Retirement \ Raising Eyebrows \ Life Span - 9/13/07

Thu Sep 13 11:01:44 EDT 2007

- RETIREMENT AND MARRIAGES
- SENIOR SEX 
- LIFE SPAN, DEATH RATE BOTH RISE

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- RETIREMENT AND MARRIAGES
Retirement And Marriage
Forbes
Jan Cullinane and Cathy Fitzgerald
09.12.07

> The first two years of retirement are comparable to the first two years of
> marriage or parenthood; it's a time to negotiate (or renegotiate) roles and
> share ideas and dreams. As when getting married or having a child, it's
> important to discuss and plan for the future before retiring, from an
> emotional as well as a financial standpoint.
> 
> Realize that the transition to retirement is a period of marital challenge for
> both sexes. Take heart: Although there are lots of adjustments to be made, the
> divorce rate among retired couples is only in the single digits. In fact, 60%
> of couples report that there is (ultimately) an improvement in their marriage
> after retirement.

[It's important that we provide marriage education for this rapidly
increasing demographic. Check out the Arp's courses, Second Half and 10
Dates for Empty Nesters which are easy-to-teach-right-out-of-the-box
programs. Order the recording for a preview: download for $9.95 or order on
CD for $15 at 800-241-7785 or at
http://www.iplaybacksmartmarriages.com

> Session #757-417 
> The Second Half  TOOB
> Claudia and David Arp, MSW
> Teach empty nesters to reinvent their marriage, avoid divorce, and make the
> rest the best. Great for mentor couples to teach in church or community. Bonus
> "Dates for Empty Nesters" material.

-------------------------

Research has shown some common threads about the effects of retirement and
working (or not working) on couples. One study looked at transitions in
retirement involving 534 married couples in their 50s, 60s or 70s who were
retired or about to retire from several large businesses in upstate New
York.

Husbands and wives reported greater marital satisfaction if they retired at
the same time. While men with nonworking spouses had greater marital
satisfaction than those with working wives, regardless of whether the men
themselves worked, those men who didn't work but had a working spouse
reported the most marital conflict.

Women experienced the highest marital satisfaction if they entered new jobs
after retiring and their husbands were also working, but men who worked
after retiring from their primary job experienced more marital discord than
those men who didn't work.

You may have heard the saying, "Twice the husband but half the money."
According to Ronald J. Manheimer, executive director of the North Carolina
Center for Creative Retirement at the University of North Carolina, women's
fears in retirement include losing one's identity (becoming more prevalent
with the increase in the number of retiring professional women), being
responsible for their spouses'/significant others' social life and
entertainment, experiencing a disruption of their established patterns,
needing to take care of everyone, financial and health issues and outliving
their spouse.

Men's concerns include lack of status, lack of social support, lack of
purpose, declining physical abilities, poor communication with significant
others and boomerang kids.

On the flip side, women's fantasies include returning to school, becoming an
entrepreneur, performing meaningful volunteer activities, renewing
relationships and enjoying life.

Men's dreams include an active lifestyle, getting in shape, reviving romance
with spouse, more involvement with grandchildren and developing new skills.
Both men and women include travel on their wish lists.

The first two years of retirement are comparable to the first two years of
marriage or parenthood; it's a time to negotiate (or renegotiate) roles and
share ideas and dreams. As when getting married or having a child, it's
important to discuss and plan for the future before retiring, from an
emotional as well as a financial standpoint.

Realize that the transition to retirement is a period of marital challenge
for both sexes. Take heart: Although there are lots of adjustments to be
made, the divorce rate among retired couples is only in the single digits.
In fact, 60% of couples report that there is (ultimately) an improvement in
their marriage after retirement.

If the role of work is important to you but is causing stress in the
relationship, take a look at alternative forms of work. Work doesn't
necessarily mean only paid and full-time work. It could include
volunteering, community service, working fewer hours, doing projects,
starting a new, scaled-down career--all of these could fit the definition of
productive work. In the U.S., success tends to be defined in monetary terms,
but separating success and productivity from paid employment will create
many more options for making retirement a time of new and meaningful roles
(think "psychic" income).

Finally, if you're struggling with the decision to retire or not, ask
yourself these three questions:

--Do I have enough?

--Have I had enough?

--Do I have enough to do?

Or, follow the link below for a quick quiz to help you make your decision.

Retirement Quiz: Should You Stop Working?  http://tinyurl.com/2uwyzb

Video: Seven secrets to A Successful Retirement
http://www.forbes.com/video/?video=fvn/investing/jd_cullinane091207_pf

Jan Cullinane and Cathy Fitzgerald are co-authors of The New Retirement: The
Ultimate Guide to the Rest of Your Life,  published by Rodale.

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- SENIOR SEX 

Senior sex: Raising a few eyebrows
But survey doesn't surprise gerontologists
The news that sexual interest and activity doesn't wane with the years may
have shocked the kids and grandkids, but there are knowing nods and a few
grumbles among the senior set and those who work with them.
By Sharon Jayson
USA TODAY 
Sept 13, 2007 

The news that sexual interest and activity doesn't wane with the years may
have shocked the kids and grandkids, but there are knowing nods and a few
grumbles among the senior set and those who work with them.

A study of the sex lives of 3,005 men and women ages 57-85, published in
August in the New England Journal of Medicine, sparked talk about such
frisky behavior by those old enough to know better.

But the finding that more than a quarter of those up to age 85 reported
having sex the previous year was not a surprise to Deb Choma, nurse
administrator for 17 years at Shard Villa, an assisted-living center in
Salisbury, Vt.

Seven years ago, she found herself grappling with the realities of senior
sex. First, there was the granddaughter who found her grandmother in a
compromising pose with a gentleman resident. Then a 1 a.m. phone call
alerted her to staff members finding that a female visitor had stayed over
in an older male resident's room. They were discovered in the buff.

Now she asks new residents whether they are sexually active. Her
new-employee training includes a section on sex. And Choma speaks at state
conferences on "Sexuality in Long-term Care," including testing for sexually
transmitted infections, such as HIV.

David Kyllo of the National Center for Assisted Living in Washington, D.C.,
says the fact that elders are sexually interested and active is "just not
talked about widely."

Neither is the flip side to the survey data, which shows that not everyone
is getting in on the action. Though the study found that the prevalence of
sexual activity declines with age, more than a quarter of even the youngest
group (27% of those 57-64) did not have sex with a partner in the previous
year. Among those 64-74, 47% didn't; and among those 75-85, about
three-quarters (74%) didn't.

"Clearly there are people who are happy to sexually retire," says Sandra
Leiblum, director of the Center for Sexual and Relationship Health at the
Robert Wood Johnson Medical School in Piscataway, N.J. "There are people
having full and loving lives without feeling the need to have often or
frequent sex."

Among those 75-85, just 38% of men and 17% of women reported sexual activity
in the past year, notes John Bancroft, a Britain-based senior research
fellow with the Kinsey Institute. "Age has quite an effect on sexuality, and
it's important to see that old people vary in this respect," he says.

Psychologist and sociologist Lillian Rubin believes the study's message is
"Something is the matter with you if you're not doing it," says Rubin,
author of 60 On Up: The Truth About Aging in America.

Women may become less interested in sex after menopause or because they are
widowed or divorced and don't have a partner, the study suggests. But lead
author Stacy Tessler Lindau of the University of Chicago says her clinical
experience as a gynecologist suggests attitudinal issues as well.

Older women came of age in a different era, when "in many cases, women were
expected to service the needs of their men and for reproduction," she says.
"If they did not have pleasure in those kinds of experiences, some say 'I
was happy to be done with it.' "

Many women 75 and older are not interested in sex "but want a social
partner, to dance with or go to dinner or the movies," says Patty Jordan,
assistant manager of the North County Senior Center in Palm Beach Gardens,
Fla.

For men, it's a very different story. Urologist Ridwan Shabsigh of
Maimonides Medical Center in Brooklyn, N.Y., says men remain "sexually
interested and active" into their 80s and 90s.

Estimates suggest more than 40 million men worldwide have been able to
continue sexual activity into their later years because of medications such
as Viagra, Levitra or Cialis.

Prince Dunn, 69, a budget analyst in Colorado Springs, decided to try such
drugs after his 17-year marriage ended in divorce. "I've been taking high
blood pressure medication for a number of years, and I don't think it
affected me earlier," but later it did, he says.

J. Donald Capra, a retired research physician, and his wife, Pat, 72, a
retired clinical psychologist, have been married 49 years and "have an
active and fulfilling sexual relationship," says Capra, 70, of Oklahoma
City. But he says the notion of retiring from sex is "extremely common."

"My impression is a lot of people quite happily married, simply over a
period of time, stopped having sex or only on special occasions," he says.
"It may not have been discussed, but it simply happens. It's the way it is
for them."

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- LIFE SPAN, DEATH RATE BOTH RISE
Life span, death rate both rise
USA Today
Sept 13, 2007 
The life expectancy for Americans is nearly 78 years, the longest in
history, according to new government figures from 2005 released Wednesday.
But that's still shorter than the life span in more than three dozen other
countries.  The USA lags behind at least 40 other nations. Andorra, a tiny
country in the Pyrenees mountains between France and Spain, has the longest
life expectancy, at 83.5 years. Japan, Macau, San Marino and Singapore
ranked second, third, fourth and fifth.

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