Internet-Lesson on Compassion Model | Marriage Poll | Marriage #1 goal | Stepfamilies go Rural - 9/10/07

Mon Sep 10 12:11:42 EDT 2007

- FINDING COMPASSION: FREE STOSNY INTERNET BROADCAST
- MARRIAGE POLLS FROM CANADA AND THE UK
- CANADIAN POLL: MARRIAGE MORE IMPORTANT TO INDIVIDUALS
- FORGET ASTRONAUT DREAMS, MOST KIDS JUST WANT A HAPPY MARRIAGE
- STEPFAMILIES MOVE TO RURAL AREAS
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- FINDING COMPASSION: FREE STOSNY INTERNET BROADCAST
Listen to Steven Stosny talk about how to find compassion in your
relationship TODAY, Monday, Sept 10, at 2pm (repeated 2am ET).  Stosny will
explain how chronic resentment, anger, and emotional abuse is an inevitable
result of the failure of compassion. Log in to listen  at
www.Health.VoiceAmerica.com. NOTE: times listed on the website are Pacific
time.  If you miss the show it will also be available on demand as a
podcast. (NOTE: This is different from and in addition to to telephone
course tomorrow with Pat Love on How to Improve Your Marriage Without
Talking About It) 

> Finding Compassion
> Do you tiptoe through your relationships and your work afraid of criticism,
> anger, or even emotional abuse from a partner or boss? Dr. Steven Stosny
> believes that as many as one-third of Americans do. And he¹s sharing his
> secrets of how to turn resentful, angry, and emotionally abusive relationships
> into compassionate, loving ones. His techniques have been amazingly successful
> in his Compassion-Power and Boot Camp programs.  Discover how
> you can reclaim your natural sense of competence and confidence.
>  
I've just confirmed with Dr Stosny that he will repeat his incredibly
successful (well attended and highly rated) Boot Camp Training Institute in
San Francisco as a 2-day pre-conference session on July 1st and 2nd.

> CompassionPower Boot Camp & Love Without Hurt, Tues & Wed, July 1 & 2, SF
> Steven Stosny, PhD
> Learn skills to teach the intensive, 3-day Boot Camp format to reduce anger,
> resentment and emotional abuse as well as the "Love Without Hurt" 8-hour
> program to add to any marriage education course - designed to recognize &
> prevent domestic violence and child abuse. These programs include emotional
> regulation skills that make it easier to learn marriage skills. $100 spouse
> discount. Click for more information:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/stosny.html

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- MARRIAGE POLLS FROM CANADA AND THE UK

In Canada, as in America, marriage rates are down "2001 Canadian stats
revealed that married couples accounted for 70 per cent of all families in
Canada, down from 83 per cent in 1981" YET this poll finds that when
Canadians are asked: "For you personally, do you see marriage as being more
important, less important, or no more or less important in your life than
you may have felt in the past," 42 per cent said more important. That's good
news - it's how we change the social view, one individual at a time.

And from the UK, an encouraging poll that confirms what all the polls in the
United States find, that in spite of the failure rates, having a happy
marriage and family are still the #1 goal among young people. Another study
in the UK "explodes the myth that the British countryside is populated by
traditional families while the inner cities are packed with broken families.
One in 20 children in towns and cities lives in STEPFAMILIES but this rises
to one in 5 in rural areas, says the research." Makes one wonder about the
pattern in the United States.  Anyone know?   - diane

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- CANADIAN POLL: MARRIAGE MORE IMPORTANT TO INDIVIDUALS
Canada Press 
September 10, 2007

Marriage less important to society but more important to individual
Canadians: poll

TORONTO (CP) ‹ Canadians are recognizing the importance of marriage in
growing numbers despite a majority of people who say the institution long
regarded as the bedrock of society has grown less important to the masses, a
new poll suggests.

The Canadian Press-Harris-Decima survey, conducted in advance of Wednesday's
census release on families, also found a majority of people feel marriage is
harder work today than in the past and that children are better off in
two-parent families.

"At one in the same time, many Canadians feel that marriage is a good and
important institution, but recognize and are comfortable with the fact that
not everyone needs to feel the same way," said Bruce Anderson, president of
Harris-Decima.

"What's unique, I think, about Canadians in this context is that even as
they can characterize that kind of shift in society they don't seem to be
angst ridden about it."

When asked: "Over the past decade or two, do you think marriage is something
that has become more important, less important, or no more or less important
in Canadian society?" 53 per cent of respondents answered less important.

Only 13 per cent said marriage had become more important to society.

ON THE OTHER HAND, when asked: "For you personally, do you see marriage as
being more important, less important, or no more or less important in your
life than you may have felt in the past," 42 per cent said more important.

Some 17 per cent answered less important while 39 per cent said their
personal feelings about marriage hadn't changed.

An overwhelming 74 per cent said they felt making a marriage work is harder
work today than in the past, while only three per cent said it takes less
effort.

"People, over the years, have become familiar with the fact that divorce
rates are higher than decades ago," said Anderson, who added the economic
and career pressures facing two-parent families were largely non-existent in
the past.

"There's a perception that those strains have increased and as a
consequence, keeping a family together, making a marriage work, is more
difficult than it was."

The belief that children who grow up in traditional two-parent families are
more likely to become productive members of society was shared by 50 per
cent of respondents, while 39 per cent said it made no difference.

The omnibus poll of just over 1,000 Canadians, conducted via telephone
between Aug. 30 and Sept. 2, is considered accurate to 3.1 percentage
points, 19 times out of 20.

Clarence Lochhead of The Vanier Institute for the Family says it's his
belief that Canadians "have not given up on the notion of marriage."

"If you compare the situation today to previous generations... people have a
lot more individual choice in the kinds of unions that they form," said
Lochhead, pointing to the growing number of common-law unions.

"People still do have the sense that marriage signifies a commitment above
and beyond the common-law relationship."

The latest census numbers on families won't be made public by Statistics
Canada until Wednesday, but the 2001 stats revealed that married couples
accounted for 70 per cent of all families in Canada, down from 83 per cent
in 1981.

More than one million children, or about 19 per cent, lived in a lone-parent
family - the vast majority headed by a woman.

While marriage's traditional dominance is clearly on the wane, Lochhead said
the time-honoured reasons for marriage - both religious and social - have
far from disappeared.

"Some people still do marry with a strong religious set of reasons," he
said. "For a lot of people that still holds true."

With both women and men pursuing higher education in greater numbers and
then establishing themselves in the professional world, living together
before marriage is often an attractive option, said Lochhead.

"A lot of times I think some of these things are (what) people feel they
need to do first before they think about forming a family or getting married
and having kids," he said.

"People still have an interest, before they reach that average (marrying)
age of 28, of being in partnerships... For a lot of people, the common-law
situation makes sense."

Wednesday's census release will also include statistics for the first time
on same-sex marriage.

The homosexual community's successful fight for marriage underscores the
institution's continuing appeal, said Lochhead.

#################################
- FORGET ASTRONAUT DREAMS, MOST KIDS JUST WANT A HAPPY MARRIAGE
>From Dave and Liz Percival's UK Marriage News: http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk
Sept 10, 2007 

  Forget astronaut dreams, most kids just want a happy marriage
Popular thinking dictates that most children want to be astronauts or rock
stars when they grow up says the Daily Mail
<http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id
=480907&amp;in_page_id=1770> , possibly reporting a study from March.  But
it seems in reality their aspirations are far more down to earth.  A survey
of 1,569 adults found the most common childhood dream was to be happily
married with a family.  It was the top choice for one in three women, and
one in five of men.  Most men harboured hopes of sporting stardom but the
prospect of a happy family was their second greatest wish.

Don Slater, of the London School of Economics who conducted the research for
the National Lottery said: 'It is positive to note that the dream for a
family is powerful enough to beat the desire to be David Beckham or a Spice
Girl.' 

[Erm  odd choice of people to compare with! David Beckham and a Spice Girl
ARE happily married and have a family!! Ed]

The research uncovered different trends among the generations. While older
respondents once dreamed of becoming train drivers, younger ones, perhaps
spurred on by reports of footballers' enormous salaries, saw their future in
professional sport.  Surprisingly perhaps, the third most popular childhood
dream was of becoming a teacher.  Just 5 per cent of the over-60s mentioned
it as a childhood dream but this rose to 26 per cent among those aged 18 to
29. Dreams of becoming a doctor have also risen.  Among the 30 plus
generation it was 7 per cent of all those asked and 17 per cent of all 18 to
29 year olds. 

Mr Slater added: 'It seems the latest generation of childhood dreamers are
not solely concentrating on fame and celebrity and choosing realistic goals
which can be achieved with hard work, such as becoming a doctor or a
teacher.' 

The most popular childhood aspirations:  1 - Family/ Marriage/ Children; 2 -
Adventurer/ traveller; 3  Teacher; 4 - Pop star/ Musician; 5 - Sports star;
6  Actor; 7 - Fireman/ Policeman; 8  Nurse; 9  Doctor; 10 - Astronaut

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- STEPFAMILIES MOVE TO RURAL AREAS
>From Dave and Liz Percival's UK Marriage News: http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk
Sept 10, 2007 

  Lure of fresh start brings wave of step-families to the
countryside Children are much more likely to be living with a step-parent in
rural areas than in big cities as couples seek a fresh start, according to
research reported in the Times
<http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article2410380.ece> . The study,
by researchers from the University of Sheffield, explodes the myth that the
British countryside is populated by traditional families while the inner
cities are packed with broken families. One in 20 children in towns and
cities lives in stepfamilies but this rises to one in 5 in rural areas, says
the research. But while adults might find their rural idyll, children often
suffer from losing contact with one of their parents and leaving their
friends behind. 

The new study Identity in Britain: A Cradle-to-Grave Atlas also shows a
stark and growing divide between the haves and have-nots in Britain. The
Government¹s efforts to integrate different social classes across the
country have failed dismally and two distinct family profiles have emerged,
separated from each other.

Those in the affluent A and B classes who own houses and send their children
to good schools and universities, live beside and mix with each other,
mostly in outer London and the M4 corridor. Similarly, poorer households
live in communities with other disadvantaged families. The two sides of the
divide, still mainly split between the North and South, rarely meet.

³Our conclusion is that Britain is becoming increasingly segregated across
all ages by class, education, occupation, home ownership, health status,
disability and family type,² said Bethan Thomas, co-author of the report.
Some of the data, gathered between 2001 and 2005, reinforce previous studies
but the researchers have for the first time tracked where step-children aged
5 to 15 live. 

Almost a million school-age children live in families with one stepparent
but they are not found equally dispersed in Britain.

³The further from the cities you go and the further into what appears to be
the monotonous rural fringes of the country, the more step-children you
find,² says the report. ³The countryside and the suburbs, far from being the
havens of conventional family life where marriage occurs before children and
couples stay together and work, are increasingly the places to where new
families move once they have formed and old ties have dissolved,² it adds.
³And the furthest extremes of the countries, the tips of peninsulas and
remote coastlines, see the highest incidences of step-children.²

Daniel Dorling, Professor of Human Geography at Sheffield and a co-author,
puts forward two explanations. One is that couples want to make a fresh
start away from their former lives and the lifestyles that contributed to
earlier relationships breaking down. The other relates to separated partners
each owning small homes after a split and their desire to create a new,
larger family home when they meet a new partner.

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