they don¹t look
like the movies. These marriages involve work, sacrifice, patience,
unselfishness and commitment. It is tough, but it is possible.²

http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2008-04/lsu-lss040308.php

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For more information about this study, contact Loren Marks at 225-578-2405
or lorenm at lsu.edu.

Contact Ashley Berthelot
LSU Media Relations
225-578-3870
aberth4 at lsu.edu
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- SCHWARZENEGGER COMMENDS BLACK MARRIAGE DAY

Congratulations to La Grande Mason on getting a proclamation from Governor
Schwarzenegger to honor his 6th Annual Black Marriage Day Kick-Off Rally!

The 6th Annual Black Marriage Day Kick-off Rally, received a welcome
addition to the accolades, commendations and proclamations in support of the
ongoing work in Los Angeles. Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger
sent a letter commending the healthy marriage works and recognizing Black
Marriage Day in L.A.

The BMD Kick Off Rally was held in Los Angeles County's City of Gardena.
H.A.L.O (Helping Angelinos Live Optimistic) is one of the few
organizations nationwide that has celebrated BMD ever since the inaugural
year 2003. Nearly 400 gathered, filling Liberty Tabernacle for the ceremony
from morning to early afternoon. The event included:
·         A husband and wife duet of "Always".
·         Video presentation  "Jump 'n Da Broom"
·         Re-reciting of vows from an honored couple,
·         Proclamation from the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors 2nd
district Deputy Ron Fisher declaring March 23rd - 30th, 2008 Healthy
Marriage & Family Week".
·         Also a Proclamation from the City of Gardena's Mayor Tanaka and
the City's Council members.
·         A revisit from Los Angeles City 8th District Councilman and a
former Chief of L.A. Police Bernard Parks. Councilman Parks brief remarks
included comments on the ongoing work to revitalize
marriage in the community and the essentials of the "functional family".
Parks pledged "another financial Honorarium is on its way".

The letter from Governor Schwarzenegger noted the complimenting of healthy
marriage works, recognized the celebration and sent his well wishes to the
participants for the event and continued work.

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- MOST ROMANTIC (AND POIGNANT) ARMY MARRIAGE POLICY SO FAR. . .

Not sure why, exactly, but this one hits me right in the heart. - diane

Married troops can live together in Iraq

By BRADLEY BROOKS and RUSS BYNUM
Associated Press
April 1, 2008

BAGHDAD - When American soldiers get off duty in Iraq, the men usually
return to their quarters, the women to theirs. But Staff Sgt. Marvin Frazier
gets to go back to a small trailer with two pushed-together single beds that
he shares with his wife.

In a historic but little-noticed CHANGE IN POLICY, the Army is allowing
scores of husband-and-wife soldiers to live and sleep together in the war
zone ‹ A MOVE AIMED AT PRESERVING MARRIAGES, boosting morale and perhaps
bolstering re-enlistment rates at a time when the military is struggling to
fill its ranks five years into the fighting.

"It makes a lot of things easier," said Frazier, 33, a helicopter
maintenance supervisor in the 3rd Infantry Division. "It really adds a lot
of stress, being separated. Now you can sit face-to-face and try to work out
things and comfort each other."

Long-standing Army rules barred soldiers of the opposite sex from sharing
sleeping quarters in war zones. Even married troops lived only in all-male
or all-female quarters and had no private living space.

But in May 2006, Army commanders in Iraq, with little fanfare, DECIDED THAT
IT IS IN THE MILITARY'S INTEREST TO PROMOTE WEDDED BLISS.  In other words:
What God has joined together, let no manual put asunder.

"It's better for the soldiers, which means overall it's better for the
Army," said Command Sgt. Maj. Mark Thornton of the 3rd Infantry.

Military analysts said this is the first war in which the Army even gave the
idea any serious consideration ‹ a reflection not only of the large number
of couples sent to war this time, but also of the way the fighting has
dragged on and strained marriages with repeated 12- and 15-month tours of
duty.

While some couples were also sent into the 1991 Gulf War, the fighting was
over before their living arrangements became an issue, said Lory Manning, a
retired Navy captain who studies how military policies affect women for the
nonprofit Women's Research and Education Institute.

More than 10,000 couples are in the Army. Exactly how many are serving in
the war zone, and how many of those are living together, are not clear. The
Army said it does not keep track.

But Frazier and his wife, Staff Sgt. Keisha Frazier, are among about 40
married Army couples living together on "Couples Row" at Camp Striker, which
is on the oustkirts of Baghdad and is one of more than 150 U.S. military
camps in Iraq. Similarly, a Couples Row opened in October at nearby Camp
Victory, though it has trailers for only seven of the many couples who have
requested them.

Husbands and wives are still prohibited from public displays of affection,
under the same strict regulations that govern unmarried men and women in
uniform. Holding hands and kissing, whether on duty or in the chow hall, are
against the rules.

"It's rough on marriages when, over the course of years, you don't see each
other," Manning said. "It would make sense, certainly from a morale
perspective and for the Army, to try to preserve marriages."

The only downside of married soldiers sharing sleeping quarters, she said,
would be an increased risk of pregnancies.

Whether the policy applies to troops in Afghanistan is unclear. Pentagon
officials said that decision is up to individual commanders, but they did
not return repeated calls for comment.

John Pike, director of the military think tank Globalsecurity.org., said: "I
think they are looking under the sofa cushions for anything they can do to
improve retention. They spend a lot of money getting these people trained
up."

After spending the first five months of their 15-month deployment on
separate bases in tents with up to 15 other soldiers, all of the same sex,
the Fraziers prize the small degree of privacy and intimacy they gained
after moving in together in October.

Still newlyweds, Sgt. Amanda Christopher, 25, and her husband, Sgt. Matthew
Christopher, 22, said the change in rules has been a blessing for their
nearly year-old marriage, four months of which has been spent in Iraq.

Both work at the military hospital in Baghdad's fortified Green Zone, where
Amanda is a licensed practical nurse and Matthew is in patient
administration, which can include mortuary duties.

"Some of the stuff I've seen, if she weren't here, I'd be a lot less cool
about it," Matthew said as the pair sat inside their potpourri-scented
living quarters ‹ a mere 120 square feet, with a TV set atop two black
lockboxes, an impressive collection of stuffed animals and a Chicago Bears
plaque. "There was one night in particular, I saw something and I just
thought, 'Oh, God.' I came in here, talked to her for a few minutes, went
outside, took a deep breath and I was good to go."

Because of the prohibition on public displays of affection, the Christophers
declined even to put their arms around each other for a photo.

"It's not like in the civilian world where if you see your boyfriend at work
you can just go, 'Oh, hi, Babe,'" Amanda said. "We're in uniform, and we
have to maintain a professional demeanor at work."

Capt. Jessica Hegenbart and her husband, Chief Warrant Officer Brian
Hegenbart, had to live separately for two months when they arrived at Camp
Striker because all the trailers for couples were full and were mostly
allotted by rank. They finally moved in together in June.

"It's nice to come back to our trailer. I just feel bad for all those guys
who don't have that to come home to every day," said Brian, a 32-year-old
Black Hawk helicopter pilot.

Living together, however, doesn't stop the Hegenbarts from worrying about
each other's safety. Sometimes, it can make it harder.

"Because we're so close out here, we know to the hour when our loved one's
supposed to be home from a mission," Jessica said. "So if they're late, our
brains starts going to that place where you start to wonder what went wrong.
That happens more often than I'd like to admit."


http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080401/ap_on_re_us/combat_marriages

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