Black Marriage Day IMPORTANT change | Relationship Survey | Marriageable? - 9/28/07

Fri Sep 28 15:16:20 EDT 2007

- NISA MUHAMMAD IN DETROIT FOR BLACK MARRIAGE DAY
- IMPORTANT NOTICE: BLACK MARRIAGE DAY MOVED TO MARCH 30, 2008
- RELATIONSHIP SURVEY: PLEASE HELP - THIS ONE
- IS HE MARRIAGEABLE?

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- NISA MUHAMMAD IN DETROIT FOR BLACK MARRIAGE DAY

> Diane
> Wanted to share that for Black Day Celebration in Detroit, The Marriage
> Resource Center has booked the founder and visionary for Black Marriage Day,
> Nisa Muhammad as our keynote speaker! We are thrilled.
> Pam Hudson

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- IMPORTANT NOTICE: BLACK MARRIAGE DAY MOVED TO MARCH 30, 2008

Black Marriage Day is traditionally scheduled on the 4th Sunday in March,
but in 2008 that happens to fall on Easter.  To avoid the conflict, Black
Marriage Day has been moved to March 30th for 2008. However, Detroit is
keeping the original pattern and have invited Nisa to speak on March 22nd.
The good news is this means Nisa is free on the weekend of the 30th.  And,
as she says, she can often fit in two or three locations in a weekend.
Contact Nisa at 301-613-1316 or at http://wwww.blackmarriageday.com to sign
her up. 

The other plus is that extending Black Marriage celebrations over two
weekends means we'll have more media coverage - two whole weeks of marriage
consciousness raising.

For an overview of what Black Marriage Day is and how and why to implement
it in your community, watch or listen to Nisa Muhammad's keynote at the
Denver Smart Marriages conference where she was the recipient of the Smart
Marriages Impact Award. It is a great keynote.  Order session #757-004 on
DVD, CD or as an MP3 download at 800-241-7785 or at
http://www.iplaybacksmartmarriages.com

> #757-004 Black Marriage Day
> Nisa Muhammad
> Black Marriage Day spearheaded and anchors the growing national movement
> that invites the Black Community to reconsider marriage. It brings a wealth
> of marriage strengthening resources to the people  to those most in need
> and, yet, who have had the least access. More and more community and faith
> organizations, grass roots activists, and lay educators are joining the
> ranks, determined to make a difference. Learn how you and your community can
> get on board.

Black Marriage Day continues to grow including discussions to bring it to
London!  Send me info on your plans, schedules, contact info, plus any media
coverage of your event (before or after) and I'll post it on the Black
Marriage page at: http://www.smartmarriages.com/black.marriage.day.html

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- RELATIONSHIP SURVEY: PLEASE HELP - THIS ONE

I am collecting data for my dissertation and I need help from anyone 18 and
over that is NOT currently enrolled in college courses (graduate students
are acceptable). It takes about 20 mins to fill out the on-line anonymous
survey that asks questions about what people desire in order to feel loved
in their romantic relationships. You don¹t need to be in a relationship to
participate. Please forward to any partners, family, friends, etc. that you
think might complete it.

There are no risks involved and no compensation for your participation, but
you will be helping advance relationship research and it may help you learn
a little about your own relationships. Many people report that they enjoy
taking the survey. In addition, for every ten people that complete the
survey, $1 will be donated to the charity that receives the most votes.
After completing the survey, you will have a chance vote on a charity. All
data collected is kept 100% anonymous and confidential. The research has
been approved through the ethics board at the University of Florida. If you
have any questions about participating please contact Tom Tiegs or the
University of Florida Institutional Review Board (UFIRB Office, Box 112250,
University of Florida, Gainesville, FL 32611-2250; ph 352-392-0433). To
participate, click on the link below. It will open a page containing the
survey.

Tom Tiegs

Here is the link:
http://survey.psych.ufl.edu/Surveys//TakeSurvey.asp?SurveyID=6KJ3936K2933G

[This one is fun and a good review.  Very easy, quick.  - diane]
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- IS HE MARRIAGEABLE?
BCFT e-newsletter
Oct 2007
Harry Benson

Is he marriageable?

Every now and then, you just know that you've had a life changing
conversation with somebody. My wife Kate had just such a conversation with a
friendly young work colleague the other day.

The girl rushed breathlessly up to Kate saying how nervous she was. She was
just about to go on a second date with a new boyfriend. After listening and
chatting for a while, Kate asked her, ³ is he marriageable ?² The girl
stopped dead in her tracks, wide-eyed and at a loss for words. The question
seemed out of place, talking about marriage when they had only just met.
³ What do you mean ?² she asked, ³ how can you possibly tell ?² ³ Well ,²
said Kate, ³ observe things, the way he is. Is he polite, kind, generous,
encouraging, truthful? Does he apologise? Is he rude, belittling? Use your
radar! ²

³ But I don't believe in marriage ², she recoiled. ³ Why ever not ?² asked
Kate gently. ³ It's just a piece of paper ,² she replied. ³ You want to be
very careful ,² warned Kate. ³ People that lose out most are those who find
themselves drifting into living together with someone who may not have
planned the long term future together that you have in mind. People often
move in together because it's convenient. You may feel committed. But this
may not be what he is thinking. You need to be sure that this guy is
marriageable. If he isn't, ask yourself: what am I doing with him? ² And so
the conversation continued with the girl obviously intrigued and engaged by
this new way of looking at her new boyfriend.

The question ³ is he marriageable ?² is the exact question I have always
encouraged my own teenage daughters to ask of their potential future
boyfriends. Although they rip me to shreds about it  ³ oh dad !²  they
know it is the fundamental question they must ask for themselves. It doesn't
mean they have to get married. It just means they won't end up wasting their
time with a loser.

Kate's conversation with her work colleague shows how a number of important
threads in the latest marriage education and research can be brought
together in an everyday encounter. People who marry are more likely to stay
together and be happier. It's not the piece of paper, it's the attitudes
that marriage represents. The decision to commit as a couple with a
long-term future appears especially important to men. Drifting into a
cohabiting relationship can make it hard to exit if things aren't what you'd
hoped for. Men in particular are less likely to commit or sacrifice for the
sake of the relationship if they haven't made a clear decision about their
future. Living together is simply not enough, even if you have a mortgage
and baby. Nearly one in two unmarried parents split before their child's
fifth birthday.

As well as all the excellent characteristics that Kate pointed out, I would
therefore also suggest her colleague look for signs that he is both decisive
and willing to give up his own interests for her sake. Reliable love
requires commitment, which is all about long-term time horizon, clear
decisions or intentionality, and willingness to sacrifice.

My main suggestion for women starting out with a new boyfriend is ³ SAY NO
(to moving in) UNTIL HE SAYS YES (to a long-term future)².

There was obviously a lot more to Kate's conversation at work. But Kate
knows that every time this girl looks at her new boyfriend from now on, she
will be sizing him up in a completely different way. ³ Oh Kate ,² she said
rather sheepishly at the end of the conversation. ³ I'm really nervous now.
You're making me think marriage is a good idea !²

http://www.bcft.co.uk/newsletter.htm

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12th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, Hilton San Francisco Hotel,
July 2 - 5, 2008  
Pre-Conference Training Institutes June 30-July 2
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Diane Sollee, Director
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