The Marriage Garden - 9/19/07

Wed Sep 19 15:27:29 EDT 2007

- MARRIAGE AS A GARDEN

[Here's a posting from the Seattle Post Intelligencer reader's Blog about
The Marriage Garden curriculum which was presented at the Denver conference.
It was among the highest rated session - attendees gushed, couldn't say
enough about it.  Bill Coffin (he suspect he may be the ACF noble public
servant identified in the post) came and found me and said "These guys
should do a keynote." What's even more interesting is that the curriculum is
FREE. I listened to the workshop recording and Wally Goddard and James
Marshall explained that you could purchase the beautifully published (I have
a copy and it is beautiful) version for $10 or just visit the website and
download it for free. And, I agree this is a recording worth listening to:
great overview on how to use this Teach-Out-Of-The-Box FREE curriculum.
Order the recording on CD or as a download at 800-241-7785 or at
http://www.iplaybacksmartmarriages.com    Goddard and Marshall have agreed
to repeat the workshop in SF. - diane]

> 757-707
> The Marriage Garden  TOOB
> Wallace Goddard, PhD, James Marshall, PhD
> Easy to teach, innovative, flexible, FREE (!) and based on new discoveries in
> positive psychology and Appreciative Inquiry. Includes commitment, nurture,
> and communication activities.

------------------------------
Happily Even After: A blog for Seattle's Committed
Editor's note: P-I Reader Blogs are not written or edited by the P-I. They
are written by readers, for readers. The authors are solely responsible for
content. If you see any posts you consider inappropriate, please send us a
note at newmedia at seattlepi.com.
· Want to blog for the P-I?

Marriage as a Garden

Remember how I said that one of our noble public servants from the
Administration for Children & Families (ACF) sent me a bunch of links to
marriage resources? Well, here's one I really like. And it's in the most
unlikely of places: the University of Arkansas' website for the Division of
Agriculture.

That's right. Not a typo. Some of the best marriage advice around comes from
an extension program of U of A's agricultural division which compares
marriage to a garden.

Here's their preamble:

    Cultivating a good marriage is like two people growing a healthy garden.
To achieve a full and satisfying harvest, the gardeners must work in harmony
with one another, using the right tools, gardening wisdom, and a willing
spirit. The gardening process teaches us vital  and sometimes painful 
lessons about life. The struggle is worth it: both good marriages and
healthy gardens can enrich and delight us. But neither happens by chance.
Let's break ground!

It may sound cheesy, and some of it definitely is (those extended metaphors
will bite you in the butt every time), but there's truly some good stuff
here. Here's their basic outline:

    1) Commit: Make and honor promises.
    We start our gardens with great visions and bold enthusiasm. But, weeds,
bad weather, pests, and distractions threaten our hopes and dreams. It takes
more than initial enthusiasm to get from a vision of possibilities to a
healthy reality.

    2) Grow: Expand your strengths.
    The health of the garden is rooted in the health of the individual
gardeners. If we do not nurture our personal strengths and abilities  or if
we fail to manage our personal weaknesses  we will not be well prepared to
take on our gardening tasks.

    3) Nurture: Do the work of loving.
    Marriage can grow from a handful of seeds to a garden filled with
colorful, radiant life. But this won't happen by accident. It will require
careful attention to the well-being of the plants. We may need to increase
the light of encouragement, the fertilizer of time spent together, and the
water of kindness.

    4) Understand: Cultivate compassion for your partner.
    Gardening can be both rewarding and challenging. At times each of us
will get sunburned, poked by thorns, and bitten by bugs. During these
difficult and painful times, we can be gardening partners who
compassionately respond to each other's pains rather than scold our partner
for not using sunscreen or being more careful.

    5) Solve: Turn differences into blessings.
    We may have very different visions for our shared gardens. One gardener
may favor colorful flowers, while the other insists on tomatoes and
peas....If we choose to stay calm, listen attentively, understand our
partner's view, and use creativity, it is possible to turn difference into
strengths.

    6) Serve: Give back to your community.
    When our gardens are productive, it's good to share the fruits of our
labor with others. Just as you might share your tomatoes and zucchini with
neighbors or gather a bouquet to cheer up a friend, so too should you work
as a couple to contribute to your community.

    7) Enjoy the harvest.
    To have a healthy marriage garden we must nurture the best parts of our
relationship while guarding against pests....With a little planning, a
steady effort over time, and the warmth of our best selves, we can harvest
sweet and enduring companionship.

Like I said, it may be a bit sappy--which is fitting for a garden. But if
you take the time to read the LESSON PLANS on the website [
http://www.arfamilies.org/family_life/marriage/default.htm ] there's some
applicable stuff there. Sure, you'll get some Holly Hobby questions and pat
answers--and a fair bit of God-stuff in case you're leery of that--but the
website and its lessons made me reflect on my marriage and my life.

And reflection is good for marriages. Apparently, it's good for gardens,
too.

Happily even after,
Janna

To visit/subscribe to the blob or  to send Janna a comment:
http://blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/happilyevenafter/archives/122103.asp

**************************
Send submissions and comments for the listserv to: diane at smartmarriages.com
Do NOT hit "reply". If you hit reply your email will go into cyberspace and
NO ONE will see your email.

This is a moderated list. Submissions and comments are read by Diane Sollee,
editor. Please indicate if your comment is NOT to be shared with the list.
PLEASE include your email address or url as part of your signature.

Please also understand that with thousands of subscribers, not all comments
can be shared. Also realize that opinions expressed are not necessarily
shared by members of the Coalition.

To SUBSCRIBE, UNSUBSCRIBE, or Change your subscription address,
use the form at: http://www.smartmarriages.com. Click Newslist - in the left
column under the puzzle piece.

To read past posts to the listserv, visit the Archive at:
http://lists101.his.com/pipermail/smartmarriages/

12th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, Hilton San Francisco Hotel,
July 2 - 5, 2008  
Pre-Conference Training Institutes June 30-July 2
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 6

List your program and resources on the Directory of Classes at
http://www.smartmarriages.com

Order conference audio & video CD/DVD/MP3s: 800-241-7785 or
http://www.iPlaybackSmartMarriages.com

Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd NW, Washington, DC 20015-1961
http://www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332

FAIR USE NOTICE: This e-newsletter/site contains copyrighted material the
use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright
owner. We make such material available in our efforts to advance
understanding of marriage, family, couples, divorce, legislation, family
breakdown, etc. We understand this constitutes a 'fair use' of such material
as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with
Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed
without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the
included information for research and educational purposes. For more
information go to: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml. If you
wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own
that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright
owner.